Forgetting You
by Do Not Even Try
Summary: It's easy to stay strong when you have people to help you up when you fall. The real test of strength is learning to stand tall when everyone is gone. MILEYJAKE sequel to My Love, Never Forget Me
1. Therapy

This is a SEQUEL to My Love, Never Forget Me

* * *

The clock was ticking leisurely on the flawless white walls. The sun was shining softly through the pale blue curtains in an eerie glow that seemed to make his face look even more probing and malevolent than it was when I first met him.

His fine tipped pen was scratching against the thin sheet of paper as I tapped my fingers against the small marble table beside the armchair.

_Tick, tick, tick_

I sighed and he looked up. The sun was hitting his young face at such an angle that his eyes had a red quality to them. His black hair was shinning in the light, and his foot taping to some unknown music in his head.

"Do you see that degree Miley?" He asked me with annoyance reverberating in every word and syllable he spoke. His slender finger was pointing at the perfect wall behind his neatly organized desk. I looked over at it and rolled my eyes.

"I graduated top of my class, which is why you are here." He said coldly.

Actually, I was here because everyone "cared" about me and my "well-being" and waking up screaming hysterically in the night is "not good" for a "young woman" to be doing. Apparently it is "not normal" and should be "evaluated" by a "professional". In my Dad's words, of course.

_Tick_, _tick_, _tick_

"Now are you ready to tell me how you feel?" he asked me as he balanced his scratchy pen in his hands and perched at the end of his seat.

I continued to tap my fingernails against the table, "There are no feelings I am going to openly share with a stranger."

He sighed and rolled his 25 year old eyes in annoyance, "And why is that?"

"Because, you could be a bad person for all I know. I don't know you! That would be like walking up to a stranger and telling them my feelings." I replied.

"I am your therapist—

"No! You are not MY therapist. I don't need a therapist." I exclaimed.

He sighed and said, "Miley, let us try something else. What is your son's name?"

I knew what he was trying to do, and I wasn't going to let him. He thought he could win me over by getting me so excited talking about Cole that I would let things slip.

"Caden Cole. But we call him Cole."

"Ah, any certain reason you call him Cole?" He asked.

"No, I just liked the name." I replied stiffly.

_Tick_, _tick_, _tick_

"You do not trust me, do you?" He asked.

"Of course I don't trust you! I don't know you! Do you want to know what happens to people trust strangers?"

"Yes, I do." He said calmly. As the clock stuck noon (my time to leave this hell hole) I said coldly,

"You die."

"Well Miley, I hope I see you next Wednesday. I am very interested in you."

"Great. But, don't count on it." I replied before slamming the door.

I ran down the marble stairs and outside. Jake and Oliver where in the car talking about something. I yanked open the door and slid in before slamming it shut. They looked at me.

"What?!" I demanded.

"How did it go in there?" Jake asked. I rolled my eyes,

"Horrible. I hate that man. He is so _nosy_." I replied.

"Well you know Miles," Jake said as handed Oliver the keys to start the car; "He is a _therapist_."

"I know," I said as I looked in the car seat where Cole was sleeping, "I just really don't want to talk about it."

I kissed Cole's head and his eyes twitched as if they were going to open. He was wrapped up in a blue Pooh Bear blanket and looked like the most gorgeous week and a half old baby in the world.

"I see Alana had seen him today?" I asked in amusement as I saw the large bag of toys on the floor of the car.

"Of course, she's crazy about him." Jake replied.

"Well, I mean, who wouldn't be? Look at that face!" I exclaimed.

"I'm not," Oliver said, "Although I don't think I could say that to his face."

I laughed. I loved these people; they already had me in a better mood.

* * *

"Ok, ok…how about this? Who was the father of modern rocketry?" Lilly asked as she chewed on her pencil.

"Um…Robert Goddard." I answered as I continued with my sit-ups. Every time I came up I pushed the swing Cole was in, took a bite of yogurt, answered a question, and slapped Oliver over the head.

Why was I slapping him over the head?

"Your Momma!" He exclaimed in answer to Lilly's question.

_SMACK._ That's why.

"Would you stop with the multi-tasking? You are making me dizzy!" Lilly exclaimed as she turned a page in her book.

"You see Lilly, if I stop multi-tasking I will have to leave this little study group to take care of Cole. My system is working." I said stubbornly as I gently pushed Cole's swing again.

She had been cramming in everything we missed last year faster than I've ever seen a teacher do. And she was wasting her summer to do it. I think she was really lonely in school by herself.

"Where did Jake get too? Did he run away again? JAKE COME BACK WE ARE NOT DOING MATH ANYMORE!" Lilly exclaimed.

A few minutes and a crash later Jake came out of the kitchen, "I didn't run away, I'm making dinner."

I dropped the yogurt in my hand and it fell to the ground and splattered all over Oliver.

"Wait, did you just say dinner? Lilly, did he say that?" I asked in disbelief.

She looked at me and said, "I think he did!"

"No way, I have to see this!" I exclaimed.

"I've made dinner before!" He said stubbornly.

"Jake, when Lana came over to spend time with you I asked you to feed her, and did you? No!"

"I did too!" He exclaimed.

"You stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave, burnt it, and asked her if she wanted salt." I said.

"Psh, I did not. I made her a gourmet meal of turkey, peas, mashed potatoes, and freshly baked bread." He said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, we will see."

"We will. And I'll win!" He exclaimed before walking back into the kitchen.

"There is something wrong with him." Lilly said as she watched him. I looked at Oliver, who was trying to lick the yogurt off his eyes and said,

"No, there is something wrong with this one."

Oliver tried to glare at us, but only managed to get the yogurt in his eyes.

"OW!!! OW!!! OW!!! CALL POISON CONTROL!!" He screamed. I looked at him with humor,

"And tell them what? You got yogurt in your eye?"

"AH!! OW!! BURNING!!" He screamed as he flung some yogurt off his face. It landed on Cole's sleeping face.

"Aw! Oliver, you got the yogurt on Coley's face!!" I said in a hurt voice as I picked Cole up out of his swing and cradled him. I wiped the yogurt off his cheek with my sleeve and Cole burst into sobs.

"You see? You hurt his feelings!" I said defensively at Oliver. He held his burning eyes and said with disbelief ringing in every syllable,

"Hurt his feelings?! He is a week and a half old!! He has no feelings! But I on the other hand, have YOUR yogurt burning my eyes out!!!"

"Someone is on their happy week…" Lilly sang. Oliver blushed through the white yogurt and said,

"Excuse me?! I am I guy, I don't have that!"

"You sure act like it." Lilly said with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Really now? Well how would that opinion change if you had yogurt all over your face?" Oliver asked her as he moved closer and held some yogurt out on his hand.

"You get away from me!" Lilly screamed as she made a run for the closet.

"Hey guys," Lilly said from where she was getting yogurt smeared on her face, "Do you smell that? It smells like….burning cotton."

"No," Oliver said from where he had Lilly pinned with yogurt on her face, "It smells like…burning flesh."

We all exchanged looks. I rolled my eyes and answered my cell phone that started ringing while I calmed Cole down and walked into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

"Hey bud! Are you almost here?"

"Um…what?" I asked in confusion as I tried to stop Cole's loud wails.

"You know, we were all getting together for Jackson's birthday? It's today?"

Oops. Oh man, I can't believe I forgot my brother's birthday! "Oh yea! I totally knew about that…yea, we are on our way right now." I lied as I walked into the kitchen.

Jake was standing over the stove and trying to put out a grease fire with water.

"IT WON'T GO OUT!" He screamed, "OW! That fire is HOT!"

"What is that Miley?" Dad asked in the background.

"Oh um, that's Jake. He is trying to get a horse fly out of the car." I answered.

"Okay well I'll see you soon."

"Yep, you too! We are almost there!"

I hung up the phone and said,

"Jake, what did you do?!"

I grabbed the baking soda and poured it over the flames with Cole still in my arms.

This chapter of my life is called multi-tasking.

I set the baking soda down and said as I handed Cole to Jake, "Baking soda. That's what puts out grease fires. BAKING SODA."

"I TOTALLY knew that baby," He said as he got Cole to shut up, "I just wanted you to rescue me."

"I'm sure."

He shifted from foot to foot with embarrassment and said, "Um…you want some popcorn babe? With salt?"

I laughed and kissed him, "Come on, we have to get ready in less than five minutes and make a ten minute drive in three minutes."

"Can you do that?" Jake asked with disbelief in his voice. I smiled as I took Cole and said,

"Me? I can do _anything_."

"Anything? Sure, that's why you just lied to your Dad." Jake said as he took Cole from me. It was like musical baby!

"No," I said as I took Cole back, "That was not lying. That was a small white lie that I said to save my brother the heartache of him thinking his sister forgot his birthday."

"But," Jake said as he grinned and grabbed Cole, "You made me chase that snake out of the yard yesterday."

"Psh," I stated as I carefully pulled Cole away from him, "I'm the one that has to kill spiders for you."

He tried to think of something to say.

"Well…um…" He never finished. He just took Cole out of my arms.

"Ha," I said as I grinned triumphantly, "I win."

"No you don't, I won! I have the baby!" Jake exclaimed. I carefully took little Cole out of his proud arms and set him in the carrier that was sitting on the counter. Then I shoved Jake against the counter.

"I win," I said as I pressed my nose against his until our lips were barely touching, "I always win."

He wrapped his arms around me before saying, "Mm, baby right now I don't care if you win the rest of our lives."

I smiled and kissed his lips softly before running my hands up his back. He leaned in to deepen the kiss and I pulled away,

"Bye-bye. Go get ready; I'm going to get Cole ready."

I smiled and waved as I took Cole out of the seat.

He looked at me in disbelief,

"Well fine, you tease!"

"Who's a tease?" Lilly asked as she walked in.

"Your momma's a tease!" Oliver exclaimed.

_SMACK_

"The boy will never learn." Lilly said as I nodded my head in agreement.


	2. What Is Happening To Me?

MILEY'S POV:

"Where did Coley go? (gasp) there he is!!!" Lilly exclaimed as she played peek-a-boo with Cole. He watched her with a bored expression.

She looked crestfallen as she looked at his uninterested face, "Don't you get it Coley? I couldn't see you when I covered my eyes so you were gone, and when I uncovered them you were back!"

"I told you he's a cruel, evil, depressed baby!!" Jackson called from the kitchen where him and Oliver were devouring some weird unidentifiable food.

"He is NOT evil!" I defended as I got up from the couch. I went over to Cole and said in my special Cole voice,

"I got your nosey!" I tapped the tip of his nose with my finger and a smile graced his lips.

"You see? Not evil and depressed." I said to Jackson.

"That wasn't a smile, it was probably gas." He replied as he mixed together apple juice and bologna to make a HORRIBLE sandwich.

"That was not gas," I said defensively as I pulled Cole out of Lilly's arms, "I know my baby's smile! And who the freak smiles while passing gas!?"

Jackson let an easy smile come over his face and a few moments later Oliver gagged and screamed,

"Good Lord, Jackson, WHAT did you EAT? That smells HORRIBLE!!"

"You see? Everyone smiles while passing gas. Even your perfect, ugly baby." Jackson said as he took a bite out of his sandwich.

I looked at him in disbelief and said in a hurt voice, "Coley is not ugly!!"

Cole looked up at me at the mention of his name. I smiled down at him and kissed his adorable head before saying,

"You're just jealous because you don't have a baby!"

"Oh YEAH," Jackson screamed as he continued to stuff his face with MY food in MY kitchen, "That's it! Good job Sherlock! I am TOTALLY jealous because I wanted to have Jake Ryan's retarded spawn, how DARE you steal my life ambition little sister!!"

Across the room, Jake dropped his drink in shock. He had been in a totally different conversation with his Mom and had only heard Jackson's previous sentence.

"What the hell?!" He asked as he looked at Jackson in shock, "Dude, you are cool and all but I don't roll that way!!"

"And guys can't have babies," Lilly pointed out as she held Emily. The woman constantly had babies in her arms.

We all looked at her, "Thanks for pointing that obvious fact out to us." Oliver said.

"I was being sarcastic!" Jackson exclaimed.

"He says that," Lilly said in a low voice, "But does he really mean it?"

Jake let out a sigh of relief and said, "Hey, what are you eating?"

Then Oliver, Jake, and Jackson got into a big who-can-eat-the-nastiest-thing competition.

As Jake ate leftover meatloaf covered in chocolate syrup and salt I said, "Don't even _think_ about kissing me after that."

"Aw but why baby, it tastes so good!" Jake joked.

"It all goes to the same place anyway!" Oliver exclaimed as he stomached fish covered in strawberries.

I gagged and turned away from the disgusting scene.

"They are so immature," I muttered to my Dad, "Why must they act like that?"

"I dunno, bud," He said as he handed Cole back to me and patted my head.

"Let me show you what a real man can stomach!" Dad exclaimed to the guys as he jumped up and ran into the kitchen. I stared at him in disbelief.

"Wow, all men are idiots." I muttered to myself then smiled at Cole, "Except my Coley poley of course!"

Cole smiled again and Lilly said, "Why doesn't he like me?!"

"He likes you Lilly, here try to get him to smile again."

She carefully handed me Emily and I handed her Cole. Emily did NOT like being out of Lilly's arms. Not one bit. She started wailing hysterically and flinging her arms around.

"Apparently she misses her Mommy." I joked, talking about Lilly who practically was her mother.

"Just bounce her up and down, she'll stop." Lilly said. And sure enough, once done, Emily shut-up.

"Where did Coley go?" Lilly asked as she covered her eyes, "Coley…where are you?! COLEY come back!!" Cole seemed to smile at her bad acting skills and Lilly then uncovered her eyes and said with a large smile, "There you are! I'm so glad I found you! I was so lost the last three seconds I was without you!!" Cole smiled again and Lilly let out a relieved smile.

"Thank goodness! I was afraid he didn't like me!"

"Are you guys finished eating everything in sight?!"

The four men looked around at the open and empty cabinets.

"Yep!" They said.

"Who won?" Lilly asked with humor.

"Oliver with vanilla onions covered in basil spices." Jackson replied bitterly.

"I got second," Dad said as he held his stomach, "With lettuce covered in caramel and hot sauce."

"You guys are gross." I said as I stood up.

"Well," Alana said as she stood up, "I'm glad I hid food in my purse…if I would have put it in here it would have been gone."

"You have FOOD?!" Jackson asked slowly.

"Yes but I'm not sure I'm gonna let you have any of my homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes," Jackson's mouth began to drool, "because you made fun of my grandson and son."

"Haha!!" I exclaimed as I pointed at Jackson. He glared at me and said,

"Shush it Malibu Barbie."

"Add my daughter-in-law to that list."

"Jackson, go to the car." Dad ordered.

"WHAT?!" Jackson exclaimed.

"Go to the car, sit, and think about what you did." He said.

"NO!!"

"Okay then," Dad said as he grabbed a kitchen chair and brought it to the corner of the kitchen facing the wall, "Sit in time-out."

"WHAT? Dad, I'm twenty-one! You can't put me in time out!"

"Watch me," Dad growled, "Get in time out."

Jackson rudely sat down in the chair and we all started laughing. He glared at the wall.

"Now that our family juvenile is in prison," I joked as I cradled Cole who was still smiling, "I say we eat the wonderful meal Alana has brought."

"I second that!" Jake said as I handed him Cole. Cole leaned against Jake's chest and closed his eyes while sucking his thumb.

"Isn't that so cute?!" Alana exclaimed as she watched father and son.

"It wasn't that cute when he spit up on Jake yesterday." I said, smiling at the humorous memory.

"So not funny, I smelled so bad after that! Why doesn't he spit-up on you?" Jake asked me. I shrugged,

"Maybe you just hold him at the wrong time."

"Like my uncle's cat," Oliver said causing everyone to look at him, "I always hold him when he's in an ill mood…I've got scratches all over me!! But my little brother doesn't have one on him!!"

"Maybe the cat doesn't like you." Lilly suggested.

Oliver gasped and said, "What? Twinkie Boots loves me! And just for that, I'm taking my daughter away from you!"

Jackson snorted, "Twinkie Boots? Who names their cat Twinkie Boots?"

"My uncle," Oliver said defensively as he took Emily away from Lilly who glared at Oliver.

"Hey, don't pick on him," I said, "I was very close to naming Cole Twinkie Boots…it's an adorable name!"

"It would have fit the ill tempered brat." Jackson muttered.

"Add five minutes to your time-out time." Dad said.

"No Dad, I want to talk to the juvenile." I said with my arms crossed.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea bud, he might make you very upset." Dad said.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Come on Jackson."

Jackson got out of the chair and followed me into the living room.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I screamed. I heard sniggers come from the kitchen.

"I don't know what you are talking about little sister." He said as he sat down on the couch. I slapped his arm,

"Get up and get out."

"What?! You can't kick me out, I'm your brother!"

"Jackson, you are not anything like the brother I grew up with. And as long as you stay this ill tempered, bitchy person, you are not welcome here." I said coldly then continued, "I'm not sure what your problem is, but I don't know who you are. You were rude at your birthday party and are still being rude and mean. What has Cole done to you? Why are you calling him names?"

"You don't know who I am?" Jackson exclaimed, "Well that makes two of us! And as long as YOU act this way, I don't want to be welcome here!"

He jumped from the couch and made his way to the door. I stopped him,

"What are you talking about Jackson?"

"It doesn't matter, Miley. Or if I can even call you that anymore!"

"I think you need to calm down, I have not changed! I'm the same person I've always been!" I exclaimed. He looked at me in disbelief.

"No you are not! I don't even think I can call you my sister anymore, because you are not the Miley Stewart I grew up with."

I studied his face before saying, "That is because I am not Miley Stewart anymore. You are right, I have changed. I am a different person, but if you don't like this person…I'm sorry. Because this is who I am now. Either suck it up and get used to it, or stay out of my and Cole's life."

I tried to ignore the pain that was steadily building in my heart and turned around and walked out of the living room. There was still so much more I wanted to say to my ill brother, but I couldn't get it out.

"I don't know if I can get used to it." I heard Jackson mutter. I stopped walking and turned around and tried to keep him from hearing my shaking voice and seeing the tears building in my eyes,

"Why not?" I asked. He didn't answer; he just turned around and left, slamming the front door. A few seconds I heard his car start and him back out of the driveway. I stared at the door for a few seconds before wiping my eyes and getting a hold of myself.

I walked back into the kitchen where everyone was sitting at the table around the food and not talking. They all looked up at me.

"Are you okay?" They asked. I nodded and said,

"Yea, I'm fine. Let's eat." I sat down beside Jake who was holding Cole, who was crying. Jake handed me Cole and I felt the urge to cry. I just soothed Cole and tried to hide the tears gliding down my face. I had my head bent over Cole and my hair blocking everyone's view, but I think they knew I was crying anyway. Cole was looking up at me with curiosity. I kissed him and he let out a little yawn as he leaned against me. It took me a few minutes before I got a hold of myself.

"Is he asleep?" Jake asked me. I nodded and Jake took my hand underneath the table and caressed it as if to say 'it's gonna be okay'. I smiled slightly at him.

"So…um…" Oliver started but couldn't find anything to talk about.

"How do you feel about going back to school?" Alana asked.

"Um, partly excited, partly scared, partly sad." I said.

"Listen Miley," Lilly spoke up, "Don't listen to Jackson. He's been out of it since you got married, I think he's depressed or something I don't know. But don't take it personally; he's been an ass to everyone."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"He's never been this mean to me before." I whispered. I could see Dad was mad.

"How dare that boy act like this? As if you don't have enough going on!! With Luke and the nightmares and everything, that boy had better hope he doesn't come back home for a while." He exclaimed.

At the mention of Luke and my nightmares, the air at the table noticeably changed. I set down my fork as any hunger was loss, and I could feel eyes on me.

"Speaking of that, how is your therapy doing?" Oliver piped up.

It changed even more at that. I pushed my plate away.

"Um, fine." I managed to get out. Lilly shot Oliver a dirty look.

"Do you…want to talk about it?" Oliver asked, obviously oblivious to Lilly's glances.

"No! I don't want to talk about it to that damn therapist, or you guys! If you want me to get better, stop bringing the damn thing up! How can I move on if every time I forget about it someone asks me to tell the story over again?!" I screamed then lowered my voice, "What does everyone want from me?"

They exchanged looks. Dad opened his mouth to say something. I held up my hand to silence them.

"I don't need your pity and sympathy! What I need is everyone to leave me alone about it!"

"Miley," Alana said gently, "I know going to the therapist seems like a bad idea, but talking will help you. Obviously this is biting at you when you are sleeping and talking about it is the only way to solve it."

"Keep seeing the therapist bud, just try it." Dad said.

I looked at them in disbelief. Had they heard nothing of what I just said?

I carefully held Cole and stood up, "I'm going to bed."

"You didn't even eat, Miles you haven't ate a full meal in a week and a half!" Lilly exclaimed desperately, "Can't you just eat a little?"

I didn't answer her. I didn't feel like explaining to her how every time I ate something I woke up in the middle of the night from the same nightmare and threw it up. I didn't feel like telling her that nothing was going right anymore. I didn't feel like telling her that it seemed the only people I weren't loosing were Jake and Cole. I didn't feel like expressing the fear that one day, I will be alone and even more scared.

So I left. I grabbed Cole's diaper bag and went to my room without looking back.

Nothing was going right.

Once I was in my bedroom, I shut the door and cried. Cole was still sleeping silently so I laid him in the cradle beside the bed. There was one in there for when he woke up screaming in his room, I could just bring him down here. I climbed into the bed and laid there in the dark. The moon was shining faintly through the window. I felt sleepiness come over me. I couldn't go to sleep, I couldn't face the dark corners of my deepest fears and worries that come to me in dream form. It was the same dream every night, the same dream. That made it even more scary. I dug my fingernails into my arm, hoping the pain would yield off sleep. I pressed down harder, until my arm bleed. But I was still sleepy.

As I drifted off to sleep, I could feel the shooting pain from my arm.

_I am walking through a field. The whole field is covered in corn stalks and tall grass and the ground is warm against my bare feet. The wind is blowing through my hair softly and the moon is shining down on me. I have been here before, but I can't remember where it is. As I look around…fear grips me. I start running wildly, the tall grass scratches against my bare legs. I'm not sure what I'm running from, but I am terrified. My heart is beating so hard that I can hear it echoing around me. My feet are throbbing from the running, but I keep going. I know I have to get out of this field. I have to. As I near the end, I speed up. I am so close, so close. As my feet get near to the end of the field, something collides with me and sends me rolling down the hill. I roll down, my back and legs and head slam against the rocks and my skin gets scraped by the gravel. I can feel my blood dripping out of cuts and splattering on the ground. As the hill ends, my body stops right beside a large creek. The creek held crocodiles and other crud animals that were snapping at me. I jump away from it and shakily stand up. I was scared again and as a hand grips the back of my neck I know exactly what I am running from. I know who it is the moment the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I turn around slowly, and it is Luke standing there. But he looks different. I know it's him, but he has a costume on. He smiles that creepy smile and takes a step toward me. I don't move because the river is right behind me. He asks me if I want to die. I tell him I don't. Then he says, "I'll hurt you so much you will wish you are dead." I don't say anything, I'm frozen with fear. I expect him to beat or rape me, but he doesn't. He starts talking…telling me all the painful things he is going to do to my family. It is so vile that I feel a wave of nausea come over me and I lean over and throw up. Then he takes out a small switchblade. He places it against my skin and he presses down, blood oozes from the cut and he cuts me again, and again. It hurts so bad, that I'm screaming as loud as I can. I can feel my throat burning for oxygen but I don't dare breathe. I keep screaming. Then, when I start to believe it can get no worse, he starts kissing me. He presses his sinful, dirty lips against my terrified ones and kisses. His hands roam my body, and I feel so dirty. I feel dirtier than I have ever felt. I pray someone will wake me up as his hand slips up my shirt. Fear grips me and I want to scream, but I can't scream anymore. I open my mouth and try to scream again, and I manage to get the loudest scream of my life out before he rips my shirt off. I keep screaming—_

"Miley! Miley! Wake up!"

I opened my eyes and the vision of my bedroom, not the field filled my eyes. Everyone was crowded around me with worried looks on their faces.

"You were screaming," Lilly said. Her face was white as a sheet, "We couldn't wake you."

"That is not a nightmare," Oliver said, "That's a night terror."

"Miley," Jake asked from where he was sitting beside me on the bed. I looked at him, "What happened to your arm?"

I glanced down at my arm and gasped. It was bleeding profoundly, like it had been in my dream when Luke cut me.

"That," I choked out, "That happened in my dream."

"Whoa, this is all just a little too Nightmare on Elm Streetish for me!" Oliver exclaimed. Lilly nodded. I just stared at my arm. Dad started crying and Alana was watching with wide eyes. Jake wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. I just stared at my arm. Then I pulled the blankets off myself and looked at my legs. They were beat up too.

I felt helpless tears fall down my face.

_What was happening to me?_

"Do you want me to get you something?" Jake asked me. I looked up at him and said,

"The only thing I want is to not be afraid anymore."


	3. Picture This

I was tired of staring at that picture.

Every time I walked into Dad's house, it was staring at me, as if it was mocking me. I wanted to take my nails and viciously tear it off the wall. I wanted to rip it so viciously my nails tore and bleed. After I ripped it down, I wanted to hurdle it at the wall and watch the glass break with satisfaction. Then I wanted to pick it up and feel the sharp pieces of glass stab my fingers and yank the photograph out of the broken frame. I wanted to take out the photo and tear it in deliberate, long, gentle shreds. Then I wanted to take a match and set each piece on fire and watch the fiery demon devour it.

Of course, if I did this people would think I was even crazier then they already do. But geez, it was driving me insane.

It wasn't always though. It used to be my favorite photograph of all time. I used to steal it on lonely nights and put it under my pillow. As I drifted off, I would stroke the frame as if it held some gentle angel waiting to watch over me and bless my dreams. But that was then, and this is now.

I remembered the day the picture was taken like yesterday. Some memories can't be stored away. It was a nice day outside, and mama and I were swinging on our old porch in Tennessee. I can still hear the birds singing their merry little tune as we rocked on the swing. Mama was humming lightly underneath her breath and I was trying to match her tune. I didn't know what she was humming then, but now I can still hear it vividly and recognize it as some Toni Braxton song. Out of the blue, she reached over and takes my hand. She looked me in the eye and told me very seriously that one day she wouldn't be here. She told me that one day I would grow up and have a family, and I wouldn't need her. She stated clearly that whatever happened to me or anyone else, that my happiness was important. She asked me to promise her I wouldn't let fear take over my life. I promised her and sealed it with a kiss. Daddy came out a few minutes later and snapped the picture. To me, it felt as though it was the icing on the cake to my promise.

My lie lies in that picture that lies in the frame that's nailed on the wall. I have officially let fear take over my life.

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

The boring question leaked out of His mouth and slithered across the grey floor to my feet, jerking me out of my thoughts. I sighed in discomfort as I stared at the clock on the wall.

_Tick, tick, tick _

Could it go any slower?

"Miley, I asked you a question." My "shrink" says. I just ignore Him. What does He have to say that will make a damn difference in my life?

He presses his long, spider-like fingers together and sighs in annoyance. I roll my eyes and make my yawn much louder then needed.

"Your father isn't paying a ton for you to watch the clock." He said.

"My father shouldn't be paying at all." I stiffly say to Him. I may be forced to sit in here for two hours, but I can't be forced to talk to Him. I have the freedom of speech.

He reaches into His desk and pulls out a notebook. It's covered in black binding and looks sinister. I want to burn it. He held it out to me. I stare at it and it begins to teeter gently in his hand. I carefully reached out and snatched it.

"You will write in this everyday, and I will read it." He said as if I had no choice. I glared at him.

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'll tell your father."

"I don't live with him, he can't ground me."

"I'll tell Jake."

"He won't do anything."

"I'll tell your mother."

I stop and look at him in disbelief. Didn't my dad tell him?

"My mom is dead." I snap. Just saying it like that stings me.

"What? When did she pass?" He asked gently, as if he expected me to burst out crying.

"Seven years ago." I spat.

"Really? How does that make you feel?" He asked. Wow, he's stupid.

I stay silent.

"Why don't you write about her in your journal for today?" He suggested. I frown.

"I don't want to write in this book!" I exclaimed as I tossed the book across the room. He watches silently, "What I want is for everyone to leave me alone! My God, why can't you all just let me be?!"

He stays silent as if he thinks I'm going to say more. I don't.

I wanted to _scream. _

I just wanted to open my mouth and scream.

But I couldn't.

"What is your favorite song?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes and answer with,

"That doesn't matter."

"Well, looks like our time is up so I'll see you—

I didn't give him time to finish, I just jumped up and stormed out of the office with the book still lying on the floor.

My anger was flaring to an all time high. My knuckles were white from clenching my fists and my legs were shaking. I wanted to hit something, _anything. _I ran down the second flight of marble steps and turned sharply into the bathroom. I took my fist and punched the wall with all my might hoping it would relieve my anger. It didn't. All I got was a bleeding hand. I held it to my side and made my way in front of the sink. I cautiously looked in the mirror. What I saw made me want to puke. I blamed Lilly. She had drug me out of the house and turned me into Miss Universe. I looked flawlessly beautiful, but I felt hideous.

I shook my head and checked my watch. Four in the afternoon, time to go to the studio. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I wanted to go home, I was tired. But I had way too many things to do.

* * *

"Hannah! Where have you been?" Dad questioned as soon as I stepped into the studio. I almost let something slip about me being married and a mother but I bit my tongue and replied with,

"Oh, you know, just playing tennis with Lola." Tom Katolie (Jake's manager and the guy who started my CD recording) had sent all my recordings down to this studio and I had begun to work on it again. This time I had my Father with me again. Of course, he strongly disagreed with the whole tell-the-world-I'm-Miley thing. So I wasn't able to walk around without the makeup and wig anymore like I could in Italy. All the people who knew of my identity had to promise (after being threatened with lawsuit) to not tell anyone. I trusted all of them but one, but I won't name names. (coughcough Jesse McCartney coughcough)

"Well, okay. You're here now though so let's get to recording!" Some man who works one of the parts of the machine said. I nodded and the familiar music started.

Another long day in the studio. Lovely.

* * *

Three hours later and I was ready to stab someone. My wig was itching me HORRIBLY and my throat was killing me. I tried to tell them but they all insisted I could do it. Finally in the middle of the second song, I threw down the microphone stand. I really didn't want to seem like a diva, but I was so tired and felt as though I would cry any minute.

At times like this, I feel my age.

When it hit the ground, everyone raised their eyebrows. I just sighed and said,

"Come on guys, I'm really tired and I've been having a very stressful life right now. I'm quitting for today."

They all nodded and muttered something about famous life being very stressful. I wanted to laugh and tell them that not only am I dealing with that but a family and soon high school. Once again, I bit my tongue.

I just picked up the stand and exited the room.

"Hannah! Come here!" I heard my Dad calling me. I turned around,

"Yes Daddy?"

"What was that bud? You had ten minutes left of this session! You could have held out ten minutes instead of staring a scene!"

I glanced at my watch and said, "Dad, please don't. I'm not talking about this."

He opened his mouth but I silenced him. "I have to go pick up Cole from Alana's but I'll see you tonight at dinner."

He sighed and nodded. I smiled and hugged him before running into the bathroom. I made sure no one was watching me as I walked in and I tore the horrid, hot, itchy and sticky wig off my head. I sighed in relief and changed into normal clothes and left the bathroom as Miley. I walked out into the hot parking lot and climbed into my car.

As soon as I turned the car on, music blared through the speakers. It was a song that wasn't familiar to me, but it had a nice and loud beat to it. I started to turn the volume down, but stopped when I recognized the song.

There were two sad things about the song.

The first was the fact that it was my own song and I didn't recognize it at first.

The second? That song was my favorite song to sing and perform. Out of all of them. And I thought it was a song I've never heard before.

My God, how many times had I sung that song? How many times had I practiced the music? How many times had I practiced the choreography? How many months did it take me to stop humming it under my breath?

Too many to count…how on earth could I have forgotten that song? It used to be as natural as breathing to sing it in front of millions of fans!

If I was placed in front of that crowd today, how would I react? Would I be able to smile and recapture that joy of being on a stage and entertaining people? Or would I be wishing I was off the stage the whole time?

I tried to sing along, but I couldn't remember the words.

It only took me two days to learn the song initially. Daddy can still sing, play, and perform ALL of his songs. Every single one. With precision. I can't even remember the words to one of my favorite songs.

I want to sing along with the words coming out of the speakers. I want to more than anything.

_No problem, can be solved  
Once I get involved  
I try to be delicate  
__Then crash right into it…_

The words I hear sound foreign to me. I rememeber singing them…I remember dancing to them…but it doesn't seem like it was me.

As I near the street Alana's house is on, my cell phone starts ringing. I sigh and reach into my purse and quickly answer it before I crashed.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey sexy, what are you wearing?" Jake joked over the phone. I smiled and rolled my eyes before answer with,

"Better not let your manager hear you talking like that, he might think your naughty."

"Oh but I am. Why hide the truth from everyone? Anyway, just calling to tell you that my Mom is at your Dad's house with Cole. Apparently there was a miss communication between everyone and she thought she was dropping him off there. So I guess we are all going there for dinner."

"Wonderful." I said sarcastically.

"You say that like it's a bad thing, what did you get into a fight with your Dad or something?" He asked.

"Uh…I wouldn't call it a fight…more like a squabble. Is Lilly coming?"

"Nope, but your "favorite" person ever is." He said.

"Oh yay! How fuunn!" I said with bitterness in my voice, "I get to hear about how horrible of a person I am the WHOLE dinner."

"Oh come on, why don't you two just make up?" He asked.

"Because he "doesn't want to get to know the new me" apparently. So I'm not going to make him. Well, I'm here so I'll just talk to you inside."

I angrily hung up the phone. Then I felt guilty because it wasn't Jake I was angry at, it was Jackson. I turned off the car and climbed out. I walked up the familiar path to the doors and walked in. No one was in the living room except my brother. He looked up when I walked in and stood up. I stopped in my tracks and he cautiously walked to me.

"I think we need to talk."

* * *


	4. Kisses Taste Better In The Rain

I sighed and nodded. Jackson took a deep breath and said,

"Miles, I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want to know you. You are my little sister, and no matter _what _happens, you will always be. I love you, you know that. But it was hard enough for me to accept the fact you were getting _married_! Now I'm supposed to get used to you being a mother? Geez Miles! It seems just yesterday you were crying for _our_ mother! It's just…I always wanted you to have a good future. And I can't help but feel like its Jake and Cole's fault that you can't do the things you would have been able to do otherwise."

He was staring at his feet at the end of his explanation. I was in shock; I didn't expect all this to be about my future. I just thought he disliked Jake!

"Jackson, thank you for caring about my future. It really means a lot to me. But this _is _my future!! I've always wanted to have a family, that's been my dream since I was a child! You know and to be a rockstar. I know this isn't exactly the way it would happen in Full House, but I'm happy--" I stopped. I'm happy…it's been a while since I've said that. It sounded so good that I had to repeat it, "…I'm happy." I wasn't sure if I meant it.

He studied my face. When he did, I knew he could see right through my lies.

"You don't look happy."

"It isn't Jake or Cole's fault. It's Luke's. I am upset sometimes because of him, not them." I insisted.

It was silent for a while and I wondered if I would ever be free of Luke. I wondered if the weight, fear, pain, and hurt would ever be lifted off my chest.

"He will die one day, Miley. I promise." Jackson said softly, as if he could read my mind. I wished people wouldn't promise things that were impossible.

I smiled and hugged him.

"Aw…look they made up!" Oliver exclaimed in his "girly" voice.

"Isn't that adorable!?" Lilly jokingly cooed.

"Very funny guys. Lilly I thought you weren't coming." I said.

"I snuck out. My parents are being asses." She replied casually as she examined her chewed up nails. I laughed and said suddenly,

"I miss you Lilly." She looked at me oddly,

"You see me practically everyday, how do you miss me?"

"I don't know, I just do." I replied.

"Are you okay?" She asked me. I laughed again for no apparent reason and she looked at me oddly again.

"I've fine, Lils. I'm just in a somewhat good mood." She nodded and I looked behind them,

"Where is everyone else?"

"Upstairs, listening to the songs you've recorded so far." Oliver replied. I screamed.

"NO!!!! They can't hear those yet!!!" I made a mad dash for the stairs and took four steps at a time. I heard one of the songs coming through the speakers and I barged in.

Everyone looked up at me but I just glared at my Dad and pressed the stop button on the stereo.

It was just my Dad and Jake in the room but I was still mad. I had personally told my Dad NOT to let anyone hear my most current ones. I had let Jake listened to the ones recorded in Italy but there were more personal ones that I wanted to save! Gosh!

"We were listening to that bud…" My Dad trailed off at the mad look on my face.

"Daddy! I told you not to let anyone listen to anymore songs until the CD comes out!!" I exclaimed.

"What?" He asked with a blank expression.

""Daddy, do you think that maybe these songs can just stay under wraps for everyone until the CD comes out?" "Sure bud, I'll make sure of that." Ring a bell?" I said. Comprehension drew over his face slowly.

"Oh…I'm sorry Mile! I forgot!" He exclaimed. I didn't want to press the matter any further so I just smiled softly and said,

"It's okay Dad, let's just go downstairs and eat. Uhh…where is Cole?" I looked around expecting him to pop out from somewhere.

"Opps…left him at the store!" Dad said seriously. I felt my heart skip three beats.

"You BETTER be kidding!!" I screamed in a deadly voice.

"I'm kidding, he's with Alana. She trying to "fix his hair" in the bathroom." Dad said.

"He's two weeks old…she can't "fix his hair"!" I said. I noted Jake's silence in the back of my mind.

"Apparently she can." He whispered as Alana came out of the bathroom holding an almost irritated looking Cole with smoothed back hair. I had to laugh, it was so funny! She handed him to me and said,

"He looks sophisticated now!" Then she skipped off downstairs.

When she was gone, I messed his hair up again.

"That's better isn't it?" I cooed at him. He smiled and clenched and unclenched his little fists. I laughed fondly and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Jake followed silently with Dad holding a one sided conversation with him. Alana was stirring something over the stove and Lilly and Oliver were arguing as usual. This time it sounded like they were arguing about…me.

"I'm telling you, she isn't depressed!" Oliver insisted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

"Come on Oliver, it's sad but get real. Did you see her face today? She is totally depressed."

I cleared my throat and they looked up at me with embarrassment.

"See Oliver?! I told you this wasn't a proper conversation!" Lilly exclaimed with a nervous smile. I just rolled my eyes and smiled at them. I didn't reply though.

I walked over to where Jake was sitting at the table, staring at his hands. I walked over and sat down beside him.

"Hey," I said before I leaned in and gently kissed him, "what's wrong?"

He shrugged and said, "I'm thinking."

Yikes…that's not a good sign.

"About what?" I asked. He looked up and met my eyes before saying,

"Something…something happened at the meeting today."

There was something about the tone of his voice and his sober expression that made my smiling face fall to an upset one. My God, is he going to leave me?!

I was silent. I was afraid if I said anything I would cry. What did I do?

"You're…," I stopped and looked away from his face and those damn gorgeous eyes, "you're leaving me…aren't you?"

His eyes widened in surprise and he shook his head, "No, no, no!! It's nothing like that!"

I felt a huge weight lift off my chest and my heart rate slow to normal.

"Then what is it?" I asked, fearfully.

"Well," He reached over and took my hand before saying, "I think that we should tell the press and fans about us."

"Why?" I asked in confusion.

"Because well…nobody's perfect."

"What kinda reason is that?!" I exclaimed.

"It's just…I want the world to see Cole. I don't want to hide anymore…I hate hiding and lying." He said.

"I do too," I agreed but then said, "Can we talk about this later? I need to think some things over."

He nodded and squeezed my hand before going to rescue Cole from Alana. I stood up and walked over to hear Dad, Jackson, Lilly and Oliver's conversation.

"—my life is the worst…EVER." Jackson was saying.

"Well that's your own fault, dummy. Life is what YOU make it!" Lilly exclaimed. They all exchanged looks before breaking out with,

"WHY BE SAD, BROKEN HEARTED—THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) LIFE'S HARD OR IT'S A PARTY THE CHOICE IS UP TO YOOOUUU…--"

They all stopped and looked at me. I don't know the words. I don't remember them. I can't sing it. I can't sing.

"This is where you sing!" Lilly exclaimed. I stayed silent, "Let me help you…WITH A NEW ADDITUDE EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE…"

I stayed silent. "I don't know the words." I whispered.

"What?" Oliver asked.

"I can't remember the words to any of my songs except the ones I'm recording. I don't know them." I said, louder.

"That's not possible," My Dad cut in, "You can't just forget the lyrics. Here, let me help you. You get the best of both words…"

He looked at me, but I couldn't fill it in. You get the best of both worlds….dada dada dada?

"Do you really not remember?" Lilly asked softly.

"Wow…that's sad…" Oliver said.

Suddenly, I was suffocating in the pity. Everyone's eyes were on me. I felt my throat close and my temperature rise. I had to get out of there.

"I…I have to go." I coughed out as I ran out of the living room and down to the beach. Rain was pouring down in sheets and I didn't remember when it had even started raining. It was soaking through my clothes, soaking through my skin. The sand was slopping up over my flip flops and the grains were getting in between my toes and rubbing harshly against my skin. The rain was dripping off the tip of my nose and flowing into my open mouth.

Where was I going? Why did I do that?

I finally collapsed in a beach chair that Jackson or Daddy had left down here. It was soaking wet, but so was I. I brought my legs up to my chest and buried my face on my knees.

And I cried.

It felt so good to cry…it felt so relieving. Even though I was freezing, soaking wet, and had wet sand on me…it helped me. No one was watching me, or judging me. I could cry in peace. Rain slammed onto my bare shoulders and half bare back like bullets. It hurt, but I didn't care. My halter top and Capri's were soaked all the way through. What a bad day to wear a white halter and light blue pants. Rain had never had this much fury before. In my seventeen years, I've never seen the waves so angry. I've never heard the sky so furious. I've never felt rain this bitter.

Each raindrop fell on my skin and felt like acid. I didn't want to start a scene. I just needed to get away.

I needed to forget. I needed to fix myself. I had too much pain in my life. It's not healthy.

Being in this freezing rain and murderous weather helped me think, strangely. I was terrified. I was simply terrified.

My hair was sticking to me and I couldn't tell tears from rain. It was all the same to me.

Suddenly, I heard a voice over the rain and warm arms wrapped around me.

"What has happened to you?" Jake asked softly as he helped me stand up. He started to lead me in the house but I stopped him,

"No, just stay out here with me. Play in the rain with me."

A smile was on my face now and I didn't know how it got there.

"Okay," He said as he smiled at me. He wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head against his chest. I wasn't cold anymore. The rain, thunder, and waves were viciously fighting around us…but it didn't matter. I could still feel tears leaking out of my eyes, but I didn't care. Jake smelled like my Dove shampoo and now salt water. I breathed it in and painted this moment in my mind so I would always remember it.

Then, I knew everything was going to be okay. I suddenly felt like a little girl again. I looked up at Jake and started laughing. I didn't know what I was laughing at…maybe at us…I didn't know. Suddenly we were both laughing like a bunch of idiots. To me, it seemed like our laughs echoed above all the thunder and rain.

I felt free. I felt clean, carefree. It was the best feeling. I felt weightless and I was sure that if I tried, I would be able to fly. But I didn't want to fly away. This moment was too perfect.

"I love you." I screamed up at Jake over the rain.

"I love you more." He screamed.

"No I love you more!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yes huh!"

"I love you times a billion!" Jake screamed over the thunder.

"Well I love you times a trillion!" I yelled.

"I love you times a quadrillion quintillion!!" He shouted back.

"I love you times a sextillion!!!"

"I may be hot and fabulous and love you times an octillion but not on the beach!" He exclaimed as I mock glared at him.

"Well I love you times centillion!!!" I screamed, which is the highest in the millions I knew. I think it has 303 zeros.

He was silent as he tried to think over the rain. Math was never his strong point.

"Ha I win!" I exclaimed.

"Did not!"

"Did TO!!"

"DID NOT!!"

"DID TO!!!"

"DID NOT!!!!"

I rolled my eyes as I crashed my lips against his. The best way to shut a man up, a kiss. He was surprised at first, but slowly moved his hands up to cup my face. The kiss grew more passionate and I hoped a hurricane didn't hit because I would never know.

:::::::meanwhile (3rd person POV):::::::

"Where is she?!?!" Robby exclaimed in worry as he paced the floor. Alana was nervous standing on the porch and looking out into the storm.

"Maybe she went swimming?" Lilly suggested in a hopeful voice.

"Yea sure, if she has a death wish." Oliver snorted.

"I'm going out to look for her." Robby declared as he entered the storm.

:::::::meanwhile (Miley's POV)::::::::

And suddenly, oxygen didn't matter. All that mattered was us, right now in this moment. I pressed myself closer to him with sudden want. My hands moved up to his soaking wet hair and I ran my fingers through it. The loud rain now muted to a beautiful musical sound. His fingers were lighting stroking my cheeks as I deepened the kiss and his tongue ran along my teeth.

He tasted delicious before, but now with the rain flowing down and the waves crashing against my legs, I knew I had underestimated him.

It had been a while since we had shared a moment like this. It was a moment where we completely understood each other. I felt as if he could read my mind and know exactly what I was feeling. I think I am dreaming. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him even closer. I needed to know he was really here and wasn't going to disappear any minute. It all felt so innocent, so pure. I knew we probably didn't look too innocent to a bystander but I felt it. He had a way and making me feel good no matter what.

The kiss got more intense and Jake's hands left my face and he ran them down my sides in a way that made my knees weak. Then they moved to roam the rest of my body just the way that send shivers down my spine and made my skin tingle. Just as I was positive that I was going to take him right then and there, I hear a voice screaming over the rain.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! GET IN THE HOUSE!!"

The voice sounded like my Dad, but this was MY fantasy God darn it!!! He can't be here! That's not fair! I wanted to stay here and have sex in the rain, dammit! How many times does something this beautiful happen in a lifetime? Not a lot and now my dad ruined it! Maybe if I ignore him he'll disappear…

Either Jake didn't hear him or was thinking along my lines because he didn't cease anything. I didn't consider the fact that my Dad was probably really watching right now and that Jake's hands were in places I did NOT want my Daddy to see. I just cared about what was happening. As Jake's hands slipped up my wet and see-through shirt, we were forced apart.

Now let me tell you, that is a sure fire way to make someone madder than a hornet caught in a sprinkler!

But when I saw the furious expression on my Dad's face, my anger vanished and was replaced with embarrassment and fear. He pointed at the house. I trudged up to the house, followed by a flustered Jake.

As soon as we walked in the living room, everyone started talking at once.

"Do you WANT to die?!"

"Yea, what she said!!"

"WAAAHHH!"

"How narley were the waves?!"

We just stayed silent. Jake's cheeks were coloring with embarrassment and I knew my cheeks must be red (but no so much from getting caught). As Dad entered the house, Alana had returned with two towels. I was suddenly aware that I had been standing in the room with my hot pink strapless bra and underwear showing through my clothing. I quickly wrapped the towel around me. I was cold again. Dad walked over and talked to Alana in a somewhat whispering voice. I caught Jake's eyes and that same innocent, little girl feeling came over me. I grinned and he smiled back. Then we both burst into hysterical laughter.

The situation seemed funny then. Right then I felt like if my Dad caught us, big deal. (of course I still wasn't too happy about being interrupted).

A few minutes later and we were still laughing. Everyone was staring at us like we were insane. I was doubled over with laughing and my stomach hurt from it. Jake was leaning against the piano, laughing. I would stop laughing, but if I did Jake might stop laughing. I love his laugh. I would laugh myself to death just to hear it.

"Stop laughing!" My dad exclaimed.

"I…can't…" I struggled out through my giggles.

"Yes you can!" Jackson said as he rubbed his head in a way that signified he had a headache.

"Okay…I'm gonna stop…" I said as I struggled to stop. Soon, both my and Jake's laughter had ceased to an occasional giggle.

"Wonderful, now. DID YOU WANT TO DIE FROM PNEUMONIA?!" Alana screamed.

"No, Mrs. Ryan," Oliver said as he laughed and laid a hand on Alana's shoulder, "its _Pamonia_."

We all looked at him and he said, "What?! It is!"

"Oken, shut up." Jackson said.

"Now," Daddy said as he finished looking at Oliver like he's a stupid idiot, "Jake, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see your hands all over my daughter. In fact, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that at all."

I looked down at my feet in embarrassment.

"Well, I'm going to take a hot shower and rid my mind of that scene…which NEVER happened." He said. He got Cole away from Alana long enough to tell him goodbye and he kissed me goodnight before running upstairs.

"Well I better be running too!" Alana said as she started to walk out the door.

"Hey you can't take Cole with you!" I screamed after her as I pried my baby from her arms.

"Fine," She pouted.

Once she was gone I turned to Lilly and Oliver and exclaimed, "Let's have a sleepover! You know, like the ones we used to have?!"

Lilly laughed and said, "Don't you think we are a little to old for that?"

"Nah," I said.

"But," she struggled out, "we are all "grown up-ish" now and well…" She was shooting glances at Oliver. I suddenly got it.

"Oh I get it! You don't want to sleep with Oliver! Don't worry its okay. I know you've seen all of him you can see already so what's the problem?"

She glared at me and said through clenched teeth, "Just because our parents made us take baths together until we were six doesn't mean anything! Stop bugging me about it!"

I smirked and said, "Riiight,"

"You know," Oliver said suddenly, "Hannah's songs sound kinda bad."

I gasped and felt like I did when Lilly told me three years ago that I "needed a booty" and I knew I probably had that same face on, "Well that's rude! I know I'm no Celine Dion but you don't have to mock me!"

"No!" He exclaimed, "I mean like the lyrics can sound kinda…here let me show you "Get it together and we're on fire" you see? It sounds kind of bad." He said.

I rolled my eyes and said, "So one little line in one song sounds bad? So what?"

"No how about this "I know you wanna party with me" what's that supposed to mean? Oh and "I gotta work it again and again 'till I get it right"" He said.

It was silent while we all looked at him.

"Yea, maybe to your boy brain!" I exclaimed. Lilly hit him in the shoulder,

"You stupid donut! Now I can't think of the song the same!!"

"Way to ruin the mood, Oliver." Jake laughed.

"What?! It's true!" He exclaimed. Me and Lilly looked at each other, nodded, and picked up two pillows and hit Oliver with them.

"You would think he would learn by now…" I said. Lilly nodded.


	5. Beginning Of the End

_HIS_ POV:

My fingers had barely hit the silver doorknob when the door was opened for me. I stepped into my modern penthouse and set down my briefcase on the table.

"You're here." A voice said. I turned around and felt a smirk fit my face,

"Ah, dear big brother of mine. How have you been?" He ignored me and slammed the door shut.

He was still an asshole. Some things never changed.

"What are you doing in Malibu? And my God, what happened to your head?!" I exclaimed as I looked at the giant wound that was beginning to scab over in some places, "You need stitches." I declared.

"Shut-up." He spat. I felt anger rise at the harshness in his voice,

"Lukas I am a grown man now! You can not push me around anymore!"

When I thought the words, they sounded macho and strong. However, they came out weakly. I was sure the "Lukas" comment was going to earn me a punch. He didn't go by that anymore. But all he did was dig into his pocket.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him wearily.

"I need your help." He said. I was surprised at the coldness and harshness of his voice.

"With what? Why should I help you?" I asked.

"Because," He said as he clenched his fists, "I said so. Poor little James Oken. Oh wait, I forgot. You changed your name. Now you're Trace Anderson, huh? What are you ashamed of your family?"

"I'm ashamed of you." I spat. Lukas snarled and punched me across the face. I stumbled back and painfully landed on the floor. Lukas took the opportunity to reach into his pocket again and pull out a photograph.

"Do you know her?" He shoved the photo under my nose. I knew the face staring up at me. It was the brazen brunette that never would seem to open up to me. Miley Ryan, that's her name.

"Maybe, maybe not. Why do you want to know?" I asked suspiciously. He stretched his pale, spider like fingers that were not unlike my own against the back of the chair and said,

"I have some unfinished business with her."

"Well I can give you her phone number if you want to call her and talk—

"No. Not that kind of business. I need your assistance, James. I need you to help me break her."

I looked at him like he was insane, "W-What do you mean?!"

"I've tried breaking her physically, but the bitch just won't. She has too much willpower…and how do you lose willpower Mr. shrink?"

"You take away any will." I replied. I still didn't get it. Then suddenly, it clicked. I jumped up in shock,

"YOU! You are the one that hurt that poor girl!! You are the one that hurt her and abused her!!"

A smile stretched across his face that was always more flawless than mine.

"Very good, brother. But back to the topic…how do you take away will?"

I felt a sick feeling fill my stomach. "You take away happiness or reason to live." I struggled out.

His smiled widened.

"You can't do that!!" I screamed, "You can't just destroy her! You can't! What kind of person are you!?"

Suddenly, he had me pinned against the wall with a pocketknife in his hand.

"Your own brother Lukas? You would kill your own brother?" Pity was ringing in my voice.

"I will kill anyone who comes in my way." He spat. I remembered the younger Luke that used to save small kittens from dogs. Who was this person?

I sighed. "What do you want me to do Luke? I mean, what could I possibly do for you? Five years, Lukas. Five years I didn't hear anything from you. Now you've come back…a…monster!!"

He just scowled before saying, "You are her shrink, right?"

"Yes but I'm not getting anywhere with the little headstrong girl." I replied.

"But you _will. _And when you do, I want you to tell me what you find out. I want to know every little fear that hides inside her. I want to know what would make her break…I want to know how to kill her inside." Lukas said. I shivered. He was intimidating.

"If I don't?" I asked him. He just laughed coldly.

"You die. You are just like me whether you realize it or not. You will choose what you have to do to keep yourself alive."

I wanted to object and say that was just his cold heart but I knew deep down that he was right. He seemed to know that too. He's always been good at reading people.

He smiled, "I see you've chosen to help. Great choice. By the way, if she happens to ever ask of a girl named Luann…tell her that she died. Tell her that she was beaten to death and that if someone would have sent someone out to her then she would have lived. Let the guilt consume her heart. Let her think she was partly responsible for a murder."

I gulped, "What really happened to her?"

He shrugged and said, "She wasn't where I had beaten her so I'm assuming she at a hospital or something."

I was sick. Lukas, my older brother, he was a cold-hearted murderer.

And he wanted me to be one too.

MILEY'S POV:

"I still think we are too old for a sleepover." Lilly grumbled as we all stepped into my house with numerous bags of junk food, soda, and bottle of wine. Of course, I got to carry the best thing! Cole, the beautiful (and sleeping!!) baby.

"I still can't believe Jackson bought that wine for us! That was so cool!" Oliver exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and said,

"That's because it's not for drinking. Remember, we promised we weren't going to drink any. Just use it strictly for truth or dare purposes. I mean, you can't have a sleepover without truth or dare! And in order to play truth or dare we needed a bottle!"

"I had my fingers crossed when I promised." Oliver said as he picked up the bottle.

"Me too." Lilly agreed. I looked at Jake who was finding his shoes very interesting.

"You had your fingers crossed too, didn't you?" I asked suspiciously.

"No…okay well maybe a little…just a tad."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Am I the only one here that understands that underage drinking is not good?"

"Oh please, you weren't thinking that three years ago when you were having a time of your life partying." Oliver said.

"I seem to recall you and Lilly were to snugly with each other to care." I retorted.

"Yea well you were too busy getting all cozy with about ten man whores so it all balances out." She shot back.

"So not true!" I exclaimed.

"Come on now," Oliver said as he put his arms around each of our shoulders, "What happened to be 'true friends'?"

We shot him a look and threw his arm off us.

"Geez, PMS central!!!" He exclaimed as he jumped down on the couch. I glared at him and Lilly smacked him in the shoulder.

"Idiot." She said. I laughed and rolled my eyes before stroking Cole's sleeping face and saying,

"I'm going to go put Cole in his cradle. You guys...set up the song hat." I winked at Lilly and Oliver but Jake just looked confused.

"Song hat?"

"You'll see..." I muttered before walking upstairs. The song hat, or formerly known to Oliver as the hat of embarrassment, was a little slumber party game we played. We all sat in a circle and I passed around two sheets of paper to everyone. Then, if Oliver was first, he would ask, "What would you say my theme song would be?" then everyone writes it down and sticks it in the hat. The first one he picks out is his theme song and he has to sing part of it on and off for a whole day, no matter where he was. Then he has to read all of them. That pattern follows with everyone. It was a blast because Lilly and I used to spend weeks finding the most fruitcake-ish song and write it down for his theme song. Last slumber party his theme song was the Hello Kitty theme song. And he had to go to a wedding that day. His mom was embarrassed when in the middle of the vows Oliver burst out with, "Hello Kitty, play with us today..." boy, was he mad at us!!

I had a good feeling that it was going to be even funnier this year. Plus, this year we had Jake. My dad would never let him participate in the slumber parties for obvious reasons. In fact, my poor dad spent a long time trying to keep me and Jake away from each other.

Ha, that didn't work out too well did it?

I guess if Luke would have never kidnapped me he would have succeeded. A few good things came from being in Luke's interest.

I gently laid Cole in his cradle and twisted the knob that played the musical on his mobil. I gently kissed his head and exited downstairs. I would see Cole again tonight. I never slept at night, and neither did he. So we had a good ten hours of bonding time. Of course, Jake thought I slept all night. He would be upset if he knew I hadn't had a full nights sleep in a LONG time. I just laid down and waited until he was asleep, then I got up.

Trust me, I wanted to sleep. I really did. But I was too scared of the nightmares I might have if I did. So I don't sleep.

As I entered the living room, Lilly was explaining our little theme song game to Jake.

"So, like, if Oliver says your theme song is...the Hillshire Farm jingle, you have to go around singing that on and off all day...probably every fifteen minutes. That's what Oliver did at his aunts wedding! Remember that Ollie?" Lilly laughed. I noticed the sweet way she said "Ollie".

He glared at me (it was my song he choose) and said, "Not cool. I got grounded from you guys for a month. My Mom thought you were too weird for me."

"Hey! You told me your Mom grounded you from everyone!!" I exclaimed.

"Nope," He walked over to me and laid a hand on my shoulder, "I just didn't want to hurt you even more than you had already been hurt."

I rolled my eyes and Jake said, "I have a problem, I don't know the Hillshire Farm jingle."

Oliver laughed and said, "That's okay, it's not your theme song. Lilly just used it for example--

"And for future reference-- I say Hillshire you say farm!--" Lilly started

"Hillshire-" Oliver said.

"Farm-

"Hillshire-

"Farm!"

I looked at the two like they were crazy,

"Read more, less TV." I said. Lilly rolled her eyes then said,

"Let us get started then!"

Oliver shoved the table out of the way and we all sat in a circle on the floor. Man, it had been a while since we had done this.

"Who's going first?" Oliver asked.

"Come on Oliver, who always goes first?" I asked.

"Jake! Here you go!" Oliver exclaimed.

"Wrong, you always go first."

"I ALWAYS have to go first for everything! I had to model Hannah's new dresses first, I had to test the food on the New York city food stands, I had to ask Ms. Kunkle if she was born in pre-historic times for you guys, I had to throw water ballons at Jackson to see how he would react, I had to try and get Roxy to back off, And I even had to lose my virginity first--

"Oh like your complaining about that!" I snorted.

He glared then said, "It is about time I didn't have to go first!"

"Okay well then Miley your next." Lilly reasoned.

"Why me?" I asked. She smiled innocently and said,

"Well I'm the only person here without a baby so I think that gives me rights to go whenever I want to go. And besides, you lost yours next in line."

"What does that have to do with theme songs?! And plus, I am Hannah Montana." I said, trying to find anything that would let me go last.

"So?" Oliver persisted.

"Oh for Heaven's sake! I'll go first!" Jake exclaimed. We all smiled and said,

"Okay! Now, ask the question..."

He rolled his eyes, "What would my theme song be?"

We all thought and grabbed our pieces of paper. Hmm, what would his theme song be? This is kinda hard.

A smirk came over my face. Who said I couldn't have fun with this? I quickly scribbled down a song and folded it up. Lilly was still writing but Oliver had already put his in. I put mine in the baseball cap. Soon, Lilly stuck her paper in.

"Okay, pick one." Oliver said. Jake reached in and pulled a piece out. He opened it and read the title to himself before raising an eyebrow,

"That's not very nice."

We were all laughing silently so I'm pretty sure everyone put something funny in there.

"Come on, you gotta sing it." I persisted.

"Fine." He said as he cleared his throat, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it hurts--

"You did not get that song!" I exclaimed.

"I did too!" He said. I placed my hands on my hips and said,

"Then let me see the paper."

"No! It's my paper!" He exclaimed as he held it away from me.

"Your saying that because you know you didn't get that song!"

"Yes I did!!" He said. I sighed like I believed him, then jumped over and tried to snatch the paper from his hands.

"Let...go! It's my paper!" He exclaimed. I just rolled my eyes and pulled it out of his hands,

"Yo, I'm a gangster by Adam&Andrew." I read out, then burst into hysterical laughter.

"Can I pick another?" He asked. I shook my head through my laughter,

"Come on Jakey, sing it."

"I don't know it!" He tried to say.

"Yes you do, now come on."

"I'm a gangster, I'm a straight up G, The gangster life is the one for me. Shooting people by day, selling drugs by night, the gangster life is hell up tight." He said. We all burst into laughter and he glared before saying,

"Who wrote that one?"

"Not me," I said truthfully.

Oliver started laughing then said, "I've always wanted to use that one and finally I had someone to use it on. Now, read your other ones."

Jake sighed and reached in the hat, "Pumpin' Up The Party, and Beverly Hills...what that doesn't make any sense! Who put the Beverly Hills one? Hello, I'm already famous!"

"Well it the only thing I could think of!" Lilly exclaimed. I rolled my eyes,

"Well, Oliver just go next."

"Come on, we are NOT starting this again! Miley, your next." Oliver said. I smirked and said,

"No! I'm _always _second!! I'm second to try on Hannah's new dresses, I'm second to ask Ms. Kunkle about her bein born in pre-historic times, I'm second to have a baby, AND I'm even second to lose my-

"We aren't starting that again are we?" Lilly exclaimed,

"I'll go next."

I smiled and said, "Well, if you insist."

She asked the question and all of us looked at our papers, thinking.

What would be a good theme song for Lilly?

Well, True Friend obviously, seeing as though it was written about her. I smiled and wrote it down.

"Okay lets see...what is my theme song?" Lilly sang as she pulled a piece of paper out.

"The Best Damn Thing," She smiled and said, "Well that's nice..."

I looked around at Oliver who looked upset, "Your supposed to be upset about that! Remember, you told me you thought Avril Lavigne was a sell-out now..."

"So? I am the best damn thing!" She said with a smile. I laughed and said,

"Okay, Lil. Sing..."

You didn't have to tell her twice...

"I HATE IT WHEN A GUY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND, WHY A CERTAIN TIME A MONTH I DON'T WANNA HOLD HIS HAND!! I HATE IT WHEN THEY GO OUT AND WE STAY IN AND THEY COME HOME SMELLING LIKE THEIR EX-GIRLFRIENDS!!!!"

We both laughed and they all looked at me.

"Okay, it's your turn now. There is no getting out of so just do it."

"Fine. What would my theme song be?"

I was instructed to close my eyes as everyone wrote. I heard the sound of pens scratching paper for a few moments until Lilly said,

"Okay, pick one now."

I bit my lip and cautiously reached in the hat. I pulled a small piece of paper out and opened it. My eyes scanned over the words and I rolled my eyes,

"The Best of Both Worlds? Come on, that would never be a theme song!" I exclaimed.

"I couldn't think of one!" Lilly said. I rolled my eyes and they all looked at me,

"We've been over this guys, I don't know the words!!" I exclaimed.

"Then pick another." Oliver said. I sighed and reached into the hat. I pulled another sheet out and read it. My cheeks colored with embarrassment and I found myself wishing I had known the worlds to the Best of Both Worlds.

"Well, what is it?" Lilly asked.

"It's--

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I smiled at the perfect timing and stood up to answer it, but Jake stopped me.

"I'll get it. It's like midnight."

I nodded and followed him to the door. He peeked out the window and he opened the door.

"Oh. It's you. Wonderful." He muttered.

"Who is it?" I persisted. Jake opened the door wider to reveal Jesse McCartney. I smiled,

"Hey Jesse! How's it goin'?" Jesse grinned and said,

"Fine, how about you? You look very pretty."

I laughed, "Thank you. It's been going okay...I thought you were in Italy?"

Jake was scowling. He hates Jesse.

"I finished my scenes, they got Zac Efron to take Jake's part. He did all Jake's scenes over...the director said they were better."

Jake was clinching his fists to keep from punching Jesse.

"Well, I don't see how that could be...why are you here so late?"

"Well I was going to come by tomorrow but I was driving by to see where the house was and I saw the lights on so I figured you were still awake."

"Cool, do you want to come in? We're entertaining some guests." I said as I held the door open for him. He smiled at me and said,

"Sure, anything for you."

Jake shot a glare at him and slammed the door on his leg. Jesse screamed a very high-ish toned scream and Jake smirked.

"Opps, you should really get that lazy leg checked out. You just kind of drag it along..." Jake said as he shut the door properly. Jesse scowled and limped over to where Oliver and Lilly were. Lilly's mouth fell open and she dropped her slip of paper.

"1, 2, 3," I counted off.

"AHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!! It's...It's...It's...JESSE MCCARTNEY!!!!" She jumped up and threw her arms around Jesse. He smiled and hugged her before saying,

"Hi, Lilly right?"

"HE KNOWS MY NAME!" She screamed.

"I heard Miley talking about you before...so what's with the hat?" Jesse said as Lilly reluctantly released him from her grip.

"It's just a stupid game thing...yea...it doesn't mean anything! It's not like I'm weird or anything, because I'm not!! My Mom tells me I'll make a great wife someday!!...not that I'm trying to get you to marry me or anything! But If you did want to marry me I wouldn't complain! Not that I'm desperate or anything! I just...uh...I have tons of guys that want to marry me! So get in line buster!" Lilly exclaimed all in one breath. I was laughing silently and Jake was glaring at the back of Jesse's head.

I rolled my eyes and Oliver looked disgusted.

"Well I would be lucky to marry someone as pretty as you." Jesse smiled at Lilly. She giggled and twirled her hair.

"Well, like she said, get in line." Oliver's angry voice exclaimed from behind Lilly. We all looked at him in surprise.

"Because...uh...she already has a boyfriend!" He said. I exchanged looks with Jake. Looks like someone has a crush...

"I do?" She asked Oliver. He looked at me desperately as if I could keep Jesse away from her.

"Uh...yea, _remember_ Lil?" I asked as I nodded my head toward Oliver, "You and Ollie have been together for a whole year! And your very happy!"

Now they both were glaring at me. "_Silly me_," Lilly said through gritted teeth as she glared daggers at me, "It must have slipped my mind."

Maybe inviting Jesse in was a BIG mistake.


	6. Fights and Secret Identities

"So Jesse," Lilly said as we all settled down in the living room, "How has your day been?"

Jesse smiled and said, "Well I woke up at eight a.m. and the sun was shining through my dark blue curtains. I yawned and sat up before stretching and climbing out of bed. Then I set my feet on the cool hardwood floor--

"We don't need a detailed response." Jake snapped.

"I'm sorry." Jesse said in a voice that clearly stated he didn't give a shit what Jake said. Lilly smiled and twirled her hair before saying,

"I would love to hear about your day. I'm sure it was awesome," She paused and thought about what she said before saying, "Not in a creepy way, I'm not a stalker. I swear. Except for this one time I met Orlando Bloom and one of his hairs was on my shirt so I saved it. But I wouldn't save your hair. I'm past that phase. Unless it would flatter you...then I would steal your hair. But you know--

"We get it Lilly." I said, saving her from embarrassing herself any further. Jesse smiled a flirty smile and gave her this look. Wait...I've seen that look before. It was the I-think-I'm-gonna-get-into-your-pants look. He winked at her and Lilly giggled again. Oh lord, she's giving him the wrong thought.

"So, Jesse, what kind of girls do you like?" Lilly asked in her flirty voice. Jesse smiled his seductive smile and said,

"I like tall, skinny, blond skater girls that like to surf."

"Hey that sounds like me!!" Lilly exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.

"So, Lilly, I was thinking that you might like to hang out tomorrow night..." Jesse trailed off.

"YES!! I mean, okay." Lilly said with a wide smile. I didn't like Jesse's smile. It looked shady.

"Lil," I said suddenly, "come into the kitchen."

She glared at me and said, "Not. Now. I'm chatting with Jesse!"

"You can chat all you want baby, I love the sound of your voice." Jesse said with a smile. Lilly giggled and batted her eyelashes. Oh he was so stringing the bait, and Lilly was biting.

"_Now._" I said pointly to Lilly. She seemed to get the message because she said,

"I'll be right back, Jesse."

"Stay beautiful." Jesse said as he winked. I pulled a blushing Lilly into the kitchen with Jake following her.

"Lil, honey," I started out sweetly, "you _do_ know you are appearing easy right?!"

"Excuse me?" Lilly asked with her eyebrows raised.

"Lilly he's trying to get you, if you get my drift."

Apparently Lilly didn't like that. She scowled and said, "I can't believe this!"

"I know! He's no good! just go set him straight right now!" I exclaimed.

"No! I can't believe you would say that!"

"Huh?"

"So just because a guy is flirting with me you think it's because he thinks I'm easy?! That is so rude! I may not be Hannah freakin' Montana but famous guys can still want to start a relationship with me!"

"No, it's nothing like that Lilly! I'm just trying to protect you!" I tried to say.

"Well I don't need you to protect me! I'm not your little sister! I can make my own decisions! And if I decide to go out with Jesse, then so be it!" She screamed.

"But--

"No, Miley! Shut up! How could you even say that?!"

"I don't want you to get taken advantage of or hurt!" I screamed.

"The only one doing the hurting here is you!" She screamed.

"Lilly, don't make a mistake!" I yelled.

"Oh because your the perfect one to talk about not letting a guy take advantage of you!" She thundered sarcastically. I instantly knew what she was talking about. How dare she bring that up. My eyes narrowed,

"Lilly that's not fair! That was two years ago! It wasn't a big deal!"

"Really? If it wasn't a big deal then why am I the only person you've told? If it wasn't a big deal how come you called me crying?! If it isn't a big deal how come you didn't tell Jake?"

I didn't reply. A hurt look crossed my face. I glanced over at Jake. He looked lost, but he knew something big happened that he didn't know about.

"This isn't about me! This is about you!" I tried to say.

"No, I think this is about you." Jake said suddenly, "Why don't you tell me what you aren't telling me."

"Yea, Miley, why don't you tell him about Josh and how he--

"Lilly! Just shut up!" I screamed hysterically. She crossed her arms and said,

"Not until you tell Jake what happened, he has a right to know."

I sighed, "It's nothing big! I just agreed to go out with my ex Josh a few years back when we were in a fight and he asked me to come over and watch a movie. So I did and he went out of bounds. He told me that he only asked me out because he thought I was...easy. And Lilly tried to tell me that he was only inviting me over for that reason but I didn't believe her." I looked up a Lilly and said, "Lilly, you remember how upset I was right?"

She nodded.

"Do you want to feel that way?"

My words seemed to effect her more this way.

"You cheated on me?" Jake asked from beside me. I frowned and said,

"I'm really sorry. It's just, we got in that horrible fight...and you screamed so much...and I was mad."

It was silent for a few moments before he asked, "So would you cheat on me now if we got into a fight?"

"No! That was then...I wouldn't now."

"If you did it once, you'd do it again!" Jake exclaimed.

"No I wouldn't! That was a mistake!" I was feeling horrible now. Who knew trying to help a friend could cause all this trouble!

"How do I know you aren't just saying that?" He asked. I gawked at him,

"You should just trust me!"

"I trusted you before!"

"And I made a mistake! Are you incapable of accepting that?" I screeched.

"I can't believed you lied to me!" He exclaimed.

"I never lied to you! I just didn't tell you!" I defended myself. Lilly was looking between us in surprise, as if she didn't think that it would start a fight.

"Yeah, exactly, you never told me! What else are you keeping from me?!" He glared at me. It hurt me to see him so angry with me. I felt guilt consume me as I said,

"I haven't slept more than a few hours this whole month."

His eyes almost popped out of his head,

"What?!"

I looked down at my feet and said, "I lay down and get back up when you fall asleep."

He was still staring at me in shock.

"Don't act like you tell me everything! I know you have some secrets!" I exclaimed.

"No, I do tell you everything!" He said, "but obviously you don't tell me everything!!"

"Well I would have never ran off to Josh if you wouldn't have decided to leave me! What, are you gonna leave me now if things get more serious?!" I screamed.

"That was then, you know I wouldn't do that now!"

"Well you did it once, what's keeping you from doing it again!"

"You should just believe me when I say I won't!"

I raised my eyebrows. He fell silent and said,

"I know what your thinking, but it's different."

"How the HELL is it different?!" I screamed. I was mad now, "If you think I'll run off and sleep with some random guy then obviously you don't know me as well as I thought you did! My God, Jake! That was something that happened years ago! I've changed so much since then!! It's the damn past! It can't be changed! And standing here and yelling at me about it is just so stupid and immature!!"

"Well what about you not sleeping at night? That wasn't years ago, that is happening right now!" He thundered.

"That's not fair! If not sleeping saves me from having to have nightmares then so be it!" I shouted.

"So you would rather kill yourself then have the nightmares?" He shrieked.

"I'm not killing myself!" I exclaimed.

"Really? Well you hardly eat anything anymore and now I find out you aren't sleeping?! Sounds like a long, hard road to self-destruction to me!! What else are you doing? Cutting yourself? Making yourself throw-up?!"

"You don't know what your talking about so shut-up!!" I cried.

"Don't tell me to shut-up, I know what I'm talking about!!"

"NO YOU DON'T!!" I screamed, "You don't know what those nightmares are about, you don't have to experience them every time you sleep! You get to sleep nightmare-free! So don't _even _try and tell me that until you know what they are like! Don't try and say that until you know how it feels to be frightened by your own mind!"

"Geez, Jake! Stop being such a...man!" Lilly exclaimed, trying to stand up for me.

"Stay out of it!" He yelled at her.

"Don't scream at her!" I barked at Jake.

"I scream at who I want! And you need to get over the nightmares and move on and get some sleep!"

"Get over them?! Easy to say when you don't have them!"

"I'm sure they're not even that bad!" He screamed.

Ooh, I know he didn't go there.

"Just shut up an leave me alone!" I screamed as I turned to walk out of the kitchen. His hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me,

"I'm not finished talking to you!"

"Well I'm finished talking to you!" I exclaimed as I tried to move away from him, "You jerk!"

"Well at least I'm not an attention seeker! You with your nightmares!"

Lilly gasped.

I stopped fighting him and turned away from him. I will not let him see me cry. I could feel tears prick my eyes. He seemed to realize what he said was out of bounds pretty soon,

"Mile," He said softly, "I--

He tried to hug me but I shoved him away from me, "Go to hell."

He dropped my wrist and I stormed out of the room.

"Way to go, zombie slayer." I heard Lilly snap at Jake as she followed me out of the kitchen.

I thundered up the stairs and into Cole's room. I slammed the door and locked it before sitting down in the rocking chair. Cole was still sleeping in his cradle, unaware of the fighting that had been happening. I leaned my head against the wall and allowed myself to cry.

It didn't help me like it had the other night. It just made me feel worse.

I think maybe this is the worst I've ever felt. And that's saying something seeing as though I've been through quite a lot. How had that horrible fight started? And what had happened to Jake? I've never seen him that way, never. And I've known him for a pretty long time. I've lived with him for practically two years! Sure we've gotten in arguments, but they were short and more playful than serious.

Suddenly, I heard Cole sniffle from his cradle. A few moment later he was crying. I stood up and reached in the cradle and gently took him out, making sure to support his head. I sat down in the rocking chair with him and a few moments later he had calmed down. I smiled down at him and gently kissed his head. He looked up at me with his bright blue-green eyes.

A few minutes later I heard someone knock on the door,

"Hey Miles," I heard Lilly say, "I think Oliver and I are gonna leave now. Jake kicked Jesse out a few minutes ago, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call."

"Okay." I called.

"Bye." They said.

"Goodbye." I said to them. Then I heard them leaving down the stairs and I wondered what Lilly had said to Jesse.

I had never felt more alone that moment. I held Cole closer to me, but he was beginning to fall asleep. I reached over and picked up the phone that was on the table and dialed what I thought was Lilly's cell number. A few rings later and a different voice picked up,

"Hello?" It was my Dad.

"Oh, hey Dad. I was trying to call Lilly but I guess I automatically called you."

"That's alright, bud. Are you okay? You sound like your crying. What happened?"

I sniffed and said in a shaking voice, "Jake and I got into a fight."

It was silent for a moment before he said, "You sound scared, he didn't hit you did he?!"

"No, Daddy. He didn't hit me. Although, he might as well of."

"What did he say?"

I knew that most girls wouldn't be able to talk to their Dad's like I talked to mine, but I had always been open with my Dad. I guess because I had to talk to him about things I would normally talk to my Mom about. I miss her.

So I took a deep breath and told my Dad everything that had happened. I didn't leave one detail out, I just told him how it happened.

I was sick of lying.

When I was finished, my Dad wasn't happy at all.

"How dare he say that!! Do you want me to come over and straighten him out?!" I laughed lightly before saying,

"No that's okay. I think I'll just stay in the nursery with Cole for a while. But what am I going to do Daddy?! I just don't know anymore."

"Well all I can say, Mile, is do what you think is right." He said. I sighed and said,

"But I don't know what's right anymore, Daddy! I thought Jake was one of the only things I could count on, and now it seems I was wrong!"

I heard a knock on the door at that moment, and I panicked. I was still crying, I wasn't going to let him see me crying.

"D-daddy? Can I call you back?" I asked.

"Sure, bud. Just remember, he loves you. Everyone fights, just find out how to fix it."

"Thanks dad, bye."

"Bye sweetheart." I hung up the phone and I heard a knock at the door again.

"What?" I asked. I was afraid to say more before I got my tears under control.

"Listen, Miley. I'm sorry." Jake said from outside the door, "I really shouldn't have said that, I was wrong. I love you."

I didn't reply, I was thinking. He sounded sincere, but why had he said all that?

He continued, "I was just worried about you. You...you scare me. I can't stand to sit by and watch you hurt yourself. It hurts me..."

I stayed silent still.

"Please talk to me." He begged. I thought about how cruel he had sounded when he was screaming at me. I thought about how he knew exactly the right things to say that would hurt me, and said them. But I also thought about how life is too short to stay mad. I love Jake so much it hurts, and I know he loves me. So holding a grudge isn't going to do anything.

"Jake," I said softly.

"Yes?" He asked through the door.

"The key is on top of the door." I struggled out. I heard him reach up and take it down and stick it in the door. A few moments later he opened the door. I stood up and set Cole down in his cradle. I looked up at Jake. His cheeks were flushed like he also had been crying.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. I sighed and walked up to him before saying,

"I'm sorry too."

He smiled and opened his arms. I laughed softly and walked into them. He closed his arms around me and I felt safe again. We stayed like that for about three minutes before I said,

"You can let go now."

"No, I'll never let you go." He said. Aw, that's kind of sweet!

"You kinda have to some time." I pointed out. I looked up at him and he raised his eyebrows,

"Is that a bet?"

"What if it was?" I joked.

"Then I'd have to put you up on the bet." He replied.

"Come on, seriously. Let me go." I said while trying not to laugh. I tried to pull out of his arms but apparently zombie slaying makes your arms strong.

"Why? Do you wanna go see Joshy?" He was full on joking now. I felt a smile fit my face,

"What if I did?" I joked.

"Then I'd have to tell you I'm coming along to make sure you don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Something you wouldn't do? Well I guess that means we can fulfill our life long dream to go behind our lovers back and having sex. Seeing as though that's something you would do..." I trailed off.

"Now I have to come along to make sure it doesn't get R rated!" He joked in his principal-sounding voice.

"Hm, you didn't say anything about X rated. Or XXX rated." I jested.

He faked-gasped, "Your grounded for even thinking those thoughts!"

"What are you now, my father?" I asked. He loosened his arms a bit and looked down at me seriously,

"No way, if I was I'd be in some serious trouble with the law."

"You're already in trouble with the law." I said, "The law being my real father of course..."

"Uh oh, he must have found out your second job is a stripper named Maria from the Philippines who's father was an Irish folk singer that fell in love with a goat farmer named Leezle who loved to yoddle and now he's blaming me for it. Damn, I should probably hide." He said. I laughed and said,

"Goat farmer?"

"You were drunk when you made your identity."

"Really? Well if I was drunk you must'a been too. What's your "stripper identity"?"

"Me? Oh I'm Yoda from northern Asia who's father was a nonprofitable rice cropper who was arranged to marry a dog breeder from Hawaii named Jenny."

"Wonderful. So together we are Maria and Yoda, strippers from the Philippines and Northern Asia who's parent's were as follows: a nonprofitable rice farmer, goat farmer, dog breeder, and Irish folk singer."

"Don't forget my parents had an arranged marriage and my Mother was from Hawaii." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Did any one ever tell you that you are insane?" I asked him. He laughed and said,

"No, but I've always known it."

"Yea, by the way, what was with that theme song? Do you just enjoy embarrassing me?"

"No, but I do enjoy to see you blush. You look so cute. And besides, you are a crazy bitch. I think it fit properly." He joked.

I lightly smacked him in the shoulder and said, "Let's face it, we're both insane people."

"We can be insane together."

"Two insane's don't make a sane." I pointed out.

"So? Apart we are just insane, together we are insane and loving it. Besides, your Irish folk singer father dropped you on the head one too many times." He said.

"And your rice cropper dad hit you over the head with a shovel." I replied.

"You know, we could be a new legend. Instead of Bonnie and Clyde, it's Maria and Yoda. The two undercover strippers working for the CIA."

"We work for the CIA now?" I asked.

"Yea, it's more glamorous,"

"I highly doubt people will fear people named...Maria and Yoda." I replied.

"That's what you think."

"..."

"Will you let me go now?" I asked with a smile.

"Nope."

"How long to you plan on keeping me here?" I asked.

"Until Josh decides to go act in X rated ways with someone else."

"If that's really my theme song he'll wait." I joked.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Can I get that? Pretty please?" I asked, while batting my eyelashes. He pulled one arm off me and grabbed the phone and handed it to me. I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Just making sure your not dead, Jake looked liable to kill." Lilly said. I laughed and said,

"He hasn't killed me...yet. Although I might die of suffocation if he doesn't let me go soon."

"Let you go?" Lilly asked.

"I'll talk to you later, m'kay Lil?"

"Sure..."

I hung up the phone and said,

"Can I go now?"

"I don't know...I'm thinking about it." He said with a smile. I sighed and leaned on his chest. Fatigue was finally catching up with me.

"I'm sleepy." I muttered.

"Go to sleep, here I'll carry you downstairs." He offered. I felt dizziness come over me as I said,

"Check on Cole."

"He's fine." I felt him sweep me up in his arms and I felt myself falling asleep. No, I can't go to sleep. I. Must. Not. Go. To. Sleep.

I felt myself getting laid down on the bed and tucked in like I was five. When I heard Jake walk away, panic filled me.

"No!" I cried, "Don't go.."

Jake climbed in beside me and wrapped his arms around me.

This time I wasn't trying to escape.


	7. Nightmares

MILEY'S POV ((DREAM)):

_I am sitting in a chair. The chair is stiff and uncomfortable and made of rough wood. A rope tightly ties my arms to the chair. The walls surrounding me must'a been white in another time. They are brown with dirt and muck that covers them. My clothes are soaking wet with disgusting water. I know it's the water from the foul river that cornered me. The room is insufferably hot and humid. The water soaking into my skin feels like boiling water, it burns my skin. I want to cry out in pain, but my mouth is bound with a dirty rag. I try to scream, but no sound omits from my mouth. On the wall directly in front of me, is a cracked mirror. Long, deliberate cracks run down the length of the mirror. I am too afraid to look in it. I hear a water-like liquid dripping off the ceiling. The unknown substance is puddling up on the floor beside my bare feet. I inch my feet away, not wanting it to touch me. A picture hangs crooked on the wall. It is a picture of a field. It's the same field I had been running through. But I notice something about this picture, the sky is different. Instead of the twilight sky that had been the setting of my field, the sky was red. Bright red. Blood red. I shiver in the heat and look around for a vent. I escaped from a vent once before, I can do it again. I look around. There is no vent. There is no window. There is no escape. There is no door. Panic fills me as I realize I have no way to get out of this room. I know I will suffocate for sure if I do not leave. Suddenly, the cracked mirror shakes. I feel fear fill me. It shakes again and is pushed back to reveal a passage way. A familiar man runs in. His shaggy dark hair covers his face and his goofy disposition is missing. _

_"Don't turn left." He whispers hoarsely. He unties me and turns to run away, but I grab his wrist and stop him. I place a hand on his cheek and my other hand brushes the hair away from his face. A deep, bloody gash covers his whole cheek and his eyes are bloodshot. His lips are so chapped that if even tried to smile they would crack. It was an older Oliver. He is so pale, and covered in blood.  
_

_"Oliver," I whisper softly, "what happened to you?" _

_"Emily is waiting." He says, more to himself than to me, "no left. Don't go left." _

_A light comes in the corner and Oliver walks toward it. "Don't leave me!" I cry to him. But he doesn't listening, he's smiling._

_"Emily, you look so pretty in your dress. Your so grown up now...Daddy is sorry he left you." I look the way he is looking, but all I see is a small white light._

_"I know, baby," he whispers with tears in his eyes, "Daddy has been gone a long time. But I'm home now." _

_He walks closer to the enlarging white light. "Oliver! There is nothing there!" I scream, he can't leave me alone!_

_"I know ten years is a long time, but I'm here now. I will never leave you ever again. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I tried, I tried so hard," he was crying now, "I tried to make him pay but I couldn't. But It doesn't matter now, sweetheart. Because I'm with you now." _

_He walks closer and it hits me that he is dying and Emily is dead. _

_"Oliver!" I wail as I grab his arm. He turns around, his eyes crazy._

_"Don't stop me! Let me go with Emily! She needs me and I need her! Let go! Let go!" He scratches my hand off and looks at me again before saying, _

_"Stay away from left. Lilly is left, don't go left. I was left...left no! Go straight!" He turns away from me and looks at the light. It looks as if he got ten years younger. His smile widened and his gash seemed to disappear. He moved closer to the light, _

_"I'm not going to stay here, Emily. Don't worry. I'm coming." _

_"Oliver!" I cry as he steps into the light. I cry as he vanishes. He's crying too, but with joy. His arms are around something I can't see. And he's smiling. _

_I look wildly around. Oliver and Emily, are dead?! How old am I? I quickly glance in the mirror. I look about twenty seven-ish or in my early thirties. I sniff and try to stop my tears. I walk cautiously to the passage the mirror had been blocking. The smell is horrid. My eyes water from the pungent smell and I cough. I carefully step into the passage. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all dirt. Blood is splattered on the ceiling and walls. I shutter. Oliver had said to go straight, not left. That sounds simple. Don't go left. As I walk down the murky passage, I see rats scuttling along the ground. I cry out in surprise and one crawls over my bare foot. Spiders are crawling all over the ground and I try to keep from stepping on them. Suddenly, as I'm looking at my feet, I run into something. I scream and jump back._

_"Mile," A familiar country-accented voice asks me. His eyes were wide and had that same crazy look to them. He was in ratty old clothes that were caked in dirt, but he smelled like the freshly laundered clothes that Mama used to hang outside to dry in Tennessee. He cried in joy and wraps his arms around me. I hug him back and cry,_

_"Daddy, I'm scared!" I wail. He pulls away from me and I notice the weird way he is holding his neck. It was just kind of hanging there, as if he had no control over it. _

_"I have to go, Miley." He said softly as I saw that familiar light that stole Oliver away from me. _

_"No!! You can't leave me too!! What happened to you?! Who did this?!" I scream hysterically. _

_He looks at me and says, "Don't go left, I love you. Don't go left no matter what!" _

_He walks toward the light and his smiles widens. As he vanishes, I fall to my knees and cry. What is happening? Why is everyone dying?! _

_I feel a cold hand stroke my hair. I look up in alarm. _

_"It's okay, baby sister." I scream out in fear. My brother is standing there with one arm. I scream again and I notice how pale his face is. Blood is soaking him, it's covering him from the place his arm should have been to his toes. _

_"You will be okay, I love you. Just remember that. Don't go left." He kisses my forehead and without warning, vanishes. Before I even got to tell him I love him too. I sniff and stand up shakily. I can't stay here, how many more loved ones had died?! I stumbled down the passage, not caring about rats or spiders anymore. _

_I hear weeping coming from farther down the passage. I quicken my step. Sobbing means maybe its someone I can save. I run faster and faster until I reach the place where the sobbing was coming from. A older Lilly is hunched over a figure lying on the ground. She doesn't see me as she wails, _

_"I'm sorry, Miley! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" _

_"Lilly?" I call as I tap her shoulder. She turns around and grasps me by my shoulders, _

_"I tried to save him...I tried!! I went left to get them! I fought, I tried! I was too late!! Don't hate me! I'm a murderer! No, God! Let me die now!" She screams with that same crazy look in her eyes. I cry and hold her too me,_

_"Shh, it's okay, Lilly. I forgive you. You did your best." _

_"No!!" She wails as she moves away from the object she was sobbing over, "I could have saved him!"_

_As soon as I look at the figures on the ground, I get sick and I wish I hadn't looked. Lying on the ground, clearly unconscious, was a much older version of Cole. He looked about eleven or ten. I knew it was him the moment I saw him. I felt a strangled sob cut into me like a knife._

_"Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Lilly continues to wail. I cry even more as I see what Cole is holding. In his now limp arms, he is cradling a crying baby. He is protecting the baby with his arms, and the expression on his face is worry. I lean over and press a kiss to his forehead. I sob and rock back and forth as I stroke the blond hair out of his head. _

_My son is dying! My God, my son is dying! _

_I cry even louder as I carefully move his arms back and pull the baby out of his arms. I know the moment the little baby is in my arms that it is my daughter. _

_"Hayley," Lilly wailed as she moved toward the baby, "Oh Eva Hayley Ryan! Tell your Mommy! Tell her how I tried to save Cole!! I tried! I tried!" _

_Lilly coughs up blood and I notice as she moves, a deep puddle of blood. I feel the blood drain from my face as I glance down at Lilly's side. It's bleeding profoundly and she's not paying any attention to it. All she cares about is Cole. I reach over and hold her. I know she's dying._

_"Lilly," I whispered as I stroke back her hair, "I know you tried. You did good. I am not mad at you, it is all okay. I promise. I love you and Cole does too. Just close your eyes, you'll be okay." _

_"Don't go left." She begs as she looks up at me,"Don't go left." _

_A sudden moan comes from where Cole is and I see him sitting up. I know he is dying still. He is just going to find his light. _

_"Cole," I whisper. He looks around and his eyes light up,_

_"Mommy!!" He pulls himself over to me by his arms and I notice that his right leg is barely hanging on. I fight the urge to scream and help him over. He sobs into my shoulder and says, _

_"It hurts, Mommy. It's hurts! Ow, make it stop hurting!" _

_My heart breaks as I kiss his head, "Don't worry, baby. It will stop soon. I love you." _

_"I love you too, Mommy. I stayed with Hayley, just like you told me too. Even when the man had a big knife. I didn't let them get her." He said through the pain.  
_

_I felt my whole body throb with the pain of knowing it was my fault my son was dying._

_"You did a great job, baby. You did a great job." _

_"I lost Daddy!" He wails suddenly, "He tried to get me out, but the man stopped him! Where is Daddy?!" _

_I fight the urge to scream again and stroke his hair, "You will see Daddy later. Just relax now, baby." _

_He nods and sniffles as he leans against me. Lilly is smiling as the light appears. Her side is better, and Cole's leg is fixed. _

_"Goodbye, Miley. Best friends forever?" _

_"Forever." I whisper through tears._

_"Bye-bye, Mommy. I'll be in good hands, tell Daddy I love him," Cole whispers as he takes Lilly's hand. _

_"I will, bye sweetheart."_

_"Don't go left." Lilly tells me again, "Please, for yourself and Hayley, don't go left no matter what." _

_I nod and say my goodbyes. As soon as they disappear, Hayley starts to cry._

_"It's okay," I whisper to the daughter I just met, "Sh, we are going to get out of this place." I stand up and carefully walk down the passage. _

_Soon, there is a turn to my left, my right, and the passage goes straight. I continue walking straight until I hear something._

_"Miley?! Miley is that you?" _

_My heart falls to my stomach as I turn around. Jake is standing just inside the left passage. He is chained to the wall and his hair was matted with blood. I gasped. _

_"Jake!" I scream as I almost run in. I stop. I wasn't supposed to go left. I can't go in here. _

_I hear someone laugh coldly from inside the passage. I turn sharply to see Luke standing in the corner of the left passage Jake was in. He was holding a jug of kerosene. _

_He smiles at me and waves. Then he casually takes the kerosene and pours it on the floor. After that he walks over to Jake and coldly pours the entire leftover kerosene in the jug on him. I scream and Hayley starts wailing. Then Luke meets my gaze. His eyes are cold as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a match. _

_My heart stops beating. _

_He lights it and holds it up in the air. _

_"NO!" I scream. _

_"You have two choices," He said, "You come in here, or you can watch me burn him alive. I bet you wouldn't like to hear his tortured screams as the flames murder him painfully would you?" _

_My lungs collapse. So I can either be murdered, or be a murderer. _

_So many people I cared about had told me not to go left no matter what. But I can not just let Jake be burned alive! _

_"Don't come in here." Jake says quickly,"Don't do it, Miles! Keep walking, everything will work out if you do!" _

_How could that be? I would be all alone except with a daughter I don't know! I would have killed Jake! _

_"You better make your decision fast." Luke says as he lets go of the match. I scream and set Hayley down on the floor and run into the left passage. I catch the match just before it hits the ground. I blow it out. Jake is crying now,_

_"No," He moans, "Why?! I told you to keep going!" _

_Luke laughs and roughly shoves me against the wall Jake was chained to. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't care that I was now covered in kerosene. _

_"Stupid girl," Luke said harshly as he stepped over me, "If you would have walked straight all of this would have been over. I would have disappeared and all your family and friends would have came back. But because you did this, you will all die." _

_He lit another match and laughed coldly before dropping it on Jake. It caught fire to him and the flames engulfed him and me. I could hear him screaming and it drove me into insanity. _

_I wasn't screaming. I couldn't feel it. But I could hear his tortured screams. I could hear Hayley crying over the wail. I tried to scream at her to crawl away, but I had no mouth. I was gone. Jake wasn't screaming anymore. _

I jerked awake. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would blow up. I was crying and screaming. Jake was holding me and rocking me back and forth. I opened my eyes and looked up into Jake's face. He was crying. Something I had never really seen before. I let out a strangled sob and I sat up wildly. I threw my arms around Jake and held him so tight that I made my arms numb.

"Jake, My God," I cried as I sobbed into his shoulder, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

He rocked me back and forth and didn't even ask why, "It's okay, babe. It's alright. I promise. Everything is okay now."

I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek. I looked into his eyes to make sure he was really here. I felt his heart beating and I calmed down a little. He stroked my hair and kissed me softly. Thank God it was just a dream.

Then I thought about the rest of the dream. I jumped out of his arms, "Cole!! Lilly, Oliver, my Dad, Jackson!! What happened to them?! Where are they?!" I jumped down and ran frantically up the stairs. I ran into Cole's room and saw him sleeping quietly in the cradle. I let out a sigh of relief and kissed his forehead. Jake came up behind me a few seconds later as I caressed Cole's little hand.

"Mile," He said slowly. I looked up at him, "what was your dream about?"

He looked almost scared to hear. "You were screaming louder then the other dreams..."

I closed my eyes and said softly, "There aren't other dreams. There is one other one. I used to have the same on over and over again. But this one was different."

I could see his outline in the darkness and he took my hand, "Do you want to talk about it?"

My heart was still beating fast. I felt myself nod in the dark. Jake pulled me out of Cole's room and led me down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

"You'll see." He replied. He walked into one of the guest bedroom's and opened the window. Then he let go of my hand and crawled out it and onto the roof.

"Come out here, I won't let you fall I promise." I nodded and crawled out beside him. It was cool outside and the moon was hanging high in the sky. Jake wrapped his arms around me and before he even asked, I started telling him my dream. I told him everything in detail, up until the part about him being in the left passage.

"So what happened then?" Jake asked after I told him about Cole and Lilly's passing. I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't want to tell him I had dreamed him being burnt alive!

"So I took Hayley and I walked down the hall. I saw the left passage up ahead and..."

I stopped. Jake wrapped an arm around me and said, "You can tell me anything."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I told him the rest of the dream. I kept my eyes down so I didn't have to see his reaction.

It was silent for a few seconds. I looked up at Jake and whispered,

"I'm not crazy, you don't think I'm crazy do you?"

He shook his head quickly and kissed me gently.

"We'll make these dreams stop, I promise."

It was quiet before I whispered softly,

"What if these dreams are a warning?"

"Like how?"

"What if they are," I stopped and started again, "showing me the future? It felt so real...I can't explain it!"

"I don't know," He whispered.

I didn't either. I wondered if I ever would.


	8. Interruptions

WARNING: if you aren't a teen, try not to have your parents breathing down your back during this chapter. But for the record, I did warn! It's rated T for teen stuff...lol

I have never been the jealous type.

I've always been laid-back, with a "every thing's peachy" attitude.

Well...maybe that's saying too much. I can get stubborn and irritated easily.

But I _most definitely _do not get jealous. Nope, that's not me.

Okay well maybe, just maybe, I do get jealous _sometimes. _Like right now. If you could color me a color, I'd be bright green. My fists are clenched, my jaw locked, and I feel angry as hell.

...Maybe I should back up a little.

I want to start this out by saying I did not suggest going. It was Jake's idea. He thought it would be good for us to relax a bit.

He thought it would be a peachy idea to pack up and go stay overnight at a known rendezvous place where artists go to relax.

Truthfully, it sounded like an absolutely wonderful idea. Even more so since the place in question was a beautiful resort that was known for it's beautiful hotels and spa's. And who doesn't like a good spa and a hotel who's nickname is the love hotel? No one.

So the whole idea to go to resort and relax basically came from that dang nightmare I had. After it, Jake made it his own business to stop them (which was sweet in a way) and went out and bought numerous books on dreams (even though he doesn't like to read). And I have to say, he looked incredibly sexy reading those large books. Basically one thing every book told him was that stress is a big factor with dreams. So he came to the conclusion that if I was stress-free before I went to sleep, I wouldn't have nightmares. _Normal people_ would just tell me to relax or let me spend a day by myself to catch up on things. But no, of course he has to go above and beyond and rent a room in the best resort in the west. His original plan was to spend the week there, but I bluntly refused to leave my baby that long.

Speaking of Cole, he was staying at my Dad's house. Alana wanted to keep him, but we figured it was in everyone's best intentions to let my Dad keep him. Even though I know he's in great hands, I can't help but feel a little selfish and irresponsible. I mean, he is my responsibility. I can't just up and leave him! Everyone insists I deserve a vacation because I'm, in Oliver's mature words, "A freakin' girl superman! You do anything...like sugar! Man, you can put sugar on ANY food and it gets along and tastes great! Its the superhero of food! And Lilly your like a lemon! Your so sour that some people claim they hate you, but eat you in secret because your sour and sweet flavor is so addictive that no one can resist it! But you can put lemon on a lot of things, and it adds the perfect flavor touch." Of course then Lilly said, "Your such a donut" so Oliver grinned and said, "You know, a donut is nothing without sugar, and lemon sure gives it a wonderful flavor." which earned him a slap in the arm from me and Lilly.

But I think he's the only one that thinks I deserve a break because of that. Everyone else just feels sorry for me. Which made this trip seem more and more like a pity trip.

Anyways, back to my jealousy...

We had just got off the elevator and were on our way to the room. Of course, it was taking twice as long because I was finding it hard to concentrate due to the fact that every time I would stop to check our key and the room number, Jake would wrap his arms around my waist and trail kisses down my neck and collarbone. And even walking is hard to do when he is doing that. Finally, after a million stops, I found the room. But unlocking the door proved to be almost impossible. After about seven minutes of fumbling with the key and trying to get him to back off long enough to stick the key in the door, I finally got it unlocked. Just as I was about to grab him by the collar, drag him in the room, and show him some _southern hospitality_ a high pitched scream wafts through the air. I look up in confusion and this blond thing comes hurdling toward us screaming, "Jakey!" at the top of her lungs. I won't lie, when I first saw her I thought it was an animal.

So she completely ignores me, and throws her scrawny little arms around Jake. He looks at me over her shoulder in a 'what the hell' kind of way. Heck, I'd been freaked out too if some random person was all over me. Of course, when she pulled away...she was no longer a random person. It was Holly something-or-another. The girl that had the toe fungus and had to have the really embarrassing talk with her Mom. Ha, she was in another commercial where she had to ask her Mom about Herpes...oh and another one where she had to ask for birth control pills!! Ha! In her face!

Of course, looking at her, the only one that felt embarrassed was me. She had grown up a lot since 8th grade. She was always more developed than me, and even though I had matured a lot since 8th grade...she still put me and Lilly to shame. We looked like failures as seventeen year olds. She had dyed her brown hair a golden blond that was really pretty.

Well, I could be blond if I wanted! I mean, Hannah is blond so technically I am half blond. So in her face!

And her brown eyes were dusted with silver glitter-eyeshadow that made them look really pretty. Not to mention her clothes didn't exactly hide her body. She put me with the Capri's and tank top to shame with her model body in a denim mini-skirt and halter.

Currently, she was twirling her hair and staring at Jake.

"Jakey, It's been soooo long!" She said in an flirty voice. I tried to hide a laugh at her pathetic attempts to get his attention. She heard me and snapped her head over to me. She gave me this look, it was a I'm-so-hotter-than-you-and-could-steal-your-man kind of look. Normally I would laugh at that but...I kinda did fear she would steal Jake.

"Oh look! It's the girl that went out with a ten year old! What, you finally scored someone your own age? What's your name again? Melinda? Mickey? Maria?"

I smiled my, as Lilly calls it, bitchy attitude smile and said, "Miley. Ho-ey right?"

She scowled and said, "It's _Hollie." _

I smiled in mock-innocence and said, "Of course. So, how's the Herpes knowledge going?"

She laughed rudely and said, "Wonderful. I'm sure you could help me out with it. I'm supposed to get a first hand account of it, do you want to volunteer to speak?"

I know she didn't.

"I would, but I don't want to steal the show from you. I think it's great that your coming in touch with your disease."

"Oh, _trust me_," She started as she inspected her nails, "You wouldn't steal the show from me."

"Your right, no one has it half as bad as you do. Guess you should have spent your free time volunteering at the pound instead." I replied.

"Well, well, well. Isn't it the pot calling the kettle black!" She exclaimed. Then she smiled and draped her arms around Jake's neck and leaned into him, "I'm kinda lonely...my room is three down. If you want to come down, I can show you things she never could..."

I felt anger course through me. Jake removed her arms from him and took a step away,

"No thanks, I'll pass."

She looked like she had gotten slapped. Which she really needed.

"But, whhyy?" She whined.

"Because," Jake said as he wrapped an arm around me, "I'm not lonely, and I don't like you. I love Miley." I felt a smile fit my face.

"And he doesn't want herpes." I muttered.

"Be nice." Jake whispered.

"Fine. But your making a big mistake."

"Oh well," Jake said as he shrugged, "I don't care. I'll see you later."

"B-bye," She whispered before bursting into tears and running off to her room.

"Wow," I whispered as I watched her run into the door (yes, she actually ran into the door), "someone got REALLY upset."

"How's the Herpes going?" Jake asked with humor, "that wasn't a very nice thing to ask her."

"So? She brought it on herself. And I'm just wondering why it is impossible for us to have a few moments together without someone interrupting us. I mean, even in the freakin' love hotel we get interrupted! It's a conspiracy I tell you! It has to be!"

"Maybe there was a section on the news telling everyone to bug us," Jake suggested as he wrapped his arm around my waist and took to kissing me again.

"Must have been." I muttered contently as he paused in kissing me and we walked into the room. It was really nice, but had like ten phones in it. ...the point of that? I turned and smiled at Jake. Before anyone had said anything, I pinned him to the wall.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" I asked. He smiled and teased,

"I'm pretty sure I remember...it was at a store right?"

I smirked and whispered, "Well I remember," with each word I brought my lips closer to his, "It was a Tuesday...you were wearing a really sexy shirt,"

He smirked to match me and said, "Really because wanting to rip my shirt off looked like the last thing on your mind that day."

"You walked around like you owned the place," My lips were close to brushing his at this point, "and you tried to tell me you weren't full of yourself."

"I did own the place," Jake whispered as he brought his lips closer to mine, "and I bet you don't remember the first words I said to you."

"I bet you don't remember the first words I said to you," I shot back as closed the space between us with a deep kiss. When we parted he said,

"You said "Jake, your such a hottie, I totally love you! Come make hot, passionate love to me!""

"I believe it went along the lines of "Hey, zombie slayer, hottie of the year, YOUR POINT?""

"I think your wrong, I'm pretty sure you said the other." he said.

I rolled my eyes and said, "There is no way I said that, I vividly remember telling you to back off plenty of times."

"Oh, then maybe you said it in one of my dreams back then. I had quite a few of those." He joked.

"Really? I had dreams about you too!" I exclaimed.

"Did yours involve whipped cream too?"

I looked at him oddly, "No, mine involved you standing on a building, declaring that you ruled the world. Then I climbed up behind you and shoved you off the building."

He winced, "Ow...obviously we weren't on the same page back then..."

"Who said anything about back then?" I asked.

He looked at me in surprise, "What?!"

I laughed and said, "I'm just kidding, I had those dreams 'back then'"

Silence fell over us for a few moments while we just stared into each other's eyes, as cheesy as it sounds.

"We have dinner reservations at six." Jake said, not breaking the stare.

"Oh! So that's why you made me pack that dress." I exclaimed. I don't think we had gone out to eat in a fancy restaurant during our whole relationship. Weird, seeing as though he is Jake Ryan and I'm Hannah Montana. But I guess we didn't really care about all that classy stuff. Well, we used to. There is something about being chased by a murderer that can put your life in perspective.

I pulled out my cell phone and checked the time.

"It's three twenty-six." I said before sticking it back in my pocket, "We have about an hour before we need to get ready. Hmm, what do you want to do?"

"I could think of a few things," He muttered as he brought his lips down and kissed me tenderly on the neck.

"I could too." I muttered as my thoughts were paused and all I could focus on was his lips on my skin. I let out a soft moan as he sucked on the skin between my neck and collarbone. I felt him smirk against my skin and I gently took his face in my hands and moved it up to my level. I pressed my lips against his and he placed his hands on my face. Just as the kiss deepened and things were getting hot, my cell phone goes off.

I ignore it at first then whoever it was called again. I ignored it still. On the fifth call, I pulled away.

"Damn it." I cursed as I pulled out my cell phone. It was Alana. Why was she calling?!

"I told them not to call unless someone was dying." Jake said darkly. We were both pretty darn sick of getting bothered. I sighed and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked as I sat down on the bed.

"Miley! How's the vacation going?" She exclaimed. I stared darkly at the wall as I replied,

"Oh, well, it _was_ good." I put emphasis on 'was'.

"That's lovely!" She said.

I resisted the urge to scream at her and said, "Yep. Is there any certain reason you called?"

"Nope! Just to call and see how things were going."

"Wonderful, well, if that's all then I'll--

"Are you going to go anywhere to eat?"

"Yes, at six, so I guess I better go and get--

"The food there is absolutely wonderful! Make sure to get the chocolate pie."

"Okay, I will. Uh, I have to go--

"The people are just so nice there."

"Uh, yea I guess. Listen, I gotta--

"Is Jake there? I want to speak to him."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Sure, here ya go."

I handed Jake the phone and said, "I'll pray for you."

He cautiously brought the phone to his ear, "Hello?"

I heard Alana talking a mile a minute and I rolled my eyes.

"Yea...uh huh...look Mom, of course..-" he got cut off by her. He waited then said, "Mom, someone is on the other line! It's, hold on," He pulled the phone away from his ear, "It's Lilly...but...okay..."

I waited like three minutes then Jake's phone started ringing. He handed it to me, already knowing it was Lilly.

"Hel-

"MILEY!! OHMIGOODNESS!" Lilly screamed into the phone. I held it away from my head.

"Lilly! OHMIGOODNESS, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING!?" I yelled into the phone.

"You will NEVER believe who just asked me out to dinner tonight!!! Come on, guess!!"

I rolled my eyes, "Surprise me."

"Okay, are you ready for this, JESSE!!"

"I know Lilly, remember that little fight we got in over it...?"

"No a SECOND date and I made it clear on the first date that I don't give!! And he STILL asked me out again! In your face!!"

"Really? That's great Lilly! Where are you guys going to eat?"

"Jedediah's at six!!" She exclaimed.

"Wow, that's a really nice place!! Wait a minute...shouldn't you be getting ready?!"

"Well It's not like I have a best friend to help me get ready!"

A sudden idea crossed my mind as I heard Alana talking even faster, "Why don't you go over to Alana's. I'm sure she would love to help you get ready."

Jake smirked at me and we high-fived.

"That sounds like a good idea! Thanks Miley! I'll call you back after--

"NO!" I screamed, rather loudly, "I mean, save the story for when we can talk in person! A great story like that deserves at least that!"

"Your right! Well, I'll talk to you then."

"Right, bye Lils!" I exclaimed as I shut the phone.

"Of course, Mom! I've known how to put out a fire since...forever!! No Mom, yes Mom, Okay Mom, but Mom--"

I sighed and Jake mouthed "help me!"

I reached over and took my phone from his hand and held it out at arms length and screamed, "Ow! My arm! Those stupid scissors!"

Jake played along, "Oh, wow, look at all that blood!!"

"Ew, it's gushing out! Oh my gosh, I feel lightheaded!"

Jake brought my phone to his ear and said, "Mom! I'll call you back later, we have a blood bath here!"

Then he pressed 'end'. I smiled and said,

"Another day, another avoidance."

"You know, one day we just have to tell her that she talks WAY to much." Jake said. I smirked and kissed him before saying,

"You do know you get it from her right? And you have your Dad's ego."

"Which means Cole will have MY ego! And your big mouth."

"Hey! Leave my big mouth out of this!" I joked, "You know, I didn't talk for a WHOLE week one time...hardest thing ever!"

"I'm sure it was." He replied, "I couldn't imagine not talking for a day!"

"You couldn't not talk for thirty minutes!"

"I could so!"

"Okay then. No taking for thirty minutes."

"Fine!" He said as he fell silent. I stood up and walked to the door. I heard him almost ask where I was going, but he settled with banging his hand against the wall to get my attention.

"Yes?" I asked innocently.

His mouth formed the words '_where are you going?' _

"Oh, I was just going to go see Orlando, he's in room 234. In fact, I think Zac Efron is there too...it's kind of a party."

He was already about to break. He stood up and dug through the drawers until he pulled out a pad of paper and a pen. He quickly scribbled down something and handed me the paper.

_That's not funny._

"I don't know, I thought it was pretty funny."

_that's because you have a sick sense of humor._

"Hey Jake, what is your favorite color?"

He was holding his mouth shut now. He couldn't resist a question about himself (egomaniac).

_You're a cheater._

"I never went to Orlando's room!"

_No! I mean, you are purposely trying to get me to talk._

"Ah, but my dear Jake, it's not a fun game if you don't twist the rules a bit."

_cheater, cheater pumpkin eater_

"In a few minutes we need to get ready to eat."

_fine, but I'm still gonna win this bet._

"What are we betting?" I asked, not aware of the stakes. He thought for a moment before bringing the pen down on the paper. It was silent for a few moments before he handed it to me.

_If I win, you have to sing me all the songs that are going to be on your new CD (even the ones not recorded)...and...you have to stay here an extra two days with me._

My eyes trailed over the words and I said, "If I win?" He wrote something else than handed it to me,

_You decide that. _

A sly smile crossed my face, "Okay. If I win, you have to invite Jesse, Orlando, and Zac over for dinner. And get along with them. And...," I paused as I tried to think, "...on our first anniversary I get to chose where we go."

_deal. Ha, I'm gonna win. Eleven minutes is already up. _

"We'll see about that." I replied as I sat down in a chair. I wanted him to lose, but not for the reason's of winning. I didn't like not hearing his voice.

He grabbed my hand, pulled me out of the chair, and sat down in it. Then he pulled me down on his lap.

"I love you." I whispered as I kissed him. He smiled and pointed at himself, drew an imaginary heart in the air, and pointed at me. I laughed and kissed him again.

"You know," I whispered to him, not sure why I was whispering, "you have made me happier than I could even imagine. I may not tell you a lot, but I love you so much words can't describe."

He smiled at me and reached for the paper. I reached out and grabbed it and handed it to him. I watched him intently as he wrote on the paper. A few minutes later, he handed the paper to me.

_I may not say it enough either, but you mean more to me than anything. I love you, that's why I've been so pushy about you going to see that shrink. I want you to be happy, you don't deserve those nightmares. It hurts me to see you hurt, It makes me cry to see you cry, and it makes me smile to see you happy. _

I smiled at him and kissed him before saying, "You're a hopeless romantic." He just smiled and shrugged before kissing me again. I glanced at my cell phone and saw it was already almost five. I gasped. Jake looked at me questionably. I pointed at the clock and said,

"I've got to get ready! I'm going to take a shower." I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. On second thought I turned around and said with a sly smile, "You coming?"

He glanced at the cell phone and said, "Is that even a question? And I won!"

"Yea, yea. Hurry up zombie slayer, I don't got all day."

-----------------

"So where are we going to eat?" I asked Jake as I opened my suitcase and pulled out my dress.

"You'll see." He said as he turned the radio on. Because You Loved Me was playing through the speakers and we smiled at each other.

"May I have this dance?" He asked in a very horrible English accent. I laughed and took his offered hand. He wrapped his arms around me and I followed in suit, swaying to the music.

I know we must of looked like idiots, dancing with towels on and wet hair, but it didn't feel idiotic.

Of course, that's what every insane person would say. Ah, if only the moment would last.

A/n: Well I start this off with saying, thanks for the reviews!! I love them, they keep me updating!! This chapter took me a while and I won't be able to update until sometime after tuesday because I'm leaving for NYC tomorrow and I won't have a chance to write while I'm there. We get back late Sunday (AFTER THE ACHY JAKEY HEART EPPY!! I'M GONNA MISS IT!!!) Also, if anyone knows where I can download that episode please tell me, I'm not sure when they are going to air both part one and part two together again. Ughhh...i can't believe I'm going to miss it!! Anyways, please review and I'll work 300000000000x as hard to update!


	9. Lilly The Rebel

**A/n: here's the next chapter, FINALLY. Sorry for the wait! Anyways, If you want to see the dress Miley wears in this chapter so you can get a clearer picture, its in my profile with the other links!**

**SexyBack: Thank you! Here's the update!**

**daisy617: I'm sorry, lol. Did you ever get to see the Achy Jakey Heart episodes? My sister taped them for me. I didn't like them much, but that's just my opinion. lol**

**RAVargy: I wish they would let Cody Linley stay on as a regular!! I don't think they are...but with the way that episode ended you never know. Omg I hate Holly too, that's why I had to stick her in here. For the what, three minutes, of air time on the show she got on my nerves! Hm, and about the baby thing...who knows. In the dream it was 10 yrs but I haven't exactly decided if it'll be that long in the story but I think right now the characters need to settle down and try to balance out everything. After that, who knows what might happen in the baby department:)**

**Anon.: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!**

**ForbiddenxMelody: Thanks :)**

**girliexpixie: Thank-you, glad you liked it! I was able to get my sister to tape it so I was able to see it!**

**RIP GG and VM: Sorry the update wasn't very soon...lol. But it's here now so I hope you like it! Thanks for the review!**

**Oliver-Love: lol again, I'm sorry the update wasn't very soon...I tried...but the new Achy Jakey Heart eppy just made it really hard for me. I don't know why...I guess It's because the characters are so different from mine...and the fact that I spend an almost full 24 hrs freaking out over the fact that in MLNFM in the wedding scene his name is Jacob Cody Ryan when we found out in the episode it's Leslie...I've finally gotten over it though. lol thanks for the review!**

** He Breaks My Heart Everytime: Here ya go, an update :)**

**nysunsetangel: yep, and we were both there! lol **

**Southern-gurl94: Glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing!**

**AlyN'AjRule14: Thank you! I'm glad you like them! **

**Actress2b: Hope you like this update!**

**speedsONEandONLY: I know, I would be majorly ticked if people kept bothering me like that! Thanks for the review!**

**Why should I say?: Thanks! Yes, I'm dying to see When You Wish You Were The Star!! I can't believe they are showing previews a month early, it's like they are mocking us and flaunting it in our faces like HAHA you can't see this awesome episode until over a month! Disney is evil. **

** RaspberryxRipples: Sorry the wait was so long, I tried! Aw thanks! I'm glad you like it enough to do that!**

**Uhm...: Well I try, lol :)**

**Dreamz-shine-4eveR-: 2 season hasn't started there?! That sucks! **

**princesscatie21: Thanks, lol that's okay!! I hope you like this update!**

**mmvok: I feel bad about the long wait, I hope you like the update anyway!**

**M.L.Potter: lol I get the ideas from my strange mind ((or that's what my sister tells me)) lol. If your really stuck on yours, it really helps me to write out the plot...it might help you if you want to try it. **

** JileyLovex3: Your so sweet. Thank-you!**

**xJiley4evax: I hated the ending too! I loved most the Jiley part in the eppy, ((some were so fluffy it gave me a toothache lol) but the ending sucked. They didn't even tell us if Jake was staying or going or anything!! He'll probably just disappear like the mom on That's So Raven.**

**Hm Fan 4eva:): Thanks! I wasn't sure where to email you so I'll just tell you here:). It's really simple, all they need is an email, penname, and password. I would definitley suggest signing up because that way you can connect with author/other readers.**

**OhSoCaliXoX: Thanks, here it is! btw, I love your penname! It's so cute!**

**fictiongirl101: They will be in some this chapter but more next chapter.**

**Phew! That's all! If I spelled your name wrong, I apologize! Without further ado, here's the chapter!!**

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
**

"Are we there yet?"

I rolled my eyes and hit myself in the forehead. I sighed deeply and repeated the sentence I had said for the last hour,

"No, Jake, we are _not there yet_."

"Oh, okay." He said.

About two minutes past before he said,

"What about now?"

The taxi driver groaned and said, "Look, Jake Ryan, we are ten minutes away! I'll let you know when we get there!"

"Fine! You don't have to get rude about it!" Jake exclaimed as he slumped against the seat and leaned his head against the window. I reached over and patted his arm,

"Don't worry, we will be there soon enough."

He sighed for the millionth time and said, "If Jedidiah's wasn't the best food in the west we wouldn't be going...it's so far!"

Hm, Jedidiah's...where had I heard that before?

"Aw, poor Jakey. He has to ride in a taxi for a few minutes. Whatever will we do?" He glared at me and frowned again. I really didn't see why this ride was so unbearable for him. The taxi driver didn't have bad BO or anything! He wasn't _that _ rude!

"I'm bored." Jake whined. I began to wonder if Jake was transformed into a five year old!

"Well you are eighteen, get over it and twiddle your toes!" I snapped as I rubbed my temples. He sighed _again _and started humming. This went on for about six minutes before the taxi driver slammed on his brakes and screamed,

"Here we are! Get out!" I threw the money over the seat and Jake grinned,

"We are here now!"

"Yes, now get out." I replied as I pushed him. He climbed out and helped me out before shutting the taxi door. When I looked up, I saw a small, ugly white building. It had a big picture of an ugly bird on it that said 'Jedidiah's' underneath it.

"Wow, it's...um...smaller than I expected." I muttered as I smoothed out my dress. I was wearing a white Maria Bianca Nero silk chiffon eyelet dress. My shoes were gold high heels, so the idea of standing wasn't appealing to me.

"That's not the restaurant, silly." Jake said as he took my hand and pulled me behind the building. Tied to a dock, was a cruise ship. On the side it read 'Jedidiah's'.

"Aw! It's a twilight boat dinner!" I exclaimed. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me before saying,

"Only the best for you."

I smiled and said, "I can tell this is going to be worth getting dressed up for."

"Of course it will be, this place has wonderful food!" He said, then winked at me, "And for the record, the dress looks hot on you."

"You don't look to shabby yourself," I laughed as I pulled at his tux.

"I would make a trash bag look sexy." He said. I rolled my eyes,

"Just keep thinking that."

"I will."

"I know you will."

"Yes! I am SERIOUS! I've never been on a boat before," A voice said as they came up from the other side of the building to the little area we were standing at, "Aw, Jesse, you are so sweet!"

Suddenly, I remembered where I had heard the name of this place. This is where Lilly and Jesse are eating! Dang it!

"It's so nice you drove me all the way out here! Your the greatest!" A voice I recognized as Lilly's called.

"I know, I've always been." Jesse said.

"Wow, Jake," I muttered, "he puts your ego to shame!"

Jake scoffed and said, "Well I bet I can get my ego bigger than his! Geez, it's ALWAYS a competition with him!"

As I heard their voices getting closer, Jake grabbed my arm and pulled me behind a large sign that had Jedidiah's written on it.

"There are not going to ruin our night!" He exclaimed darkly. I rolled my eyes and said,

"Can you see them?"

"Why?"

"I wanna know what Lilly is wearing!" I exclaimed eagerly. I peeked around the sign.

What I saw surprised me. She wasn't dressed up like she was supposed to be...she was wearing jeans and a halter. I looked back at Jake in confusion,

"She isn't dressed up or anything! I thought this was a fancy restaurant?"

"It is," Jake said to me. Then he thought for a minute and said, more to himself than me, "Wait, he can't take her there!"

He looked over to peek at them with anger emitting from him.

"What?" I whisper-screamed.

He ran a hand through his hair and said, "Nothing there is just three parts to the ship. The deck and first floor which is the fine dinning area...but the lower area of the ship is a big party."

I raised my eyebrows so high they disappeared, "What kind of party?!"

"Oh, look, everyone's boarding the ship!" Jake exclaimed in a voice that clearly stated he was finished talking about it. I sighed and followed him into the crowd as we made our way down the dock to the ship. On the way walking, someone knocked in to me and sent me falling over the side of the dock and into the water. Okay well I didn't fall into the water because Jake caught me just in time. Once I got over the shock and was placed back on my feet, I turned to look at who knocked me over. The person was wearing dark sunglasses hiding his face and a baseball cap.

"_Oliver?!_?" I exclaimed in disbelief. He jumped at the sound of his name and said,

"Sh!! Come here!" He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back against ship. _What in the world is he doing? _

"Oliver, wh-

I was cut of as he started talking, "_He is the biggest jerk alive._" Oliver spat.

"Who," I asked in confusion, "and will you please let me go?!"

"Jesse she's-no-you stupid McCartney!" Oliver cried in fury. I squirmed underneath his hard grip and exclaimed,

"Oliver_! Let me go_!"

He looked down and realized he still had be pinned before blushing and saying, "Oh, sorry about that."

I glared at him as he let me go and I moved away from him slightly. We were too close for comfort. I smoothed my dress and said,

"Uhm, should I be concerned about what just happened?" A voice called from behind Oliver. Jake was glaring at Oliver. I walked over there and said,

"No, Oliver just had some anger issues and got carried away."

"JESSE NEEDS TO GET THE ABNORMALLY LARGE AND LONG STICK OUT FROM UP HIS ARSE!!!" Oliver bellowed. Jake raised his eyebrows,

"Wow, my brother! I saw we form a cult! A I-hate-Jesse-McCartney-lets-kill-him-because-he-tries/succeeds-in-stealing-our-women cult!!

"Wait, I never said I hated Jesse for taking out Lilly!" Oliver exclaimed.

I snorted, "Oliver, you show up at the place Lilly is going on a date, disguised and pissed at Jesse, and you expect us to think anything else?"

"Well...I-she-you-he-it...I...uh...just leave me alone!" He exclaimed before crossing his arms. I laughed quietly and said,

"Look, Oliver, don't worry. You don't have to stay here to stalk them. We, as in me and Jake, will be here and look out for her. Jesse might actually like her! So go home, lay down, and relax. Okay?" I said, as if I was talking to a mentally retarded kid in preschool.

"I'm not leaving," He said stubbornly, then noticed a waiter walking by with a plate of food. A smile crossed his face, "but I think I will stay up here and eat!" He walked off after the waiter and I laughed and shook my head as I took Jake's offered hand,

"Man, Lilly and Oliver. Who would've thought it?"

"Well I mean, they HAVE been friends for a long time right? I think they could have some charisma." He replied. I raised my eyebrows,

"Charisma? Aw, you said a _big word_!" I squealed as I pinched his cheek like my Aunt Pearl always did to me.

He grinned and said, "Well 'I'm a big kid now'!"

Jake seemed to know where we were going, because I knew I didn't. Soon, we were on the right side of the boat. The water was rocking back and forth underneath our feet and the moon was shinning down on the water.

"Ah, Mr. Ryan! You made the reservation!" A voice with a obviously fake French accent exclaimed. We turned around to see a man in a tux standing there holding some menu's. I smiled politely at him and he said,

"Miss Miley I presume?" I nodded and choked back a laugh. He took my hand and kissed it. I fought back a blush and laugh.

"This way mademoiselle," he said to me as he led Jake and I to the rear of the boat where table's were set up with white table cloths, a single red rose in a vase, and two lit candles. It looked like something out of a cheesy love movie.

"Your table," He said motioning for us to sit down. He even pulled the chair out for me!, "Here are your menu's, I will come back to take your drink order's in a few minutes."

We nodded and he walked off. I raised my eyebrows and looked at the menu as I commented,

"What an accent."

"What a fake accent." Jake snorted. I couldn't pronounce one of the drinks on the menu. Or the food.

"Uh, Jake, what in the world are these drinks?" I asked. He put on a even worse French accent and said,

"Ah, my dear, you want the le citron presse."

I raised my eyebrows.

"That's the lemonade. All the rest are alcoholic. So your choices are lemonade, water, or coffee, or tea."

I was about to reply when I felt someone tug at a piece of my hair. I spun around to see Jesse standing behind my chair with a smile on his face. He was playing with my hair and I quickly pulled it away and over my shoulder. Lilly was standing beside him with a big smile on her face.

"Well, well, well. Look who's here! The Ryan clan!" He exclaimed as he leaned against the back of my chair, causing him to be uncomfortably close to me. I got out of the chair and walked over to Lilly. She was smiling and I hugged her.

"Lilly! You look so cute! I love your hair!" I exclaimed.

"Look who's talking, you look like you just walked off a runway."

I laughed and replied with, "Well, I'm sure this dress cost as much as the dresses on a runway."

"So...how has your relaxing day been so far?" She asked. I shrugged and said,

"Pretty good so far," would have been better if we wouldn't have kept getting interrupted, "How's your date been?"

"Well," she shot a look in Jesse's direction and she lowered her voice, "pretty good, but he's taking me to a big party...we haven't gone down there yet but it sounds like a lot of people!"

Suddenly I wished Oliver had taken her here instead of Jesse. She would be safe with him.

"Well that's sounds...fun. Just...don't do anything I wouldn't do," I re-thought that, "on second thought, think to yourself 'what would Jesus do?'"

She smiled and said, "I always do!"

"Well I guess we better get back down to the party!" Jesse exclaimed louder than necessary,

"Great." Jake said through clenched teeth.

"Bye, Jake." He said then he turned to me, "Goodbye, Miley."

He hugged me tighter than needed and I pulled away almost instantly.

"Uh, yea, goodbye. See ya Lilly."

"Bye Miles!" She exclaimed. I sat back down in my chair and Jake was staring after Jesse and stabbing the table with his knife.

"Jake," I said as I grabbed his hand, "let's not take your anger out on the poor table."

"He's such a..." He searched for a mean enough word, "pimp!"

I laughed, "He didn't do anything that bad."

"Sure," Jake said darkly, "Except feel you up and check you out."

"He didn't feel me up!"

"If you would have stayed there for a few more moments he would have." He muttered. I sighed,

"Don't worry about him, Jake. He doesn't, and never did, have a chance with me. And he knows it, he just does it because it makes you mad."

"No, he does it because he thinks you're hot."

I rolled my eyes, "Well whatever reason, he's just some stupid guy that doesn't mean a thing to me."

"And I do?" He asked in a curious voice. I stared at him like he was insane,

"If you don't know that by now, I think your insane."

He grinned and said, "Yea, well, I did know it but it never hurts to hear it."

"What? And give another boost to your ego? Don't think so!"

"I'm just glad Lilly seemed alert today. I wouldn't have been very happy about her going to that party if she wasn't."

"Why?!" I asked.

"Well...It's a rather...rough and wild party."

"As in how?" I asked with my eyes narrowed. He shifted in his seat and said,

"As in blinding lights, horrendously loud music, shady characters, people making out on the floor, alcohol served without an ID..." He trailed off. My eyes widened and I said slowly,

"Are you serious?"

He nodded. I jumped up.

"We can not let her go down there with him! Lilly is like a little puppy! She trusts people too easy! And I think..." I stopped and started again, "I think she _really_ likes Jesse...if you get what I mean."

"So? Let her do what she wants. She is your age, you know. If you try to tell her not to she's just going to call you a hypocrite."

"I know but...this can only turn out negatively." I said as I kept my eyes down casted on the menu. I was too worried to eat now. Jake reached across the table and took my hand,

"If your that worried about her, I'll take you down there and let you talk to her."

I sighed in relief, "Okay...can we just go down there and peek and see what's going on?"

"Deal," He said before stopping a waiter, "We'll be right back, order whatever drinks you recommend for us."

The waiter nodded and Jake slipped him some money. I rolled my eyes and he took my hand and we walked to the front of the boat. There was a staircase that led down. We walked down and I let go of Jake's hand so I could walk down in my heels more carefully. Finally, after a million steps it seemed, we made it to a hallway.

I knew we were there even before we had turned the corner to the room.

The smell of alcohol was strong in the air, along with the heavy odor of smoke. I coughed. The hallway was kind of dark. Trash littered the corner's of the hallway, and there were rooms along it. I was afraid to even wonder what was going on behind those doors. The music was ridiculously loud and made the floor and walls throb. I screamed out in surprise as a hand clasped around my wrist. I turned to look at a clearly drunk man.

"Heey, baby..." he slurred, his eyes dis-focused and the smell of his breath unbearable. I grimaced and Jake shoved him away from me and into the wall. Without saying another word, he protectively took my hand again. His face was set in a grim scowl. He didn't like it here, I could tell. His eyes were nervously looking around as we walked into the party room.

It was more packed than a Hannah Montana concert, and that's saying something. And instead of innocent ten years olds, it was full of drunk, high, or just plain odd people.

"Why would Jesse come here?!" I whispered loudly in Jake's ear so he could hear me. He replied with,

"A lot of stars come here, it's supposed to be the hottest party around."

"I never came here." I pointed out.

He grimaced as a guy passed out beside us and said, "Some were lucky enough not to hear about it."

Buy You A Drank was playing through the speakers. I wondered how the drunks managed to stay upright and not barfing with the rocking motion of the boat.

"There's Lilly!" Jake exclaimed in my ear. I turned to look where he was pointing. She was sitting at a bar with Jesse, laughing and talking.

"What is she drinking?" I asked suspiciously. Jake shrugged. I slipped my hand out of his and charged over there.

"MILEY! YOU COME BACK RIGHT NOW!" Jake screamed in a panicked voice. I stopped walking and turned around but I couldn't see him. The crowd of people were unbearable. They pressed against me from every angle and I had to shove to get by. I was scared. It was either go bug Lilly, stay here by myself, or go try and find Jake. I didn't know what to do. Guys were giving me uncomfortable looks and I was getting creeped out.

"Hey! You look a little dressed up for the party, doncha think?" A voice asked me as they tugged at the strap of my dress. I looked up at the unfamiliar face and said,

"Uh, yea. I am just looking for someone." I swatted their hand away and charged through the crowd with new urgency. I finally fought through the crowd and came up behind Lilly. I tapped her on the shoulder...

"Miley! What are you doing down here?!" She screamed over the music. I could smell the pungent smell of alcohol from her drink. I glared at her and said,

"LILLY! What do you think you're doing?!"

She looked at me oddly, "What do you mean?" I pointed at her drink.

"I'm just partying! Geez, chill out!" Lilly exclaimed.

"No, you chill out! Come on, we are leaving." I said as I grabbed her arm. She jerked out of my grip and sneered,

"Excuse me? You are not my mother! I am staying here!"

I glared at Jesse and placed my hands on my hips, "What are you aiming at boy? Lilly is my best friend, if you hurt her I'll break your neck!"

"I'm not going to do anything she doesn't want me to."

I glared at them both again. I felt someone knock into me. I turned around with fury in my eyes. I was pissed.

"Heey," Some guys slurred. I sighed and shoved him away from me. I turned back to Lilly,

"Don't do this Lilly."

She just glared at me and swallowed her drink in one swig, "Fill it up, Jesse."

I groaned. Does she always have to be the rebel?!

"Lilly, come on," I exclaimed.

"No! You come on! I'm sick of you treating me like a little girl! I'm older than you!!" She screamed.

I shifted closer to her and away from the people giving me looks.

"Okay Lilly, I'm sorry! Let's just go!" I exclaimed.

"NO! YOU go!" She yelled in my face. I flinched. Jesse was smiling like a cat that just caught his mouse. I shuddered.

"Lillian," I said, causing her to glare, "I am not leaving until you come with me!"

"Well than I guess your not leaving because I'm not going anywhere!"

"What do I have to do to get you to come?!" I screamed. I felt a hand take mine and I jumped in fright. I turned around to see Jake glaring at me,

"Do you WANT some strange person to kidnap you?!"

I shook my head and whispered, "I'm sorry. But Lilly won't come."

He moved through the crowd and said, "Lilly, come on, come with us."

"Not you too!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, me too, now let's go." He said, taking her arm. She jerked away from him,

"No! You guys just leave now!"

I felt ready to cry, "Lilly! Please come now! I'm begging you!"

Jesse put his arm around her and whispered something in her ear,

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Leave me alone." She said as she glared at me.

What am I going to do? Just let her stay down here?! I can't, she's my best friends! Best friends don't let other best friends drink! I can't just watch her hurt herself! If only Jackson was here...

A sudden idea hit me. Jackson may not be here...but someone else was...


	10. Jackson, the Babysitter

JACKSON'S POV:

If I hear crying one more time, this is what I'm gonna do.

First, I'm going to find the largest, heaviest frying pan in the whole house. Next, I will stick it on the burner so it's niiice and hot. Then I will repeatedly beat myself over the head with it until my ability to hear is diminished. After that, I will reheat the frying pan and stab holes through it. Moreover, I will stick nails into the holes. Finally, I will hunt down the two responsible for that child and beat them with the nail-filled frying pan.

Then, maybe, I'll be able to sleep.

"Oh, what's wrong with the baby? If he sleepy? Is he a sleepy baby?" Dad exclaimed to Cole.

There is nothing more disturbing than hearing my Dad talk in a baby voice. Consequently, I felt sick to my stomach.

Cole smiled with tears still shinning in his eyes from his last tearful spaz attack. I swear, I've never heard that baby cry this much when he was with Miley! Although, when he got upset, all she had to do was sing and he shut-up.

Well she's Hannah Montana so how is that fair to me?! I don't have a way to get the kid to shut-up!

"Aw, your just the cutest thing! Can you say 'Pappy'? Come on, you can do it!"

I rolled my eyes. The baby wasn't even old enough to laugh and dad was trying to get it to talk. Figures.

The baby just smiled in response.

"Coley poley was a very rolly boy...he smiled all the time, and even at his pappy's rhyme!" Dad sang to Cole. I gagged.

I swear, I think I just threw up in the back of my throat...

Suddenly, Dad's cell phone goes off. He kisses Cole before answering it. I scowl as I finish chewing my sandwich.

"What? No- but- okay- can we just talk about this?! She's not ready! I know she's been on leave for over a year...you can't just drop her like that! You know the circumstances! END OF THE WEEK!? Look, come on, have a heart! Ugh! Now? But I can't, I'm babysitting. But...well...fine." He snapped the phone shut with a huff. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Record company says they are going to drop Hannah if she doesn't have her CD done by Thursday, and have herself ready to preform Friday." He said as he glared at the phone as if it was it's fault.

It was Monday, so I wasn't sure who they thought my sister was. She's not superwoman! She still had to record two more songs! And the poor kid couldn't remember her older songs! The recording company wanted a big blow out show...four songs from everyone of Hannah's albums...then her WHOLE new one.

Did they just want my sister to lose her voice?

Suddenly, before I know what's happening, Dad is setting Cole in my arms.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this for?" I screamed through my sandwich, pointing at my nephew.

"You gotta watch him until I get back from the recording company."

"Dad! I'm not a baby person! I can't take care of this...!!" I exclaimed, motioning to the screaming baby.

"Just make weird faces at him, he loves it."

"Oh, so _that's _why he likes Miley!"

"Ten dollars an hour."

"One-hundred an hour." I said stubbornly. Dad scowls,

"No! I'll just take him with me!"

"Fifty an hour."

"No."

"Twenty."

"Fifteen is my final offer." He says. I frown.

"Fine. But for an extra twenty I'll sing the kid a lullaby!"

"No thanks, I'll spare him the pain." Dad smiles before grabbing his jacket, keys, and mustache. Once he's gone, I stare fearfully down at the kid.

"Between you and me, I hate the name Cole." I said to him.

He stared up at me.

"So I'm calling you Little Bubi."

He blinked.

"Ya know, like Buddy and Bubba mixed?"

No reply.

"Tough crowd...so..." I muttered, "what do you do for fun? Your, what, a month old or something? Do you eat solid food?" I picked up my sandwich and held it to his face. He reached up and touched it and made baby noises.

"Obviously not. Uh, do you like to play catch?"

He made a cute baby gurgle noise...NO!! Cute? Who wrote that! I swear, when I find the person who made me think that I'll hurt them!! Trying to make me look like a pansy...hmph.

"Do you do...anything?"

More adorable noises...No! I will not turn into Lilly with her baby cooing!

I sighed and cradled his small body. He looked up at me with bright blue eyes...hm, those are Miley's eyes. I can see it. Oh, and he has her nose! It's a good thing the kid looks more like Miley than the other creator..

His bottom lip quivered before he starting crying. I frantically grabbed the small bottle that was two thirds full of baby formula and stuck it in his mouth. The crying ceased and he shut his eyes while he drank.

Hm, I wonder how that tastes? I pulled the bottle away and tasted it.

Ew. No wonder the poor baby is crying! This stuff tastes like shit! I stuck it back into his mouth and he looked content again.

Suddenly, the phone went off. I set the baby down quickly and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Um...does Miley Stewart live here?"

"Well...yes and no."

"Meaning?"

"She doesn't live here but she's my sister...and well...her name isn't Miley Stewart anymore but still!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, well, can you tell her to call Ashley Tisdale the next time you talk to her?"

My throat closed up. ASHLEY TISDALE WAS ON THE PHONE!!!! It's time to release my great wooing powers!!!

"I would, for a price." I said in my Jacksonator voice.

"Meaning?" She said that a lot.

"Hm, a date sounds good. Maybe Sunday...me and you, movie and dinner?"

"Umm...who is this again?"

I rolled my eyes. Silly, silly girl.

"This is Jackson Stewart."

"Oh! You are the one that used your sister for fame!!"

I rolled my eyes, "Sure, but I'm also known for being a sexy beach god!"

She snorted, "Really? Well, mister beach god, I think movie and dinner sounds pretty good. I'll call you."

Score! "Alright, I'll tell my sister to call you. See you later, baby."

She laughed, "Bye, Jackson."

I shut my phone and did a happy dance.

I MEAN, a very MANLY series of jumps. I turned around to pick up the baby again...

Wait, where did I put him again? I set him down...but where?

Oh my God. I lost my sister's newborn baby. Man, this is going to hurt me at Christmas big time!!

Suddenly, the phone rang again. I jumped for the receiver,

**MILEY'S POV:**

"OLIVER!" I screamed as I grabbed his arm. He was stuffing food I'm willing to bet all my millions of dollars on that he didn't know the name of down his throat.

"Wha?" He called with his mouth full.

"Lilly is down in the WILD party, downing alcoholic drinks with Jesse!"

The poor boy's eyes widened and he choked on all his food. He was up and running out of the room before I could blink. He was really hung up on Lilly, too bad she didn't feel the same way.

I followed him down to the party and fought my way through the HORRIBLE crowd. People were laughing, yelling, drinking and falling all over the place just like a few minutes ago. It was disgusting. I saw Jake standing by Jesse and threatening him about something. Oliver was beside Lilly and whispering to her. Her eyes were downcast and she looked guilty and sad. As he continues whispering to her, a smile broke out on her face and she muttered something to Jesse and stood up.

Then, she walked out of the party with Oliver. What the freak?! Now that's just wrong. I spent so much longer trying to get her out than him and he already had her smiling and away from Jesse. Jake came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Let's get out of here," He muttered as he flicked some guy off that was looking at me. I laughed lightly and kissed him.

We shoved our way through the crowd and climbed up the stairs to the respectable areas. Our drinks and food were sitting at our table.

"I took the liberty of ordering the best foods for you," The waiter said as he saw us. I smiled and thanked him. Lilly and Oliver were sitting at a table beside us, looking totally observed in conversation.

Somehow, I know I'll never know what Oliver said to Lilly.

"I wonder how Cole is doing." I said as I took a drink from my drink. It was the lemonade. How did the waiter know I wanted that...?

"Call and ask." Jake suggested. It seemed like a good idea. I nodded and pulled out my cell phone and dialed the home number.

**Jackson's POV**

"Little Bubi?" I screamed into the phone. Okay so maybe I really thought he would be calling, but you never know!

"Jackson?" Miley's voice came through the speaker.

Oh no. This is NOT good. I laughed nervously,

"Oh, hey sis!! As much as I would LOVE to talk, I have to go find C- something."

"Wait, why did you say "little bubi" at the beginning when you picked up the phone?"

"Uhh...I was talking to the little guy and I forgot to say hello!"

Her voice perked up considerably, "Cole's still awake then? Let me speak to him!"

"Miles, he can't talk!"

"I don't care, hold the phone up to his face!"

I sighed. She was not making this easy. I put the phone to my face again and said in a high pitched voice,

"Goo goo gah gah!!"

I could almost feel her anger, "Jackson, that is not Cole! Where is he?!"

I stayed silent. The anger rose in her voice as she said in her very frightening deadly voice, "_What did you do_?!"

"Well, you see, it's a very long story..."

"You'd better hurry up and cut to the chase boy!" She spat with her familiar country accent coming out in her fury.

"Okay so Dad left and I was playing with Little Bubi--

"DAD LET YOU WATCH COLE!?"

"Yes, and we were getting along perfectly until Ashley Tisdale called...and then, well, I set him down somewhere and I can't find him."

"WHAT!? YOU LOST MY BABY!? JACKSON ROD STEWART, I AM COMING HOME NOW AND WHEN I GET THERE MY BABY BETTER BE UNHARMED AND FOUND!!"

I gulped, "...and if he isn't?"

"Then welcome to hell!" She screamed before hanging up.

She took that well.

"Okay," I muttered to myself as I looked around the living room, "he's gotta be in here somewhere! I mean, he can't walk or anything!

Panic was getting to me. What if the kid rolled somewhere and died? I'll never be able to sleep at night! I'd be a baby killer!

I attacked the couch and looked between the cushions and everything! No baby!

Two hours later, I had searched the whole house top to bottom. No baby.

"Little Bubi?!" I called desperately in a small voice as I laid on the floor.

"Little Bubi, come out come out wherever you are..." I whispered as I traced patterns in the carpet, "pleaseee? For uncle Jackson? Little Bubi, why are you doing this to me?!"

Suddenly, the door was thrown open. I looked up to see Miley standing in the doorway looking more scared than mad.

"Did you find him?" She demanded.

"He's disappeared!"

"Babies don't disappear!" Jake muttered as he strolled in and looked around. A terrifying thought crossed my mind.

We all caught each other's eyes, apparently the same thought had hit us.

Luke couldn't have taken Little Bubi could he?

"MWHAHAHA!!!"

I jerk up. I knew that laugh. Miley's eyes narrowed and Jake looked confused.

"Who said that?" She asked.

"Look over here, bubble brain!" She looked around.

"Look down."

She looked down to see none other than small little Rico standing there with a sleeping Little Bubi in his arms.

"Rico!" I thought she was going to kill him! Instead, she hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek,

"You little angel! Your such a sweetheart!"

He looks confused, "Sweetheart? I broke into your house, took the baby from the seat while Jackson was on the phone, and hid with him and your thanking me?!"

She just took Little Bubi from his arms and kissed him before saying, "He could have been hurt. But he isn't...in fact...he looks pretty happy!"

She rocked him gently in her arms before exclaiming to Jake, "We better call your Mother and my father and tell them we found him!" She kisses Cole again before turning to me and saying,

"Can you handle holding him long enough for me to go to the car and get something? If you are going to let a munchkin run off with him again then I'll just take him back..."

"No, I can handle it." She carefully handed him to me and sprinted off quickly. I rocked the baby and felt more relieved then I've felt in a long time.

"You know what, Little Bubi, you are actually pretty darn cute."


	11. What I've Done

"--further more, you better be glad that baby didn't get hurt!" Dad scolded Jackson as I feed Cole. Jake and Oliver were playing some game on the Xbox 360 that involved lots of blood and huge guns that blew body parts off. Lilly happily played with Emily while exclaimed how much she missed her for the two days they were apart.

"I missed my Em-Em!! Yes, I did! I love you!" She cooed as she kissed Emily. Emily laughed and smiled at Lilly. I wondered if Emily would call Lilly mother, seeing as though that's what she basically was. Emily DID look a lot like Lilly after all, they're facial structure was a lot alike and their personalities. If Emily had blond hair like Lilly, I would have accused her of being the mother.

"This scene," Dad observed as he watched me and Lilly play with our (almost, in Lilly's case) children and Oliver and Jake fight over whether Emily and Cole would end up together, "is so odd. Just a little over a year ago Lilly and Miley refused to do any babysitting jobs. Now you guys are both practically mothers--

"I am a mother." I pointed out.

He nodded, "Well, yea, but Lilly ain't a biological mother. Just an emotional one."

I nodded.

"So, Dad," Jackson said as he joined Oliver and Jake's discussion, "how'd the meeting for Hannah go?"

My eyes narrowed, "Meeting? I wasn't aware there was a meeting about me behind my back!"

Cole started crying and I started gently bouncing him in my arms. His eyes closed briefly. If I kept that up, he'd be asleep.

"Well...no listen, bud...when I tell you this...don't freak out!"

I was already freaking out. I took a deep breath and struggled out painfully,

"They...want to drop Hannah's record deal don't they?"

Everyone fell silent when I said that. They only noise I could hear was Cole's steady breathing.

"They are, aren't they?" I asked him, my eyes searching dad's for the answer.

"They won't...under some conditions." Dad finally said. I kept rocking Cole faster and faster in anticipation.

"Which are?" I asked slowly.

"Hannah has to be finished with her CD by Thursday and ready to preform at a concert Friday singing four songs off everyone album and your whole new album."

I blinked.

"Dad, I still have two more songs to write and record!!"

"I know, bud. They are ready to get this CD out is all. So you need to tell me, can you do it or not?"

I have a newborn baby. I can not not spend all day in a studio. But I know I'll have too, because I've worked too hard on this CD.

"They also want to have a photo shoot. They are not comfortable with you blowing everything with a picture. They want new pictures, Hannah pictures."

That one didn't surprise me. I nodded slowly.

"Dad," I whispered, "I don't have the time to finish all this in three days. I can't, it's impossible!!"

"Nothing is impossible." Dad argued.

"Well..I mean, the chances you could do this are...one in a million!" Lilly exclaimed, not knowing how significant that saying was.

"She could be that one." Dad said while smiling me, enjoying our little joke. I smiled back, suddenly feeling more optimistic about all this.

* * *

"there's a risk worth taking...a path worth making--" I stopped and chewed on the bottom of my pencil. I viciously crossed out the last line.

"No, no, no! That's not it!"

"Why?" Lilly questioned as she bit into the food she stole from my house. We were sitting in the kitchen, well scratch that, I was sitting in the kitchen trying to write a song and Lilly comes barging in asking for food. Strange, I know.

"Because Lilly! I just don't feel _it_!"

"_It_? What is _it_?" She asked.

"I don't know how to explain it!! It's just the feeling you get when you write a line and you just know it fits!!"

"Oh. Right."

I sighed and bent back over the paper. Okay, there's a risk worth taking, a pain worth...?

"Damn." I muttered as I tried to think.

"If you liked pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain..." I looked at Lilly with anger and disbelief in my eyes. Was she REALLY singing a song when she knew I was trying to write one?, "If your not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain. If you love making love at bitter nights--

"LILLY! GET OUT!" I screamed hysterically. She jumped ten feet in the air and fell out of the chair.

"Geez, fine!! Sor-ry!"

"Don't take it personally, Lilly," Jake said as he strolled in eating an apple, "an hour ago she told me to go play with steak knives because I was singing SexyBack. She's just upset because the song won't come out right."

I glared at him and he came up behind me and rested his head on my shoulder, looking at the paper before saying, "A pain worth aching. Aching should go there."

I looked over it and re-read it with that line there.

"There's a risk worth taking, a pain worth aching..." A smile spread over my face. I squealed in excitement, turned around and took Jake's head in my hands and pressed a kiss on his lips.

YES! The writer's block is gone!

After that, It all just seemed to flow. I wrote it easily in ten minutes.

"Jake?" I called from the kitchen ten minutes later.

"Hm?"

"It's done!"

"Already?" I heard him get up and carry Cole in the kitchen with him. I smiled proudly as I thrust the notebook into his hands and took Cole into mine. I still couldn't get over how _small _he was. Of course, it didn't help he was born premature either. He let out a sound of protest from being moved from his comfortable position, but quickly got comfortable again.

"Bud? You here?" I heard Dad's voice ring through the house.

"In the kitchen Dad!" I screamed. A few moments later he came in holding a notebook.

"I got a whole load of messages for Hannah!" He exclaimed as he sat down beside me. He handed the notebook to me. The first like three things were interviews.

"Dang," I muttered as I saw all the interviews listed.

"Everyone wants to hear the big story on your album, where you were for a year, and if you are really pregnant with Jackson's kid."

"Ew," I shuddered at the last thing then replied with, "They all want these interviews like soon! I've got to work on the songs and record them!"

"They want their answers before your big concert."

"Ugh. Well...just...schedule a press conference before the concert." I replied as I went back to looking at the notebook.

"Oh and Planned Parenthood wants you to be a spokesperson for them." Dad said.

Lilly snorted from the sitting room, "Here we go..."

My anger sparked, "What, they want me to tell the world that an unplanned baby isn't a baby and should be aborted? Nuh uh, don't think so!"

"Well what are you going to tell them?"

What should I tell them. I knew what I needed to tell everyone. In the sitting room where Lilly was watching music videos, What I've Done by Linkin Park came on.

I knew what everyone wanted me to do.

But I knew what was right to do.

"Tell them I will make my decision publicly during the press conference," My eyes were downcast and clouded over as I thought of the decision I've made, "In fact, make sure it's streamed live."

They all looked at me oddly. Except Lilly. She looked as though she knew what I was thinking.

"Okay," Dad said slowly, "just...don't do anything that'll hurt your career."

Help the world or good career? Hmm...I pick the latter.

"Sure Dad." I lied. I knew what I was going to do. And no one was going to like it. They say there is a point in every star's career where they lose sight of what their fans would like versus what they need to do. That's when they lose their fans support. I didn't need to go out partying...I didn't need to hook up with random guys.

I needed to tell the truth.

* * *

The days went by slowly as if someone had made the clock go thirty times slower.

But, as if I had been blessed, I did finish my CD Thursday. I wrote and recorded two new songs in less than forty-eight hours. I think that is a record. Seriously. I was extremely proud of myself, and nothing could bring me off the high I was feeling.

So when I got up at four A.M. Friday morning to head down to the studio in L.A. to get ready for the press conference, I felt good. I had woken up with a smile and no nightmare that night, and had found something to wear easily. I had chosen (with Lilly's advice, of course) a pair of severely ripped jeans, a bright red halter that had gems on the neckline and hem, and a pair of sliver flats, oh and some silver hoop earrings. According to Lilly, "The halter and jeans are SO Hannah you know with the sparkles and rips, but yet they show you are growing up!"

Of course, she wasn't as optimistic right now.

"It's too freaking early to be up," Lilly moaned as she curled up on the seat inside the limo.

"You are the one that wanted to come," I reminded her as I made sure my wig was secure, "the concert doesn't start until one, you could have waited."

"I want to go to the press conference." She mumbled as she tried to keep herself awake.

"If the press-thingy doesn't start until six," Jake said in a sleepy voice with his head lying in my lap, "why do we have to get there so early?"

"It'll take me a while to get ready." I replied.

"Of course," He yawned, "I'm just glad your CD is done. If you threatened to hurt me one more time I was going to lose it."

"I'm glad it's done too!" I exclaimed, relief still ringing in my voice.

"What are you going to tell them?" Lilly asked. Since it was just Lilly, Jake, and Cole in the limo, I replied with,

"Everything, that is if you don't mind Jake."

Their jaw's dropped.

"A-are you sure? I don't mind but..." Jake sputtered.

"Luke too?" Lilly asked,

I nodded.

"Yes. Everything. I know it seems soon, but I'm ready for all this lying to be over. I'm ready just to relax and not have to feel guilty. Oh and I can't wait to brag about how Cole is cuter than any other famous people's babies!!"

"But..." Jake stopped, "I just...are you sure?"

I closed my eyes briefly, I was sure. I nodded.

"Miss Montana, we have arrived." The driver called over the intercom. I replied to him and unfastened Cole from his carseat and cradled him in my arms. He started crying so I hurried and stuck a pacifier in his mouth.

I made sure their were no press here yet before hurrying and walking into the building. As soon as I did, everyone started talking. I quickly handed Cole to Lilly (Lola) as everyone started shoving me into chairs.

"Hannah, darling!"

By then I was getting second thought. Was this the right things to do? Was I taking this too fast? Would my fans hate me for it?

I decided I had to go by my heart.

"This way to make-up, darling! This way!" A middle aged woman ushered me into a chair. I sat down and she grinned and stared at me.

"Hannah Montana! I had wondered what had happened to you! Well, let's do this make-up!"

About two hours later, make-up was done. Yea, I know, I didn't think it took that long either. However, my make-up DID look very good...so it was worth it.

"HANNAH! PRESS IS HERE!" Someone screamed. I took a deep breath. I saw Lilly and Jake sitting backstage near the curtains so they could see what was going on.

Then I did something I hadn't done since I had made the decision to marry Jake, I followed my heart.

And what do you know, my dirty rotten heart led me on stage.

I took a deep breath as I reached the podium and prepared to let it all out.


	12. What Really Matters

My hands were shaking.

My breathing was shallow, and I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead. All eyes are on me. I let out a shaking breath, and nervously rub my hands against my jeans.

"Hello," I struggled out with a large fake smile, "I hope everyone has had a fabulous morning!"

Mutters that I've never changed fill the room with smiles and comments about my innocence. That made me feel even more guilty.

I wasn't sure where to start. There was SO much to tell. Where do I begin?

"I hope you all brought a lot of tape and batteries for your camera's today!" I exclaimed nervously. Almost admittedly reporters began nervously making sure they had what they needed. A few even ran off to get more. I laughed weakly.

"Hannah, Hannah!" Reporters screamed, holding their microphone's up, "where have you been for the last year? Are the Jacksannah rumors true? What inspired your new CD?"

I began to relax, "Everyone," I called to them, "the Jacksannah rumors are NOT true. I am NOT nor was I EVER pregnant with his baby!"

Murmurs and whispers filled the crowd as the press edge closer to the stage.

"I'm sure you all have your ideas of why I called this conference," I laughed, "but what I am about to tell you is nothing anyone of you could have thought up."

They edged closer to the stage in anticipation.

Suddenly, before I could say anything, a hand grabs my arm. I turn to see Daddy standing there.

"Hannah," He whispers to me, "what are you doing! You are going to ruin your career!"

I move my eyes up to his, "Dad, I am going to do this. You can not change my mind."

He seemed to know that. He nodded and kissed my forehead before wishing me good luck. Before he went off stage, he turned to the crowd,

"Just...hear Hannah out. Alright?"

I rolled my eyes. They wouldn't do that no matter what he said. He walked off the stage and the questions came from every direction. It was insane, I could barely hear myself think.

"I will answer every single one of you questions when I am done," I promised quietly, "just hear me out."

They shut up. I sighed and sat down in a chair I guessed Daddy had put on stage. I tried to appear calm as I held the microphone to my face. I tried to think back to when this all started...

"It all started last July." I struggled out. They looked even more excited. I was terrified, It was hard for me to talk to Jake about this and now I was telling the whole world. But maybe...maybe if they saw even Hannah Montana could get hurt everyone would be more careful. Maybe I could save someone's life with this.

"One of my best friend's, Oliver Oken's, cousin came to Malibu from Antarctica to visit. His cousin, Luke Oken, had a sort of crush on me if you could call it that. And this boy..." I paused, trying to think of how to describe Luke, "he was gorgeous." Laughter rang through the crowd. My eyes hardened, "but not in a good way. He was so creepy that just thinking of him had be running to Oliver for comfort. Oliver seemed to think Luke was a murderer--"

Gasp rang through the crowd,

"--I didn't think so at first, but when I saw his face, I wasn't sure whether to or not. I didn't want to think he was, but I still had a bad feeling about him. My friend Oliver even avoided me because he thought it too dangerous for us to speak. It seemed, to me, as though all of this was a dream. I was Hannah Montana! I rocked out on stage, so nothing bad could happen. Yeah right."

They were shoving each other to get closer.

"It was the forth of July. I was on the beach with my best friend's, Oliver Oken and Lilly Truscott," I paused, "You know her as Lola Luftnagle."

People muttered to each other in confusion. Now was not that time yet, though.

"I was watching the fireworks. I loved how they would shine on the ocean water and on everyone's faces. They filled me with joy, I loved them. I should have known not to go, I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I didn't think it was serious. I underestimated everything. And EVERYONE listen to me,"

I paused. I made sure this was streaming live, "NEVER assume you are safe. In this world, no one is safe. Please, if you ever feel something isn't right...DON'T do it for God's sake! Assuming makes and ass out of me and you."

"In the middle of the fireworks," I paused, trying to remember what had happened, "something slammed into my head, knocking me out. I should have known that it was the perfect trap. Every thing's so hectic on the forth of July that no one would have seen or noticed."

It was hurting me remembering all this. It hurt so bad I was afraid my heart would catch fire and burn me. I took a deep breath and began again,

"When I woke up, I was not in Malibu," I stopped, "I had officially been abducted. When he threatened to kill me because I wouldn't lead Oliver to his death, I told him to go ahead. I wasn't concerned about my life, only my loved ones--"

After that, the story got easier to tell. I was walking around the stage, using hand gesture's and getting into the story. I told all the way to the point where I realized I could escape,

"--then I remembered what my fantastic body guard Roxi had said to me. She told me people could get through vents. Luke was horrible, he treated me like a hamster. His idea of entertainment was a tennis ball, which was all I had in the blank room. I was tossing it idly up and it hit the vent, forcing it back. I could fit into it. But first I had to close it. I saw rusted pipes running along the wall, and I broke a piece off and used to jagged end to shut the vent. The pipe was so heavy I thought my spine was going to break--"

Everyone was so into the story that they worried very little if they were getting the best video or audio of my confession. They were in awe. I continued telling the story up until the part where fate had made me meet Jake. A smile appeared on my face,

"If right now at this moment, you are doubting fate, don't. I am glad I was kidnapped--"

Gasps rang through the room, "because if I wasn't, I would have never met the person that means more to me than anything in the world. If I wouldn't have, I'm not sure what I would be doing right now. I was stumbling along the road of Antarctica when a car pulled up. It held Oliver's cousin. For some reason, I told him I was married to Oliver."

I laughed lightly at the memory, "I thought he was a psycho or something, but he wasn't. Well, I mean, I was too afraid to see Oliver because I couldn't risk leading Luke to Oliver. And yes, at that point in my life I had more than platonic feelings for him. I tried to get his good cousin to tell Oliver goodbye for me because I had plans of running off to Nashville. But his good cousin, John was his name, thought I was abandoning his cousin and tried to force me to get in the car with him so he could bring me back. I tried to tell him Luke took me, but he thought I was lying so then I screamed "Look John, Ashley Tisdale!"

Laughter rang through the crowd,

"He looked, obviously, and I ran. To this day I'm not sure where or how far I ran. All I know is, I'm glad I did."

I looked backstage and smiled at Jake, "the next thing I knew, a very nice car drove up beside me. At the point I had no idea the car was carrying my future. The car window rolled down to reveal Jake Ryan."

Everyone started talking at once. I began to feel so free...so happy telling everyone this. They all looked throughly entertained. Even though it was a long, painful story...It had to be told. I told the story up to the point of when we left North Carolina for Malibu,

"So Jake and I, or rather Jake and Hope, left for Malibu. I was so excited to see my family again. It had been a long time. A very long time. I was scared, yes, but I felt as though once I got home everything would be okay. So with my finance by my side, I went home. My father and brother were in shock at first, but we all cried in the relief of being together again. After seeing everyone, I thought things would be okay now. I was wrong. Luann apparently was bring her finance, Luke, with her to our house for Christmas."

Gasps rang through the crowd. I very painfully told them of that horrid fight Luke, Oliver, Lilly, and I had been in. I explained how cold I felt when they turned up missing. After telling that long first part, I took a deep breath.

"That was just the first part of all this. Of course, the second is filled with more happiness than fear. I moved in with Jake in an apartment, ready to move on with my life. Let me tell you this, all Jake's crazy fan girls, that boy can keep someone on their feet. But even through out the insanity he brought," I winked at him, "things were even better for me than I could have imagined. Christmas came around,"

I paused. How did I go about explaining things? "and everyone was happy. I was crazy in love, maybe more than I should have been if you get my drift. Sometimes when you love someone, okay almost all the time when you love someone, you stop thinking about anything but them. You don't think about yourself, consequences or anything. You just think about them."

I stopped, "A few weeks, actually six weeks, later...I found out I was pregnant."

This was the moment where I went from respected to a whore. I waited for the shocked gasps and screams to stop. When they did, I felt so scared. How would they take this.

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose a lot of fans by saying this but, It wasn't a mistake."

More gasps.

"If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change one thing. Not one."

Suddenly, a loud voice rang through the crowd, "did you get an abortion?"

Anger coursed through my body, "Abortion? No I did NOT get an abortion. Which brings me to something else, Planned Parenthood you wanted me to be your spokesperson?"

I found my feet carrying me back stage to where Jake was sitting. Without thinking, I took Cole from his arm and walked back on stage,

"I decline your offer. And this is why."

Aw's and ooh's filled the room.

"This is Caden Cole Ryan, born four pounds three ounces on July 26th at one twenty-three A.M."

More talk filled the area.

"I love Cole with all my heart. I was scared when I found out I was pregnant, I even thought of abortion. But how, how can someone say a planned baby is the only baby worth living? Cole sure as hell was NOT planned, but he is my heart. I wouldn't change anything, I love him. Everyone,"

I looked at the camera, "Look at Cole. Do you think he should have been aborted just because he wasn't planned?"

I knew the answer going through everyone's head. No.

"I want all my fans and people who look up to me to know, I am NOT promoting teen pregnancy. No one should go out and have sex expecting it to work just because it worked for Hannah Montana. Please, listen to me, I know I seem like a slut now...but you all need to know,"

I looked at the faces of everyone in the crowd, "I felt as though I was going to die. I was terrified. Love was what I needed, and I found more than needed in Jake. He is my angel and I would never have used him. Cole is here right now because I love Jake. Love, that is the ONLY reason. If you truly love someone like I love Jake, how can it be wrong? Someone explain to me, how could Cole be a mistake? How if someone loves someone, could anything be a mistake?"

It was deadly silent.

"The world has the wrong idea with EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter who sells the most albums...it doesn't matter who is the skinniest or fattest. It doesn't matter who has the most money, or who is broke. What matters is who you make yourself and what you do while you are here on Earth. What matters is who you love and loved. It matters who you helped, and who you learned to let go of. It doesn't matter who is homecoming queen or who is doing what with the quarterback in the locker room...life, and the world, is only what you make it to be. I should have waited a few years before having Cole, yes, but I sure as HELL know who I am and what I stand for!"

The silence kept holding. So I continued my story. I told them about how Luann had become the heroine and how hard it had been for me to have Cole after the fight I had explained. I told them about attack from Luke in my Hannah closet in deep detail, it was hard. I told them about Jake and I's wedding and how I was late. I told them about North Carolina and the cabin and what happened when Emily was born. I told them how Luke disappeared again. I told them how now I was having horrid nightmares and how I was going back to school. I told them about the therapy. It was silent.

Finally, after I was finished, one person spoke up.

"How did you manage to do all that without anyone recognizing you?"

I took a deep breath and stared at the camera. This was it, my heart was beating and my palms sweaty. I thought of all the times I had been terrified of someone finding out this secret. Now It seemed like the right thing to do. I reached up to my wig.

"Because," I ripped the wig off my head and let my brown hair fall down, "My real name was Miley Stewart. Now it is Miley Ryan."

The chaos in the audience was wild. Cole started crying as everyone was screaming and I gently rocked him to try and settle him down. Then, before I know what's happening, Jake is beside me with Cole in his arms. Screams run through the crowd and pictures are snapped every few seconds.

"You were amazing," Jake whispered in my ear. I smiled and he kissed my cheek, lingering long enough for everyone to get their pictures.

"Yea, well, I must have got it from you." I replied quietly. He grinned at me.

"Now, question time," I say to myself. Jake hugged me and walked off stage with Cole. I settled down in a seat, ready for the questions.

"How did you manage to keep it a secret all these years?" A reporter from Entertainment Tonight asked.

"I spent a year making sure Hannah and Miley looked like completely separate people. Then I made sure I only told the people I could trust."

The questions went like that. They were questions about my double life, about Cole, about Jake, about Jake and I, about the nightmares, about Luke and about the new CD.

"Hannah, why did you choose to tell all of the world this before your concert."

"Because that way, people will know the real me. They can either choose not to be a fan, or true fans can come. That way I know what to expect from the fans."

I was so nervous still. Everything had changed now. Everything.

Only time would tell how everyone was going to take this.


	13. Changes

Standing here, in front of this vast mirror, made me see just how _young _I really was.

The truth was sickeningly irrational.

I did not think as a seventeen year old should. I did not act as one should either. But I sure did look like one.

I brought my pale finger up my cheek and touched it gently, to see if it was really as delicate as it looked. This was the first time in a while I had actually _looked _at myself.

I didn't like what I saw.

I looked so..._small. _I never remember looking so small and pale as I did now. My skin was thin, white and almost transparent. Why? I wondered. I had gone tanning with Lilly. I shouldn't be so sickly.

It was almost like my skin was paper that would tear any minute. I missed my evenly tanned skin. This hue was not ugly, it was strangely beautiful in a way, but I was not used to it. I never considered myself a delicate girl, and I was irritated when others did.

Now I understand why they did.

My dark, curly locks made a huge contrast to my pale skin. My bright blue eyes an even bigger contrast. It must look natural with the blond wig on my head though...maybe. Or maybe I looked even more small and fragile.

I pulled a glittery tank top over my head and pulled it down over my small, exposed body. I felt sick with reality.

Had Luke and those nightmares really affected me to this extent?

It pained me even more that I had ceased to notice it. Had he made me that uncaring about my appearance and life?

No, I decided as I stuck my right leg into my jeans, I wasn't uncaring. Just not very observant with how much I had changed.

A light rap on my dressing room door plunged me back into reality,

"Hannah? Concerts starting in thirty. You got your wig on right?" Daddy asked through the door.

I wondered why he is bothering with the name charade. Everyone knows I'm Miley now.

"Almost, Dad!" I called back, pulling the jeans over my underwear.

I had a feeling this was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. Everything, even the light I had begun to see myself in, was changing. I wondered what else would change.

"_do you really expect to stay in love with him forever? Hmph, I bet the relationship will end by the end of this year. He'll get bored of you, _Miley_, so prepare yourself now. Life's a bitch. Get used to it." _

The word's of a particularly sadistic interviewer from a few hours back during the press conference rang in my head. I hoped the changes—whatever they may be—will be for better, not worse.

If it was for worse, I could deal with whatever it brought.

_Except losing Jake._

My mind argued with me. I shook it off, that was NOT going to happen so I didn't have to worry.

...right?

If I didn't have to, why did I suddenly feel the utmost panic in the pit of my stomach? The panic that tied to me feeling as though time was running out?

Why did I feel like things were happening too fast? Or rather, bad things happening too soon, taking away the good things?

I felt so good telling everyone the truth, so why did I now feel so crummy?

I sank down to the floor in a sitting position, resting my head in my arms. I shut my eyes briefly, trying to calm myself down. A few moments later, my dressing room door opens and shuts softly. I already knew who it was; everyone but this person would have knocked.

"Are you okay?" Jake called out in sudden alarm.

"Fine," Came my muffled response. He worried too much. However, after seeing myself, I would have worried about myself too. Can you say china doll?

I felt the warmth of his body as he sat down beside me. I sighed. I pulled my head out from my arms and studied his face, I mean really studied it.

He was just as gorgeous as ever, and he always would be. Even seventy years, one-hundred pounds, and a thousand gray hairs later he will be beautiful. Nothing can change that. However, he had this glow about him. I never noticed before. He seemed completely happy, staring down at me with a large smile. He radiated joy that seemed forgotten for the moment, replaced by sorrow...but there was something else lurking behind the wonderfully sketched mask. He had circles underneath his eyes, most likely from comforting my nighttime episodes. His face was smiling, but his eyes looked sad. They looked guilty, hopeless, worried, and afraid also.

How had I missed that? If I noticed anything it was Jake. The countless times I laid beside him and just stared at his perfectly sketched face with the moonlight shinning down on it...I could have drawn his face with my eyes closed (of course, it would have never done him a sliver of justice). How had I missed this obviously dominant feeling?

I brought my hand up and gently brushed it against his cheek. He looked at me questionably before gently taking my hand and pressing his lips to the back of it.

"What is wrong?" I asked slowly, afraid my worst fears were going to be realized. He looked at me for a few more moments before saying,

"What do you mean?"

His voice betrayed him. He was an absurdly good actor, but he was over the top. That was his downfall. The way his voice sounded _too _perfect, almost practiced, tipped me off.

"You know what I mean." I said harshly as I looked at him deeply.

"I could ask you the same thing." He shot back. I sighed.

"Do I look," I paused, "pale to you?"

His forehead creased in confusion, "Pale? Not anymore than normal..."

"No," I said in confusion as I looked back in the mirror, "I look so...small and sick."

He was even more confused, "Are we looking at the same person here?"

"_Really _look at me, Jake." I said as I stared at him. He stared back at me for what seemed like hours,

"Miley, you've been that pale since before Cole was born."

The news shook me.

"TWENTY MINUTES!" Someone screamed through the shut door.

"I never..." I stopped, "I didn't realize it. And you? Why are you scared?"

He looked at me in surprise, as if he thought I had some spooky mind reading power, "W-what?"

"You heard me."

"I don't know what you are talking about." He said firmly as he averted his gaze from mine. I sighed in frustration. He can be so _stubborn. _

"Yes you do," I said just as forcefully, "you look sad and scared. What has happened?"

He stayed silent. Fine. Two could play this game.

"Fine," I said slowly, "you don't want to talk to me. That's alright. Just...come to me when you want to. In the mean time, get out."

I stood up and pointed at the door.

"What?" He asked with a dumbfound look on his face. I sighed and said more gently,

"I don't have time for games, Jake. I don't want to play he said, she said. I want to know what is hurting you, so I can help you! I don't like you to be sad! Why can't you tell me?"

Anger flashed dangerously in his shadowed green eyes, "Well I'm sorry I'm wasting your time!"

I softened, "I don't mean it that way, Jake. You know I don't. Don't start things."

"I'm not starting things," he said with an edge to his voice, "you are. Why are you pushing this! If I don't want to tell you than I don't want to! I can have secrets! Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I'm not telling you because I don't want to hurt you? You always assume I'm being--

"_Jacob_," I said sharply. He fell silent. I had never called him that, "do NOT blow this out of proportion and be melodramatic. I just mean that I wish you could tell me--

"Well I don't want too!" He snapped as he crossed his arms and glowered bitterly.

"That's alright," I said calmly, "but I would still like you to leave, please."

"Why?!"

"Because I don't need your bad mood staining my good mood."

It already had.

"Fine! I'm sorry I'm screwing up your mood! Maybe I'll just go and not ever come back to ruin your mood ever again!"

Now THAT was out of line. Where is all this coming from? What is his issue?!

"What is WRONG!?" I screamed.

"None of your business! Leave me alone!" He hollered before storming out. What had happened?

"Damn it all!" I cursed as I slammed my fist into the wall as if it would ease my pain. All I got were bloody knuckles.

"Crap," I hissed as I held my fist to my chest, trying to ease the pain.

"Miley? Your about to go on stage, you might want to put your wig on..." Oliver, who came with Emily to see the show, trailed off as he saw my face. He shut the door.

"What's wrong?" He asked in concern. I felt my eyes burn with oncoming tears.

"I don't know, Oliver! I just asked Jake a question and he got all mad and said something about leaving and never coming back then stormed out."

He sighed and enveloped me in a warm hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and let a tear stream down my face and into his shirt. He rubbed my back gently and said,

"It'll be alright. Just give him some time."

Something about Oliver's voice alerted me, "Do you...know what was wrong with him?"

Oliver kept his gaze down on his hands.

"Oliver," I pressed as I moved away from him, "what's going on?"

"Well...I probably shouldn't tell you." He struggled out. I glared at him,

"Oliver, tell me!"

"TEN MINUTES!" Someone called.

"Jake's grandfather..." He stopped. I raised my eyebrows,

"What? Come on, Oliver! His grandfather what?"

"Had a stroke. About an hour ago."

I gasped. How could Jake not tell me this?! What is his problem?!

"WHAT!? Is he okay?"

"Right now things seem pretty bad." Oliver said softly.

"Oh no," I moaned.

"I really, really shouldn't have told you that! Jake is gonna kill me, he told everyone not to ruin your concert by telling you!"

That was it. He was trying hard not to tell me even though he wanted too, and me pushing him when he was liable to break any minute didn't help him. Or his temper.

"It's okay, Oliver. I'll do this concert, I won't tell him you told me." If he wanted me to do this concert so bad, I'm going to.

Oliver smiled gratefully and I smiled back, "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"For being here for me when I need you."

"Any time, Miley Oken," He joked with a grin, thinking of when I lied saying I was married to him. I laughed and lightly hit his arm,

"Yea, yea that's me! Miley Stewart in the morning, Miley Ryan in the afternoon, Miley Oken at twilight, and Hannah Montana by night,"

"Wow, you have a confusing life." Oliver stated.

"Tell me about it."

"Now all you need is to be Miley McCartney at dawn."

"No, that's alright, I'm good."

"HANNAH! HURRY UP!"

"Yikes, I better get this wig on. See ya later, Ollie?"

He smiled, "You betcha, good luck."

He left and I shoved the wig back on my head. Now, to do this concert. THEN go talk to Mr. Temper and see about his grandfather.


	14. To Write Jake On My Arms

"Daaamn!" Oliver exclaimed as I came stumbling off the stage, so tired that walking was hard, "that was sweeet, Miley! You sang 26 songs perfectly! Can you talk?"

I couldn't comprehend anything.

"I think she's gonna pass out..." Jackson muttered. I felt my legs giving out to my weight as I went toppling over.

"Whoa!" Jackson exclaimed as he caught me around my stomach.

"Hey! Is she okay?" Dad asked in concern as he came around the corner. I was SO TIRED. My throat felt raw and my muscles ached from all the dancing.

"Just worn out is all." Jackson said as he tried to get me standing up straight.

"You did great, bud!" Dad said.

I tried to say 'thanks Dad' but it came out as "banks had."

Dad laughed and helped me walked back to my dressing room. They all three helped me get situated on the couch. My eyelids felt like lead as I tried to stay awake.

"Hair's bake?" I asked, my tongue still heavy.

"Huh?" Jackson asked.

"She means where's Jake." Oliver said, looking at me. I nodded.

"He's at the hospital." Someone said, their voice sounded far away. Suddenly, I realized I had to get there. His poor grandfather. But I was so tired. I tried to stand up, but I rolled off the couch.

"I have to go there." I said, forcing my eyes open.

"Oh no," Dad said as he picked me up off the floor, "the only place your going is home to sleep."

"NO!" I tried to scream, but my voice was to hoarse. The lack of sleep was catching up.

"I'll bring her," Jackson offered, "I'll make sure she gets there okay."

"No," Oliver said as he grabbed my arm, "_I'll _take her."

"That's fine, Oken," Jackson growled, "I can take my sister to the hospital just fine."

"Well, Stewart," Oliver spat, "forgive me for not trusting you. Why don't you ask Miley, she'll tell you."

They looked at me. Right at the moment I was so tired that I didn't give a damn who took me.

"Don't care."

"I'm taking her." Oliver demanded.

"No, I am." Jackson said. Then I felt the ground leave from under me and I realized I was in someone's arms. Whose, I had no idea.

"I'm taking her."

"No! I am! I have her, I'm taking her!" Jackson exclaimed.

"Ugh," I moaned, "someone just take me to the damn hospital!"

"Fine!" They both growled. I felt them start walking and I wondered if any paparazzi would get a picture.

"We are not taking the limo!" Oliver growled.

"Why not?" Jackson asked.

"Because the hospital is right down the road!"

"Are YOU carrying her?"

"No, but obviously you aren't very strong. She's what, one-hundred, one-hundred five?"

Actually ninety-nine and three quarters. He was close though.

"She not heavy, but I don't want to walk!"

"I don't care!"

I felt irritation rise in me.

"Shit, guys!" I think I curse more when I'm tired. I slapped myself across the cheek. It stung, but woke me up. I slid out of Jackson's arms.

"I will walk MYSELF!"

I stormed off, not really sure where I was going. I heard them laughing hysterically behind me. I spun around,

"What?" I huffed.

"Your waking like a drunk person!" Oliver exclaimed through laughter. I sighed. I HAD to wake up for Jake! I rubbed my eyes to clear them and looked around the streets.

"Well which way?" I demanded. Oliver and Jackson came up behind me and both grabbed one of my hands. I glowered at them,

"What is up with you guys!"

"It's this way!" They both chorused, ignoring my previous comment. It's like they were competing over EVERYTHING. I numbly moved my feet in the direction they were pulling me.

They were right; the hospital was right there.

Why the hell is a hospital beside a studio in LA? I didn't have enough energy to ponder that any further.

Sooner than I thought, we were walking in the door of the hospital. The first think I did was stumble over to the Girls bathroom. There I splashed my face with freezing cold water.

_That _did the job.

I blinked the water out of my eyes and looked around. The bathroom was a strange orange and very small. It smelled like a hospital, well that was a given. I hated that smell.

I walked out of the bathroom into the bright white admission office. People were taking in low voices and people were being wheel chaired from the call room to the exit.

"This way Miley!" Oliver screamed, causing Jackson to smack him over the head.

"Dude! People know Hannah is Miley now! Do you want a mob?!"

"Don't hit me you annoying monkey-boy!" Oliver snapped as he hit Jackson. I walked between them and said,

"Both of you, shut up and bring me where I want to go. You can fight over Lilly later."

Their jaws dropped and they looked at me in shock. I rolled my eyes,

"No, I don't have scary mind reading powers. I'm just not an idiot! Now, which way?!"

Wordlessly, they both motioned to the elevator.

"We need to go to the ICU which is on the forth floor." Oliver told me as Jackson pressed the button. The elevator doors shut slowly and I got that horrible feeling in my stomach as the elevator shot up. I hated elevators.

1, 2, 3, 4

The elevator doors opened REALLY slowly. I tapped my foot in impatience. Still slowly. I sighed in annoyance. STILL not opened.

"Oh for the love of God!" I screamed as I squeezed between the gap. As I did, a stupid piece of stupid jagged metal sliced my shoulder. I ignored the sharp, searing pain running the length of my shoulder to midway down my upper arm and waited for it to open all the way. Jackson and Oliver walked out once it was open.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Oliver said as he looked at my shoulder, "patience is gold, Miles."

"Really, sis! You COULDN'T have waited three more seconds could you?" Jackson exclaimed as he looked at the bloody slice. I sighed as the blood started gushing out faster.

"Have you gotten a Tetanus shot lately?" Oliver asked in worry as he poked it. I jerked my shoulder away, dismissing the blood and searching the waiting room.

"Oh my God," Jackson paled, "look...you're...b-bleeding!"

"No duh, Sherlock!"

Oliver laughed, "Scared of a little blood?"

Jackson glared then said, "Wipe it off!"

I groaned at their level of maturity and pulled the shirt off that was covering my tank top and pressed it to my shoulder.

"I said wipe the blood not strip!" Jackson said.

"Goodbye, Jackson." I said in annoyance as I marched off. I saw Alana, Jim, and an elderly lady in the waiting room.

I knew the news before I got there.

The small, elderly lady of whom I have met only one other time was crumpled up on the floor with tears streaming down her face. I felt as if I had gotten slapped and all the blood drained from my face. Her face held such indescribable pain that it sent shivers down my spine. Tears were dripping down her once pretty face that was wrinkled with years of laughter, and she looked like she was dying from pain. Jim was also on the floor, holding his mother while she cried. Alana was standing there with her eyes wide in shock and her hand covering her mouth.

She looked up for a second and her eyes met mine.

"Miley!" She exclaimed as she came over to me and hugged me. She let tears drip out of her eyes as she said,

"The concert was great, dear. We watched it in the waiting room."

"Mrs. Ryan? Are you okay?" I heard Oliver asked gently. He such a dorky caring person. I knew he was doing this so I could find Jake.

"No!" She wailed as Oliver hugged her.

"Jake ran off somewhere," Jim whispered to me as he continued comforting his mother, "best go find him."

I nodded slowly and tore my gaze from the woman dying inside right in front of my eyes. I felt panic waves hit me, but for another reason this time.

For a brief moment, I wasn't just seeing the elderly woman. For a horrid moment, I saw _me _where she was lying.

I shook my head and turned my head in the direction Jim pointed in. I walked slowly that way looking around for him. I was afraid of how I would find Jake. I don't how kindly my heart would take seeing him even a little messed up like his grandmother just was. My arm had stopped bleeding, but my shirt was ruined. I tossed it in a trashcan.

As I turned a corner, the men's bathroom was right in front of me. Eh, it was worth a try.

I walked in the restroom, not really caring it was the men's. It was just as small as the bathroom I had been in previously. I stepped in all the way, trying to ignore the strong scent of ammonia with the unpleasant scent of urine lurking in the background. I shut the door softly and locked it. I knew he was here, how I don't think I'll ever know. I just did.

"Jake?" I called softly. He was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall. He wasn't crying, but he was sitting on a dirty bathroom floor. I sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," He whispered, not looking away from the wall.

"It's fine." I assured him.

"No, it isn't." He said.

I shook my head, "It is. Forget it, I'm fine."

He kept his gaze on the wall before saying, "I had to get away from there. Everyone was crying."

I nodded in understanding. A few silent moments passed before I said,

"It's okay to cry, Jake."

He tore his gaze from the wall and slowly looked at me. I noticed tears glistening in his eyes,

"Good, because I can't hold it anymore," He choked out. I felt my heart broke as I wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head on chest and I felt his back shake with the sobs he didn't want me to see.

I didn't know the man, but I still found myself crying. I was crying for Jake, though. I held him why he cried, just like he had done for me countless times. I hadn't seen Jake and his grandfather together lately, but I knew from most of the many childhood stories Alana told me that Jake spent most of his childhood at his grandparents house. I knew how hard this had to be for him, and merely that thought hurt me.

I felt the most irrational anger than I had ever felt in my seventeen years of life.

For a few moments, I was furious at his grandfather for dying and hurting Jake like that. Once I realized how ridiculous that fury was, I tried not to think it. But I was still mad, at whom I wasn't sure. God, maybe. Jake and his family didn't deserve this.

I felt the irresistible urge to protect him from this. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. I didn't like it when he was upset. Not one bit.

Maybe an hour or two later, or maybe it was only a few minutes, Jake looks up at me.

"We should probably get back to everyone." His eyes were red but his voice surprising steady. I nodded and we stood up. I hugged him gently and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He knew I was talking about his grandfather.

"S'not your fault. Thanks."

I smiled, "It's what I'm here for."

He smiled back and we walked out of the smelly bathroom and into the ridiculously clean hallway. We walked back to where Jim, Alana, and Jake's grandma had been a few minutes ago. They were still there.

"Jake," Alana called as she jumped up, her blond hair bouncing. She hugged him and whispered something to him. He nodded and her and Jim left the waiting room.

"What did she want?" I asked him.

"She wanted me to stay here with grandma." He replied as he walked over to where his grandmother was sitting. She wasn't crying now, merely staring off into the distance.

"Hello, Grandma." Jake greeted quietly as he sat down beside her. She looked up and stared at Jake for a while. Then her eyes traveled to me. I was sitting beside Jake and looking everywhere BUT the tortured face of this old woman.

"Miley, right?" She asked in a shaking voice. I nodded and held out my hand. She took it gently and shook it. She kept her eyes on me,

"Jake looks so much like Andrew when he was younger. Andrew worked at a fast food restaurant, but he dreamed big. He dreamed to be a famous writer. Everyone told him he couldn't, and he believed them. When I married him, I told him that he could be anything he wanted to be. He was working on finishing up a book yesterday. He's been working on that book for seven years, seven damn years! And now—now he will never get his chance to get it published."

A tear slid down her wasted cheek and I felt pain infuriate me from just seeing her sorrow.

She fell silent for a few more minutes before she said, more to herself than anyone, "What am I supposed to do?! I can't go home without him! I can't..I can't see where he stood just a f-few minutes ago! I can not sleep in the bed that still smells like him!"

She was falling into hysterics. I felt worthless, sitting there while Jake rocked his small and fragile grandmother back and forth while comforting her.

"Get some sleep," Jake said to me, his eyes burning into mine in a way that made me want to kiss him senseless and still gave me butterflies, "don't worry, I've got everything down here. Just rest."

For once, I didn't argue with him. I leaned against the chair behind me and closed my eyes. Almost immediately, I slipped into unconsciousness.

The last thing I heard before I fell asleep were Jake's grandmother's words: _"Jake looks so much like Andrew..." _

_The air is on high. It's freezing me. Nothing but pajamas and a thin sheet are covering my body. My eyes ache. My body aches. My head aches. I turn over in the bed, feeling the satin sheets caress my body. I sigh and try to get back to sleep. I can't. It's too cold in the room, I'm freezing. I try to open my eyes. I can't, they are sealed shut with eye sand. I rub them vigorously. A few minutes later, I open my stinging eyelids. My eyes are red and irritated, they hurt so badly that I can not touch them to wipe at them. My eyes are watering severely. It can't be normal! Then suddenly I realize my eyes are not watering, that I'm crying. I just wanted to think they were watering. They were sore from falling asleep crying. _

_I turn over to kiss Jake good morning, he is not beside me. As I push the blanket's off me, I am suddenly extremely hot. I touch the bed, it's freezing. I understand that it is like that because Jake is not in it. I cry out as my bare feet hit the scalding floor. It is hot enough to be burning. I slowly make my way to the living room, ready to see Jake sitting on the couch with Cole or in the kitchen laughing with Oliver. _

_No one is in the living room. _

_I suddenly feel empty. Like someone had stuck their hand inside my chest and ripped out my heart with their bare hands. I cry out in pain and lean against the wall. An old man comes walking in the room,_

"_Bud? Are you okay?"_

_It's my Dad. He's old. His hair is graying and his voice gruff. Wrinkles cover his face. No, I was not okay. What was happening to me? I cry out in pain again and stumble to the floor. As I do, I catch my refection in a mirror on the wall. I'm getting old. My hair has a few stray grays and I had wrinkles on my forehead._

_I hear the clatter of feet come down the stairs,_

"_I know, please don't remind me." _

_It is Jake. He is on the phone. He doesn't look old like me. He still looks the same. Jake comes over to me and smiles,_

"_Hey, Mom. How are you feeling today?" He preses a kiss to my cheek._

_That's when it hit me. That was Cole, my baby! My little boy! He looks just like Jake...except for the eyes. And nose._

"_Cole," I ask suddenly, "baby, how old are you?" _

_He hugs me again and said, "Twenty-five. I'm going home now, okay? I'll see you on Thanksgiving! I'll tell Emily and Stephanie you said hello!" _

"_Wait!" I cry. He stops by the door and turns to me._

"_Who are Emily and Stephanie?" _

_He looks at me strangely, "Mama, are you kidding?" _

_Dad steps in, "Cole, the doctor said she might be forgetting things. He even said she might be forgetting you. People handle grief differently." _

_Cole nods, looking sad all the sudden. Were they talking about me?_

"_Emily Oken-Ryan is your daughter-in-law and Stephanie is you granddaughter." _

_If my Cole was twenty-five that meant I was forty-two. Forty-two. Wow. And I have a granddaughter...named Stephanie. Cole married Emily. _

"_Oh," I nod numbly. Why did I feel so miserable? I had a new daughter and a granddaughter! _

"_Mom!" Another voice rings through the house. The stairs creak and a girl about 15 comes running down them. Her hair is caramel colored and she strongly resembles my Jake in the face. _

"_Yes?" I was catching on now. _

"_Can I go over to Kaite's? Please?" She asks. _

"_Yes." I reply. She smiles and kisses my cheek,_

"_Thanks Mom! I'll be home before dark." I nod. _

_Once Cole and my daughter are gone, I feel the pain start to take over again. I cry out as I begun getting stabbed in the heart. What is wrong with me?_

"_Miley," Dad says softly as he hugs me, "things will get better in time. I know they will, you aren't the only one who's had to lose a love." _

_Lose a love? I didn't lose a love. My love is in the kitchen. I shake my head,_

"_Dad, what are you talking about, Jake is in the kitchen."_

_His eyes widen as he looks at me. I ignore him, the pain is enlarging. I stand and make my way to the kitchen to find Jake. He is the only one that can ease my pain. I need him to hold me. _

_As I walk in, the floor suddenly gets freezing. I cry out. I look around slowly. Jake is not in here. I look in the sitting room and out the back door. He isn't there._

"_Where is he?" I ask Dad with tears brewing in my eyes. _

"_Miley...don't you remember?" Dad seems to be begging me to remember. I shake my head and look around, hoping he'll appear. _

"_He's...dead." Dad struggles out. I shake my head and laugh,_

"_Good one Dad, now really where is he?" _

_The look on Dad's face tells me he isn't joking. Suddenly, the hole catches fire in me. I scream out and place my hand over my mouth to hold back more screams. My Jake is NOT dead! He can't be!_

"_You're..You're lying!" I scream as I turn away from Dad and run back into the bedroom. I'll show him that Jake is still here with me. _

_I open the drawer that held his clothes. _

_The drawer was empty. I cry out and slam it shut with such a force the mirror falls off the top of the dresser and falls to the ground. It shatters and glass cut my legs. I don't care. I limp over to the bathroom. _

_I reach for one of the many shelves that will be jam-packed with Jake's bathroom things. I wretch it open, only to find nothing there. _

_WHERE WAS HE!?!?_

_With sudden urgency to find some proff he was here, loving me, I run into the bedroom and yank all the drawers out of the dresser. One by one, I look for his clothes. God, where is it?!_

_I feel tears blind me. I keep looking. I run over to the bed and grab his pillow. It was the only thing warm in the whole bed. I pres it to my face. _

_I could smell his shampoo. A few stray hairs lay on it. I clutch the pillow to my chest and lay down where he was suppose to lay and press my face to the sheets. They smell like him. _

_I stay there, breathing the scent as if he is really there. _

"_Miley? Come on honey..." dad tries to coax me out of the bed. _

_No, I can't leave. This was the only place my Jake still was. I wasn't going to give this up for anything. _

"_No!" I cry out to Dad in protest. I bring the pillow to my face and rest it there. I breathe deeply. I can almost hear him whispering to me. Maybe, maybe if I lay here long enough he will come back and be lying under me, smiling. I would kiss him and tell him how much I love him with all my heart and all my love and how I would, no how I could, never, ever forget him. He would kiss me gently and tell me everything is okay now. But he wouldn't need to, because as long as he was with me everything would be alright. I could stay in his arms all night and then in the morning I would wake up with him and we would spend the rest of our lives like that._

"_Miley," Dad calls me what seemed like minutes later, shaking me gently, "come on, you've laid there for two days already. Get up." _

_I couldn't get up, didn't he understand? I can not leave the only thing that keeps me sane. I can't. _

"_Miley, come on! This has been going on long enough! Go get on with your life!" _

"_How can I do that?" I whisper. He seems surprised I was talking, "dad, my first thought when I go to sleep and wake up is Jake. How can I move on?" _

_He doesn't answer. I lean my head back on Jake's pillow. The scent is beginning to wear off. I knew when it was gone, I wouldn't live much longer. I couldn't. I just simply can not live without him. If I would have died first, I would have told God I simply can't come in those gates. I couldn't, without Jake. I wouldn't. My Heaven would be a hell without him. _

_I clutch the pillow harder to me, my sobs shaking my whole body. Where was my love? Why did he leave me like this? Didn't he love me? Why, how, could he do this to me? To damn me to such a horrid fate?!_

"_How?" I ask Dad. _

"_How what?" _

_I choke back tears as I ask softly, "how did Jake die."_

_His eyes soften. He strokes my hair, but I jerk away. I don't want any of my hairs falling onto Jake's pillow. _

"_Mile, he died nobly. Luke killed him while he was protecting you--_

"_NO!" I moan into the bed. So this was my fault. I pull viciously at my hair and dig my nails into my scalp until I could feel my hair matted with blood. I brought his pillow closer to my face. The scent is gone. I let out a cry--_

"Miley! Wake up!"

_--pain is strangling me. My love is gone. He is gone. I let out a cry of agony--_

"Miley, baby, come on!"

_--I feel power come over me as I jump up. I am not going to live without him. I run to the bathroom and shut the door and lock it. I run to the cabinets--_

"Miley, please!"

_--and pull out a razor. It gleams in the light. I press it to my wrist, knowing if I did this long enough it would all be over. Crimson blood falls down my arms and stains the floor--_

"Miley!"

I jumped. My eyes ached. I tried opened them, finding them sore. Just like my dream. I felt sobs shake my body with a power I never knew I had.

I needed Jake.

"She's awake!" A voice called in relief. I snapped my eyes open. The room was white. Bright white.

Am I in Heaven? I wondered. When I saw a face so beautiful that it didn't belong on Earth, I knew I was. I jumped up, forgetting about everything and hurdled myself to him. He hugged me tightly and I sobbed into his shirt and held onto so tightly my fingernails were stabbing into his back. I couldn't let go. He might leave. I breathed his scent in, feeling more relieved than words could ever express. He stroked my hair and I kissed him on the mouth. I was still blinded by tears. He was here! He was really here with me! I could feel him, see him, smell him!!

Once my crying ceased enough to see, I noticed two things. The first, just because an angel was here didn't mean I was in Heaven. The second, Jake's family and part of mine were all looking at me in bewilderment. The waiting room was empty except for them, and for that I was grateful.

"Come on," Jake whispered, his voice like chocolate to my ears, "let's sit down." I nodded and he helped me over to a chair. He sat down at I looked at the only other available chair. It was across the room. Nuh uh, I lost him once. I am NOT losing him again. He just smiled at me and gently pulled me down on his lap. I buried my face in his neck, letting tears glide down my face.

That night, there were two Ryan women crying for the loss of their love.

I can only pray and thank God with everything I can that mine is here with me again.


	15. Resistance

--

"Please don't make me go!" I cried as I held tightly on to Jake's hand. He sighed and hugged me before pointing up at the tall white building,

"Come on, Mile. I love you, you know that. Because of that, I want you to get better. That's why you need to go talk to that shrink." He said gently, going all serious with that "Mile" stuff again.

I groaned in frustration, "_Jake!_ You're making it sound like I have conjunctivitis or some sickness that can be cured! I'm _not sick_! I'm just having nightmares!"

"...conjunctivitis?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.

"You know, pink eye?"

"I know what it is I just wondered why you randomly used it..."

"Well it was the first thing that came to my mind!" I said defensively.

"You know, I didn't think I needed to but now I'm starting to fear for your sanity."

"Hey!"

"Well I mean if your wishing conjunctivitis on someone..."

"I never said I was wishing it on someone!" I exclaimed.

"Sure."

"Ugh! You're so mean!" I joked.

"You're violent." He grinned.

"You make up stuff about me!"

He smiled, "Just go in there and spill your guts to that shrink."

"Spill your guts? _Now _who is being violent?"

He sighed, "Come on, for me," then he gave me this really cute look...and I tried to say no, I really did! But it came out more like,

"Fine."

He smiled and kissed me before waving, "Bye! Be a good girl!"

I rolled my eyes, "Sure, I'll make sure not to get my name on the board!"

He was laughing as he drove off, leaving me in hell.

I may be wrong, but isn't it some sort of form of abuse to abandon your wife in hell? I think there's like a law...

Can you call in abuse on husbands? I think you can...but I'm gonna need a good lawyer.

Okay so maybe, just maybe, turning him in for abuse is kind of rash...but I mean come on! He tries to call me psycho then goes and talks about spilling guts everywhere! Now_ that's _a blood bath!

I walked quietly up the stairs to the somewhat familiar office. I didn't even bother knocking. I just threw open the door.

JAMES "Trace's" POV:

"You really shouldn't be here." I said without looking up from my papers. I heard him laugh coldly,

"Really? Because I think I should, James." Lukas spat.

"You shouldn't. I have clients coming and I can't have you here creeping them out." I said with more attitude then I meant too. Swiftly, he grabbed the back of my neck with his hand and applied pressure.

"You listen to me, James. The only thing keeping me from killing you right here is the fact that you can help me. So do what I say, I don't want any lip!"

I nodded as I tried not to scream out. He nodded and then sat down in the chair across from my desk,

"When is she coming again?"

"She was supposed to come again a long time ago. She might have decided not to come anymore."

He hissed underneath his breath in anger and said, "She better."

Suddenly, the doorknob turned and Miley herself came walking in the door..

MILEY'S POV:

I sighed and walked in the room. The stupid shrink was sitting behind his desk and someone else was seated in the seat that I guessed I was supposed to sit in.

"Uhh, hello Miley!" He greeted, looking paler than usual. The other patient went tense at the sound of my name.

Hmm, guess he's not a fan...

I stood awkwardly at the door while the dumb shrink had a glaring contest with the guy in the chair...or at least that's what it looked like.

For some weird reason, the man's head looked familiar. I don't know why though. Maybe I know him?

I edged closer, trying to get a look of the man's face.

"Now, now Ethan...get it all out. Why don't you _go into the bathroom _and get a hold of yourself, then call your mother to come get you," My stupid therapist Trace Anderson said softly to the man in the chair. I heard him sniffle and I felt so bad for him. I could hear his sobs and it made me want to comfort the poor guy!

He walked to the bathroom on the other side of the room, not once looking my way, and shut the door.

"Miley! I'm so pleased to see you showed up again!" He said with a wide smile.

"Yeah, okay, Mr. Anderson." I growled grudgingly.

"Nonsense, call me Trace." He said with a creepy grin. I nodded and awkwardly sat in the chair the sobbing man had just gotten out of.

"So listen here, Trace," I spat, "I don't want to be here at all. The only reason I'm going to talk to you is because Jake wants me to."

He nodded, "That's understandable. So why don't we start out about this story I watched you confess on TV..."

I nodded curtly, "Yes, go on."

"Well...how does it make you feel?" He asked.

"I don't know, scared I guess."

He nodded, "You don't want to get hurt?"

I shook my head, "No, well yes I guess, but I don't want him to hurt anyone that I love..."

"Like Jake?" Trace suggested. I nodded fervently,

"That's sorta of the reason I'm being forced to come...I've been having these nightmares..."

"Yes.."

"And well, they've been greatly hurting my life," my voice cracked, "I just want to know if you can help them stop."

He locked eyes with me for a second. His eyes held pity. I hated pity.

"I will try." he said, averting his eyes from mine, "do you think...you could tell me these dreams?"

It was easy to talk to Trace. I told him all three of the dreams I had had in detail, I didn't falter once.

Once I was done, I was a tad shaken up. That last nightmare had really gotten to me, "and I just want them to stop." I finished desperately.

"Why?" Trace asked simply.

"Because! You can't imagine how horrible it is to be in your own living hell every night when you go to sleep! To see your worst fear presented in a new way each night! It's horrible!" I wiped at my eyes, trying to keep the tears in.

He tapped his fingers together, "I think your self-conscience is trying to tell you something."

I raised my eyebrows.

"For example, in the second dream how did you end up dying?"

"By fire."

"But why did you?"

"Because I couldn't watch Jake die."

"Right. And in the third dream why did you kill yourself?" He asked.

"Because Jake was dead." I replied.

"Exactly! It's all a complete circle!" He exclaimed.

"I don't get it, Trace." I muttered.

"Maybe you're trying to tell yourself something. Maybe it's showing you something..." He stopped and glanced at the bathroom door.

"I'm glad the office is sound proof," he laughed nervously then continued, "_maybe _it's telling you not to show what you are now!"

"Huh?" I was confused.

"Stay with me, Miley," he said. He was excited he was figuring all this out, "Your self-conscience is showing you your weakness!! And if Luke knew of this, he would know EXACTLY how to break you!!"

My eyes widened.

"But, if you could find a way to make it appear less..." He stopped and started pacing behind his desk. He look frustrated,

"I _want _to tell you so much! I want to be the good guy! But I...I can't!" He groaned as he pulled at his black hair.

"Tell me what?" I asked slowly.

He didn't reply.

"Look, if you did, it would just be between me and you. I would swear to tell no one else!" I exclaimed. This looked important, I felt the most strong urge to know. He eyed me cautiously,

"No one?"

"I swear on everything." He flinched at the words.

He came and sat down in the seat beside me, "What if...what if Luke was planning another attack?"

A shiver went down my spine. The room seemed to drop thirty temperatures.

"What if it involved a certain someone close to you dying..--

"NO!" I screamed hysterically, my eyes wide and my heart aching.

"But...what if you had someone on the inside...kind of like a double agent..."

I raised my eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

He leaned forward, "What if I knew what he was planning and what I could tell him to make him not do what would hit home? What if I could make him believe something that wasn't true...but that would save you? What would you say?"

He's more insane than I thought. He is not making any sense. I'm so confused.

"Is this some way of making the nightmares stop?" I asked.

"NO! Listen to me, please!" He begged, "he wants to kill everyone close to you! He's my brother!"

I eyed him warily, this wasn't funny, "Yea, right, and I might as well be his father. Hell where is he? When you see him tell him I said 'Luke, I am your father!'" I said sarcastically, using quotations around the famous Star Wars quote.

"I'm serious!! I know what he's going to do! You have to believe me!" He begged again.

"This isn't nice," I said with my voice shaking, "what are you playing at?"

I glared at him and stood up and began walking to the door.

"I'm playing in the middle of a game of life or death," He spat. I stopped and turned around slowly.

This was mental. How could he be Luke's brother? But then again, this was so Luke...finding out my worst fears and making them come true...but then again, how do I know if this guy is even really going to be on my side? But I suppose it can't get any worse. Luke will do what he he wants no matter what anyone says.

"It won't help." I said quietly, "no one can stop him."

Trace stood up and walked beside me, "We can do this, Miley. I may not have known you very long, but I know together we can beat him! We just need someone else, another inside scoop..."

Suddenly, I felt like a thousand bricks slammed into my body. I felt ready to throw up. I deserve to DIE. I'm a horrible person.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed.

"What?" He asked.

"Luann! Luann! My cousin, she tried to save me! My God, I forget about her?! HOW COULD I DO THAT? Oh my God," I moaned as I felt ready to cry.

"Luke said when he got back she wasn't there. I'm sure she's fine."

"No! She could be hurt! She could even be the inside source!" I exclaimed.

"He won't trust her again." Trace said.

"Then who will he trust?"

"We need to find someone he can trust. We can do this."

When he said it so confidently, I believed it. "Maybe we can..."

"Okay, so tell me some pointless stuff I can tape record to prove Lukas I got some stuff--

"Lukas?" I laughed.

He smiled, "Yea, I forgot he doesn't go by that anymore."

We sat down in front of the desk and I asked, "What's your real name?"

"James Oken,"

The name rang a bell...

_Flashback (1st chapter MLPFM):_

_-And he thinks he's like...the best person in the world." Oliver said to his Lilly and I who were not listening._

"_Whatcha say?" Lilly asked with a yawn. She looked over at me. I was currently trying to sleep on the table._

"_I was saying that my cousin is coming here tomorrow!" Oliver said. He looked at me asleep on the table. He leaned over to me and said,_

"_You know...you could at least pretend your listening." I yawned and said,_

"_Too much work. Ignoring you and not pretending is easier." He glared and Lilly said,_

"_Oh! You mean James...that REALLY cute cousin of yours?"_

"_No I mean Luke." Oliver replied with distaste_

_END FLASHBACK:_

"My friend Lilly thinks your cute," I smiled at Trace, or James. I spent the rest of the meeting rambling on and on about random things into the tape recorder for Trace. I also wondered how on Earth to go about finding Luann and getting this horrid guilt off my shoulders. When it was over, I called Jake. I hated to lie to him, but I had to do this. I had to give this a try.

I remember thinking my life is a Harry Potter book when Luke kidnapped me what seemed like a thousand years ago. Now, it was even more reminding me of it.

It was like I had my own prophecy. Neither can live while the other survives...that's kind of like Luke and I. If he doesn't die, then he will keep at it until he kills me.

I deserve to give this a real try. I am going to kill Luke, or die trying. I am NOT putting up with his shit anymore. I'm so damn sick of it I could puke. My veins are pumping with fury and I feel like I could fly right now.

He is going to die. And when he does, I'm going to finally fall asleep with a smile. I will have dreams of a happy future with Jake, Cole and any other future babies.

Because I have realized something.

This is my damn life. I will NOT let Luke ruin it. He already hurt me enough already that I could stab him. You can not live in fear. And I won't do it anymore. I won't.

This is it, I can feel it in my heart, my soul, and my very bones. This is the time to take a stand and show _Lukas _that Miley Stewart-Ryan does NOT let people push her around. I'm going to show him what fear feels like.

He is going to be wishing he was burning in hell instead of being with me.

And if he lays a damned finger on ANYONE, he better go to the nearest church and get saved and pray to God he will forgive him, because that will be the only power to stop me from stomping on that little rat. He is not going to take me away from the people I love, and he is not going to make me cry every night! I am not going to let him do this!!

With a smile on my face, I realized maybe Jake was right...maybe I do think a little malevolently.

But hey, it's a dog eat dog world.

But once Luke is gone, it won't be so bad. In fact, it will be pretty darn happy.


	16. From Hard to Harder

"So, how was the meeting?" Jake asked later that night after I had gotten Cole to sleep.

I hesitated, "Well, it was...bearable."

He nodded then said, "Good. I'm glad it was."

I sighed as I sat down on the couch beside him. He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled up to his chest.

"Do you think things will get easier?" I asked him softly. He pondered that for a moment.

"Yea, yea I do." I smiled up at him. I believed it when he said it.

"School starts soon, so once we have that going on life will fall back into a normal pace," He said thoughtfully, as if the thought of school hadn't crossed his mind in a long time.

"I suppose it will. Well, as normal as our lives are able to be." I laughed lightly. He smiled and kissed me gently. As much as I longed to deepen the kiss, for some reason it didn't feel like the time. I kept it short and sweet.

"Cole's a good little baby," I said randomly as a smile spread across my face at the thought of him, "he certainly is lovable. Doesn't cry much either."

"Well what do you expect, your his mother!" Jake exclaimed. I lightly punched his shoulder before saying,

"I just hope we can raise him right, you know? I want him to be a good person..."

"I'm sure he will be," Jake said with a grin, "and if he isn't we can ground him until he is because we have that power!"

"Oh yes, the fabulous power of being able to boss kids around!" I said sarcastically.

Jake grinned slyly then said, "_Kids_, you got another one somewhere in there?" then he brought his hand down to my stomach and began tickling me. I squealed in laughter and tried to move away from him. I swatted at his hand as they moved the fabric covering my stomach, causing the tickling to increase by at least ninety-nine percent. I slipped off the couch while trying to jerk away from his hand and slid on the floor.

"Stop...tickling...me," I struggled out between my howls of laughter. Soon I was finding it hard to breathe due to the constant laughter. I fell backward—the laughter was making it hard to even hold myself up—and Jake caught himself before falling completely on top of my body. He held himself up with one arm and continued tickling me with no mercy. Once I got to the point where I seriously could not breathe, he pulled the offending hand away. I glared at him and tried to catch my breath.

He smiled down at me. God, I loved that smile. He dipped his head down and caught my lips with his. Now this DID feel like the right time to deepen a kiss. As the kiss got hotter, I remember thinking that the person to interrupt us was going to face hell.

But much to my pleasure—and Jake's—no one did. We could share the intimate moments we hadn't been able to lately.

Of course, the sweet moments of no interruption only lasted for about an hour after.

We were cuddled up, sitting on the living room floor. Meaningless chatter filled the air as we enjoyed each other's company and warm body next to ours.

"Then, of course, mom grounded me," I laughed lightly as I finished telling a story of my time in Tennessee. He kissed me for a few moments before saying,

"Well she should of. You set your neighbors cat on fire!"

"Yea, well, he had it coming." I defended. He laughed and it echoed on the high ceilings.

Suddenly, something hits the window, shattering through the glass.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" I shrieked. Jake screamed something very similar to what I did, but with an alternation in the swear word choice. I stumbled up, and ran faster than I ever had before to my room. I threw on a robe and ran out to the living room and threw Jake his.

I picked up a rock. It was the object that just shattered the window.

"Miley!" I heard a voice hiss. I jumped then looked out the window. A terrified looking Lilly was standing in the doorway. I ran out to her.

"Lilly! What the hell? Why did you throw a rock at the window?!"

She shook her head with tears falling down her face.

"I didn't," she struggled out.

"Then who did?!" I demanded. She ignored the question but just said,

"Listen, Miley, I'm leaving."

The word's shook me.

"Leaving? What?"

She didn't answer me. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "Lillian! What are you talking about?!"

A note of hysteria fought its way into my voice. She quietly sobbed before looking up at me,

"I have to leave Malibu. Please don't ask me why, Miley, I just have to!"

Her crying increased.

"What?! Why?!"

She shook her head again then said, "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" I insisted. Then I looked at her in panic, "where will you go? You don't have enough money to buy an apartment!"

She shook her head again, "I don't know. I don't know."

I took her hand and pulled her into the house. I didn't like standing outside at night in a robe. She tried to fight back, but gave up. Jake was looking at us in panic.

"Is she okay? What happened? Did someone hurt her?"

I shook my head, "I don't know!" I cried over her sobs, "she says she has to leave but she won't tell me why! And she doesn't have any money to get an apartment or anything!"

Jake nodded and ran off to God knows where, while I let Lilly cry on my shoulder.

"Lil," I said in a gentle voice, "if this is about your parents, you can stay here. Please think about this. You do not have to leave your whole life behind! How will you get a job? You haven't finished high school!"

"It's not about my parents. They don't know I'm leaving," She cried into my shoulder.

"Is this about Jackson and Oliver then? Don't listen to them, don't talk to them! Don't let them scare you out of town!" My anger flared even thinking the two had done something to run her out of town.

"It's not that...just...I can't..." she trailed off with a new stream of tears. I held her tighter to me, determined to talk her out of this. It didn't make sense to me. What could cause Lilly, probably the strongest person beside Luann that I knew, run away from her whole life?!

Jake came walking back in the room. He was carrying a wad of cash. I felt my heart warm at his thoughtfulness.

"Here," He said, handing it to Lilly, "that should be enough to get you by for a while."

She looked up at him with red, puffy eyes and hugged him tightly. I knew she probably appreciated his silent helping more than my probing.

"Lilly! Please tell me! You can't just leave your best friend and not tell her why! Please!" I cried with tears springing in my eyes.

"Miley! You don't understand," she cried desperately, "I have to but I _can't _tell you!"

"Are you pregnant? Married? Do you have some disease? What is it?!" I screamed.

"No, no, no!! I just...I have too!"

"Please don't leave me Lilly!! Please! Your my best friend!!" I cried as I clung to her as if she were dying.

"Y-Your my best friend, too. You always will be!" She said through her tears.

"Then w-why are you leaving?! When will you be back!?"

She avoided my eyes as she cried even more. I felt a blow hit my heart,

"You are coming back aren't you? Lilly!! Answer me! You're coming back!! You are!!" I screamed.

"I don't know," she struggled.

"Why are you leaving! Lilly, please tell me! We can fix it! Please! I know we can! Just don't go!" I exclaimed.

"Lilly," Jake said gently, "let's think of this rationally. Why don't you come in, sit down for some coffee, and we can talk--

"I can't! I've got to leave now!" She screamed.

"Lilly," I wailed, "You--

She cut me off by hugging me fiercely then digging through her pockets. She pulled out a pocket knife. What is she doing?! She opened it and sliced her palm open. I moved back in repulsion. She grabbed my hand and cut it also. The spearing pain stung my palm and I winced.

"You better not have a disease," she joked weakly as she pressed our bleeding palms together. She held them together for what seemed like forever while they bleed into each other.

"You see?" She asked, "we are sisters for real now. Your blood runs in my veins, and mine in yours. I'll always be here with you. Always."

Tears flowed down my face at a faster rate.

"Will you call, write, email?" I asked as I clenched my fist together.

"I can't," she apologized with tears in her eyes again, "it doesn't matter why. Just know you are my sister."

"You can't do this!!" I sobbed as she began walking to the door, "why?!"

She hugged me one last time and held my cut hand to hers, "I've got to go. Thanks for the money, I'll pay you back every cent once I get a job. Goodbye, Miley."

"Lilly!" I cried as she waved her bleeding hand one last time and jumped in her car. I watched her car until I couldn't see it anymore. I felt anger rise in my body fiercly. I stormed into the bedroom and tossed on a pair of orange shorts that were too small now, and a white long sleeved shirt. Jake followed in suit and got dressed, all the while he was trying to say something but I didn't answer. I was pissed off. I grabbed Cole's diaper bag, then went upstairs and grabbed him and stormed outside. I jumped in the car and stabbed the keys in the ignition. I fastened Cole in his car seat and Jake barely made it in the passenger side before the car shot off.

"Miley," he said for the thousandth time, "MILEY! Calm down!"

"I can't!! This is their damn fault!! All theirs! How could they do that?!"

Dismissing the fact it was pretty darn late, I pulled into Dad's driveway and slammed on the brakes. I jumped out of the car, grabbed Cole, and stormed into the house.

All the lights were out. I knew Jackson was here because his car was parked in the driveway.

"YOU BASTARD!" I screamed loudly. A few moments later I heard Dad and Jackson running down the stairs. Dad and Jackson's hair were tossed in a thousand direction and each looked like they had just been woken up.

"What is going on?" Dad asked sleepily. I marched up to Jackson and slapped him across the face,

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?! WHAT ON EARTH!! HOW COULD YOU!? JUST BECAUSE YOU TWO DON'T GO OUT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TREAT HER LIKE TRASH!! WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU BETTER TELL ME OR I SWEAR I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!"

All of them—Dad, Jake, and Jackson—stared at me in shock. Cole started crying.

"Miles," Jackson said with his mouth open in shock, "I don't know what your talking about!"

"Lilly!" I screamed, "She left Malibu forever!! She just packed up and left!! She doesn't even know where she's going, she didn't have any money or anything! She looked so upset! What did you do to her?!"

"Wait, bud!" Dad intervened, "Lilly left?"

"Yes," I cried as I felt my cut still stinging and bleeding on my palm, "she wouldn't tell me why!"

"Miley...I-I didn't do anything!" Jackson exclaimed.

"The hell you didn't!!" I thundered.

"I didn't! Why would I?! I love her!" He screamed at me. I let my eyes fill with tears.

"Daddy," I cried, "she left forever! She didn't even tell me where or why she was leaving! She just left! She said she couldn't even send me an email!"

Dad took me in his arms. I cried and he smoothed my hair back. Anger hit me again.

"If it wasn't your fault, then it was her parents!! They always fight and ignore her all the time!! It's their fault!"

I ran over to the phone. I was going to give them a piece of my mind all right.

"Miley," Dad said as he pulled me away from the phone, "come on sweetheart, let's get you, that baby, and Jake to bed now. It's late."

"Fine!" I cried as I walked off to the car. Dad stopped me,

"No, just stay here tonight." Jake agreed and the two were talking about something. I walked blindly up the stairs to the guest room, seat a very sleepy and upset Cole into the cradle Dad kept at his house, and crawled under the covers with Jake. Once in his arms, I felt a little better.

Why did I feel all the sudden like things are getting harder, not easier?

**A/n: Wow where to start. First off, the cutting the hands scene I saw in some movie...I can't remember what it's called though...it was a good movie...lol.  
**


	17. First Day

"Mrs. Ryan," the cold voice sneered in my ear, "why don't you come up and take names?"

I wish this was just a nightmare right now. But it wasn't. Mr. Angle (who, ironically enough, taught math) had this grudge on me. And it worried me seeing as though this was my first day of Senior year and my first block, and I already had an enemy.

No familiar faces littered this class. Jake had been unable to get every single one of our classes together—all though somehow Oliver ended up in all his classes—so I was all alone this block. All my other classes I had either with Jake, or Oliver.

Lilly was still where only God knew.

Now, I'm not sure what kind of triangle Mr. Angle has up his butt, but I'm willing to bet it's an obtuse one. He's been referring to me as "Mrs. Ryan" with that little sneer all block, and it's pissing me off. I think it has something to do with his wedding band-less finger. If the guy hates calling me "Mrs." that bad, couldn't he just call me Miley like normal people?

So now, probably for some humiliating reason, he has me taking names while he goes off somewhere (best guess is to angle that triangle out of his ass).

I climbed out of my desk, and walked to the front of the room. The room is cold and feels uninviting. I keep dreading the next 11 or so months (give or take a few weeks).

As I reached the front of the class, I decided all men are scum. Well, Oliver and Jake aren't, but other than them...

All the guys seem to care about is looking at girls. They didn't seems to feel any shame in looking me up and down, but I sure did. I was torn at that moment between kicking them in the balls, or shaking it off.

"You will all listen to, _Mrs. Ryan_, while I am gone. She will take the names of everyone who talks and those people will be punished with strong disciplinary actions."

All the guys on the back row snorted at the last five words. At Seaview High, "punished with strong disciplinary actions" meant they expelled you from a place you didn't even want to be at in the first place. What a pity.

Mr. Angle then leaves me to the sharks. Okay, a little drastic, but seriously. All I had to defend myself was an Expo marker!

They all looked at me (some with very wolfish glances, namely guys) and I wrote "Names" in neat print on the board.

Suddenly, about fifteen hands fly in the air. I raised my eyebrows. Why did I suddenly feel like a teacher?

"Uhh...yea?" I asked, confused at whether or not they were asking my permission to talk or not.

"What was it like having a murderer after you?"

"What's Jake like (sigh) he's such a damn hottie!!!! (squeal)"

"Aww, do you have a picture of Cole? He's such a darling!"

"How much cash do you make in an hour?!"

"Why don't you dump Zombie loser and come see a real man?"

"Want to come over Sunday for tea?"

"Wow, you're very pretty."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M IN CLASS WITH HANNAH FREAKING MONTANA!!!"

"Can I have your autograph?"

"Can I have a piece of your hair?!"

"Can I have your towels?!"

"Can I touch your hand?"

"What's Jake's favorite thing to--

"STOP!" I yelled. All the people stopped talking.

"The moment I step into this building, I'm here to learn so I can get my diploma. Which means all questions should be asked after school," I smiled sweetly then said, "I would love to talk to you guys at lunch, if you want. But now I need silence because if Mr. Angle comes back with that obtuse angle stuck up his fat ass even further—"

"What was that, _Mrs_.?" A voice that made me even more pissed off called quietly. Cold fear ran down my spine.

"Uhm...I said...uhh..." I stuttered. He glared and dug into his bag. He pulled out a pad of yellow write up slips and wrote something down. Then he flung it in my face,

"GO TO THE PRINCIPAL! I WILL NOT HAVE SOME...UNDISCIPLINED WHORE MESSING UP MY CLASS!!!"

The words surprisingly didn't sting. My eyebrows raised. His eyes widened as he realized he shouldn't have said what he said. I merely shrugged then said,

"What ever you wish to think of me, Mr. Angle. Have a wonderful day!" Then I grabbed my bag and purse and slammed the door shut.

Un-freaking-believable.

My first block during my first damn day and I get sent to the principals office. To think I gave my baby up to Dad for six hours for _this_ made me pretty ill.

I sighed heavily as I shuffled down the hall. I should have known this day was going to be wild. This morning was something...first, the alarm clock wouldn't work. I got up fifteen minutes late. Cole was being cranky, and Jake...don't even get me started. I had to pour water on his head to get him up. Truthfully, I thought that was slightly 8th grade-ish. But whatever. Then I couldn't find what I wanted to wear, and the festering hole in my heart that Lilly left hurt even more. I ended up wearing a pair of jeans and a cute babydoll top.

"Whoa, hall pass young lady?" A strict voice asked.

_Damn it all to hell. _

"Uh..."

"Not having a hall pass results in suspension!!" The person screeched. I looked up from my shoes into the face of a very...young male teacher. Okay, I'll come right out and say it, he was hot as a burrito!

Yikes. Hot as a burrito...? I think I've been hanging around dear sweet Ollie Olive too much.

But yeah, he was. Of course, Jake was hotter, but no one can be hotter than him. I read his name tag "Mr. Tyler".

He ogled at me when he looked at my face. I winced.

"You're...you're...you're..." He made a incoherent sputtering sound. A smirk came over my face as I smiled, reached into my back pocket, and pulled out my schedule.

"Hannah Montana," I supplied with a smile. Then I tapped his name tag and said, "and I think you're my Literature teacher."

He just made more weird noises.

"Annnyway, about that pass, you see I—

"No, it's okay. Go about your business!"

I smiled and waved goodbye.

_Awesome. _

Of course, I had gone no more than six steps when a different voice rang out, "Where's your hall passport?!"

I grimaced. I was sure this time I wouldn't be lucky enough to have a young, star-struck teacher let me off the hook.

"I am on my way to the principals office...?" I said meekly, hoping that would mean I didn't have to get the pass. I glanced up to see a strict old woman with her hair pulled back in a bun, and a scowl on her face.

"Sure, sure. I bet you were just skipping class! Come on, you are going to call your legal guardian!"

She grabbed my elbow and pulled me down the hall. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I settled on saying it to myself in my head.

_You stupid, strict teacher! I'm gonna sue you faster than Uncle Earl devours turkey on Thanksgiving! And that's pretty damn fast! Let go of my arm right this moment! Right this moment!_

Of course, she didn't reply. She (very viciously I might add) pushed me into a small room by the front office that a chair, a phone, and a fax machine resided in.

She picked up the phone and turned to me, "What's your legal guardian's name and number?"

I pondered this, "I'm not really sure."

"What do you mean?!"

"Uh...well...I mean, I'm married so does that make me my own guardian? Or my Dad still my guardian?" I asked.

"..."

"Well...um...bye!"

Then I ran off. That wasn't the smartest move, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. I quickly ran through the front office and back to the principals office.

I knocked on his door. A few moments later a middle aged man stuck his head out the door and said,

"How may I help you?"

"Uh...well...Mr. Angle mighta...um...sent me here..." I muttered as I stared at my feet. He sighed,

"On the first day?! Let me see that slip." I handed it over. He read it silently then sighed.

"Come take a seat, Miley."

I liked this guy already.

I nodded obediently and took a seat in front of his desk. I played with the hem of my shirt while he sat calmly at his desk.

"Mrs., we can not have this at Seaview. And I will not tolerate it. I won't. I don't know what—

"THIS IS ABSOLUTELY, UNAMBIGUOUSLY, UTTERLY STUPID! I HAVE DONE NOTHING! YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL MY LAWYERS HEAR ABOUT THIS! YOU'LL BE LIVING OFF COCKROACHES AND SPIDER LEGS FOR A YEAR!"

The strongly familiar voice screamed that from outside the office.

"I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU MR. RYAN! COME ON, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A CHAT WITH THE PRINCIPAL!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A CHAT! I HAVE FREEDOM AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN! I CAN VOTE FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

I couldn't decide whether to be upset, or laugh. The office door opened to show the woman I had just escaped holding by his ear. She gasped when she saw me,

"YOU!"

Jake grinned and laughed when he saw me, "What's up, Bonnie?"

I smiled back and said, "Nothing much, Clyde."

He casually exclaimed his nails, "What havoc have you managed to wreck?"

I eyed him and that woman, "I could ask you the same thing,"

"Mr. Ryan, take a seat next to Mrs. Ryan." The principal said calmly.

"Always." Jake said as he sat down in the seat next to me. The woman was having a spasm attack by now.

"She—running—away—legal—how!!" She screamed.

"What did you do to her?" Jake whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine. I just grinned and stared forward.

"Why don't you tell us what happened, Victoria?" Mr. Bald Guy suggested. I'm not sure what his real name is. For right now, it's mister bald guy.

"Well, Mr. Ryan was being a nuisance, a bad egg—

I had to intervene there, "Now that isn't very nice, Alana is a lovely lady."

"Shut your little mouth!"

"Don't talk so rude to her!" Jake exclaimed.

"Shush up, zombie boy—

"Hey! Don't make fun of his zombies!" I yelled.

"SILENCE!" The principal yelled. We fell silent.

"Now, Victoria, tell me what happened with Mr. Ryan."

"Okay well this is how it happened. I was standing in front of the class teaching about math and I said they had to do some minor homework—

"you said one hundred problems!" Jake intervened.

"Do not interrupt me! So then Mr. Ryan goes 'Who do you think I am? I am THE Jake Ryan! I don't have to do your math things! I'm so famous, Akon is jealous! Of course, I don't molest kids but yea...I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!!! Everyone knows my name, everyone even knows my favorite color!' so I say, 'Mr. Ryan, leave my class!' so then he has the nerve to say 'No! I'm the star, you leave! I'm a bigger person!'"

By the end of that even I was looking at Jake with raised eyebrows.

"Don't you have any respect for teachers?" I asked him sternly, "you can't just go and release your ego like that!! I want you to apologize to her, and tell her you're sorry for saying those nasty things to her!"

He crossed his arms and said, "She was rude to me."

"Mrs. Ryan," Mr. Bald Guy said, "I don't think you have the right to yell at Mr. Ryan about him not respecting the staff after what you did!"

"Yea, what _did _you do?" Jake asked.

"Well...um..." I said awkwardly.

"Mr. Angle informs me that she said and I quote: ' Mr. Angle comes back with that obtuse angle stuck up his fat ass even further'"

I blushed deep red and murmured to myself, "Damn, he has a good memory."

"And she ran away from me when I was trying to call her legal guardian in the hallway!! The little disrespectful, bratty, sluuu..." She stopped before the word 'slut' was completely formed around her tongue. Jake seethed with anger and pounced up, looking ready to kill her.

"YOU—"

I calmly placed my hand over Jake's mouth and pushed him down in his seat. I glanced at the principal, and gestured to the woman, "May I?"

He inclined his head toward me. I advanced on the woman, glancing at her name tag inconspicuously.

"You know what, Ms. Bleak, I've been getting called variations of that word by people in this school since I walked in the door. But not by students, by teachers," I walked closer to her, causing her to shoot a panicked glance at Mr. Bald Guy, "I don't believe I deserve this treatment. I don't have to be here. I've got plenty of money, I came back because I wanted to get my diploma. I wonder, Ms. Bleak, why you do not call Anna Gail Brown a slut instead of me? I was under the impression a slut, or a whore as Mr. Angle called me, was somewhat like a prostitute. Anna Gail sleeps with _everything._ But yet, no one discriminates against her, strange eh?"

Everyone was watching me in silence. I calmly tucked a piece of hair behind my ear,

"You see, teachers in high school say the children are to blame for the low graduation and teen pregnancy rates. I disagree. In high school, you are considered a loser if you don't sleep with people. But yet, you're a whore if you have a baby. How the hell is that justified? You teachers are just as bad! You don't discriminate unless the person is/was pregnant."

Mr. Bald Guy was watching me with a curious expression on his face, he wanted to hear what I have to say.

"Your opinion doesn't matter!" She spat in my face, "You're just a immature, rich, snotty, teenager!"

I laughed bitterly, "What is it with teachers at this school being so damn mean?! No, Ms., you have it all wrong. Teenager's opinions are often casted away because they have not experienced as much as a 25 year old. That's why you have to be 25 to join the senate. So, in a way, you are right. Teenager's opinions don't matter. But damn it all, I've been stalked and attacked by a murderer/rapist about a dozen times! Don't you think that makes it plausible that a few people might take my views seriously?"

She was still looking at me with a hard glare in her eyes, "I don't want my last year to be like this. I could easily tell on you and Mr. Angle, what you've called me is offense and the school board will fire you. I really don't want to have to go there. All I want, is for everyone to get off my back. Is that enough to ask? I've stated my peace—

"We know, it's on the front of a millions magazines as we speak." She spat.

I ignored her, "now all I want is for you to all back off. So the next time you decide to call someone a slut, point in the right direction, M'kay?"

It was silent after that.

Mr. Bald Guy calmly said, "Have you ever considered debate team?"

I shook my head. I was so sick of this. When the hell would my life get normal again!? Teachers being horrible, murderers, best friends running off...

My life is highly screwed.


	18. Notes In History

**A/n: I PROMISE I wasn't high when I wrote this. Just a little BORED OUT OF MY MIND, which is a common cause for insanity if you didn't know. In the notes the BOLD writing is JAKE, the **_ITALIC _**writing is **_MILEY, _**and the **UNDERLINE **is dear **OLIVER.

* * *

"Psst! Pass this to Jake!"

_scribble, scratch, scribble_

"Will you pass this to Oliver please?"

_scratch, scribble, scratch_

"Yo, Miley, give this to Jake!"

_scribble, scratch, scribble_

"To Oliver, thank you."

_scratch, scribble, scratch_

"Give it to Jake."

_scribble, scratch, scribble. _

This was all that went on during Health class and now we're in History and it's STILL going on! Maybe it's just me, but I want to learn! I don't want to pass notes from between Oliver and Jake this whole class! And WHAT are they talking about anyway?

"Hey can you give this to--

"NO!," I hissed at them, "what, are you two secret lovers now?"

I snatched the note off Jake's desk and glared at them both before unfolding it.

Okay, so maybe it's rude to read people's notes but come on...I think I had the right. Maybe.

I flattened the note some so it was legible. Ugh, men handwriting. The worst.

**Becca Weller is trying to stare daggers at the back of your head, but every time she does she winces in pain because of her black eye. Lol. **

I looked at the first writing, it was Jake's. I laughed internally. The black eye was somewhat of my doing.

Oliver (who usually is like a personal sun ray that cheers you up), was unusually mad when he came into health (the first of the two classes we all three have together). Not only did that bitch Lydia tell everyone he left her, she also told them he was an abusive father to Emily. I got a hold of all of them, though. They got an earful, and Becca got a mouthful of fist and a black eye. She didn't believe me. Now the dentist isn't going to believe her story of "falling down the stairs" and losing her front tooth. Becca was too proud to tell on me. It upset me so much that they were saying this because Oliver was an excellent father! Emily was his everything! How dare they say he hit her! That's the reason he was so upset this morning; he was away from Emily.

I looked back at the note:

Yea, you know, she really doesn't look that good now that she's missing two teeth..

**Two teeth? I thought it was just that one...**

Well...Miley knocked out the right one and Becca knocked the left one out when she was trying to hit Miley back. Haha. 

**Wow. She hurt herself trying to hurt someone else. Someone should have taught that girl how to throw a punch. **

Seriously. Wow, she is staring at me bad. Hmm, I think she's mad. 

**No shit. **

Damn this class is boring. Haha, look at Miley over there paying attention!

**She's probably text messaging! Her attention span isn't that good!**

Maybe not for you. & no..her phone is off. I tried to call it at lunch because these mean sophomores were picking on me. 

**Sophomores? Wow, you need Miley to protect you from sophomores?!**

I never was popular like you, Jake Ryan. 

**Still! Did that old hag just say homework on the first day of school?**

Yes. Ugh. I'm so screwed. 

**Maybe this school thing wasn't such a bright idea. Speaking of, have you heard anything from Lilly?**

Nah, but Emily sure misses her.

**You love her don't you?**

What kind of question is that? What are you, Dr. Phil?

**I know you do. Oliver loves Lilly, Oliver loves Lilly, Oliver loves Lilly!! **

Real mature. 

**Annette is staring at you. **

She can look, but she can never have. 

**Speaking of girls, I think Miley is getting sick of passing this note around. **

The note ended there. I looked up at them and rolled my eyes before grabbing my pen:

_Ya think? And geez, would it kill you two to pay attention?_

Yes. I would rather kill myself than pay attention. Or stick a tampon up my ass. 

**Dude, why are you talking about tampons?**

_You're both mad, mad I tell you!_

I can talk about them if I want! It's not like I even know how to do that anyway!

**I'm sure if you wanted to know Miley would tell you lol**

_Uhm..._

Okay then, Dr., tell me.

_What! I'm not going to tell you that!_

**Go ahead and tell him, I think this'll be very hilarious. **

It's an innocent question. 

_You're all creeping me out. Bye bye now._

Noooo I need to know!!!! The curiosity is KILLING me!!! 

_Read a book!! Ask your Mom! Go on Yahoo! Answers!!_

**Look up pictures online**

_EW! Don't tell him that Jake! He'll really do that!! _

People have pictures of that?

_No. Don't listen to him. _

**Why not? I think I'm pretty smart myself. **

_Oliver, stop being a dumb ass and lets all pay attention to the board. _

Not until you tell me. 

_Geez Oliver! I'm not going to explain that to you!_

**I can ask the teacher if you want. **

_NOOO!!!_

Then tell me or I'll tell the teacher you want to know how. 

_You wouldn't!!!!_

**He would. **

I would. 

**I already said that you lame-o!**

Lame-o? What kind of word is that?!

**A...lame-o word!!**

_Guys! Stop arguing! _

Answer my question.

Answer my question.

Answer my question.

Answer my question. 

Answer my question. 

Answer my question!!

**I seriously can't believe you just spend 10 minutes writing that so Miley will tell you how to put in a tampon. **

I can. 

_So can I. He's really weird. Listen, Oliver, if you really want to know that bad buy a box. There are instructions inside with little illustrations. _

I'm more of an auditory learner. 

**For goodness sakes, Oliver! Just ask someone else!**

Fine I'll ask Becca. 

_Oliver! Don't you dare!_

**Wait..where is he going?**

_Oh my gosh! He's asking her!_

**He's on crack. **

_He's on something alright. Right now judging by the way he's making hand gestures as to how he thinks it works, he's dropping acid. _

**Man. That had to hurt. Apparently she can throw a punch. **

_Poor Oliver...he can't even walk straight! _

**Ow...that ground looks hard. Maybe we should go help him up. **

_Nah. _

**Why?**

_I told him not to. _

**Oh yea. So do you want to just leave him there. **

_Sure maybe he'll learn his lesson. Hey, he's coming back. _

Ow. ow. ow. Damn, apparently I said the wrong thing. 

**Oliver. You. Are. A. Dumb. Ass. **

_I second that. Do I even want to know what you said?_

Uhm, probably not. It involved me expressing how I'm a visual learner. 

_UGH! Oliver, you're so stupid sometimes! Wow, you're eye is starting to bleed around the corner..._

**And your nose! Look at that, it's like a waterfall!**

I wonder if a tampon would stop it. 

_GET OVER TAMPONS ALREADY OLIVER GEEZ!!! _

**Why don't you ask Becca for one to stop your nose bleeding. **

_Jake! Don't tell him that!_

**Kidding. **

_Wait...WHERE IS HE GOING!?_

**Would you look at that? Wow, his head rotated around his neck twice!!**

_He's sooo stupid!_

**Yea, he really is. **

_At least I know what to get him for Christmas! _

**LOL**

I'm better now guys.

**Oliver...what is in you're nose...?**

One of Saint Sarah's all organic tampons. 

_Why is it green?_

I'm not really sure. 

**Gross. **

_Is it working out for you?_

Yep. I feel good as new. 

**I think the teacher is looking at us...**

_Destroy this! _

Oh my gosh, how to I get this think out?!!?!?!

_Pull the string. _

The string? I thought that side went up!! 

_That who thing fit up your nostril? _

Yes!!!

**Dude, where did it go?! I swear, that green thing was there like two seconds ago and now, nothing!!!  
**

I DON'T KNOW! IT'S WAY UP THERE!

_Haha, you're so screwed. _

**Haha! You're screwed! **

Dammit! 

_I'm leaving for real guys. You are all just strange. I don't exactly see why I like you guys. Note to self: Find a new group of normal friends._

**That's a little rude! I thought you loved me! You swore forever and-- HEY! DON'T TAKE THIS PAPER AWAY FROM ME!!  
**

_Seriously now. Bye-bye. _

**Bye!**

IT WON'T FREAKING COME OUT!!

**She left. **

How do I get this out?

**Don't ask me. I've never gotten a tampon stuck in my body. Good luck though, bye! **

One...is the loneliest number...HEY! I'm not alone! I've got my tampon!

_You have some SERIOUS issues that need taken care of soon. _

**I second that notion. **

_I thought we were gone. _

**Oh yea. Bye. **

_Bye. _

Two, it's just me a you tampy, two...and it feels sooo good!! Thank you Malibu have a nice drive home! 

But seriously. How do I get it out?

Guys?!! GUYS!?? A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!

Man. Maybe women are braver then men. Now, I wonder if I could use scissors to get this thing out...

* * *


	19. Twisted With A Capital T

"Hey! Wait up!" Oliver screamed as he dodged multiple students and jumped over a blond girl picking up her pen. Jake and I stopped in the middle of the hallway and waited for him to catch up.

"Did the nurse get it out?" I asked in humor as he came to a halt in front of us. Oliver smiled proudly and said,

"No, I managed to get it out when I was playing with her doctor tools. In fact...I think I might like to go into some sort of doctor work! Then she had a nice long talk about curiosity with me and let me ask the questions I've always been wondering. I finally understand why girl's are such bitches when they have to use those said tampons. I mean to think you have--

"Oliver, please." I said as I placed my hand over his mouth. We started walking to the parking lot. I rolled my eyes and Oliver just shrugged. I pulled my hand off his mouth and he said,

"Well, yea. But anyway, I learned a lot today."

"Boy, I feel sorry for Emily." Jake said as he rolled his eyes in Oliver's direction.

I thought of that and turned to Oliver, "Oliver, dear God, when Emily needs someone to talk to about that send her to Lilly."

"What if Lilly isn't back by then?" Oliver asked in a small voice. It feel silent then. I cleared my throat and said,

"Well then send her to me. But don't try to talk to her about it."

"Gotcha. And when Cole needs to talk to someone about guy things--

"I'll send him to anyone but you." I joked.

Oliver glared then said, "But really, women fascinate me. I mean, the way they walk, talk, act, look...what they can do...truly amazing."

"Become a gynecologist." Jake suggested. I snorted,

"Oliver? No. Women would go to Michael Jackson before him."

"Well yea. Michael Jackson liked little boys. Not adult women." Jake said. I nodded in agreement.

"No I don't want to do that...I'm going to write a book." Oliver declared. Jake and I stopped walking and busted into laughter. About a minute later, once we calmed down, Oliver exclaimed,

"Well why not?"

We started walking again and I glanced at Oliver, "Ollie, when we were thirteen every time we would have a movie night it would go like this. I would clean up Jackson's mess, throw a bag of popcorn into the microwave, order three large pizza's—

"One with pineapple and ham, one with cheese, and one with hamburger," Oliver interjected with a grin.

"Yea. Then I would put some M&M's on the table in that crystal bowl—

"The one that I broke a few years back!"

"Oh yea! I forget about that! Haha, and then Lilly would call and say "Lilly in 10!" and skateboard through the living room. You would get there exactly one minute late and exclaim that you were "fashionably late" then crash down on the couch and burp. We would look at you in disgust and I would ask—

"'What movie are we going to watch tonight guys?'" Oliver mimicked. I laughed then said,

"and every time Lilly would yell out "Blades of Glory!" or "Scary Movie 4!" or sometimes "Norbit!" I would try and convince you all to either watch "Pulse" or "Sweet Home Alabama" But you Oliver would always yell "Date Movie!" No matter what. I remember your very mature comment of "Wow look at her milkshakes! I'll take some fries with that any day bay bay!""

Jake laughed and I raised my eyebrows at Oliver. He blushed and said,

"Your point?"

"That you are not mature at any means to write a book on women."

"Are so."

"Carmen Electra naked!" I yelled then pointed behind him. He jumped then spun around so fast his head almost fell off. I shook my head in pity,

"You see?"

"You have no proof! NO PROOF!!"

"You almost killed that girl trying to see Carmen Electra in the nude." Jake snorted as he pointed at the girl Oliver had knocked over. Oliver cursed underneath his breath and ran off to help her. I laughed and Jake took my hand.

"You know, he's a very entertaining person to have around. Almost like a high puppy that thinks it's flying," I stated as I reached into my pocket and pulled my keys out.

"Totally. Although, he kind of freaks me out sometimes..."

"Well, all high puppies do." I said as I laughed. Jake grinned and kissed my hand before twirling me around. My back leaned against the back of my car, and Jake pressed out entwined hands to the car and kissed me gently. I smiled in the kiss and kissed him back enthusiastically as our lips moved together. In my free hand, the keys fell to the ground. His free hand caressed my face as even our legs intertwined together.

"You know, if I got a picture of this you know how much I could sell if for?" Came a voice then the sound of a picture being taken, "neither do I, but I'm about to find out."

I broke away from Jake and looked at the intruder. It was Markas Marcinio. I giggled nervously and Jake and I moved slightly away from each other. I tried to catch my breath as I said,

"Marcinio. It's been a while."

He smirked and said, "Yes it has, and you look even better then before. Now, I have to ask, where did you get that body from?"

I rolled my eyes and answered with the answer I knew he was looking for, "I got it from my mama," I sang. He laughed and we hugged briefly.

"You might want to introduce us before he kills me," Marcinio gestured to Jake who looked like he was torn between punching Marcinio or killing him. I smiled at Jake and said,

"Jake, this is Marcinio. We were friends in high school. We worked on the school newspaper together." Jake nodded in his direction.

"and Marcinio, this is Jake, but I think you already know that..."

"Pleasure." Marcinio nodded back at Jake.

"You aren't really going to sell that are you?" I nodded at the camera Marcinio was holding. He laughed,

"Nah, although, I should. It's quite a romantic picture."

"Yes, well, we have to go, uh, feed the cat." Jake lied weakly as he took my hand again and pulled me to the passenger side of the car.

I rolled my eyes and climbed in while Jake slide in the drivers seat. Marcinio knocked on the window right after Jake shut the door.

"What?"

"You might needs these," He said. He was holding the keys I had just dropped. Jake grabbed them and I waved before he started the car and drove off.

"We don't have a cat." I muttered as I looked out the window.

"Well what was with your guys greeting thing?" He looked very upset.

"It's a joke Jake. An old joke between us from years before when that song from Will. came out. It doesn't mean anything." I assured him. It was silent for a few moments before he said,

"Are you sure?"

I laughed, "Positive. We're just friends and that's all we will ever be."

"Promise?"

"Swear."

"Okay then, I guess I'm not mad." He said. I sighed and reached to turn on the radio at the same time he did.

"Oh come on, we've been having this feud since we first met. Just let me listen to my station." I said to him.

"No. You listen to my station." He said stubbornly.

"No!"

"Fine. We just won't listen to music then."

"Fine."

"Alright."

"Whatever."

"Hmph."

My cell phone ringing broke the silence. I pulled it out and answered it,

"Hello?"

"Hey bud!" My dad said.

"Hey Daddy! How was Cole today?"

"A little mad about you guys leaving him behind all day. He had this pouting face on the whole day identical to the one that you had when you were a baby. It was so funny. I even found a picture of you when you were a little baby wearing that same face. I'll have to show you how alike they are later."

I laughed then said, "Aw, see now I feel bad about leaving him! I didn't miss anything cute did I?"

"He threw a fit when Jackson put him down, it was really cute because Jackson had no idea that meant Cole liked him. He thought that meant he hated him and got all upset wanting to know, 'WHY DOESN'T LITTLE BUBI LIKE ME!?' then I explained to him that he actually liked him and he felt better."

"Well it's nice to hear Jackson is warming up to Cole. It's about time. Of course, it worries me that they were spending time together...I mean, after Jackson misplaced him last time..."

"It was supervised."

"Oh, that's good."

"Listen, can I talk to Jake for a moment?"

"Sure." I said as I handed Jake the phone. He looked at me questionably. I shrugged.

"Hello?" He asked. "Not that I know of. (pause) Sure, when? (shorter pause) Okay, but how will—(pause) that's fine I guess but then I can't leave—(longer pause) I don't know...last time that didn't go so well. (longest pause) I know the past is the past, but you are supposed to learn from the past. (shortest pause) I'll have to ask Miley. If she says she's okay with it, then I'll come. Okay, bye."

He hung up and I looked at him suspiciously.

"What?"

"Your Dad's new neighbors--

"The Jonas Brothers?" I asked.

"No. Ms. Garrett."

"Ms. Garrett, the older lady?" I asked.

"Sure. Well she—

"I thought the Jonas Brothers moved in."

"They moved across from the house, and Ms. Garrett beside."

"Oh."

"Yea, so she needs some help moving her stuff in so me, your Dad, Jackson, and Oliver were going to help."

"Okay, that's fine, why wouldn't it be?"

"We'll be going back and forth from her old house to her new one."

"And...?"

"And...your dad thinks it would be better if you didn't go."

I scoffed, "that's rude. Why?"

"You're a girl."

"So? I can probably carry more than all of you!"

"He seems to think you need to take it easy."

"Why? I'm not dying."

"He thinks you are mentally unstable."

I gasped, "How rude!"

"So he wants you to stay at our house, but I don't want you alone."

I truthfully didn't want to be alone either. "Can't I stay with Alana and Jim?"

"They are in Florida, remember?"

"Oh yea. Well I want to go! I'm not mentally unstable! Besides, if he thought that wouldn't he be afraid I'd commit suicide while you're gone?"

"I don't understand it either. I think he still sees you as a little girl who can't carry anything. But I mean, Oliver, Jackson and your dad can handle it. I don't want to leave you alone."

I didn't know what to say. They really didn't need Jake that badly, but I felt selfish and needy for even making him think he had to stay with me. I don't know why though, I just did.

"Well," I struggled out, "I won't be alone. Cole will be there."

"A lot of good he'll do if you need protecting."

"Why do you assume I can't take care of myself? I've been practicing my fighting skills you know."

He stared straight forward and stayed silent for a few moments, "I don't know Miley. I couldn't forgive myself if I left and something happened to you."

"Nothing will happen to me—

"He could come back," Jake suddenly said. I knew who he was talking about and I felt sick, "he could come back just as easily as he did before and he could hurt you. He could be waiting for one moment when you're alone to strike. And if I offered up that moment...I just don't think it's a good idea."

I knew that wasn't possible. Because Luke wasn't playing physical games anymore. He was playing mentally. I couldn't tell Jake I knew that though. I promised James I wouldn't. Having someone in the inside really helped, but I still wasn't one-hundred percent sure James was on my side.

"You should go. Really." He was still shaking his head as he pulled into daddy's driveway. I reached over and gently took his face in my hands. I met his eyes and said,

"I'm stronger now. And I'm smarter. But I know he won't come. He won't. Even if he does, I'll be ready. You can trust me."

He studied my eyes for a few moments before nodding, "Okay. My cell phone will be on high and vibrate and in my pocket at all times, call me if you need anything okay?"

I nodded and kissed him softly before switching seats and waiting for him to bring Cole out. Once Cole was in the car, I set off for home.

* * *

The warm water tricked down my back and I sighed contently as I rubbed some shampoo on my head and massaged it into my hair. When I got home I fed Cole, bathed him, and laid him down for a nap. He's getting bigger every day I swear. Once he was down, I got into a warm shower. Which is where I am now.

"It's a long trip alone...over sand and stones...that lie along the road we all must travel down," I sang to myself randomly. I felt relaxed and like I could fly.

"Everybody stumbled sometimes, and needs a hand to hold..."

Suddenly, I heard a crash. My eyes snapped open, causing shampoo to run in them, and my breath caught in my throat. I was overreacting. I had to be. No one was here.

I took a shallow breath and waited. It was just my imagination it had to be! Another crash. I raised a shaking hand and shut off the shower water. I climbed out and wrapped a towel around my body and quickly looked for something, anything, I could use for a weapon. I grabbed my curling iron. I took a deep breath and set my hand on the doorknob to the bathroom. If someone was on the other side waiting, I need to be ready to attack. 1, 2, 3..

I threw the door open and braced myself for an attack of some sort. Nothing. The bedroom looked exactly like it had a few moments ago. I let out a shaky laugh as I wiped some soap off my face and secured the towel around my body tightly.

I stepped out into the living room. I had heard a crash, I had. I just didn't know where it came from. The living room looked normal. The TV was on and some meteorologist was talking about the weather. I walked down the hallway and past the stairs and entered the kitchen. Nothing seemed out of place. I was surprised to see it was already dark outside.

The crash came from my imagination. It had to. I sighed and laughed at myself before sitting down on the couch. We were supposed to have clear skies tonight and thunderstorms tomorrow. Wonderful.

Suddenly, the power shut off. I was emerged in darkness. I jumped up. I soon as I did, it flickered back on. I looked around in confusion and I gripped the curling iron.

"Is anyone there?" I called out. I don't why, but I felt like there was someone there. Maybe I really am crazy.

The lights turned off again and a warm gust of air blew at me. I jumped and my hair stood on end. I waited for the power to turn back on. It didn't. Still clutching the curling iron, I stumbled in the dark to the pantry and fumbled around for a flashlight. I found a yellow one and turned it on. I flashed it around me, but no one was there. The light flickered on, then off, then on, then off.

"STOP!" I screamed in fear.

I ran to the phone. This was freaking me out. I heard things crashing from the living room. Someone was in there. I picked up the phone and waited. No dial tone. I hung up and then picked it up again. Still no dial tone. I picked up my cell phone and flipped it open. My heart was beating so loud that I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. My breathing was fast and shallow. As the crashing got louder, I ducked behind the counter. As I flipped open my cell phone, I noticed something.

There was no battery in my phone.

I was shaking. Suddenly, the crashing stopped. I turned off my flashlight. The light could give me away. I could hear fast whispering. All around me. Words were spoken, but I couldn't understand them. I stayed frozen in my spot. What if the person went upstairs and found Cole and hurt him?

I felt something touch my cheek. I jumped up and felt adrenaline pump through my veins as I screamed and took off running up the stairs. I could hear footprints, someone was falling me. They were right behind me, whispering. Something grabbed my ankle. I fought back. They started pulling me down the stairs, and it hurt. I screamed and kicked. They're grip didn't loosen. I kicked more persistently. They kept dragging. Suddenly, the lights flickered on and I caught a glimpse of a face that made me scream even more. I shut my eyes and screamed and kicked and screamed.

Suddenly, it all stopped. The whispering, the pulling...everything. I heard the doorknob being turned. I jumped up and grasped the curling iron tighter. They were coming back.

The door opened and Jake came walking through looking in a bag. I felt my breath catch again. The curling iron fell to the floor and I noticed I had gripped it so hard my hand was cut up and bloody. I stumbled down the stairs and wrapped my arms around him. He looked up from his bag, set it down, and wrapped his arms around me. I was shaking and I couldn't stop. My towel was bloody now where my hand had bleed on it and my chest and ankles hurt so bad.

"Are you okay?!" He asked in alarm as he felt my cold, shaking body. I shook my head.

"What happened?" He asked. I didn't know how do answer.

Just when I was about to say something, I looked up and saw the living room. It wasn't messed up or anything. I knew I had heard crashing sounds from in there.

I didn't know what to say at all.

I think I really am crazy. I know what I saw and what happened...or do I?

I don't know anything anymore. And frankly, I'm terrified.

What is going on?


	20. Picture ThisGone

Miley's POV:

"I think I'm crazy," I told James as I stirred my latte and balanced it in my palm. He tapped his pen against his desk in a very annoying fashion and just stared at me. I continued,

"I really feel crazy sometimes. I wake up at random times in the night, hearing someone calling me. But there is never anyone there calling me. But, God, it sounds so _real _like someone is really in my room."

He made a note in his book.

"And then, the other day, with that whole event I told you about…I still have the bruises on my ankles. They look like fingerprints. Do you want to see them?"

He folded his hands together and said, "I noticed them when you came in."

I paused then started talking again, "It was all so real…I can't explain it. I want to believe that it's real…but how could it be? I had the doors and windows locked from the moment I walked in the door and they were locked when I was gone. So the only option is insanity."

"You seem accepting to the theory of insanity." Dr. Anderson said as he stared intently at me. I shrugged and looked down.

"It was to be expected."

"By who?"

"Everyone."

"Such as?"

"My family wanted to send me off to a mental institution when I first came back." I murmured.

"Ah, so you're merely filling in the standard they laid out for you?" He asked.

I shrugged half-heartedly, "Maybe this isn't happening, maybe it's all a dream. I don't know, I really don't anymore. Half the time I can't tell my dreams from reality and it's very—

"You know what is strange?" He asked me suddenly, cutting off my former thought. I shook my head.

"When most people dream, it's not like yours."

"Well, duh."

"No, what I mean is, normal dreams are inconsistent. One minute you can be at the grocery store in your underwear, and then suddenly you are floating in a pond with your half-brother-twice-removed who turned into the ugly duckling eating English muffins. Your dreams are too stable, too lifelike, and too real. They all follow the same plot as if it was a distant memory of yours…" He stopped then started muttering to himself under his breath.

"Maybe," he stopped then started again, "maybe your dreams aren't telling you that your love for Jake is going to do you in. Maybe they are telling you the exact opposite! In every dream he is killed, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, what if that's to show your concern for the relationship and all it stands for? What if your dreams are trying to tell you that that infatuation you felt when you first got married is wearing off, and now seeing his dirty socks on the floor isn't cute; it makes you want to wring his neck."

I stared at him.

"I just can't…I can't grasp as to why…" he stopped again and began pacing, "your dreams are like a scary movie. They are actually plotted out like that, almost as if someone is in your head typing up these dreams to warn you of something…"

"And what if…what if whoever caused that event the other day was already in the house? What if they had been there all along?"

This came as a slap to the face to me. I hadn't thought that, I just assumed I was insane and seeing things. What if he was right?

"Dr. Anderson," I said suddenly, "I don't think you are telling me the truth about anything."

My words hung in the air like a humid cloud, ruining the mood of the conversation.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

I didn't know what to say. Part of me had this sort of sense that I was being lied to (Alana referred to it as a 'mom sense'). I felt as if he had a large lump of clay and was peeling off small pieces of information and molding them into whatever he wanted to play with. And that scared me, because I didn't know whether to trust him. But then again, he was my only chance if I wanted to stop Luke and his reign of creepiness. I couldn't just give that chance up because of my 'mom sense', could I?

"What I mean is, I don't think you think that someone was in the house. I think you think that I'm insane but just don't want to tell me."

That was an okay save, could have done better.

"Ah, of course…well I don't think you are crazy. Maybe a bit unbalanced but…" He said. I sighed and took a sip of my coffee.

"You look tired," He commented.

"You would too if you never got any sleep." I replied stiffly as I took another drink.

"I think these dreams have something to do with Jake." He decided as he folded his hands on the desk.

"Uhm, yea. I knew that…he's kinda is the main person in all the dreams!" I exclaimed as I wondered if he'd been listening to what my dreams were about at all.

"I know but I mean, I think he's the cause."

"How?"

"When you fight, are the dreams worse?"

"I don't know, I can't remember." I murmured as I tried to think back. I couldn't remember when the last fight was.

"Maybe you're guilty about something you think will hurt him, so in your dreams you see that happening?" He suggested. I didn't know what I could have done that I would think would hurt him. It's not like I committed adultery or anything.

"I don't think so."

"Maybe you aren't telling him everything…"

"The only thing I'm keeping from him is that you somehow think I can kill Luke but that was after the nightmares started."

"Feelings for someone else? Maybe a close friend of you two?" He asked.

I didn't know what he was talking about. I didn't have feelings for anyone else. I loved Jake. Jake, Jake, Jake. Not anyone else. No one, duh.

"No. I don't have feelings for anyone else." I said confidently.

"Planning on leaving him?"

"No!"

"You think he's planning on leaving you?"

"I hope not!"

"Something is wrong," he stated, more to himself than anything, "something is off between you two."

I glared at him, "Nothing is wrong. We love each other, just like we always will."

He laughed harshly, "You are seventeen, he's eighteen. Your marriage won't last much longer, and you need to accept that."

"What?!"

He just fell silent as I glared at him. "What I mean is that it's merely an infatuation. Everyone knows it, your Dad, brother, friends, in-laws…the world even. In fact, gamblers all over the world are betting on how long the marriage will last and right now the leading guess is two more months. Your father even wants me to help you get less attached, that way when it ends you won't be as hurt. Everyone knows it's going to end with one of you getting hurt, and that one will be you."

I felt sick. I stood up and grabbed my purse before walking to the door. Before I left however I turned around and said in a low and threatening voice, "I don't need you to tell me these things. I don't care what you and the world think because you all have no idea how we feel. So before you try to tell me these things, get your facts straight."

I glared at him before slamming the door. I wasn't going back there ever again. No freaking way. How dare he say those things! He knows nothing!

**Jake's POV**:

"Okay now, Cartel or Kelly Clarkson?" I asked Cole as he stared at the iPod. He blinked.

"Now, I know you liked Kelly when you were not born yet, but I'm thinking now that you have a sense of manliness you'll come to see that Kelly isn't exactly up your alley."

He yawned. I sighed and kissed his head before saying,

"Okay, fine. I give up. If you want to like pop music, I'll be okay with it. I just won't ever let you pick the music in the car. Of course, I guess it's only natural for you to like pop seeing as though your mother is a pop sensation but still, have a little manly pride! Have a little scream-o manly pride!"

He turned his head away from me.

"But yea, I won't judge you or anything. I'll just try very hard to make you like roc—

_CRASH_

I jumped and Cole's eyes darted around.

"Hold on," I whispered to him as I set him in the rocker/swing in the living room and stood up, "I think I heard something…"

I walked into the kitchen and looked around. It looked perfectly okay…but it smelled wrong, like fire. Like paper burning. I ran all the way into the kitchen and looked around and around. I saw nothing. Then, out of no where it seemed, on the island laid a burning picture. I jumped to get a cup of water, but something stopped me. The something was the edges young, joyful face of a little girl being devoured by dark, hungry flames. I couldn't tear my eyes away as the flames moved on to second picture of the four in the frame, eating the arm of a girl in-between maturity and youth. After the flames got her, they moved on to the image of the girl when she was about fifteen. I couldn't gain control of my legs until the forth picture—one having only been taken about eight months ago—begun getting burned. I quickly grabbed a dish towel and smothered out the flames. My eyes stayed glued to the pictures (or what was left of them).

I had seen them before. In fact, the last time I had seen them was three years ago. But then there were only two of the four in the four-part picture frame. But what was so weird about it was that the last time I'd seen it had been in Mr. Stewart's—I mean Robbie's—bedroom on the nightstand.

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was flying across the room and slamming into the wall.

"If you don't want her to end up like those pictures, I suggest you listen very closely…"

Miley's POV:

I pulled into Daddy's driveway with a heavy sigh. I was going to go straight home, but I really needed to see Daddy. I gently pressed down on the brakes and brought the car to a stop. I unbuckled and climbed out of the car.

The grass needed to be mown. And watered. It was yellowish and long. I knocked on the front door. I know he'd tell me I didn't need to knock, but I knew I did. I waited.

Nobody came.

I knocked three times. After a minute, no one has come. I rang the doorbell two times. I waited three minutes. I knocked harder. Still no one came. I was getting antsy now.

I turned the doorknob. It was locked. I couldn't decide if that was comforting or not. His car was in the driveway. I lifted up the mat for the spare key.

What the hell?! Where was the spare key? I remember it was there!! No one knew it was there except me!

I ran a hand through my hair and knocked again. No one came.

"Dammit," I muttered to myself as I grabbed my cell phone and dialed the house number. I heard it ring inside. Once, twice, thrice…

No one answered.

"DAD! ARE YOU THERE!?" I screamed as I hit the door again.

"He won't be there." A familiar voice murmured quietly to me. I froze as ice replaced the blood pumping through my body. The sickeningly familiar feeling of regret and guilt choked me as I turned around. And sure enough, there she was. How, oh God, how did I keep forgetting about her?!

"Luann."


	21. Sick, Sick, Sick

Miley's POV:

I couldn't talk. I didn't know what to say. Here she was, and I couldn't believe I had forgotten about her again. Was my life really that hectic?

She smiled at me and I wondered how she could still smile.

"Luann…I…"

She didn't know I forgot about her. She didn't have to know. I could keep that my secret. I hugged her. She seemed surprised and hugged back.

She knew what I had been going through. She was the only one. She hadn't abandoned me in my time of need. She'd saved me.

Then, to my amazement, she started crying on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Miley! I'm so sorry! He wouldn't stop! I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe…then when he found me and told me you were dead I couldn't forgive myself! I'm sorry I did that to you!" She wailed.

What…?

_"Parents don't by bastards from hell houses for one," I said, "And for two, how did you know where I was?"_

_He examined his nails, "I beat it out of Luann. Took a while too, She might even be dead right now. She wasn't going to tell me, but when you are getting killed your pain overrides your heart."_

She thought it was her fault. She felt guilty for telling Luke where I lived.

"NO!" I screamed. She looked surprised.

"It's not your fault, I promise!! Please don't feel that way! If anyone should feel guilty it should be me! I kept forgetting about you! And I feel absolutely _horrible _about it! So if anyone should not forgive themselves it should and will be me!"

It was silent for a second when suddenly, she laughed. It was quiet but gained momentum. I wasn't sure what was funny, but I couldn't keep from laughing myself. Five minutes later, and we were still laughing. We couldn't

In my eyes, there was confusion. I couldn't decide if I had a reason to laugh or not. If I have a reason to be happy or not…

Yes, I decided after a second. Lilly is gone, yes, but she'll come back. She has to. Luann is back, and Jake and I are alive, together, and happy. Cole and Emily are growing up, and Oliver is started to act like an adult.

But I also had reasons to be upset. Where was my Dad? What did Luann mean when she knew he wouldn't be here? And where was my key?

Our laughter calmed down the occasional giggle and Luann said suddenly, "this is what it is about."

I stared at her.

"Family and being there for each other." She stated simply. I didn't really feel like I'd done a great job of being there for her, but I just smiled and agreed.

"Now, where is my dad?" I asked her fearfully. Her smile faltered so fast, that I wasn't sure it had.

"Oh, he's at Jackson's new dorm." She answered.

What?

"Jackson's new dorm? Why wouldn't he tell me that? I was just over for dinner last night!"

"Jackson asked him to early this morning and they both misplaced their keys so Jackson used his spare."

"_His _spare!" I scoffed with my arms crossed over my chest, "but how did you know?"

"I came by earlier." She answered quickly.

"Oh…"

Why was I feeling suspicious about everyone?! I must have a problem or something! Luann wouldn't lie to me and that's that!

"You look great by the way, how did you lose all that weight so fast?!" She asked in surprise. It took me a minute to remember the last time she saw me was when I was pregnant.

"You know, I don't really know. Once the baby was out…everything just kind of left." I replied lamely.

She laughed and I said, "Wait! You haven't seen Cole yet!!! Come on!!"

I grabbed her hand and dragged her to my car. This was going to be fun!

3 3 3 3

"I'm so excited to see him! I bet he's gorgeous!" Luann exclaimed as she unbuckled her seatbelt. I put the car in park and grinned,

"He is. Looks just like Jake though, not at all like me. Well, he kinda has my nose if you squint some. I just wish I could spend more time with him, you know? I mean, I'm always so busy!"

"Time will get more manageable." Luann said as she opened her door and climbed out. I followed in suit and pulled the keys out of my pocket. I noticed the scars that were still visible on her, and I wondered how many were noticeable on me. I moved the key to the keyhole and tried to enter it. It wouldn't.

"That's odd," I murmured as I tried again.

"What?" Luann asked.

"The key doesn't fit…" I replied as I looked more closely at it. It was the right one. It was engraved with a small heart in the upper right corner.

"Maybe it's for the back door," she offered as she looked at it also.

"No…it's this one." I stated as I tried it again.

She bent over and lifted up the welcome mat.

"Try this one." She said as she help up a new and very shiny silver key. I took it doubtfully and tried it in the lock. It worked. I turned it and heard the satisfying _click_. The door swung open and a gust of cool air came over us.

We stepped over the threshold and into the foyer. Sitting on a small table beside the door was a hammer, nails, and a new lock. So Jake had changed the locks.

Why would he do that? That makes absolutely no sense.

"Why would Jake change the locks?" I asked Luann curiously as I pointed. She looked and shrugged,

"Maybe he lost his key somewhere and decided it would be safest to get a new lock system."

That sounds like Jake. I'm sure that's what happened.

"Jake?" I called into the house as I slipped my shoes off and walked into the living room, "where are you?"

No reply.

"That's strange, I know he's here." I stated as I walked into the kitchen. Luann followed in suit.

"I'll be right back." I told her as I realized he wasn't in here, "help yourself to anything you want. Oliver and Jake went shopping so I can guarantee there are plenty of potato chips."

She nodded and sat down in a kitchen chair. I pulled an elastic hair tie from the drawer and pulled my hair back into a ponytail before exiting the kitchen. I walked down the hall and into the bedroom, where the door was shut. Odd.

I quietly opened the door.

"Jake?" I whispered. No answer. I opened it all the way.

Jake was sleeping silently in the bed. Weird.

I quietly climbed in the bed and crawled over to where Jake was. I sat up beside him and pushed his hair back from his forehead. It was burning up. I drew my hand back quickly.

"Jake," I whispered softly as I kissed his forehead again to see if it was still as hot. It was.

Surprisingly, his eyes opened a little. I stroked his face as I said,

"Are you sick?"

"Yes," he croaked out.

"What hurts?" I whispered.

"My head," he struggled out, "really bad."

"I'm sorry, did you hit it?" I asked him.

"No, just a headache." He answered. I kissed his cheek gently and asked,

"Did you take some medicine?"

"No, I couldn't…it hurts…" he stopped as his eyes drifted again. I felt nervous then.

"Should I take you to the ER?" I asked him nervously as I felt panic and held his hand.

"No, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I stroked his face gently again while his eyes shut once more.

"I'll be right back," I whispered to him, "Luann wanted to see Cole so I'll let her see him then come right back."

"You might get sick…" He said so quietly I could barely hear it.

"I don't care. I'll be back." I kissed him softly for a moment before getting up and leaving the room. I walked into the kitchen where Luann was watching TV and eating a pickle.

Once a southern girl, always a southern girl.

"Hey," I said as I walked up to her, "Jake's sick."

She looked up with worry, "Oh no, is he alright?"

"I don't know. He says he doesn't need to go to the ER but I'm not so sure."

"Who's going to watch Cole?" She asked nervously.

"I can see if Oliver will stay here with Emily until Jake is feeling better. I'm sure he won't mind; he likes staying places where the water isn't brown.

She laughed and I said, "So I'll let you visit Cole for a moment then let you leave so you don't get sick too."

She nodded and stood up. I washed my hands thoroughly to keep from making Cole sick and I led her up the stairs to Cole's room. I pushed the door open quietly.

The first thing I saw was Cole sleeping soundly in his cradle that was set up on my side of the bed. I tiptoed over to the cradle and stroked Cole's blond hair. His little chest was moving up and down steadily and he seemed to be frowning in his sleep. I gently kissed his head.

Luann was standing cautiously by the doorway.

"You can come in," I whispered. She walked in and stood beside me. She gasped,

"He's so _beautiful_."

I smiled proudly, "I know. You'll have to come over tomorrow or whenever Jake is feeling better so you can hold him and stuff."

She nodded and said, "Yea I will. I'll see you later?"

I nodded and said, "Where are you staying?"

"Holiday Inn Express. Room 219." She replied. I nodded and she hugged me quickly before leaving. I kissed Cole again after she left, made sure he was still sound asleep, and walked down the stairs.

I poured an ice-cold glass of water, grabbed the Advil, and placed a washcloth under some cool water. After that, I walked down the hall and slipped into the bedroom.

Jake was still in the same position and didn't stir as I placed the water and Advil on his bedside table. I sat beside him in the bed and gently placed the washcloth to his forehead. His eyes opened a little and he smiled at me.

"I brought some water and Advil if you feel up to taking it." I whispered to him. He nodded and I helped him sit up. As he swallowed some Advil and a few sips of the water, I felt myself panicking. What was wrong with him? What if he had a bad sickness?!

He smiled again at me as he laid back down and I laid down beside him. As I kept the washcloth on his forehead and stroked his hair back, he looked up at me.

"I love you, you know that right?"

His voice was so small that it broke my heart. I smiled softly and replied,

"Of course. I love you, too."

He gently grabbed my forearm and lowered my hand so he could grasp it.

"Whatever happens, whatever I say, whatever I do, wherever I go…I will _always _love you. Promise me you will remember that." He was so serious that it almost made me scared. I kissed his head before replying with,

"I promise."

He seemed satisfied with that. He softly pressed his lips to the back of my hand and held on to it as he drifted off to sleep. I stayed with him the whole night and only got up to periodically check on Cole.


	22. Worry

**A/n: Update...sorry it took so long! Hope you like it! Thanks SO much for all the reviews, you're all simply amazing. Read the A/N at the bottom please :) **

I woke up from a very short slumber with rays of sun shining through the blanket. I wasn't really asleep, more like hovering in between sleep and consciousness.

I heard Cole crying lightly from the baby monitor beside me and I sat up and stretched. I was extremely hot from holding Jake (who had a fever) almost all night and having the covers on. I pressed my hands, which were always cool, to my warm cheeks. Jake was still sleeping beside me, so I quietly climbed out of the bed and tiptoed out of the room.

After I shut the door lightly, I shivered slightly. It was early October, and beginning to be cool in the mornings. It didn't help of course that my current attire was a tank top and underwear. Outside, I could the tree's colorful tones signifying fall was coming. Lovely.

I walked up the stairs that suddenly seemed longer this morning to Cole's room. When I got there, he was still crying.

"Aw, what's wrong?" I asked him as I gently pulled him out of the cradle and into my arms. He sniffed as his crying subsided.

"Just wanted some company, huh?" I murmured to him as I sat down in the rocking chair with him. His hands grabbed for his foot as he brought it to his mouth. I laughed lightly and stroked his hair.

"Mommy loves you, you know that right?" I said softly to him as I rocked back and forth. He stared up at me from under his eyelashes.

"Sometimes you may not always know it. But I do," I said as I passively reached for his little hand, "Because you never know what could happen, you know? My mom died when I was young…and it helped me to know that she loved me. I would hate to think that I would ever have to leave you to grow up without me…but things happen."

His hand wrapped around my thumb and my heart warmed. People will try to tell me he was too young to understand what I was saying, but I won't believe a word of it. I know he understands what I'm saying. And if anyone tries to tell me any different, I've got one thing to say to them: Shut it!

"What do you say we go downstairs and have breakfast, eh?" I asked him as I kissed him. He smiled and I changed his diaper quickly before going downstairs.

"Now, you sit right here," I said to him as I set him in his seat and secured the restraints so he didn't like roll out or something. Man, talk about a freak accident! "And I'll make your bottle, sound good?"

He gurgled and played with his feet. I smiled at him before turning the radio over the sink on. Some hard rock song filtered in the room. I was going to change it off Jake's station, but the song's guitarist was awesome and no one can underappreciate a good guitarist. I washed by hands before digging around the cabinet for the bottles.

Suddenly, I heard the TV turn on from the living room. I stood up straight and froze.

"Jake?" I called as I walked in the direction of the living room. No reply. I walked past the stairs and into the living room.

Oliver was sitting on the couch, remote in hand, eating a fruit roll up with Emily in her seat beside him. I was numb in shock. Dear God, what was he doing here?!

"You guys _really _need to get Charter. On Demand is like my heroin. I watch that all the time! I go over to my mother's house and I just crash on the couch and then I—OH HOLY BALLS!"

We both screamed at the exactly same time as he covered his eyes and looked away.

I ran and threw open the pantry door and hid behind it. Oliver was still screaming and Emily and Cole started crying. Suddenly, I heard a door burst open.

"WHO EVER YOU ARE, I HAVE A SOLID WOOD BAT AND I WAS ON A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM WHEN I WAS YOUNGER!!" I peeked behind the door to see Jake standing there in his ever so infamous Scooby boxers and a baseball bat in his hand.

He looked at Oliver in confusion (who was still screaming and covering his eyes), then at me (who was still hiding my body behind the door).

"What's going on?" He asked as he lowered the bat and scratched his head.

"Is it safe to look?!" Oliver exclaimed as he peeked from behind his hands and let out a relieved breath. He turned to Jake,

"You really need to teach her to wear clothes when she walks around the house! I didn't need to see that!"

"I'm not naked!" I defended myself from behind the door, "and you're the one who just entered without permission! Seriously, I think I let you and Lilly do that too much when I was younger. Now the word knock means nothing to either of you!"

Jake looked back and forth looking confused. He walked over to me and shook his head.

"Really, how hard is it to put a pair of pants on?"

I scowled and said, "Excuse me?! This is my fault! If he doesn't want to see anything then he should knock dammit! I can't believe that—

Jake put his hand over my mouth and laughed before pulling me to him.

"I'm kidding; Oliver is the one at fault." He said as he kissed me gently.

"I resent that! Now I have to go jump off a skateboard ramp to ruin my short term memory!"

I rolled my eyes before pushing Jake away and walking over to the hallway in front of the living room and grabbed the baseball bat. Oliver screeched like a little girl.

"You want me to ruin it for you?" I asked in mock sweetness.

He shook his head.

"Now, this is my house and if I want to walk around like this then I will! And if you don't like it, you can go away." I said stubbornly.

"Okay, now I resent _that_." Jake said as he came over to where I was, "I don't want him looking at you!"

"I'm not going to look at her!"

"Sure!"

"I'm not a girl-stealer!"

"Not yet!"

While they bickered back and forth I sighed and went to the bedroom. I opened my drawer and pulled a pair of pink and green polka dotted pajama pants out and pulled them on. Really, If I would have known it would have caused so much trouble! Shit, who's worried about terrorists? My lack of pajama pants is apparently a much bigger threat to the people then silly, old terrorists.

When I was back out there, they were still bickering. About what I'm not sure…

"Well what if there was a cow there?!"

"It depends; does the cow have anything to do with your death?"

"No, it's just scary!"

"Then no, I wouldn't!"

"But I bet you would for Miley!"

"I don't know, how big is the cow?"

"It's a freaking gigantic cow! Like, as big as a house!"

"Sure, yea, I would."

"You'd save her from a monster cow, but you wouldn't save me, Jake Ryan, from a small cow?"

"No. And I thought you said the cow had nothing to do with the death!"

"See! That is proof you want to make love with my girl—

"EW! Oh my God!!" I yelled as I stared at them, "please stop talking!"

Jake opened his mouth put I held up my hand, "No! I don't want to hear it! No one is making anything around here except breakfast!" I interrupted them firmly as I took an ignored, crying Emily out of her seat and held her. She was old enough to support her own head, and it was adorable. Her thick, dark brown curls bounced as she looked around with the remains of tears on her face.

"Come on," I whispered to her as I walked into the kitchen, "let's get you some breakfast too."

She leaned her head against my shoulder. Poor Emily, I thought to myself. Both her mothers had left. I could feel for her, I knew what it was like to grow up without a mom. And I swore to myself right then that as long as I was around she'd never have to go without a female person to talk to.

Heaven forbid she'd have to talk to Oliver about girl things!

I sat Emily in the highchair that we had here and fastened her in. She looked over and Cole and smiled. He stared back at her curiously.

The radio was still playing as I went over to Cole's seat and kissed him.

"Sorry it's taking so long," I muttered to him. He just smiled.

"Hey! You don't like my music, huh?" Jake smirked as he wrapped his arms around me and nodded to the radio.

"It was already on there, and I can't reach the radio." I defended myself.

"Sure. You may say that, but I saw you reach it the other day."

"Nuh uh!"

"Yes huh!"

"So, are you going to cook something or not? I'm starving." Oliver said as he grabbed his stomach and stroked Emily's curls.

I scowled, "Make your own food. I'm not making food for you, you can do it. The only people I'm making food for are the ones who can't take care of themselves."

Jake let out a relieved sigh, "Oh, good. I thought you were going to make me make my own breakfast!"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a bottle. I mixed the formula and put the bottle together and took Cole out of his seat. While I fed him, Jake and Oliver walked around the kitchen looking lost and muttering stuff to each other. Oliver pulled some eggs out of the refrigerator and Jake got some bacon out. They stared at it.

"We can't eat it like this…" Oliver said to me.

"Okay, guys, it's called the _stove_! It's this magical table that heats up when you push a button! Then, you want to know what happens next?! You put a mystical metal bowl on the hot parts, that's the parts with the lines, and you put your food on there and it cooks it! Amazing!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

"I already knew that, I just don't think you want me to touch the stove again after what happened last time…" Jake said as he eyed the stove as if it was a demon. I nodded and said,

"Right! So Oliver, it's up to you."

He stared at me, then back at the stove, then back at me, then to the stove. "I don't understand, mommy!" He whined.

I sighed and said, "Do you guys remember a long time ago when basically all that came on TV were those commercials for the Nick Magazine? I mean, they came on _all the time_! Especially the one where they're like in this white room and there are Nick magazines all around them and the girl sticks a note to the phone that's all 'please buy me Nick magazine! It's good for my brain!' or something like that and gives it to her dad?"

They nodded. I groaned and said,

"Well this is _so_ much more annoying than that!"

Oliver sighed and set his elbow on the counter, knocking over a can of sugar. When it crashed to the floor, Jake jumped and grabbed a knife.

We stared at him as he spun around holding it in a shaking hand. First the baseball bat, then this…someone is a tad bit defensive.

"Jake, honey," I said gently as I set Cole down in his seat and pried the knife out of his fingers, "why don't you go lie down?"

"No! I don't need to lie down! I'm fine! I need to stay awake and…and…get ready for school!" he exclaimed.

"It's Sunday." Oliver said as he looked oddly at Jake.

"I know! I meant…Sunday brunch with my parents!"

"Your parents are in Florida, remember?" I said as I placed my hand on his forehead to see if he had a fever or something. Hm, odd. He didn't have a fever…

"No! I meant your parents!"

"No S," I corrected him as I looked at him even odder then Oliver was, "I have one parent."

He smacked himself in the forehead.

"Well I know, but I think we're supposed to go over there."

"He's not there. Luann said he was at Jackson's dorm getting him settled." I replied.

I waited for him to ask about Luann, or seemed surprised I mentioned her. Nothing. That struck me as very suspicious, unless someone already told him about Luann he should say something…come to think of it, he never said anything about it yesterday either.

What is going on with him?

"Right. Right…" He murmured as he thought some, "well, I have to go…um, do this thing…"

I stared at him.

"What? Where are you going?"

"No where! Well I mean, I'm going somewhere because it's technically impossible to go no where but it's no where important. A walk around the block, I think I'll even swing by my parent's house to see how the cat is doing!" He exclaimed as he inched toward the door.

What the hell?

"What is going on with you?" I asked him.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!"

He was acting, I could tell.

"Your acting skills won't work on me." I said softly, "What are you keeping from me? What happened? Please tell—

"_Please_ don't finish that sentence," he begged with this horribly pained face on, "for the love of God, don't finish it."

Oliver was staring between us with a more understanding face then anyone.

I stayed silent as I watched him. What was going on? I really, really, really don't want to be suspicious. I want to trust him. But it sounded almost like he was going to see someone else.

"Fine," I said even more softly, "go."

"Miley, I wish I could tell you—

"Tell me what? I'm so confused! I don't even know if there is something I should be asking you to tell me about! All I know is, you're acting so strange! Yesterday you were horribly sick, and now your completely healthy and freaking out! Your parents don't even have a cat!" I exclaimed.

"I…I can't tell you." He struggled out.

"What do you mean?!"

"I…don't know."

"What?!"

"Jake, can I talk to you?" I heard Oliver say to him. Jake looked at Oliver and silently nodded. They walked out of the house and onto the porch.

I picked Cole up again and let him finish his breakfast as I walked over to the curtains and pulled them back slightly. Oliver was yelling at Jake, I could hear it. But I couldn't make out what he was yelling. Jake was arguing back, and he looked really upset about something. Oliver yelled at Jake some more and ended the argument by jabbing a finger in his chest and saying something with a threatening stance, then storming off. A few moment's later, Jake came back in the house.

I stayed silent. It was amazing how all of us could go from joking to pissed in milliseconds. I think we all have a slight degree of bipolarity.

"You don't have to tell me," I said to Jake without looking at him, "just go have your walk."

"No. I'm not going on a walk." He grumbled.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed in annoyance. One minute he wants to go on a walk very badly and the next he doesn't.

"Let's just…spend the day together." He said as he sat down beside me, "No Hannah…no Jake publicity…no anything. Just me, you, and Cole."

I looked into the kitchen and laughed sarcastically, "And Emily. Oliver forgot her."

Just then, the door busted open and Oliver came storming in with his arms crossed around his chest and a pouting face on.

"I forgot my daughter!" he snapped at Jake. He grabbed Emily and all her things, and then stormed back out, slamming the door.

"Wow." I whispered to myself underneath my breath.

"So what do you say? Let's go to the zoo…or the park! Or what the hell, let's go to that big zoo with the park!"

I laughed and said, "I think Cole might be a little too young to enjoy the big animals."

"Well I'll enjoy them! Let's go!"

He looked excited so I couldn't say no. I just nodded and he ran off to get Cole's diaper bag together and some clothes for him.

Our family trip was supposed to make me feel happy, but all it did was make me feel worried. Something was wrong, and I knew it was of colossal proportions.

And I was terrified.

**A/n: Woo...so uhm...yea. I'd love to hear your ideas on all this in a review! Or your theories, that'd be even better. Do you think Luann is good or completely evil? What about James? What about Jake...what do you think he's hiding? And Luke...where the hell is he? And where the hell was Luann all this time! Do you think Robbie and Jackson are really at the dorms? If not, where do you think they are? So many questions...Also, I'd like your opinions on something...would you rather me shorten up all the rest of the stuff or have more chapters? My original outline had the major plot thing coming up being covered in one or two chapters max...but I had some ideas and I was thinking I could use those...but then it'd be about somewhere between 3-7 chapters longer than I had originally planned. So, condensed version or extensive? Your pick. Review? That'd be lovely if you did :)**

--  
Millie


	23. I'm Acting As If

**A/n: This was no doubt the hardest chapter I've ever written in my life. Enjoy and review and tell me your thoughts :)  
**

"I want to see the lion!" Jake protested as he crossed his arms. I sighed and motioned out at the monkeys we had just seen because Jake wanted to,

"We just saw the monkeys. I want to see the pandas, or river otters!"

"No! They'll put Cole to sleep with their gentleness!" He exclaimed, motioning at Cole who was in my arms.

"He's _already _asleep!" I said.

"You see? Just talking about the otters and pandas put him to sleep! He wants to see lions! Big, man eating, lions!"

"No. You want to see the lions." I replied.

"So?"

"_Ohmigod_," A voice rang out in the seemingly silent environment.

"Here we go again," Jake muttered as he took Cole from me and hide him behind his jacket.

"_What _are you doing?!" I asked him.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm saving Cole from exposure to thousands of people who have God only knows what!"

Suddenly, a swarm of people came around us. Well, a swarm of teenage girls who were currently glaring at me with so much venom I was surprised my skin didn't burn off.

"Y-You're Jake Ryan!" They stuttered.

"Oh dear God," I found myself muttering underneath my breath as they all caved in on him, asking him every question imaginable.

"Miley!" He cried from the circle, "save the baby!"

"Oh Jake, you're _so _funny!" The girl's swooned from the mob.

I rolled my eyes and fought through them to the middle. Jake handed me Cole, who was very upset, and I pulled myself out of the crowd.

"Um, I have to go do this—

"We'll come!" They cut off his desperate attempt to free himself.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on a bench with Cole. He was still crying as he looked over in the direction of the girls.

"Shh," I said to him as I rocked him back and forth, "It's alright. They aren't eating him yet."

He wailed even louder. I held him closer to me and found myself singing to him softly. His crying subsided and his eyelids became droopy.

"Listen girls, it's all very flattering but I can not marry you! I'm already married, _thankyouverymuch_"

"So?"

"Yeah, so!"

"Come on!"

"Okay, how old are all of you?"

"16!"

"15!"

"18!"

"19!"

"14!"

"21!"

"40!"

"18!"

"16!"

"22!"

"18!"

"Right," he said, "well, sorry."

"What?"

"I only like seventeen year-olds."

"What?!"

He emerged from the crowd with a thousand girls following him like lost puppies.

"We can be seventeen!! Please don't go!"

"Bye!" He waved. They scowled and stalked off. He grinned and sat down beside me.

"What do you bet they're going to go change the year on their birth certificate." I muttered in humor as I watched them.

"Oh, well. Don't worry about them, let's just go see the pandas."

"I thought you didn't want to?" I asked him curiously as I stood up.

He shrugged, "It sounds okay, besides, you _did _just go see the monkeys for me."

I laughed and we set off to see the pandas. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. It was a long walk, but it was okay with me. I was perfectly content being with him and Cole.

Being in love is wonderful. But at the same time, it's scary as hell because you know if something happens you'll be shredded up like rice paper.

But it's even scarier when you can feel that something is about to happened. It internally drives you mad (is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing?) until you can't enjoy yourself at all. I wanted to just enjoy being in the arms of the one person that knows me better then myself, but I couldn't relax.

All I could think about as we saw every animal in the zoo the rest of the day was what Jake was hiding, and how it was going to affect us.

------------

"You okay?" Jake asked as I drove home that night after we finished at the zoo. I kept my eyes on the road and nodded.

"You seem tense." He said.

"I don't like driving at night," I lied as I chewed on my lower lip.

"You love driving at night!" he exclaimed.

"Not tonight I don't." I replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Let me concentrate."

"What's wrong, tell me." He insisted.

"You know what's wrong." I replied.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. Something is about to happen, I can feel it."

He didn't reply, which added further to my worry. He reached to turn on the radio. It was on my station.

He didn't even try to change it.

I reached over and changed it to his station. He looked at me. His face was blank, he just looked at me. I looked back out of the corner of my right eye as I drove. The silence was suffocating in the car. I couldn't hear the music; all I could hear was the silence.

I wanted him to break the silence, but he just looked at me. Cole sighed in his sleep. He reached his hand over and laid it on top of my right hand. I pulled mine from the steering wheel and held his hand. His thumb stroked my hand as I tried to focus on the road. Something was happening right now. What, I wasn't sure.

He didn't say anything the whole way to our street. I pulled into the driveway and parked the car. We sat there for a moment. I wasn't sure whether to pull away and get out or what. We stared at each other for a few more moments, and I was relieved to see that I still felt that shock go through me when I met his eyes. Then, abruptly, he pulled his hand away from mine and turned away from me. I forced myself to climb out of the car and get Cole out.

I forced myself up the stairs and into the house. Cole blinked awake and looked up at me with sleepy eyes. I smiled at him. Oh, how lovely would it be to be a baby!

I filled his bathing seat with warm water and set it on the table. I grabbed some soap and washcloth and took his onesie and diaper off and set him on the seat. He smiled at the bubbles around him and let out a laugh.

It was the first time he'd laughed, and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I'd ever heard. It was light and free; like a summer day when all you do is lie in the grass and stare at the clouds. Light and free like a walk in the rain. Light and free like…roasting a marshmallow over a camp fire.

I felt unashamed as my eyes felt a little moist.

"Was that funny," I asked him in the voice I saved special for him. He smiled and laughed again.

As I finished bathing him, I tried to make him laugh as much as possible. Which wasn't that hard at all.

"Jake," I called as I pulled Cole out of the bathing seat and wrapped him in a warm, fluffy towel, "can you come here for a moment?"

I played with Cole until Jake came in. He looked stressed out, but I over looked it.

"You missed it!" I exclaimed, "He laughed! Listen!"

I blew a raspberry on Cole's hand and he went into a fit of laughter as if it was the funniest thing in the world. Jake smiled widely and took Cole from my arms. I sat down in a chair and watched them together with a smile on my face. I was the luckiest person in the world.

Jake offered to put Cole to sleep after that, and I took up the offer. As they traveled upstairs, I found myself dialing Daddy's number in the phone.

I put it to my ear. It rang three times before Daddy picked up.

"Hey, bud!" He exclaimed. He sounded stressed too.

"Hey Daddy," I sighed, "what's up?"

"Nothing much, honey, just up at Jackson's dorm. There are some nice people here! I think he'll have a nice semester!"

"That's great Dad," I said as I got up and paced around the kitchen, "do you think I could talk to Jackson?"

I heard some voices in the background, then Jackson's voice, "Hey little sis!"

"Hey." I replied.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I sighed, "If I knew, I'd tell you."

"Listen, Miley," He said suddenly, "do you remember the summer of 2002?"

I thought, "When you, mommy, daddy and I went camping?"

"Yes. Do you remember what mom drew?"

"The rose?"

"Yes. A rose bed. Remember what she told us…?"

"That roses were peaceful?" I was confused.

"No, she said she wanted to make her drawing into a _puzzle_." He emphasized the word puzzle, "and that you should solve it. At our new house."

I heard some commotion in the background, like someone was yelling at someone.

"Listen, I got to go. I love you." He said.

"I love you too…" I said as the phone hung up.

What the hell was he talking about? Mom drew a single rose but that's all. What was all this stuff about a puzzle and me? And we didn't know we were going to move, so why would she say I should solve the puzzle in our new house? That makes no sense whatsoever.

He must be trying to tell me something. But what?

I groaned. My head hurt, too much thinking!

I heard footsteps, and I looked at the staircase to see Jake emerge with Cole still in his arms.

"He starts crying every time I set him down." He exclaimed.

"Ohh, poor little baby!" I cooed as I kissed Cole's nose, "why don't you come in here with mommy and daddy?"

He just smiled and grabbed at my hair that was falling all over him.

"Whoa, no! I might roll over on top of him and kill him!!" Jake exclaimed in horror as he clutched Cole to him.

"That's why he's going to sleep on the chair with mommy or daddy," I tapped Cole's nose in the way that always made him smile. He laughed.

"You'd better take him," Jake said nervously, "I seriously think I might roll over on him."

"Like there would be any room to roll over on him! But that's fine with me. I'll take him."

A few moments later I had a pillow and a blanket spread on the recliner and I climbed in it and Jake handed me Cole. He rested against my chest and shut his eyes for a few moments. Then he started wailing again. He reached his arms for Jake.

"I think he wants you," I said as I watched him. We switched spots. Cole rested his head under Jake chin for about three seconds before crying and reaching out for me.

"I think he wants both of us…" Jake trailed off as he looked at the small recliner.

"No, no, no. There is no way we'll all fit on that chair."

"Yeah there is."

"No, let's just go to the bed. I'm sure we won't roll over on Cole." I replied.

"Oh, come on."

"Fine." I grumbled, "But if the chair breaks, it's your fault."

Jake handed me Cole and moved over. I squeezed myself in the chair (which was bigger then I thought) and laid Cole in Jake's left arm so I was still beside him. Cole looked at both of us for a while with his big blue eyes before slowly drifting off to sleep.

"What do you know," Jake whispered, "he's asleep."

But I didn't reply. My eyelids were heavy and my mind cloudy. I tried to pull away from sleep, but it had me too far in its tricky web.

* * *

When I woke up, I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time. It was the first time in a long time I'd been able to sleep, really sleep, and not have a horrifying nightmare. And I felt absolutely wonderful. I kicked the blanket off my body, stretched, and sat up.

The sun was shinning through the multiple, wide windows in the living room. When I think back on this day, I'll be able to think about how strange but beautiful it was that it was raining with the sun out. I'll be able to picture the idyllic, shimmer of every single raindrop above me. I'll be able to close my eyes and hear the rain and feel at peace.

But at that moment…I only saw one thing.

When you think back on time, you remember years and days and weeks by the things that happened. The bigger the event that day, the easier it is to remember. The easier it is to remember, the more you go over and over it in your mind. The more you go over and over it in your mind, the more you wonder what had happened and what you had missed.

But as I saw it, I realized that if what I thought was happening really_ was_ happening…nothing mattered anymore. Time meant nothing. Days would melt into weeks…weeks into months…months into years…years into nothing. Those events would fall away and crumble, like the structure of a building built centuries ago. When they were built, they were built so strongly…so sure. You never think when they're built that they'll ever fall. But when fate tests you with all its might, nothing stands.

Nothing.

I couldn't feel much then. All I could do was stare at it and watch as my world crumpled from underneath me.

It couldn't be what I thought that was lying motionlessly on the floor by the door. It couldn't.

I stared defiantly at it, waiting for it to disappear. Maybe this was my horrid dream.

Yes, I was so sure, it had to be. It was just like something I would see in a nightmare, so surely this was just one of them.

But they didn't move. Not once. The three brown suitcases stayed in the same place.

"Miley."

It wasn't a question, it wasn't a greeting, it was a statement. I stood up on legs I was so sure were replaced by Jell-O.

I met his eyes. They were cold, unblinking. I pinched myself.

I really was awake. I was.

"Jake?" I asked in a soft, confused voice. He bit his lip and looked away. I reached out to him. He backed away.

"I'm leaving." He said tonelessly.

My heart was beating in my ears.

_Th__-thump…__th__-thump…__th__-thump…_

"What?" I blurted out.

He shifted from foot to foot.

"I said I'm leaving."

What?

"Leaving…?" the word sounded foreign on my lips. What did he mean? Surely he didn't mean _leaving_...

"I," and for the shortest second, he faltered as his eyes met mine. But as sudden as it had happened, it was gone, "I am leaving for good."

_Leaving for good…_the words felt like a million hornets had flown in the house and stung random parts of my body. My stomach lurched with the feeling you get when you think you have one more step to go up and your foot flies through thin air. My lungs were finding it difficult to function.

"Am I awake?" I sputtered out.

"Yes."

I pinched myself again. Ow.

"You're…leaving? Why?" I found my mouth saying.

His eyes were not familiar as they burned holes into my head. They were cold, and made me want to cry.

"I don't love you."

The words sounded so harsh coming from his lips. The words rang in my head. They vibrated through my body. It was as if all the blood pumping through my body had evaporated. I was mildly aware that my legs were giving in, but I couldn't think about much of anything except what just came out of his mouth.

"What do you mean?" I found myself struggling out.

"I mean, I do not love you." He said as he stared coldly at me.

"But…but…you said—

"I don't care what I said; this is what I'm saying now. I don't love you, and I never have. The only reason I married you was because if word got out that I abandoned you with a kid, my reputation and career would be over. This whole good husband and daddy charade has been great for it, though."

"Charade?" I choked out painfully.

He laughed. It was cold and rang through the house, "you didn't think this was real did you?" He laughed again then said sarcastically, "it was nice playing house with you Miley, but now it's time for me to get home for dinner. Mommy is cooking spaghetti and I want the first bowl!"

His words stung me like flames engulfing my body. It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced.

"So you're telling me," my chest hurt so bad. It was so hard to talk, "that all this was just playing around?!"

I wanted to be mad. I wanted to so bad. I couldn't though. Oh, God, I couldn't.

"Of course," he said smoothly, "but I'm done now because, frankly, I think you're getting a tad bit attached."

He laughed that unfamiliar, cold laugh again.

"Who are you?!" I found myself screaming at him with pain etched in my face.

"I was your husband." He spat.

"No you are not! You are not him!" I screamed and my hands some how found a vase. I hurdled it with all my might and it hit him square in the shoulder.

"The person you thought I am was just an act. This is who I am!"

My hands found a sculptor. Then the remote. I kept throwing things…convinced that if I hit him hard enough he'd come to his senses.

"I'm sorry you fell for my act." He said coldly. I sucked in air sharply.

There were so many things I could say. So many things I could find to throw.

All I could do though was allow my legs to cave in under me. As I hit the floor, I felt myself whimper,

"I love you so much."

It was the truest words I'd ever spoken.

He smirked, "Unrequited love. Horrid, isn't it? Too bad though. Oh well, you're Hannah Montana. I'm sure you can find some person to take you."

I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't.

I opened my mouth to say something. But when I saw his mocking face, I knew no matter what I did he wouldn't stay. And frankly I wasn't sure I wanted him to.

Who was this man? Who was standing in front of me and hurting me so much?

"What about Cole, our baby?!" I found myself screaming as I found the strength to stand up again.

"He'll be fine."

I thought back to when I was dying before Cole was born, and how he had looked. I thought of his face at our wedding, and when he first felt Cole kick. But most of all, I thought of the phrase "I love you" and how frequently it had been uttered from the same lips that were now killing me. I thought of the hands that were now grasping the suitcases and how they had held me, touched me, and wiped away my tears with so much care and love.

"What about me?" I found myself yelling.

"You'll be fine too." He said in a monotone voice.

"No. I won't be fine! You know that! I can't believe this is you! I can't believe you would say this! I can't believe the Jake I've loved for these last two years and the Jake that saved my life so many times would say this! He wouldn't! He loves me! I don't believe you!" I was hysterical.

I wanted his eyes to turn to normal. They didn't.

"It doesn't matter what you think. Because I'm leaving and I don't love you."

And he was right, and I knew it. It didn't matter now. Nothing did. I found myself walking to him. I raised my hand to slap him, but I couldn't.

As he grabbed his bags and left, slamming the door. I laughed bitterly to myself as tears trailed down my cheeks.

I couldn't stand to even slap the person who just killed me.

As I found myself face down on the rug, screaming and crying, I kept reliving the moment. My heart was in so much pain that breathing was painful. I wanted to die. I really did. No, I wanted to want him to die. I wanted to be furious! I wanted to hate him!

But I didn't. I was still deeply, extremely in love with him and I knew it.

He had stood in front of me and put me down in all the ways he could. But I still couldn't hate him.

So _this_ is what rock bottom feels like.


	24. Pouring

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews and extra thanks to Linley-Love who totally had my back. And now, Linley-Love has this chapter dedicated to them! (Sorry, though, that it's such a depressing chapter..lol) Anyway, here is the next chapter! I'm off to await angry reviews from people :)**

It kept raining.

For three hours straight, it poured. The waves crashed angrily against the shore and edged their way up it until I feared they would crash into the house.

In some ways, I wished they had.

I'd never seen rain like that. It just kept pouring...on and on and on with no prevail. And it was so _cold_ inside. Outside, it was so humid and hot that the windows were fogging up. I couldn't see outside.

Near me in one of his cradles, Cole was still sleeping. Occasionally, the noise of the rain would stir him slightly. However, he stayed asleep.

I was still on the floor.

I wanted to get up...I wanted some pride. But I didn't think I had it anymore. I wasn't even sure if I had a heart...or lungs...or anything. I was just laying there...listening to the rain pour around me. The sky was no longer sunny. It was an angry black...so dark it scared me to a certain degree. Dark like it was so long ago when I was crying on the beach...except this time there was no one to comfort me and make me feel better.

I was truly alone.

I don't know how long I laid there. It felt like nothing.

Nothing [_noun_— 1.) No thing; not anything. 2.) Nonexistence; nothingness. 3.) A person of no importance; a nobody.

Any of the variations of the word could apply to me. My life is not anything anymore. Happiness is nonexistent; a nothing.

I'm a nobody.

Sometime later, Cole finally woke up. The rain kept pouring. I forced myself up and reached numbly into the cradle. I felt better with him in my arms. My body shook with the silent sobs I tried to keep nonexistent.

I fed Cole with shaking hands. I wanted to go curl up somewhere and never move again. I wanted to _die_. But I had a promise to Cole to keep. He was my son, and I was his mother. I can't just leave him alone with no one. I could _never_ do that to him.

Three hours, one bottle, three diapers, and one bath later, Cole was ready to go to sleep again. I laid him down in the cradle I guessed Jake had brought into the living room, and sat down at the kitchen table. I stared out at the angry waves and rain.

I didn't feel as sad as I felt _lost. _I felt like I was five years old and got lost in Wal-Mart. I got that hysterical, painful, feeling of panic in my chest and my eyes pricked with tears. I wanted to scream out for my mother or daddy. I wanted a nice employee to come up to me, take my hand, and guide me to where I was supposed to be.

But I was alone. No one to tell me which way to go; it was only me. I had to walk around crying all day and night looking frantically for my mother and father.

But, just like I used to think Wal-Mart was, the world is a giant place. And without that helping hand…I know I'd be searching forever and never find them.

My head droped down on the table, and my tears formed tiny rivers on the glass. I watched the tiny rivers run into one, big puddle through my wet eyelashes. I felt myself nodding off to sleep about an hour later, and I couldn't stop myself from wishing I just wouldn't ever wake up.

- - - - - - -

When I woke up, I could still hear the rain falling down in heavy sheets. But instead of my head being on the hard, glass table…it was face down in a soft, down pillow. My body was sore (most likely from sleeping at the table) as I pulled myself up. The pillow was at the bottom of bed, and a blanket was draped over me. As I sat up, I noticed the wet spots all over the pillow. I was crying in my sleep. I felt tears still filling my eyes as more slid down my cheeks. I gasped softly and covered my face, trying to make it stop. I was so thirsty, and wondering how on earth I got in the bed. I sat up, ignoring the pain in my back, and stood up shakily. I screamed out softly as my bare feet hit the freezing hardwood floor.

The TV was running in the living room and my heart filled with hope. Maybe it was a dream. Yes, that had to be it!

I quickened my pace slightly as I walked out of the bedroom. I was still crying. That wouldn't stop. When I reached the living room, I was hit with two emotions.

One was déjà vu. The second was disappointment.

Oliver was seated on the couch with Cole, Emily, and Charter on Demand. He looked up when I walked in, and set Emily and Cole in their respectable swings before rushing over to me.

At that moment, I've never felt more gratitude and love for my goofy best friend. I realized suddenly that he was the only one that was _always _there for me. He's never walked out or came back into my life…he's always been here. And what a good thing that is because the world is a horrid place not to have a best friend.

I felt fear for a moment. I didn't want to have to explain what happened to him. I wasn't even sure myself. But he didn't ask, he just hugged me. My tears gained momentum and became sobs and I rested my head on his shoulder. He patted my back and let me cry for hours it seemed.

When they finally subsided a bit, his shirt was wet. He handed me a tissue and led me over to the couch. I sat down beside him and pulled my knees up to my chest. Sitting there with Oliver, I felt the need to get it off my chest. But I didn't think I'd be able to explain any of it.

It was silent for a few moments before I choked out,

"He called it a charade."

Oliver was silent for a second as he handed me another tissue.

"A rose by any other name would still smell just as sweet." He replied.

I sniffed and rested my forehead on my knees for a moment. My chest still hurt, and I wondered if maybe I was having a long, drawn out heart attack.

I lifted up my head and stared at my hands. On the TV, a girl just got decapitated. Her head fell to the ground and her body writhed around. I found it slightly humorously that I could picture myself as her so easily.

Oliver left for a moment, only to return with a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. He smiled and held up two spoons. I let out a watery laugh as I thought about all the times Oliver had cured either Lilly's or my broken heart with his hilariously goofy jokes and caring disposition. As we both dug into the ice cream, Oliver turned off the movie that was on and put on Accepted.

"When did I get Charter?" I asked as I wiped my eyes.

"A few hours ago when you got three new cars, a whole bunch of useless items from the internet, and some new puppies." He replied as he scooped some ice cream into his spoon.

"What?" I tried to yell as I looked at him through moist eyes, but it came out more as a whisper.

"Well…you see…what had happened was…I saw _his _credit card sitting around and I figured maybe a little bankruptcy would fix his little red wagon."

Oliver had the freakish way of making a pronoun sound like it was Hitler. I only stared at him. My drawn out heart attack was lessening some, but I could still feel it there…stabbing my heart and lungs.

"You…tried to spend all the money on his credit card?" I struggled out as I looked at Oliver. He nodded with a happy smile on his face.

"Oliver…we have a joint bank account." I whispered. His eyes widened and he dropped his spoon.

"No way!!" He yelled.

I nodded.

"Oh, God, Miley I'm so, so, so, so sorry! I can send it all back and—

"It's fine." I said to him. And it was.

"What you bought isn't going to use up a forth of it anyway. And even if it did, I don't think I'd care."

"But….but…"

"Oliver," I said softly, "Hannah's new CD comes out next week. I'm pretty sure I'll get more than three cars worth of cash."

His ears tinted red as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uhm…do you think you'll get two Wii's, an Xbox 360, fifty games for each, two St. Bernard puppies, and a whole bunch of baby toys worth?"

I stared at him, "St. Bernard puppies!? Oliver! What possessed you to that?"

"Well…I was looking at movies right and I saw the cover for that movie Beethoven…and it was big and cute…so I looked at a St. Bernard puppy adoption site and these two puppies were looking up at me with the giant, cute, pathetic eyes and well...I just couldn't leave them." He said as he picked up his spoon and stuck it in the ice cream.

I just stared at my ice cream. Tears kept re-filling my eyes and I couldn't stop them.

"What kind of cars?" I managed to ask.

He grinned and sat up.

"Oh you'll love it. I got one for you, one for me, and one for Emily and Cole."

"They can't drive…"

"For when they can."

"Right…so what did you get?"

"For me I got a black Pontiac Solstice, and for you I got a yellow one. They're awesome!"

"And what did you get Cole and Emily?"

"A silver."

"Wow."

I sniffed again and turned to the TV. The rain was dying down finally. On the TV, the main guy just entered the hospital they were going to use for their "college". And then, suddenly, a feeling of painful fury and sadness came over me. I thought I was finished crying! I thought I was feeling better!

But as I let out a cry of pain and sorrow, I knew that I wasn't and that I would never be.

There's no explaining how bad it hurt right then. I was wishing with all of my might that I could go back in time and just let Luke kill me.

Death would be a warmly received escape to this agony.

Oliver tried to comfort me again, but I was hysterical. He didn't understand. I loved Jake….I needed him! What am I to do without him?

Not only is Jake gone, but so is everyone else. Lilly…Jackson…Dad...

How much longer would it be before Oliver left too? How much longer until I'm completely alone?

I didn't know.

"Miley," Oliver voice called above my cries, "You've got to listen to me! This doesn't fit! Not at all! He loved you with all his heart! I know so, he told me!! He's not that good of an actor!"

He just doesn't understand!

"Oliver!" I cried, "It doesn't matter why he left. All that matters is that he did and that he isn't coming back."

"Miley, It'll be—

"Leave me alone!" I screamed at him, "Please! Just leave me alone!"

"I'm not leaving you by yourself like this!" My cries were so loud they were drowning out everything. I was hysterical in every way.

"Leave!"

"No, I'm not—

"Goddammit, Oliver!! Just leave me the hell alone!"

He blinked. He stared at me for a second before stepping away and holding his hands up in defeat.

"Fine. I'll be upstairs with the babies if you change your mind."

With that he was gone. I slid off the couch and pulled my legs to my chest and rocked back and forth as I sobbed. It had really hit me. He was gone for _good. _Never would I wake up to his face. I wouldn't ever fight over the radio with him. I would never kiss him again.

And this was when I realized that my worst nightmare wasn't even accurate. Because somehow, this pain was worse then the pain of him dying. Now, I'll have to live without him and see him move on and fall in love with someone else. I'll have to see her have his children and watch them all grow up together like one big happy family.

The family we were supposed to be.

I'll watch this women live the life I was supposed to live and never be able to live mine. This way, I'll never be able to escape the painful, angry cloud that he carries now. I'll be reminded of what I wasn't good enough to keep.

I had prayed so hard that my nightmares didn't come true, and it didn't. I should have realized to specify what in my nightmares I didn't want to come true. All those times I'd wished on shooting stars that my nightmares wouldn't become reality…I had been wishing for Jake and I to break up. Not on purpose of course. Because in all those nightmares, we were both still very much so in love. By wishing it didn't ever happen, I wished we wouldn't be in love.

That was only one theory of course. The second and more likely is that I'm a loser. A loser that didn't ever deserve Jake Ryan to even walk in my presence. And now, karma is biting my ass. And what sharp teeth it had.


	25. Thanks For Making Me A Fighter

**A/n: Sorry for the delay. I mixed the extended and shortened one because I really honestly didn't think either was going to go the way I wanted it to. So now this is the middle version, haha. Thanks for all the reviews! Remember, Reviewssmiles which equals happiness which equals updates :)**

"This is Johnny J from your number one hit station in sunny Malibu, heck; maybe even all of Cali! Next we're going to play the top thirty break-up songs of all time! Yes, that means even oldies! These songs will make you want to cry, go hug your lover, or even go burn your ex's house down! First, we're gonna slow things down with Toni Braxton! This song will remind you of the pain of your first major breakup and maybe even make you cry. I know I did! So here it is— Un-break my heart!"

The soft music started and filled the room with a melancholy aura. I kept my eyes downcast on my coffee mug and mumbled, "Please turn it off."

Oliver looked up from the TV and jumped up like the house was on fire. He shut it off hurriedly.

Silence filled the room again. It was even louder then the radio. I sat there and listened to my own heartbeat. The pain seemed to intensify when I did that.

"Turn it back on," I found myself murmuring. Oliver raised his eyebrows, but turned it back on.

_"--bring back those nights when I held you beside me…un-break my heart…__say you love me again…undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life…un-cry these tears…I've cried so many nights…" _

I shut my eyes tightly and blocked it out.

"I can turn it back off if you want…" Oliver suggested meekly. He looked so lost and helpless.

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Was there nothing I could do to feel better? The songs hurt, but the silence hurts too. Everything hurts. My head, my heart, my stomach…it feels like a two ton car had just fallen on top of me and crushed my body. My ribs were stabbing into my heart making them sear in immense pain...and into my lungs, making each breath feel like a bee sting…or getting a shot.

Suddenly, the music started and the room filled with loud electric car and screaming. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I could hear it over the music. I could hear and feel it in my ears. I could feel it in my toes and in my fingers…

"_Oh...Lets go to the park!" I__ screamed with enthusiasm. Jake smiled and said,_

"_Al__l__ right.__ But no __frisbee__ this time, Tha__t knot is still on my head!" I__ smiled and replied,_

"_Oh that's right! It__'__s like a sin to have a knot on your perfect zombie-slaying head!" He grinned and said,_

"_Darn right. I love my head." _

"_I bet you do." I__ muttered. He laug__hed and slung his arm around my__ shoulders, receiving glares from all the jealou__s fan girls. We climbed into Jake's car and he started the car. We both turned our attention to the radio. We__ slowly looked up at each other. _

"_I GET TO PICK!" We__ screamed at the same time. __I__ reached forward and pushed 20. Kelly Clarkson played th__rough the speakers. I__ smiled and leaned back singing along__ with 'Because Of __You__'. But, my__ favorite song was interrupted by no other than Jake. Hard Rock bla__sted through the speakers. I__ covered her ears and screamed,_

"_DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND THAT'S DEAF?" He grinned and said,_

"_THIS MUSIC__ IS GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL!" __I__ glared,_

"_THIS MUSIC IS TALKING ABOUT TAKING AWAY PEOPLE__'__S SOULS!" _

"_AND?"__ Jake's singing was interrupted by The Black Eyed Peas singing 'My Humps'. _

"_Hmph__."__I__ said as __I __sang along with __my__ music. Jake rolled his eyes and said,_

"_Yo__ur__ such a drama queen Mile." I__ smiled._

"_I know." _

The guitarist reached his solo, and the loud sound shook the walls and floor. The pictures on the wall were shaking…but I couldn't feel the beat…I couldn't see the walls or anything…

_The radio was still playing as I went over to Cole's seat and kissed him._

_"Sorry it's taking so long," I muttered to him. He just smiled._

_"Hey! You don't like my music, huh?" Jake smirked as he wrapped his arms around me and nodded to the radio._

_"It was already on there, and I can't reach the radio." I defended myself._

_"Sure. You may say that, but I saw you reach it the other day."_

_"__Nuh__ uh!"_

_"Yes huh!"_

The song was coming to an end. Just like so many things in my life.

_He didn't reply, which added further to my worry. He reached to turn on the radio. It was on my station._

_He didn't even try to change it._

_I reached over and changed it to his station. He looked at me. His face was blank, he just looked at me. I looked back out of the corner of my right eye as I drove. The silence was suffocating in the car. I couldn't hear the music; all I could hear was the silence__…__just the silence…_

I breathed in sharply.

"Turn it back." I yelled painstakingly at Oliver. He looked at me in surprise before switching it back.

"—and it was beautiful. But yet sad in so many ways." Some women's weepy voice came from the radio.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Angela. I hope you feel better soon," The woman hung up, "This is Johnny J and you're listening to J-Mix! We're still jamming out to the top thirty break-up songs here, so don't turn that dial! After _burn_ing it out with Usher, we're inspiring and lifting those broken hearts with Christina Aguilera's _Fighter_! Here it goes!"

The music started and Oliver bobbed his head, getting into it. I had to smile a little at that; he has such a childish spirit.

I wasn't crying anymore. I hadn't cried since a few days back when I snapped off at Oliver. Or maybe it was a few weeks back. Maybe it was a month. I didn't know. I didn't care either.

If Lilly was here, she would have diagnosed me with PBS—a disease she invented—and told me I would get better soon and subscribe a movie night and Ben and Jerry.

PBS (Post Break-Up Syndrome) had five distinct steps, as Lilly constantly told me. And she also included a demonstration of each step. Step One, Denial—it didn't happen…no, no, no…it didn't!! The second was sadness—how am I going to get past this! I'm going to die! Oh, God, I'm going to die!! Third: Desperate—I'll call him…yes, and then, when he hears my voice he'll remember how much he loves me and take me back! And if he doesn't, I'll beg him! The forth, and her favorite to act out was anger: That donkey ass jerk!! I hate him! How the HELL could he do this to me?! After ALL we've been through! The talks, the laughs, the kisses!! UGH! I can NOT believe he can act like this!! Well that's freaking fine! He can just go suck a monkey's ass and back off and NEVER talk to me EVER again! And if he does, he'll find his precious car totaled in the ocean with all his stuff burnt to ashes in it!! The fifth and final step was acceptance—we just weren't meant to be. I'll find The One someday.

Somehow, however how accurate it seemed to be a few years back, I didn't think this would apply to me.

Is heartbreak terminal? Can it be? I think so. If not, it is now.

"—Now this one didn't make the top thirty, but my daughter really wants it to be played. And I'm the boss so I can do what I want! Here's Men Don't Change by Amy Dalley. Go tear up those wedding pictures and burn 'em!"

The twangy music started. Oliver listened to half the song then scowled,

"This is such a mean song. Not all men are like that."

Yes they are.

I stayed silent.

The song played on and another came on. One after another, songs about pain, revenge, and empowerment played over the radio. I couldn't relate to any except the first one. That's slightly depressing.

"—walk?" Oliver asked.

I looked at him blankly and said, "I'm sorry?"

"I asked you if you would like to talk a walk down to the beach." He explained.

I stared out of the window at the happy sun and the waves crashing against the shore.

"No."

The word hung there. I felt like I was drowning…I was falling deeper and deeper into water that was so cold it numbed. And right above me Oliver was reaching out, trying to save me…but I kept falling…and all around me the silence pressed into my ears and on my eardrums. I couldn't hear _anything_. I couldn't breathe either. The more I sank the more panic that tried to rise in me. But I was numb. I couldn't feel the panic. I knew I was sinking and needed to get up, but I couldn't. I felt as if I was stuck in quicksand in the water. Just stuck there in the silence…kicking but not moving…breathing but not living…seeing but not believing…feeling but not touching…living but dying.

Oliver sighed, aggravated.

"What can I do to help?" He asked.

I stared at my hands.

"Make me forget," I breathed out. It was so soft I knew he didn't hear me.

"Nothing." I said, louder. The silence fell again.

Suddenly, I felt two hands on my shoulders. I jumped, only to find Oliver behind me now. He looked down at me, concern glistening in his large, brown eyes. I stared back.

"Miley," His voice wasn't making a harsh statement; he wasn't leaving with that on his lips. It was the beginning of his statement, "you can't do this anymore."

The silence was ringing in my ears now.

"What?" I whispered.

"This…this..," he searched for a word to use, "this nothing you are doing!"

I didn't say anything back. He didn't understand.

"You are my best friend, and I need you to pull out of this ali—

_Riing__…__riing__…__riing__…_

Oliver yelled in frustration, having had the speech he's probably been planning for weeks interrupted.

He grabbed the phone and thrust it in my hands. I looked up at it.

"_You_ answer it."

I didn't do anything, so he pushed talk and put the phone to my ear.

I waited. No one said anything. I could hear breathing, though.

"Hello?" I whispered in a shaking voice.

"Miley?" Someone's equally shaking voice said over the line. My throat tightened and my eyes burned.

"Is anyone there?"

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat before choking out, "L-Lilly?"

Oliver's head snapped and he looked at me with wide eyes.

She was crying, I could hear it. Heavy sobs over the line. My arms itched to hug her and make her feel better.

"M-Miley…" She paused and tried to get a hold of herself, "I'm...I'm not supposed to call…I really shouldn't have…I-I think I need to go…but when I heard…when he said…I couldn't…you were…" I couldn't make out a full sentence through her sobs.

"Lilly," I exclaimed in a voice louder then I'd spoken in since Jake left, "Lilly please don't hang up."

"I...I have to…he'll…please understand…" She whispered into the line.

"No, No, NO! PLEASE don't hang up, Lilly! Please, I need you!" I screamed. I could hear her crying. I sniffed and said softer, "I need you here."

"I know, Miley. I know. I know what happened! He told me, he told us all…I know what's going to happen! You've got to—

The line went dead.

I stood there, shocked. "I've got to what?!" I screamed into the receiver.

Silence fell again. Oliver stared at the phone.

"She's gone? What did she say?!" He exclaimed desperately.

"I don't know! Something about how she's not supposed to call and that he told them all, that they all know and that I've got to do something…then she hung up!" I screamed, hysterically.

Oliver paled. He looked like he was going to be sick. Suddenly, he grabbed the phone and hurled it across the room. It slammed into the wall and crushed.

"DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ANYMORE?! WHERE IS LILLY?! AND JACKSON, AND YOUR FATHER! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH JAKE? WHY IS EVERYONE GOING? I'M SO SICK OF THIS, DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! WHY CAN'T ANYTHING GO NORMAL? WHY NOT? DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! I _HATE_ THIS!"

He was livid with anger. I was shaking. I'd never seen Oliver like this. NEVER.

"AND YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE GIRL I KNEW! MY MILEY WOULD NEVER LET A GUY DO THAT! MILEY, HE EMBARRASSED YOU! HE TOOK YOUR PRIDE, WALKED ALL OVER YOU, USED YOU, AND HURT YOU! WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM GET TO YOU EVEN MORE!? YOU ACT LIKE A WET, STRAY DOG IN THE RAIN WAITING TO BE KICKED! HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE! GET OVER HIM! HE'S JUST A SON OF A BITCH!"

I stared at Oliver in fear. He was glaring at me.

"I love him," I whimpered out. I knew how pathetic I sounded, but I didn't care. It was the truth.

"HOW CAN YOU LOVE HIM AFTER ALL HE'S DONE TO YOU? HE ABANDONED YOU WITH A BABY! HE'S A JERK! WHY WASTE LOVE ON SOMEONE LIKE THAT? I KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING HE WAS LIKE THIS! BACKSTABBING JAKE RYAN! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY! HE LEFT YOU BEFORE, AND FOR SOME REASON YOU THOUGHT HE WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN! I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT YOU DID!"

"I love him," I repeated as I shut my eyes.

Oliver was calming down know. His shoulders slumped and he breathed in and out deeply. He buried his head in his hands and I just sat there.

Oliver just had a breakdown.

I let his words sink into my brain.

He didn't understand. How many times had I told myself self?

"You don't understand." I whispered to him. He wearily pulled his head out of his hands.

"I don't understand? _I_ don't understand? Did you forget that Lydia left me for someone else? Did you forget that the only girls I've ever loved have left me for someone else? First you, then Lydia, and even Lilly. Do you know how many years I've lied awake all night feeling _exactly_ what you're feeling? Do you? Well I'll tell you, I laid awake for six years feeling that pain for _you_. Then, when I was so close to having you finally, Jake Ryan comes in the picture and steals you away from me just like he did three other times before that! Just as I was finally falling deep in love with Lydia and getting over you, she runs off with that guy! Then, when I realized that all this time Lilly's been the one, she tells me Jackson still has her heart. And now I'm standing here so confused not knowing what the hell is wrong with me! So don't you _dare_ tell me I don't understand, because I'm the expert on this feeling."

"You don't understand." I struggled out again. He didn't. There is no way he knew what this felt like.

"Yes I do!" He exclaimed as he grabbed me by the shoulders, "I do! What will it take to make you realize that I have! It feels like your numb and can't do anything! It feels like you're dead on your feet! Each breath and step you take hurts like getting stabbed. Except, I've felt it three times."

I was scared. For once in my life, I was scared of _Oliver_. He looked SO upset and pissed. He loved me? He had loved me for so long? _That_ was news. And what was this about Lilly finally picking someone?

"It's different," I found myself pointing out, "you got over me and Lydia and Lilly. But I still love Jake, Oliver. I _love_ him."

He stared at me.

"I…I have to go. I can't just stay here with you and watch you destroy yourself! I love you too much to watch that! I've tried to talk sense into you, but I can't do this to myself anymore!"

And before I knew what exactly was going on, he got Emily and he was gone.

"This ends our breakup song marathon! I hope you've reached some closure and once again, this is Johnny J living it up on J-Mix. Here's Hannah's new single. How about that life she's living now, huh?"

"Yea," I whispered to myself, "how about it?"

Cole cried from upstairs and I shook it all off before going to comfort the only person who wasn't walking out on me.


	26. I Could Have Waited, To See You Again

I didn't know what I was doing here.

I shouldn't have been. No, I wasn't emotionally ready to be in a ten mile radius of the area I was standing in now.

But I was.

My heart was beating erratically and my hair was pulled back in a French braid. I was wearing an old pair of jeans that were torn up and extremely comfortable, and a bright blue T-shirt in the hue that my mother always told me brought out my eyes. Cole was crying in my arms, while I relentlessly trying to calm him down. I felt guilty every time I looked at him, knowing it was my fault he'd never grow up with a father.

I pressed the doorbell and waited anxiously. I suddenly wished I had taken the time to put on some make-up. My eyes were permanently red it seemed and I was so pale that I could have painted on a whole container of blush and only looked a little flushed. But the fact was, I just didn't care enough to.

I heard footsteps and people talking before the door opened.

Alana's stone face appeared and Lana stuck her head out beside her.

I had gotten twenty-one messages from them. They wanted to talk to me. Apparently Jake had come by and told them. I wasn't sure what they told him though, and that scared me. I felt so vulnerable as they stared at me. They knew I was a loser that wasn't good enough for their son. They _knew_.

Lana took my hand and I smiled at her softly. She dragged me (literally) into the perfect living room where Jim was already seated calmly with a newspaper and a cup of tea or coffee (I couldn't tell for sure what it was). Lana led me over to the couch where I awkwardly sat down while still trying to calm Cole down. He didn't like the panic vibes I was emitting.

"May I?" Alana asked motioning to Cole. I nodded and she took him in her arms, trying with no prevail to do the task I couldn't.

In the movies when the two main characters break up, they don't see each other for like a year. Then, magically, they meet up at a New Years party and realize they are still in love with each other and need to get back together. They always have found closure and reassurance before they see their former lover again, and every time they see them the two get back together.

My life is _not_ a movie. For some reason, things always seem to be the hardest for me.

It had been exactly three weeks, three days, and six hours since I'd seen Jake's face.

Not that I was counting or anything, though.

But it didn't come as a relief at all when I saw him leaning against the frame of the kitchen, cup of tea coffee in his hand like his dad. His hair was longer, his clothes looked freshly laundered, and over all he looked fine just fine. I knew I wasn't, though. I tried to look it, but I don't think I was doing such a very good job.

I brought my legs up to my chest and hugged them to me, looking anywhere _but_ Jake. It hurt so bad to see him and think of the strangers we'd become in such a short amount of time.

I should have known he'd be here. I knew what Alana and Jim wanted to discuss: Cole.

Jake wasn't getting my baby. I don't care what he says or ANY of them say. He is MY baby and I love him. He's the only thing I have. They can't take that from me.

But as Alana handed Cole to Jake, and Cole calmed down and stopped crying, I knew they were going to fight. I felt a sharp panic in my stomach when I realized they might even take it to court. I didn't want our breakup to get out to the tabloids. If anything made me sick, it was the idea of being another Hollywood breakup drama. It would be increasingly insulting for our story to be just another version of the Hilary Duff and Joel Madden breakup mixed with the Nicole Richie and Joel Madden wedding and pregnancy and if the court thing broke out, we'd be (shamefully) associated with Kevin Federline and Brittney Spears's fight over their kids.

"I think Jake's a fat ass," Lana broke the silence, glaring at her brother so venomously that for a second I feared her. Seventy pounds of pure fury!

Alana gasped and Jim raised his eyebrows and lowered his newspaper in a what-did-you-just-say-little-missy kind of way.

"Lana," Alana scolded, "we don't talk that way in this house!"

She glared again and shrugged, "It's true. Next time I'll just go outside the house and say it. I can't believe your taking _his_ side," she said he like she was addressing Satan.

I had never loved my sister in law more then that moment. She believed he was wrong and I was right. She was willing to stand up for me. I threw a grateful look in her direction.

"Lana, go to your room." Jim said. She crossed her arms,

"No way! I'm not letting you eat her alive!"

"She doesn't need an eight year old to protect her," Jake called from the kitchen doorway. I kept my eyes on the decorative carpet and counted the different colors. One, two, three, four, five, six—

"Yea, she does, because you sure as hell didn't do it at all!" Lana called, jumping up and revealing her 4 foot 2 inches of power. She was amazing me in every way possible. She was acting older then she was for one, but for two she didn't even really know me that well. And here she was yelling at her parents and brother for me. Jake flushed with anger at her words and started across the room at her.

"Jake." Jim said in a deadly voice, "I want you to come in here and sit down. Lana, either take a seat and be quiet or go upstairs."

They both scowled before doing what he said. As Jake walked across the large living room, I prayed he wouldn't sit on the couch. I've never wanted something to strongly before. But before he could, Lana jumped up from the chair and slid in the space right beside me so even if he did it wouldn't be so bad.

He sat down in the chair.

Jake was still rocking Cole and I wished I could speak up. But I'd never felt so trapped in my life. I felt like I was in the war and it was me against a whole army with only one ally on my side that was controllable by the foe. I felt like my voice was gone, and all I could do was keep my face down so none of them could see how bad I had taken this.

"Well, now, I suppose we should get down to business. Shall we?" Alana asked us. Lana growled beside me and crossed her arms across her chest. You know something bad is coming when an eight-year-old is informed about it. That means it's something that is going to affect her life also.

I looked at these people and I couldn't remember the time they'd been my family. They were the enemy now; intent on screwing me over. Exclude Lana from that statement, though.

"What's the capital of Connecticut?" Jim suddenly asked me. I forced myself to look up at them. I pretended not to notice the looks of pity.

"Hartford," I whispered. My voice was scratchy and it felt strange to use it. I felt like I really was invisible to my own decision here. They were talking about me, but I couldn't agree or disagree.

"Now that we've asked strange questions," Alana shot a look at Jim, "let us get to the reason we're all here today."

"What? I needed it for my crossword!" Jim defended.

Alana peered at me before saying softly and gently to me as if I might break, "You're still seventeen, aren't you dear?"

I _hated_ her right then. I hated her for turning on me. I hated her for making me feel pathetic. I hated her for what she was going to try and do. I hated her for not helping me. I hated her for making me come here today. I hated her for acting like she'd never been like a mother to me.

You really see someone's true colors when something like this happens.

"Yes," I replied, "but I'll be eighteen on the twenty-third of November."

She nodded slowly and opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't seem to get it out. Jim helped her out,

"What about New York?"

"Albany." I replied.

He looked interested and said, "Really? No wonder New York City wouldn't fit." He smiled at me before going back to the paper.

That's when I realized where his loyalties lied. He was on my side, I could tell by the way he was acting, but I think he was afraid to defy Alana. Coward.

"Right, well, we all need to talk." Alana said again, trying to start the conversation.

Jake said something from the corner I couldn't hear, but I just dug my fingernails into my arm and shut my eyes. I didn't want to be here. This is the _last_ place on earth I'd ever want to be right now.

"Go ahead," I said to her.

I thought of how ashamed Oliver and Lilly would be of me if they saw me now.

Ever since Oliver stormed out, he'd only kept in touch by text, email, or instant message. He wouldn't do anything that involved him seeing or hearing me. Although I had a strong feeling he was double O from Malibu that kept calling in and requesting Hannah songs on the radio.

I found it strangely comforting every time I checked my email (which I did frequently…more then I'll ever admit to anyone) and saw a message from him. It filled me with warmth from my head to my toes to think that Oliver cared enough about me to have ongoing conversations over email with me all day. It gave me something to look forward too; something to make me actually want to get up again.

And just as I started feeling a little better, I'm here. Oliver had tried to persuade me to not go, but I couldn't just not show up. Because then they'd show up there and that's the _last_ thing I wanted.

If Oliver was here now, he'd tell me to stick up for myself and have some pride. I thought of him as I forced myself to sit up straight and hold my head high. My mother always told me a little confidence made a whole lot of a difference in situations.

Alana seemed a little intimidated for a moment, when I suddenly showed I was surer of myself. I could see her in high school. She was the girl who was your best friend then bashed you behind your back relentlessly until you showed her up for being a bitch.

"Well," she started looking between Jake and I, "I have to say I was very surprised when Jake told us what happened."

I stared at her and said evenly, "And what was that?"

She glanced at Jake quickly as if to make sure she was supposed to answer this truthfully.

"Well, that you both decided you weren't in love anymore."

I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut. _We_ decided that? No, the hell we did! WE didn't decide shit! HE decided that HE didn't love me.

"He told you that?" I asked, trying to stay calm, but you could hear my pain in every syllable. I stole a glance at Jake. He was staring right at me with a hard look. He was a monster.

"Yes, that's what I said." She said.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I could tell them all the things he said to me. I could hurt him as much as he hurt me, but I wasn't sure I'd stoop that low. But when I saw him glare at Lana, I felt such anger in me. The anger I knew I should have felt a long time ago. I stared at the expensive clock on the wall and directed my attention to Jake.

This was my moment. I could say what was hurting me. I could maybe make him feel as hurt as me. But my mouth was dry and I couldn't form the words. He stared at me, waiting. I HATED his emotionless stare. HATED it.

I looked back at Alana, "I'm sorry, but I think I remember something slightly different then that happening."

She looked at Jake in confusion, but I didn't even want to know what he said. I was already feeling sick.

"What happened?" She asked me.

I could do it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to _so_ bad. But I couldn't. I couldn't.

"That's not important," I found myself saying, "I think we both know why you have me here."

"No," she said, "I think it _is_ important and I would like to know."

It seemed all the Ryan's except Jim and Lana were severely two-faced and capable of turning on you without batting an eyelash.

I studied her perfect skin, blue eyes, and light blond hair.

"I don't think you do." I said.

"Yes I do."

"Why don't you just ask Jake?" I asked, turning to him. I was a strong woman. I could do this. I could. I knew I _had_ to if I wanted to keep my baby. I never expected myself to EVER have to face him this soon.

I connected my eyes with him. His face was like stone, "Go on Jake," I said to him, feeling the pain of talking to him again, "_Lie_ to my face. Go on; SHOW ME how big of a liar you really are!" I took a deep breath and looked at Cole looking perfectly content with his father. He couldn't have him!

"Come on; tell them that you told me, that it was all an act! Tell them that you were just playing house with me. Be a man; tell them EXACTLY what you told them! Tell them how you never loved me, Come on, do it!" I was screaming at him. He wasn't looking me in the eyes anymore. He looked over at his parents and said the words that broke whatever might have been left of my heart:

"I honestly don't know what she's talking about."

I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head before turning away from them.

"I knew something else had happened," Lana whispered to me, "I knew his story didn't fit."

"What is the _real_story?" Jim asked, looking mad, "I want the truth. Jake?"

Jake glanced at me. Cole babbled and looked at me. He started whining and crying. I took a deep breath and forced myself to stand up. I walked over to where they were and Cole moved his arms toward me. For a moment, Jake and I's eyes connected and he looked different, almost like my Jake. But as I gently removed Cole from his arms and sat back down, they hardened again.

Cole babbled happily in my arms and played with my hand. I smiled down at him and kissed his cheek.

"The real story is…" he stopped again and I wondered if maybe he'd tell the truth, "it's…" he looked again at me and I had the feeling he was looking straight through me, "what I told you before."

Jim turned to me, "Is he telling the truth?" he asked me.

I wanted to cry. What had happened to us!? What had happened!? We were enemies! Enemies testifying against the others, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to.

"No comment," I whispered. They were all surprised,

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not testifying against him as if he's a criminal," I said, "and frankly, I'm not going to waste breath and get upset telling you a story you're not even going to believe, because I know no matter what I say you'll believe Jake." I aimed that one at Alana.

"That's not fair!" She interjected.

"Yes, it is." I replied, not wanting to fight this anymore.

"So, what's it going to be?" Jim asked.

"What?"

"Cole. What's going to happen him? The house, what about that? All the stuff? Divorce papers? The whole shebang."

I closed my eyes and suddenly felt so tired. So tired of everything. Of putting up with all this crap and thinking they're be sun tomorrow, and then I'm faced with another hurricane.

"I don't think you have the resources to take care of him," Alana said to me.

Was she freaking serious?! She BETTER not be! I'm Hannah freaking Montana!!

"Jake isn't the only one with money," I snapped, "I've got just as much as he does." If not more.

"Are you emotionally ready to do this alone?" She asked.

"I've been doing it, haven't I?"

"How do I know you're doing it well?"

There is something's you learn in life about mothers. One is that you NEVER criticize the way they raise their babies. NEVER.

"You think Jake will do better?" I asked her, feeling furious.

"Well, Ye—

_"__I'm_ not the one who abandoned Cole." I exclaimed, "But yet the one who did is suddenly the fit parent?"

"I didn't abandon him!" Jake defended from the corner.

"Bull shit!" I yelled.

"Language!" Alana scolded.

"Well do you feel you're…mentally ready for this job?" She asked.

She. Did. Not. Just. Go. There. Oh, no. No, no, no.

"I'm plenty mentally stable."

"What about the nightmares?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I think a mother that has nightmares is better equipped to take care of a baby that stays up all night then a father that has a dangerous bout of bipolarity." I replied sharply.

"I'm not bipolar," Jake grumbled from the corner then.

I turned sharply to him, "Okay then, a father with multiple personality disorder. One minute you'll love him then decide it was just an act and the _real_ you won't enjoy him."

"Don't talk to him like that!" Alana defended her son.

"Alana," Jim said, "I think they both need to calm down, not just Miley."

Coward.

"Why should you get Cole?" Alana asked, "tell me why."

"Because he's my baby—

"He's Jake's too," She cut me off. I ignored her,

"—because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Because he's my son. Because I love him."

"All those reasons apply to Jake too," Alana said stiffly.

My eyes flashed, "Okay, how would _you_ feel if you had a baby now and you and Jim broke up and he wanted to take away your baby? How would you feel?"

She didn't answer.

I was losing it, I could feel myself slipping.

"I just think Jake should have Cole," She said, "I don't want Cole to get hurt."

"From what?" I yelled.

"From having a mother that's incapable of taking care of him!"

"Ugh!" I cried.

"You know, it's not nice to hurt people," She said, looking insulted at my attitude. Oh so now she was going to preach to me about hurt? She had NO idea.

"You think that's pain?" I asked her.

She raised her eyebrows.

I stared at them all, knowing I was done with it all.

"You don't know what pain is." The words were so harsh and raw coming out of my mouth that everyone fell silent.

I stood up.

"No, come on, why don't you tell us what pain is?" she said.

"Why don't you tell me what you think it is?" I shot back.

"Pain is when you get hurt," She replied. I laughed a sarcastic laugh and switched Cole to my other arm before walking towards the door,

"No, Mrs. Ryan, I'm afraid that's a pretty narrow, elementary school definition. Pain, real pain, is the kind that makes it hurt to even _breathe_. So don't act like I'm being a dramatic bitch and I'm the one to blame. Don't act like I won't care if Cole is taken from me, because you have NO IDEA. One day if you wake up and realize that you've not lived a day without pain in it in a long time, then maybe you can act like this to me. But not now, because frankly, I am about sick of it. I've had so much shit happen to me, and when I'm finally healing, this damn crap happens. Cole is all I have, and you can't have him. Get it? Got it? Holy freaking great."

I opened the door, but before I could leave, Jake's voice stopped me,

"You can't talk to them like that!" he rose from his seat.

Tears were at the edges of my eyes. Before I could reply I felt and arm on my shoulder. I turned around to be face to face with Oliver.

Oh no.

"What's going on here?" He asked, stepping in front of me to protect me from the big evil Jake.

Right then, I viewed Oliver as an Angel.

He looked at all of us. No one said anything. Then Lana stood up and exclaimed,

"Jake told my mom and dad he and Miley _both_ decided they weren't in love, and they brought Miley here and tried to convince her to give Cole over to Jake because they think she's mentally unstable or something and she won't let them because Cole is her baby and she's sick of all the damn crap that keeps happening to her."

In any other situation, that would have been hysterical.

Oliver raised his eyebrows at all of them. He turned to me,

"Come on, Miley. Don't let them get to you. Let's go."

Once again, Jake stopped us.

"You can't just leave! He's my kid too!"

Oliver's jaw was set and he looked furious. This wasn't good.

He spun around and jabbed a finger into Jake's chest,

"You shut the hell up! You've already fucking taken everything away from her and hurt her, now you want to take away her baby too!? God! Damn it, can't you people just leave her alone! Just leave her the hell alone for God's sake! Is it a game for you? Let's see how bad we can kick Miley until she kills herself? Well I don't like that game! And if you don't leave her alone, I will beat your ass until you can't remember your own name, bastard!"

Jake looked really affected by Oliver's words. He pushed him.

"You don't even understand! That's not how it happened, man! You don't get it!" Jake cried.

"What don't I get? Come on, tell me! I know what I get, that you have used her and now that you're done, you're throwing her away and taking everything from her! She's already freaking lost her mother, her best friend disappeared, as did her brother and father, she got a damn rapist murderer person stalking her, and now you do this!" Oliver shoved Jake back.

"I don't—

Oliver cut Jake off, "That's just god damn wonderful, faggot. So when something happens to her because you hurt her so bad, I hope you lay awake all night. I hope you see her face everywhere and remember that YOU are a murderer. I hope the guilt _kills_ you."

Jake just turned around and walked away from us. I was shaking. Oliver pulled me to him and said,

"Come on, let's go." Cole was crying now, not liking the screaming.

I couldn't help but think that if this had played out like a movie, I would have been prepared to see him again. My life wouldn't be so choppy and horrible. Maybe, if I had seen him later, I'd be able to stand up for myself. I didn't know why Oliver followed, but I was glad he had.

I couldn't do things on my own.

"I was thinking before," Oliver said with anger still in his voice as he waited for me to finish strapping Cole into his car seat, "that maybe Luke had made Jake break up with you. Because it fit you know? I thought he loved you, and with everyone disappearing it would just fit. But after seeing that, I know he's just a horrible person."

"I never thought that," I told him, "because I saw him when we fought. He'd get like that. And I always remember thinking "who is this? This isn't my Jake" and then when he broke up with me, he had said that was the real him. And that "my Jake" was his act. I wished I had noticed it sooner."

He just hugged me before saying, "Don't worry. You'll get through this."

**A/n: Why don't you celebrate the fact that you're carpal tunnel free and leave by a review? It'd make my day :)**


	27. I Need You To Know

The puppies finally arrived.

"Oh, my god." I murmured.

Oliver smiled proudly as he undid the kennel door, "They're just beautiful aren't they?"

I stared at the giant, fluffy, adorable puppies in the kennel.

"Yes, but, they're…um…very big." I struggled out.

"HA!" Oliver exclaimed as he finally got the lock off the kennel. He wrenched open the door in excitement. Suddenly, a giant fur ball jumped over Oliver and came running at me.

"Oh…no…" I braced myself for the hit.

The big dog just jumped up on the couch and promptly sat his big butt on my lap. Then, he turned to me, cocked his head and I noticed how unbelievably big and cute his eyes were. But he was a BIG BOY.

"Aw," I cooed as I scratched him behind the ears, "They are actually very gentle."

Oliver smiled again and tried to coax the girl puppy out of the kennel. She was scared.

"Come on, girl! It's okay," Oliver said gently to her. He held out his hand and the girl puppy edged forward and sniffed his hand.

"That's it, I won't hurt you."

She slowly revealed herself and allowed Oliver to pet her.

"I think we've found our puppies," I muttered.

"Yes. And I shall name mine One Who Looks Like Sugar Cookies!" Oliver declared as if he had just named the Mayflower.

"You're naming that poor, poor puppy…one who looks like sugar cookies?" I struggled out.

"Yea! I'll call her Sugar for short though. Or maybe Cookie." He pondered out loud. He turned to me, "What are you going to name him?"

I didn't know. It took seven months to find some names for Cole, and in the end Jake picked it anyway.

"I don't know. I'm bad at names. I named my stuffed bear Beary after all."

"True…what do you think he looks like?"

"A moose," I murmured underneath my breath.

"PERFECT!" Oliver exclaimed.

"What?"

"Moose! That's the perfect name!"

Newly christened Moose looked up at me as if he'd been answering to that name all his life and licked me across the face with his giant, wet tongue.

That's more then slightly gross, that's repulsive. But sweet in a way I guess. I did say I guess.

I shuddered but tried to be nice and petted him on the head. He seemed to smile and wagged his tail.

"Good dog," I muttered as I eyed his teeth.

It had been two weeks since the Ryan incident. I had thought after seeing Jake there, I wouldn't be seeing him for a long time. But it was just the opposite. I saw him _everywhere_.

The first time after the Ryan incident was at the grocery store. I was closely inspecting apples, trying to find the PERFECT Fuji. When I looked up to check how much it was per apple, BAM. There he was, looking at big, pink grapefruits.

That was strange because Jake doesn't like grapefruit. Loathes it actually.

Anyway, he must have felt my eyes on him because he glanced up at me. He didn't look surprised or affected by my presence at all. Instead he looks back down at his grapefruit and continues looking with a bored expression and says, "Hello."

Hello?! Like we're good acquaintances or something! My apple that I'd spent so long searching for dropped and rolled down the grocery store floor as I gaped at him. He picked two grapefruit, bagged them, and strolled off.

If I ever thought that was strange, it was normal compared to what happened after that.

I wasn't fit to go out again until about three more days. Seeing him again wasn't exactly painful. In fact; it was kind of…refreshing. I don't know why. Because when I leave him and we walk to separate cars I'm reminded of how much it hurt not to be with him anymore. But not seeing him…that's partly harder. It's like he never existed. I don't and never will know how to explain that feeling, it was just there. Like the good times seemed too great compared to the present that they belonged in a book and not in real life.

The second time was at my CD signing.

I was seated at a large, white table with a perfect smile on my face acting like everything was fine, just fine. I'd signed SO MANY CD's that I was ready to never write again. Then, wordlessly, he's there holding a CD bearing my serious face on it (with the Hannah wig, of course. Even though the secret was blown...I wanted to keep them separated. Hannah was the singer, Miley was the mother. Sometimes you need lines in life).

I was dumbfounded. Was he serious? I didn't know whether to take it or not.

"You gonna sign it, Hannah?" He'd asked me.

I reached for it with shaking hand and viciously scratched my name down and thrust it back into his hands. He had THANKED me and walked off. I hadn't been able to focus the rest of the day.

I had three interviews, and in one of them I forgot the name of my CD.

The third was at the electronic store. I was trying to "spend some Miley Timey" as Oliver had suggested that morning when we were on the phone. I was browsing some CDs at Circuit City, very good Miley Timey to me. I was silently reading off the tracks of Boys Like Girls new CD. I put it down, deciding I didn't need more CDs, and turned to the right to go look for movies. And suddenly, I was face to face with him. We were so close…and it killed me. I missed him so much.

But he didn't even acknowledge me. He just looked over at my shoulder with those cold, hard eyes and walked away.

The forth was at Starbucks. I had woken up that morning with the strong desire for a vanilla latte. So I found the strength to leave the house. And sure enough, he was there. He didn't acknowledge me or Cole again.

I couldn't say why we kept running into each other, although I had a few guesses. Right now it was between:

A.) He got a sick, twisted pleasure out of watching me hurt underneath his gaze.

B.) Fate wasn't done with us and was pissed that Jake had taken things in his own hands, so he was trying to force us back together.

C.) Jake was a secret member of the CIA where I was considered a threat to humanity and he was assigned the job to stalk me everywhere and learn everything about me. Which, you know, would be a good job for him because he did know everything already.

I was leaning toward A. Although, C was very plausible also. He always struck me as the secret CIA agent type.

"—around three tomorrow, okay?" Oliver asked as he got his stuff together (his stuff included dear One Who Looks Like Sugar Cookies and her extensive dog owners kit) and picked up Emily who had been sitting on the floor next to Cole (who was lying on the floor) and babbling along with him. They looked too adorable for words, sitting there babbling along. Very beautiful.

"Okay," I said, even though I had no idea what he just said. He smiled and waved before leaving. I sighed and the giant dog licked me again.

"Geez," I muttered as I scratched his head, "Moose, you're very lovable aren't you?"

He just made a yawn/rawr sound and leaned his head on the couch. I had always wanted a dog when I was younger, well, now here's the chance!!

I pet Moose one more time before climbing off the couch and lying down on the floor beside Cole on my stomach. He looked up at me. He was about four and a half months old now. He had just begun to master holding his head up when he laid on his stomach, holding himself up with his arms while he was on his stomach and looking around, and was generally more and more fussy then he had EVER been. All the books say that's normal, but somewhere in me I still thought it was because Jake left.

"Hey Coley," I said to him as I rested my head in my hands and looked at him. He smiled at me. I reached over and grabbed a bright, neon colored ball. I held it up and moved it back and forth in front of him. His eyes followed it for a few moments before kicking his legs and trying to grab it.

"Do you want it?" I asked him. He reached for it again and I rolled it on the floor to him. He watched it in wonder, his eyes big. I laughed at him and kissed his head. He looked back up at me with those beautiful eyes of his. I stroked his thin, blond hair for a moment as I smiled at him and thought of where we would be in a few years. I thought of what I'd do when he was all grown up. Spontaneously, I covered my eyes and pulled them back yelling "Peek-a-boo!"

Cole squealed in delight (another skill he had masters during month four) and laughed. His attention turned back to the bright ball, and he swatted at it with his hand. It went a few inches then stopped. I pushed it back at him. He stared at it in amazement, as if that was truly the coolest thing he'd ever seen. He looked up at me. Then back at the ball. He hit it with his hand.

He looked up at me and laughed in joy, finding abusing the bright ball very humorous. He watched it roll a centimeter, then looked at me and babbled on about something. I grinned at him and repeated what he had said, exaggerating it a bit.

This was what Cole loved. He felt he was having a talk with me, and it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. He'd ooh and aah at things and smile.

Cole was now focusing all his might on grabbing that darn ball. His little hand couldn't seem to get its aim right, though. I placed my hand over his tiny one and guided it over and closed his hand over the ball. He brought it up and studied it in his hand. He'd study his own hands for hours on end. They seemed to fascinate him (this was normal, I had read this repeatedly in all the many books). When he got bored with that, he moved the ball to his mouth. I laughed and gently took it away from him.

I sat up and moved him into my lap, leaning him against me. He settled down and looked tired (playing with a neon colored ball is very tiring you know!). I stroked his head softly as his eyes drifted closed every few moments. I looked up to see Moose sleeping on the couch.

What a…smart...dog. I couldn't think of another word. He'd come out of that kennel like he owned the place and sat on my lap awaiting me to love him. He was automatically comfortable with me. Unlike Cookie Sugar or whatever who was shy like Moose should have been. Why do I seem to have a bright sign on my forehead drawing egomaniacs to me? Even my dog is full of himself.

I'm thinking Jake and Moose would have gotten along.

I stood up with a drowsy Cole in my arms and walked into the bedroom. I flicked the lights on and laid Cole in the middle of the made bed. Normally, he could have just laid there. But the other day Oliver swore he saw Cole roll over. And I wasn't risking anything.

I set pillows around the edge of the bed and kissed him gently. He opened his eyes and looked at me. He waved his arms at me and said a sound that sounded along the lines of "ooo ma aahh". He was all about cuddling these days. I climbed up beside him and laid on my back like he was. His eyes observed my hands for a few moments while he laid there. I looked over at the small baby, and started humming. I wasn't sure what I was humming, I was just humming what ever came to me. His eyes moved to my face. We laid there for a few more minutes until he slowly drifted off to sleep. I quietly climbed up, making sure not to wake him.

I wasn't about to leave him by himself in here, so I decided to find something to pacify myself. The stereo was sitting, dusty, in the corner. I walked over there and wiped some dust off it. The large collection of CD's were leaning dangerously too far to the right. I quickly took half the stack and set them on the TV.

Immediately, I was transfixed.

Lying right in the middle of the stack of CD's was a letter.

I reached over hesitantly and grabbed it. It brought a nameless CD with it. I stared at the name on the front of the envelope.

_Miley._

It read, it that oh so familiar handwriting. My heart was beating so fast. I shakily sat down on the edge of the bed.

I pulled the CD that was taped to the envelope off the letter. I examined it carefully. It was an hp invent blue recordable compact disk. Where you were supposed to write the title of the CD, it was blank. I set the CD gently aside.

Now I was looking at the letter perched in my lap. I felt cold all the sudden. Did I want to open it? What would it hold? Would I regret this?

I grabbed the white envelope and examined it, too. It was Jake's handwriting, no denying it.

I could open it and read it. Or, I could not open it. Then, I could pretend it said the things I wanted so desperately to hear. This door wouldn't shut on me.

But I've never been patient. Never. So I carefully stuck my fingernail under the flap of the envelope and slid it across. I slowly pulled the sheet of paper out of the letter and unfolded it.

_Miley,_

It read. My breath hitched in my throat. I could somehow tell that when he wrote that, his cold Jake face wasn't on.

_I spent three years of my life chasing after you. And I finally got you. Sometimes, though, the prize has to be given up for the reason behind the competition. And although it isn't easy (not even a little bit) to give up the one thing you work so hard for, the cause is always worth it. _

_Listen to the CD. _

_Just listen. _

_I know you're confused. I wish you weren't. _

_But all around the house there are more CD's and letters. If you find them all, all this will make sense to you. __You probably hate me right now for sending you on a scavenger hunt during one of the most stressful chapters of your life, but I need you to do this for me. Because if something happens to me, I need you to know. I need you to understand. _

_The hint for the location to the next letter and CD is as follows: Maria and Yoda. _

_When you feel like you can't go on, remember what you promised me. Just listen and remember._

The note fell from my hand and floated to the floor. My chest was tight. Metaphors! Why did he have to use metaphors!

But I didn't have to be an English major to realize what this meant. This meant that unless someone forced him to write this…that maybe he didn't hate me. Maybe he loved me. What did he mean; the prize has to be given up for the reason behind the competition? I thought as I stared at the paper. I was the prize I suppose. So what would the reason behind the chase be?

Love.

So he's saying…he's saying that because he loves me he had to let me go?

I quickly grabbed the letter and re-read it. Yes, it did say that. I felt numb. Then, somewhere inside me, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. He still loved me.

He loved me.

The words rang in my head and made a smile grace my lips.

Then I remembered his face that morning…_"it doesn't matter what I said, this is what I'm saying now. I don't love you." _

What was the truth?

My eyes searched over the note again. They found the phrase: Remember what you promised me…

I promise him a lot of things. But I automatically knew what he was thinking about.

_"I love you, you know that right?"_

_His voice was so small that it broke my heart. I smiled softly and replied,_

_"Of course.__ I love you, too."_

_He gently grabbed my forearm and lowered my hand so he could grasp it._

_"Whatever happens, whatever I say, whatever I do, wherever I go…I will __always __love you. Promise me you will remember that." He was so serious that it almost made me scared. I kissed his head before replying with,_

_"I promise."_

Could I even dare with a sliver of my heart to believe what I wanted to so badly now? It didn't fit, and maybe just maybe Oliver was right.

I still had my doubts and confusions though. But I would deal with those eggs when they hatched, because at that moment, the only thing I cared about was the fact that my Jake was alive somewhere. He had written these and placed them everywhere for me, as if he knew exactly where I'd look first. How did he know, though? How did he know I would fix that leaning tower of CDs? How did he know exactly where I would break them apart?

But as I clutched the note to my chest and let out a sob of relief, I realized I didn't care.

My Jake was somewhere. The person who I loved so much it drove me insane…the person who had become EVERYTHING to me. The person I swore I'd refuse Heaven for unless he was there right beside me. The person who made up my world, my laughs, my smiles, and now my cries….the person who words can not even express how I feel for him…he was out there. And although I'd much rather have him here with me, the idea that multiple handwritten letters were waiting for me was enough to make me cry as if he was back.

I wiped my eyes as the tears kept coming and carried to note with me. I set it down on the nightstand before grabbing the CD.

What was going to be on it?

I was filled with suspense as I grabbed a portable CD player (Cole was sleeping) out of the nightstand drawer and opened it. I gently placed the CD in the player, and closed it. I eagerly pulled the old headphones over my head and pressed play.

A kind of upbeat beat came through the speakers. It was vaguely familiar, I had heard it somewhere before...

_I'm not a perfect person...there's many things I wish I didn't do__...but I continue learning__, I never meant to do those things to you. __And so I have to say before I go...__that I just want you to know--_

The song broke out in the chorus. I closed my eyes and let the music course through. The words were all I could hear; the beat of the sound was the beat of my heart…the chorus ended and I turned the song up, vaguely aware that this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you...__It's something I must live with everyday. __And all the pain I put you through...__I wish that I could take it all away, __And be the one who catches all your tears...__that's why I need you to hear..._

_I've found out a reason for me __to__ change who I used to be...__a reason to start over new... __and the reason is you__…_

The song continued but I knew the only part he'd really needed me to hear was the apology part. As the song neared an end, I felt sad. I didn't want it to be over. I needed this.

As I slowly slid the earphones off and turned the player off, I sat there and stared at the wall with tears still gliding down my face.

I felt relieved that he still loves me. But that doesn't change the fact that he's gone.

Now brings me to wonder…what is going to happen?

He acts in the note like he's going somewhere…somewhere where he can't get the message to me that he still loved me.

I felt like I was in a war with the universe and had painted a sign that said "HOW MANY MORE CURVES YA GOT BIG BOY!?"

Good question though. How much more is there really to throw at me?


	28. Thesaurus

"I just don't understand where all the food went!"

Oliver's exclamation was muffled as he rummaged through my refrigerator. He emerged with his arms full of various things, a stick of butter held between his teeth, a milk cartoon balanced on his right shoulder, and a bowl of watermelon rocking hazardously on top of his head.

I brought my nail file down on my right thumb and said, "I think I have a pretty good idea where your food went,"

He ignored me as spread some pimento cheese all over a slice of bread, "I mean, I just went shopping yesterday and this morning when I woke up, it was all gone!"

After adding the pimento, he opened a jar of peanut butter and began slapping it on in large amounts.

I resisted the urge to gag and muttered, "You probably ate it all for dinner."

He looked at me and asked in a hurt voice, "Is that a fat joke?"

I looked up from my right index finger that was getting filed and set down the file, "No, Oliver, it wasn't a fat joke. All I'm saying is you came bursting through the door around six A.M. this morning yelling about starvation and you've eaten up most of the food in here since then."

He looked at me for a second before saying, "I can go if this bothers you. There's this gas station a few miles out that sells these really cheap, but good, sandwiches and I could just drop by there—

"I don't care you're here, Oliver. I just wonder sometimes if there was some genetic mishap when you were created and you grew a stomach the size of an elephant's." I replied gently.

He thought about that as he opened a package of bologna (which had totally been in there since forever because I hate bologna) and piled it on the soled sandwich.

"Who knows," was all he said. I heard a cry from the living room and Oliver followed my gaze.

"Poor Emily," he said as he walked out of the kitchen. Emily was teething, and constantly in pain. Oliver was so pained to see her pained. Oliver was always like super daddy. Emily couldn't stand to be away from Oliver for very long. She got so upset when he left her that she would scream hysterically.

I hadn't told Oliver about the letter I found last night.

I was going to, but I didn't feel like it was any of his business. Jake wrote it for me, not Oliver. I was going to look for the next letter this morning, but Oliver had come; therefore throwing my schedule off.

My first guess when I heard the clue was that it had something to do with the Sound of Music. However, after looking in the case, there was no letter. My second guess was that it was in the Star Wars case. But I didn't own the movie Star Wars.

And it drove me _insane_.

What did he mean? What could he possibly mean? Why did I have to look for it? Why?

I tried to cast that nagging thought to the back of my mind as Oliver headed back into the kitchen. I quickly walked over to the island and took a piece of watermelon out before it was all gone.

"Once upon a timey, in a very cool place that was limey, there lived a beautiful princess, who was known for her…awesomeness. Her name was Emily, and she loved her family…she had a beautiful face, and perfect grace. Her mother was a whore, with badly clogged pores…but Princess Emily would always be better, hopefully even at picking out her daddy a sweater!" Oliver sang to Emily as he continued with his sandwich. Emily smiled at him with the remains of tears on her face and lightly pressed her lips to his cheek (her currently improving version of a kiss). Oliver smiled at her as he continued his little song. I smiled at them, thinking that Emily was the best thing that could have ever happened to Oliver. And she was.

"Hey," Oliver said to me suddenly, "where'd the food go?"

I looked around, and sure enough, it was gone. Well, more like all on his sandwich.

"Darn Oliver, you can really clean out a kitchen!" I exclaimed. He smiled proudly,

"I know. It's just one of my many talents."

"That's great, but I think you should run to the store." I replied, "I'll watch Emily."

As if she knew I was proposing that Oliver would leave her, she rested her face into his neck and held on for dear life.

"That's obviously isn't an option," he said, "and I don't really want to bring her to the store…"

Which, of course, meant I'd be going. Cole was the _good baby_. He would sleep the whole time I was gone, and then wake up and be a little sunshine. Ha. That's what Oliver thought anyway.

"Okay," I said, "but you should know what you're getting yourself into. You're offering to watch two babies. While I go _shopping_."

He looked scared for a moment, but covered it quickly, "But its grocery shopping. Can't take that long!"

He really didn't know me did he?

I just smiled and said, "Okay, Oliver, okay."

He looked even more nervous, "Cole will sleep won't he?"

"I'm not making any promises." I replied before walking out of the kitchen and toward the bedroom.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" He screamed from behind me. I just smirked to myself and shut the door behind me. I waited a few moments. Then, I heard the radio start up. I smiled to myself.

Oliver would get so caught up in the music, he'd not think too much about it if I went on a mad search for the next letter. Then, you know, I could go shopping.

But I _had_ to find that letter. I don't know exactly how to explain it…but I had a physical need to find it. I felt like I might die if I don't.

The letter was all I had left of Jake, and of what we had. I needed it. Just like I needed him.

So I sat back down on the bed and pulled his letter out of the nightstand. I crossed my legs as I leaned back on his pillow and read his hint slowly to myself.

_The hint for the location to the next letter and CD is as follows: Maria and Yoda._

Ugh! What the hell? Why can't he just come out and tell me? Or tell me an easier hint? I'm not freaking Einstein.

I read it again. And again. And again until it started looking strange to me. Have you ever done that? Wrote or said a word so many times it started to look/sound weird and you thought you spelled/said it wrong? If you have, that's how it felt reading it again.

But when I saw it from a different view, I noticed different things. Like how the ink was darker on some words, and where his hand had paused and he had thought about what exactly he was going to write next. Who knew a letter could show so much.

I was beginning to get frustrated. What did he mean?! Then, suddenly, I heard the radio from the kitchen.

"—JESSE MCCARTNEY! Jesse, how has the new CD been coming along? I think—

Jesse McCartney. When I thought of Jesse, I thought of Lilly and their little "thing". When I thought of that, I thought of the time they met. When I thought of that, I thought of the horrible fight Jake and I got into. When I thought of that I thought of…

And then it hit me like Uncle Earl on his way to the carrot cake on Thanksgiving.

"Sweet niblits," I murmured to myself. How could I not remember that?!

I gathered up the letter and ran to the door. I tip-toed out of the bedroom and into the walkway. I passed the living room and paused in front of the stairs, making sure Oliver wasn't paying enough attention to follow. When I saw him completely absorbed in dancing to some Beyonce song, I ran up the stairs. Once I'd made it to the landing, I quietly walked the rest of the way into Cole's nursery.

The yellow curtains kept out the sun and made everything have a warm glow about it. Cole was sleeping soundly in his crib and everything looked in place.

I walked over to the middle of the room. During the conversation what had been going on? I'd been sitting in the rocking chair before he came to the door…when he came to the door he unlocked it with the key that was on top of the door…then Lilly called on the phone…

So that was it. It had to be on the chair somewhere, above the door, or near the phone.

I opened the door softly first, and stood on my toes. I lightly brushed my fingers across the top of the door frame, and the key fell into my hand. That was the only thing, though. I sighed and set the key back.

I walked over to the phone. It was, as always, on silent (because, you know, a baby stays in there). I picked up the yellow receiver and looked in at the base. It wasn't there. I picked up the phone, it wasn't there either. I checked all around the phone, but found no letter or CD.

Aggravated, I thought back to the conversation. I wasn't sure why he picked _that_ conversation. In was one of the more _special_ ones.

_You're already in trouble with the law." I said, "The law being my real father of course..."_

_"Uh oh, he must have found out your second job is a stripper named Maria from the Philippines who's father was an Irish folk singer that fell in love with a goat farmer named Leezle who loved to yoddle and now he's blaming me for it. Damn, I should probably hide." He said. I laughed and said,_

_"Goat farmer?"_

_"You were drunk when you made your identity."_

_"Really? Well if I was drunk you must'a been too. What's your "stripper identity"?"_

_"Me? Oh I'm Yoda from northern Asia whose father was a nonprofitable rice cropper who was arranged to marry a dog breeder from Hawaii named Jenny."_

_"Wonderful. So together we are Maria and Yoda, strippers from the Philippines and Northern Asia who's parents were as follows: a nonprofitable rice farmer, goat farmer, dog breeder, and Irish folk singer."_

_"Don't forget my parents had an arranged marriage and my Mother was from Hawaii." He said. I rolled my eyes._

_"Did any one ever tell you that you are insane?" I asked him. He laughed and said,_

_"No, but I've always known it."_

Alone in Cole's nursery, I laughed to myself. I crossed over back to the rocking chair. I picked up the cushion and looked under it.

Bingo.

I grinned and I grabbed the CD and letter. I checked the CD quickly, making sure I hadn't accidently broken it when I sat in the rocking chair. It was perfectly fine…strange.

I sat back down in the rocking chair and gently set the CD on the table that held the phone. I stuck a shaking finger under the flap of the envelope and stopped.

My heart was responding wildly to the suspense. What would be in this letter? Would I like what I read? Or would I loathe it?

Would I regret reading it?

Just as I had with the first letter, I thought about what would happen if I just left it to my imagination. To leave it open; free for my imagination.

But my hand had a mind of its own, obviously. I finished sliding my finger underneath the flap and slowly extracted the letter from its home. It was folded neatly, just the way it should have been. But it didn't seem right.

Nothing really ever had since Jake had left.

I unfolded it and laid it against my lap before reading:

_Miley,_

_I have written this letter at least ten times. And each time, I'm more and more unsatisfied with it. I wanted to tell you in this letter how much you mean to me and how much I love you. But…it's something I can't capture on paper. Like the smell of a rose bathed with rain…or the feeling you get when the first thing you hear in the morning is the person you love more than anything's voice…or the light pinkish shade your cheeks turn when you're embarrassed (and I do mean _you_, Miley, not someone else. Who would I be not to make a comment about your beauty in this letter? Not Jake, that's who. Oh, and I did mean the cheeks on your face, Haha). Or the feeling of knowing you have forever to show someone how much you love them. _

_I was determined, though, to find the words to explain it in one letter. You should have seen me; you would have died of laughter. I spent the last two nights pouring over thesauruses, trying to find the words I so desperately needed. But I couldn't, because there are no such words. Even when I found a word that might be slightly suitable; I could never find the right order to put it in with the others. And so I was left with a dilemma: I need you to know in this letter, but I don't know how. _

_And to tell you the truth, I still haven't found an answer to the dilemma. I simply can't find the words to tell you. Because me and you, baby, we could make the WHOLE WORLD jealous. We have something that could make the wealthiest man quiver in jealously, and the most loved women cry for what she knows she can't ever have. Because when I'm with you, I don't hear someone telling me it's raining. I can hear the rain leaking through a hole in the roof and feel it land on my head. Right now, if you could see me, I'm laughing. I never knew I was so poetic. Add that to my lists of things I'm great at: poetry. And if you could see me now, you'd probably make some smart ass comment about how I had a fifty three for the first semester in English freshman year. _

_But you can't see me now, because of some severe lapse of judgment on my behalf. I wish I could just tell you why I left you right now (or even why I can't tell you why), but I can't. That was a lot of "can not's" and I wish it didn't have to be. But right now the only I'm concerned about is you. I'm always concerned about you. When you sleep, I worry. When you're awake, I worry. And now, with me so out of reach emotionally and physically, I worry even more. I worry to such an extent that sleep is inexistent. I know how you felt before, now. It really sucks to feel that worn out. Especially if it's because horrifying nightmares or worrying about someone too much. _

_This letter is long. It's too long, and I shouldn't have written such a long letter, but I can't help it. I miss you so much, and if this is the only way I can talk to you…then bring on the carpal tunnel! It can't be nearly as bad as what being without you feels like. _

_I end this letter with all my love. Just like back in high school, you remember that? You'd always end my letters like that: With all my love…_

_I never realized just how good it felt to write it. Like you're passing on some great, big secret to the person you love…like you whisper it in their ear while they sleep…or sing it to them as they drift off…or write it at the bottom of a letter because that's all you can do. _

_When you feel down, when you feel lonely and cold, just pull out this letter and hold it to you and know that what was only at the most three days ago, I was holding it to me. I want you to always remember to hold your head high, gorgeous, for there are people in this world that would KILL to see you it fall. "When you're forced to stand alone, you realize what you have in you." I'm pretty sure I read those quotes in some book, but I don't remember the author. _

_I already know what unbelievable strength you have in you. Now find it yourself. Find it, find that strength, and cling to it. Cling to it like the pain will be over tomorrow, even if it will never be over. If me being gone hurts you, hold on like I'll hold you tomorrow. _

_Even if I die, and I don't ever get to hold you for a long, long time, hold tighter to that strength. Hold tight and remember how much I loved you and that everything I've ever done has been for you. It's always been. If you can accept that, then I'll die happily. Because besides dying in your arms with you right beside me, dying for you would be the next best way to go. _

_When this letter turns cold, and you are lonely again, there will be another waiting for you. I will keep writing letters and burning CDs as much as I have to, until I can see you again. Until we can be together, you will always have something from me, something other then my heart. The hint for the location of the next letter and CD is your one-time worn, fashionably late attire. The only one-piece clothing you own that can tell a story of its own. _

_I'll see you soon in the dreamworld. (well, if I can actually get to sleep)—Jake "egomaniac TV star in a hat" Ryan_

I was suddenly even more lost then before.

My heart was aching. Aching like I had just gotten surgery. There was so much in that letter...so much to think about.

But the only thing my brain could function was that it almost seemed like he was saying goodbye again.

And I suddenly felt so drained. Like someone had pressed on a switch and all my energy had come flowing out and onto the floor.

So I did the only thing that would make me relatively better. I held the letter tight in my hand and closed my eyes. I was imagining I was somewhere; anywhere else then where I was.

I wanted to be at the beach. I wanted to on the beach with Jake.

I blocked out my surrounding and focused on that single thought. I could feel the sand between my toes, and feel the sun on my back. The sun was bright, brighter then I've ever seen it, and shinning against the water...making it look like a giant, blue crystal bowl. I breathed in deeply, smelling that familiar smell of salt water and sunscreen.

Then I wasn't alone. Jake was beside me, and he was laughing. I watched him laugh until the sun set...and even after it was dark, I watched him...

Suddenly, I jerked awake and out of what I thought was a daydream.

I looked around Cole's nursery. It was beginning to get dark outside. I rubbed a hand against my wet face and sat up. Cole was lying in his crib, contently playing with his foot. I blinked, surprised he hadn't cried.

I gently placed the letter in one of his drawers with the CD. I had to go to the store, Oliver probably thought I was still there!

I picked up Cole and kissed him gently,

"Cry and Uncle Oliver will come get you, honey." I whispered to him. I kissed him one more time before setting him back into his crib. I tiptoed outside of his room and waited. I heard the radio still going downstairs. I quietly slipped down the stairs and grabbed my keys and purse, before exiting the house sneakily.

The cold fall-almost-winter breeze hit my arms and I shivered. The classic Jeans-and-a-T-shirt wasn't exactly ideal protection against the cold. Especially since my jeans had suffered years of rough play and had multiple rips and holes in them. The T-shirt was Lilly's once upon a time, and was very...Lilly. It was bright yellow and in black writing it said, "When I said "I'd hit that", I meant with my car."

Oh man. I should have changed shirts. I can see the headlines now: "HANNAH RUNS OVER MEN WITH CARS!"

Lovely.

I got into my awesome car and pulled it out of the driveway, slowly making my way to the store and enjoying the wind in my face.

By the time I was there, my nose was numb and my hair all over the place. I yawned lightly as I grabbed my purse and walked into the grocery store.

It was even colder in there then outside.

I shivered and walked down aisle one for some bread. Once I had some wheat bread (because it's better then white, yea, I went there!) I walked down to the last aisle where the milk was.

As I got a carton, I tried to remember everything I needed. Diapers...toothpaste...soda pop...and vegetables. Well, all your basic food groups anyway.

I got the diapers, toothpaste, and pop before going down the canned food aisle (Canned peas are easier then fresh in so many ways!). When I did, my first thought was to RUN.

Of course Jake was in that aisle. Because by then I'd accepted the fact that my luck basically sucks monkey.

But it was worse.

He was leaning against the peas. I needed to get them. But that'd mean I'd have to...talk to him.

I wondered if maybe the Jake who was leaving me the letters was going to show up now. At just the thought, my stomach seemed to be infested by excited butterflies. Maybe he'd come back.

I struggled to rearrange everything in my arms (I was holding a lot of stuff) and walked down the aisle. My black, sensible, two or three inch high heeled shoes (I really don't remember...) made loud sounds on the floor and I wished I'd changed them. But I was a sucker for a cute outfit, and the shoes looked great with the T-shirt.

Jake looked up at the sound.

I forced myself to keep an unaffected face, but when he looked back down at his book like I was just a stranger, that became harder.

I stopped right beside him.

I cleared my throat, hoping he'd get the point. He didn't.

"Um, I kinda need to..." I motioned to the cans behind him. He ignored me.

I sighed. It seemed if I wanted to do anything I'd have to do it myself. I knelled down and reached for the peas, but as I went down, my cheek accidentally brushed down Jake's left leg. My cheek tingled like it had been emerged from ice water. At the same time, we both got really flustered. I felt his muscles tense up, and I quickly jumped up from my position. The offending side of my face was bright red and I felt as if it was a hundred degrees in here. I wanted to say something, but I was too embarrassed.

Screw the peas, I thought as I turned sharply on my heel to take off from him. Unfortunately, I chose that moment to notice the book Jake was reading.

Webster's Thesaurus.

I completely lost my balance (that wasn't that great to begin with) in my shock, and the heel snapped off my right high heel.

Then, I went flying backward. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the pain, when suddenly I was back into his arms again.

This was most definitely one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life.

I forced myself to peak out of one eye (I was hoping maybe batman had swooped in and saved me) but no such luck. Instead, a zombie slayer's face was right above mine. I shut my eye again and forced myself to open them both. My heart was beating rapidly and my breathing was labored.

"Um...uhh..." My face was on fire. I felt so embarrassed. I quickly pulled myself away from him and upright.

"Uhh...thanks." I said awkwardly. He just looked at me, his used-to-be bright green eyes were duller, but still gorgeous, and his hair was longer and was falling into his face. God, he was still so beautiful.

We shifted back and forth, not sure what to say.

"So," I said, "nice book. Catching up on some alternate wording?"

I tried to make the words sound light, like I didn't hope anything was behind the thesaurus. But I think my voice still gave me away.

"Yea. Sometimes it's hard to explain yourself with a limited vocabulary."

More silence.

I wanted to throw myself at his feet and cry "look at us, Jake! Look! We're so lost! Please find us!" But all I did was smile weakly and nod.

Then I decided this had gone on long enough. I was going to ask him about the letters.

"Listen, Jake, I got your le—

Suddenly, he kicked the cans on the bottom row, drowning out my sentence. A dozen of them went flying onto the floor with a crash. I watched them role down the white, tile floor like they were running for their life. A few moments later, after the sounds stopped reverberating off the shelves, he walked off. I watched in bewilderment as he stalked off, without another glance my way.

I numbly grabbed a can of peas that were by my feet. I held the can to myself, numbly aware that I didn't even like peas that much. I stood there, holding the peas, before sticking them back on the shelf. I looked at the green can as I pulled my broken shoes off, and only looked away as I walked barefoot to the cash register.

**A/n: Review? I'd love that. **


	29. Map His Loyalty

Later that night, after I had gotten ready for bed and laid down, I feel asleep easily.

Well, in your terms it probably wouldn't seem easily. I tossed and turned for only three hours. Usually it's longer.

Around two A.M., Moose trotted into the room. He was supposed to be sleeping in the sitting area in the kitchen on a dog bed, but I guess my tossing and turning woke him. He nudged my hand with his nose and I pet his head. That's when he decided he thought that meant he could come up, because the next thing I knew he was curled up beside me. I scratched his head and he licked my face (which still grossed me out) and fell asleep really quickly.

There was something about hearing someone breathing beside me again that lulled me off to sleep. As soon as I laid down again, I fell asleep.

It didn't last long though.

Around four forty three A.M., the phone rang shrilly. I didn't hear it the first time. The third time they called, I woke up with a jolt. Immediately, I felt panic in the bottom of my stomach. People don't normally call at four in the morning unless something is really wrong. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen. The call ended just as I reached it.

My heart was beating so fast that it hurt. I kept imagining all the horrid things that could have happened...

I checked the missed calls. Three from a number I didn't know.

I grabbed the phone and paced nervously around the kitchen. Just as I was about to call everyone I knew, the phone went off again. It was the same number. My hand was shaking in anticipation as I pushed talk.

"Hello?" I asked nervously.

There was static then crying, "Miley?"

I continued to pace nervously, "Lilly?"

She was crying louder then I'd ever heard someone cry before. It was the sound of someone whose heart had been ripped out. She couldn't get a hold of herself.

"Lilly, honey, what's wrong?" I ask gently.

The next words broke my heart,

"I need you."

Her words sounded so urgent, so sad, that I almost cried. My poor best friend, what had happened to her?

I didn't even bat an eyelash when I simply asked, "Where are you?"

It didn't matter it was almost five A.M. It didn't matter that this was the first time I'd really gotten to sleep well in a long time. The only thing that mattered was that my best friend needed me.

She was still crying as she croaked out, "I don't know."

My heart stopped beating temporarily. She didn't know where she was. Thousands of horrible thoughts crossed my mind of what could have happened to her. I wanted to know, but I knew she wouldn't be able to tell me right now.

"What's near you?" I asked her, panicking. What if who ever hurt her will come back for her?!

I heard a pause as she looked around, "I don't know! I'm-I'm at a pay phone at this broken down gas station on this dirt road…I-I don't see any signs anywhere!"

I was panicking.

"Lilly, are you in Malibu?"

"I don't know!" She cried, getting hysterical, "I don't know!"

"Did you pass any signs or anything?" I asked her, trying to be calm for her.

"I don't think…" she stopped suddenly then yelled, "yes! I remember one! I'm on…a road near St. John's road."

St. John's road…I didn't know where that was. But I'd have to find out about it.

"Lilly, I need you to find somewhere to stay until I can get there. Is anyone in the gas station?"

"No, I don't think so."

I couldn't decide what to tell her. Should she stay out in the open or go in the old gas station? But what if someone was in there…waiting…

I shuddered.

"There's an o-outhouse here," She said to me.

"Lilly, go stay in the outhouse." I told her, "I will get there as soon as possible."

She sobbed before saying, "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I'll see you as soon as possible."

She started to say something, but the line went dead. I quickly hung up the phone.

I didn't know where that was or if it was even in Malibu. I thought quickly before grabbing the phone again. I punched in Oliver's number. I waited only two rings, and he picked up.

"Miley? Are you okay?" He asked urgently.

"It's Lilly." I said. I could almost see him stiffen.

"WHAT? What's wrong? Is she okay?"

"I don't know Oliver! She called me crying saying she didn't know where she was! I think she's hurt!"

"Where is she?"

"A road near St. John's road."

"I…I don't know where that is." He racked his brains.

"Me either! Listen, can you come—

"Of course!" he yelled.

"Okay. Come over here. I'll be ready with Cole. I'll bring the laptop so I can search for it on the way."

"I'll stop and get a map on the way." He said.

"Okay, thank you Oliver." I said before I hung up.

I ran up the stairs frantically. Cole was sleeping peacefully. I hated to wake him up, but I had to.

I pulled him gently out of the cradle. He started crying, mad that I had woken him up.

"Come on now, Coley, we've got to go get Aunt Lilly," I said to him. I wrapped him up in a blanket before running down the stairs. I held him with one hand and yanked the laptop off the table with the other.

While I waited for Oliver, I pulled up the Internet. I went to Google Maps and typed in St. John's road.

Nothing came up.

"Oh, my God," I cried as I felt tears rise in my eyes.

Cole was crying still and I tried to console him.

Then, suddenly, Oliver burst through the door looking disheveled.

"Come on!" He yelled. I closed the laptop and was about to run out when Moose came in looking sad.

"Should we bring him?" I asked Oliver.

"We don't have time! Let's go!" We ran out of the house and a cold draft reached me. I looked down at my clothes.

"Damn it!" I cried.

"What?"Oliver asked as he pulled Cole's car seat into his car and quickly strapped him in.

"I forgot to get dressed."

I was wearing at old, large T-shirt and well that was it (except for undergarments). Oliver quickly pulled his long jacket off and tossed it at me. I yanked it on and jumped into the passenger seat. Oliver started his car and took off.

"Did you get the map?" I asked him.

"No, there's a twenty–four hour place right up here that we can get one at. The only other place that has maps and is open right now is Wal-Mart and it would take three hours just to get to one!" He yelled. The poor guy was hysterical.

"Oliver," I said as I gently took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze, "We'll find her."

"I hope so." He said softly.

He pulled into a little grocery shop parking lot and into a parking spot with fearful speed. He slammed on the brakes.

"I'll wait," He said while he pulled out some money and tossed it at me, "you get a map."

I nodded and jumped out of the car, ignoring how cold the concrete felt on my bare feet. It stung like needles stabbing them. I ran into the shop quickly.

I should have known he'd be there.

After all, my luck sucks. I established that when I saw him yesterday at the grocery store. He was sipping coffee at a small table when I ran in. I knew I looked horrible. My hair was supposed to be up in a bun, but most of it had fallen out. I had no shoes on, and was wearing a shirt I'm pretty sure was his and Oliver's long coat over it. He'd only been seeing me in hysterical conditions lately...from my fall at the grocery store to this.

But surprisingly, I didn't care.

I looked around frantically. I didn't see any maps. No one was behind the counter. I ran up to it and pressed the bell at least five times.

"Hello?! I need some help!" I cried.

I heard a muffled voice say, "Yea, and I need some sleep and a girlfriend." I leaned over the counter to see a teenage guy curled up on a beanbag chair.

"I don't really care," I yelled, "do you have any maps?"

He yawned.

"Yea, somewhere in the back. I was supposed to re-arrange them last night but I didn't feel like it so I stashed them back there. Stupid tourists."

He was wasting my time.

"Hey! Are you going to get me one or not?" I yelled.

"Not. I'm sleeping."

I felt helpless. I needed a freaking map! I had to have one. If I didn't, I'd never know how to find Lilly! And if I didn't find her...I shuddered.

"Get off your lazy ass and get me a map!" I screamed at him. He opened one eye and looked at me.

"Aren't you that rich chick? Why don't you go and get daddy to buy you a GPS?"

He laughed at his own little joke.

"Where are the maps?" I asked him again. I was trying to keep calm. The last thing I needed was to get charged with battery.

"I told you, in the back room!"

"Give me the key." I said to him.

"No." He said.

I let out a cry of anger and ran a hand over my face.

"Please!" I cried, "Please, just get me a map! I'll do anything!"

He looked interested at that as a sly grin came over his face and he opened an eye to look at me again, "_Anything_? In that case baby, why don't you take your stunning little ass back here and show be how much you really want that map? I know I can think of a few things you could do to get that map..."

He lifted his head to look at me better and smiled at me in a very gross, suggestive manner. I drew back in disgust. All men are pigs. And right then, I never hated anything as much as I hated men.

Suddenly, Jake was behind the counter. I had forgotten he was there for a moment. He looked _pissed_. More so then I'd ever seen him.

"Get off your stupid ass," He growled at the man, "and don't you ever talk to her like that again. If you do, I swear to God I'll kill you."

"What are you going to do? Pay someone to punch me? If she really wants the map, she'll come over and—

_SMACK_

Jake's fist made contact with the man's jaw. Thick, crimson blood leaked out of the man's mouth. I gasped in shock, but Jake just glared at the man with so much hatred that I shuddered.

The man quickly scurried up and ran to the back room. I was crying by then, terrified about Lilly. If something happened to her because this...this pigheaded man...I don't know what I'd do.

I felt Jake cautiously set his hand on my arm.

"What's wrong?"

He was talking to me, really talking. He wasn't ignoring me, or acting like I wasn't someone he'd married or loved.

I'm not sure what happened, but at the sound of his voice, I went to pieces. My back was shaking violently with tears and I felt like my body was ripping apart.

"It's Lilly," I whispered, "she-she called me. She's hurt…and she doesn't know where she is."

He waited, letting me get it all out.

"I keep…I keep thinking about all the horrible things that could have happened…and she's abandoned somewhere I don't know where it is!"

And suddenly, he was holding me. I didn't know how it happened. I knew it didn't mean he was coming back to my life. But I did know right then when I was in his arms that he still cared for me. Just the feel of his body near mine comforted me in a way that I knew nothing else could. I wanted to cling to him forever, to beg him to stay and hold him! To yell: "Jake! Do you feel what we have!? You can't leave me!" I wanted to slap him and tell him he couldn't leave me. I wanted to force him to tell me what was going on. But I couldn't.

"Here's your map," the man yelled at us, throwing it our way, "it's free, just leave!"

I snatched the map and ran out. My heart was beating fast and I was confused. What had just happened? I was all the way to the car when I heard Jake behind me.

"I'm coming," He said.

I didn't know what to say, "You don't have to," I struggled out. Oliver honked the horn.

"I want to."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, his eyes widened and he looked around him.

"I mean," He said slightly louder, "I don't care. Just go and leave me alone."

He didn't mean it, I could tell. And just with that, I had a better idea as to where his loyalties lied.

"Alright." I said softly, as I climbed in the car and threw the map at Oliver. As we backed out of the parking lot, Jake and I stared at each other until we couldn't see each other anymore.

"What took so long?!" Oliver cried.

"I'm sorry;" I said sincerely, "some loser in there wanted me to have sex with him for a map and well…things got a little violent."

Oliver handed me the map. I opened it and looked at it. I didn't see St. John's road anywhere. I looked some more.

"I don't see it anywhere, Oliver!" I cried. He pulled over on the side of the road and I handed it to him. He searched it and I stuck my hands in the pockets of the jacket, trying to warm myself.

My hand came in contact with something.

I curiously pulled a folded piece of paper out of the jacket. Oliver wasn't looking, so being the nosy person I am, I unfolded it.

But it wasn't a note for Oliver.

_When you pass the mall, take a left. Drive straight until you reach a fork in the road. Then, turn right. The road will wind on and on for about thirty minutes. Then, suddenly, there will be a dirt road to your left. The real sign was replaced with the old St. John's Catholic Church sign to throw you off. Turn down that road and drive for about ten minutes, then you'll see a road to the right. Turn down it, and she'll be there. DO NOT go down the road that you'll find in a map called St. John's Bay. _

_Be careful. _

I stared at Jake's note. He must have slipped it in the coat when he hugged me.

"I found a St. John's Bay...Do you think that's what she could have meant?" Oliver asked nervously, fingering the spot on the map.

"Oh, my God!" I cried in shock. How did he know?!

"What?!" Oliver yelled.

"Jake put this note in my pocket in the gas station!" I thrust it at him. His eyes scanned it.

"How does he know?" I screamed. Oliver was silent for a moment. Then he looked at me.

"Either he's behind this, or I was right originally and Luke is really controlling him. Either way, we have instructions. God, it's a good thing you found this. I was just about to take us to St. John's Bay..." Oliver murmured.

So we took off in the direction of the mall. It took us about an hour to get there. When we did, Oliver was about to fall asleep.

"Let me drive now," I told him. He nodded drowsily.

I took the wheel. Oliver nodded off to sleep in the passenger seat. I drove and drove for I don't know how long, then I saw the first road.

And when Jake said "suddenly" he wasn't kidding. I had to jerk the steering wheel left so harshly, that the car began to spin. I slammed on the brakes, trying to stop it. The car thrust forward and the brakes squeaked. But it stopped. I quickly pulled the car into the dirt road with St. John's Catholic Church sign on it. I drove slowly down the road. It was hard to see anything because the trees were so overgrown. It was even darker under the trees overhang. I looked carefully, watching the road pass to my right. And, just as Jake had said, exactly ten minutes later there it was.

I turned carefully into the road. The road was full of pot holes and I had to drive ridiculously slow to watch out for them. By the time I saw a gas station, I was so full of tension from driving so slow that I was ready to scream.

I was so ready to find Lilly, to make sure that she was okay, that I didn't even bother waking Oliver. Truth be told, I wanted to be able to hug Lilly and talk. If Oliver got there first, I'd never get a chance to talk.

I threw open the door. Emily watched me curiously. When she got bored with that, she looked over at Cole who was sleeping in the seat beside her's. She was very taken with him when he slept.

I quietly shut the door and walked around the car.

The gas station was broken down. Well, more like burnt down. Half of it was ashes, and the other half was burnt wood basically pilled together. There were three old, rusty gas pipes that were just sitting there. The outhouse was near the building, and a sickly color of green. I made a beeline for the outhouse.

The moment I got there, I realized this could have been a trap.

It would have been so easy for it to have been. Jake could have been forced to stick the note in my pocket because Luke knew I'd trust anything he said. Lilly could have been forced to call me, and Luke could be somewhere in the gas station or right behind me...

I looked around in alarm.

But Jake wouldn't do that. He wouldn't.

I felt certain of that, so I lightly tapped my fist on the door of the outhouse.

"Lilly?" I called quietly.

Suddenly, the door flew open. I braced myself to run, convinced it was a trap, when Lilly was hugging me so tightly that it hurt.

I pulled away briefly to look at her. She was holding her bloody right arm tightly to her chest, her T-shirt and jeans were dirty and badly torn up, her hair was matted with blood, and she was so _skinny_. It looked like she hadn't eaten in the longest time...

Her cheek bones stuck out sharply, and I could see her ribs. Her right knee was exposed from the rips in her jeans, and her knee bone was sticking out so horrifyingly...

I felt ready to throw up.

"Oh, Lilly!" I cried as I hugged her gently to me. Tears entered my eyes and I knew she was crying.

"What happened to you, Lilly? What happened?" I cried.

She didn't reply, she just cried into my shoulder.

"Just hold me, Miley. Please. I just need someone who loves me. I need someone."

"What happened?" Oliver's shaking voice came from beside me. I wasn't sure when he'd got there. Lilly looked up at him.

"What did that bastard do to you?" Oliver's voice was shaking furiously.

"Oliver," I whispered, "she doesn't want to talk about it."

He didn't listen, though.

He reached out and gently moved her hair from her face. He stared intently at her, taking in her injuries.

"How bad is it? Is what you went through really bad?" He whispered to her.

Her eyes filled steadily with tears and she slowly nodded her head.

"Yes." She breathed out.

Then, suddenly, we were all hugging each other. Just us, the three amigos. And I knew that no matter what, it would always be that way. We'd always have each other.

A/n: Your opinion would be lovely :) oh, and I have a question for all of you. I'm pondering the idea of a sequel. You see, on one hand, I think having a sequel to a sequel to a sequel seems slightly juvenile, and like I'm just dragging it on and on and on. Because if I want a sequel, I'll either have to not kill off Luke in this story, or make him have a kid or something, or it could be about Emily and Cole or whatever. I'm just not sure if I think having another story will be good for the series. But on the other hand, I really don't want the series to be over...haha. But, I thought I'd get everyone's opinion before making a final decision. Leave your thoughts.


	30. Just To Remind You That I'd Die For You

A/n: I am immensely sorry for the long wait. However, I feel the length of this chapter is more then plenty worthy for you to forgive me :) it's over eight thousand words. But, I do warn you, that it's not eight thousand words of nothingness. This chapter is very eventful. So eventful I was extremely hesitant about posting it. But, I hope you lovely readers enjoy it. I know I enjoyed writing it, haha. I'd highly enjoy hearing your thoughts.

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All my life, I'd thought Lilly was a support beam; the glue that held all our friendship together.

But, in a way, I realized that the glue was really Oliver. I'd never respected him more then right now. Never. And I never would.

Oliver, dear sweet Oliver who had a strong phobia of blood, was holding Lilly's hand and making happy small talk as the emergency room doctor stitched up her head.

Normally, Oliver would pale and back out of the room (possibly even vomit)...leaving me to hold her hand. But he was acting as if it didn't even bother him (which I knew it did, because he still tried to avoid looking as the doctor continued on his fine sewing job).

Lilly had been devastated when they had to shave a patch of hair off right above her right ear, where the gash was. I had done what I did best and comforted her by showing her how she could easily keep it covered with her other hair until it grew back, and Oliver showed her how much he cared by staying near a very graphic stitching job.

I was currently applying pressure to her believed to be broken left arm. They had to get her very bloody cut taken care of before getting her to the x-ray room because by the time we made it to a hospital, it had begun bleeding profusely again.

"Ow," Lilly whimpered as the doctor pulled rather tightly on the thread, making sure it was secure before he began sewing again.

"Annnnd, then the fox fell off the log!" Oliver finished his long, horrifyingly bad joke with flourish. He laughed loudly. Although we found the joke stupid and not funny in any way, Lilly and I laughed along with him. He grinned and flushed with pleasure. He blew a kiss at Emily who was sitting on my lap.

Cole was still sleeping. He slept through _everything. _He woke up for a few moments when I picked up the carrying part of his car seat off the base and carried him into the ER, but after I draped a blanket over the handle so it covered him and his seat (I figured that would at least keep some of the germs out), he fell asleep easily. After all, what fun is looking at a blue blanket? Which wouldn't even be blue for much longer. I'd have to remember to wash in bleach after all the germinal exposure.

"All done, Ms. Truscott," the balding doctor stated as he covered her freshly sown stitches with a bandage, "I'll page Dr. McGrumman to come get you and bring you to the x-ray room." Just as he started to tell her about proper care for it (which she already knew because she wanted to be a doctor) then I saw a flash of blond hair out of the corner of my eye...

"Oliver," I said quickly. He looked up at me.

"I'll be right back." I said chastely. He said something, but I was already handing Emily to him and quickly walking out of the room. I saw the blond head turn a corner.

I picked up my walking to a jog. Doctors and patients alike looked at me as though I was insane and I could only imagine what they were thinking (What's the crazy half naked woman with the doctor's scrub shoes on her bare feet doing?) because I knew how stupid I must have looked. Oh, and the doctor's paper scrub-like shoes that are to cover your shoes were provided by a nurse. Apparently, the ER is a BAD place to walk barefoot.

I lost the blond head as it turned a second corner. I stopped in the middle of the hallway, thinking I had finally lost all of the little amount of sanity I currently possessed. Then, I saw the same head duck behind a wall farther down the hallway.

I picked up the pace and ran, trying to blend in with the crowd. I came up the wall. Just as I was about to glance and see who was behind it, someone had a grip on my forearms and I was swung around and pinned to the wall.

My breath caught in my throat.

Jake stared down on me and pressed a finger to my lips. I was scared, I didn't know whether to run away or not. But somewhere inside me, I knew no matter how strange he acted he could never hurt me. Well, correction, he could never hurt me physically.

I stayed silent as he commanded. My chest was moving with the effort to keep blood pumping to my heart while I was oxygen-deprived. Mostly from shock, another from running.

He waited. For what, I didn't know. He just stayed there.

About five minutes later, he pulled his finger off my lips and let go of me. He took my hand and pulled me farther back into the shadows of the corner. I took in his appearance (scrubs—-that were stolen most likely), and waited for him to say anything. He didn't say much for a while, just looked at me. There wasn't much tension in the air, in fact, I felt more relaxed then I had in a while. Which was strange, because I'd been really unnerved all the other times I'd seen him since he left.

Then, abruptly, he timidly reached up to me.

His hand brushed my face with the lightest of touches. My skin felt warm all the sudden, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes from fluttering shut.

His warm palm cupped the right side of my face, and he softly stroked my cheek with his thumb. He was staring at me all the while, while I tried to keep it together.

Stop it, Miley! I tried to scream to myself. Don't let him do this to you! But myself wasn't listening. Because this was as whole as I'd felt in a while.

"I'm sorry," He breathed so softly, that it was like the wind. His words flew lightly out of his lips, and it caressed my skin like the moonlight. I allowed my eyes to flutter shut long enough to savor the feel of those words flowing over me like gentle electricity...

I took a deep breath and forced myself to open my eyes.

He was looking at me so intently that chills raced up and down my spine. I shivered underneath his simple touch and gaze, and I wondered how I was ever able to let him hold me. Surely if his hand simply on my cheek made me feel like this, I must have gone insane with him completely surrounding me...

But I understood it in a way. I was like when you quit drinking. Your I-need-ten-shots-of-tequila-to-even-get-a-buzz record changes. And that immunity for the alcohol goes down over the amount of time alcohol free. Then, suddenly, ten years later a shot of tequila give you a serious buzz.

"I..." I tried to say something, but nothing could sound as beautiful as the words he'd spoken. My words could never be compared to the wind.

"You don't have to say anything," He said to me. He glanced around again. When he decided the coast was clear, he handed me a folded piece of paper.

I reached for it and began to open it. He took my hands in his and said, "Not here. Wait until you're alone."

Questions were burning through me. Now was the time to ask, I realized. I felt like a tea kettle, ready to burst.

Then it shot out like bullet, "What is going on? Are you writing those letters? How'd you know about Lilly? Why'd you act like that at the store? Why is—

His finger silenced me again.

"I can't stay here long. In fact, I've got leave in about forty more seconds. But listen, read the note. It'll explain everything."

He was going to leave me again?

It hit me hard again. I didn't know why...but I had felt like he wasn't going to leave. Maybe it was because THIS was the Jake I knew. THIS was where my everything resided. I tried to be brave, but I couldn't stop a small voice that sounded an awful lot like mine from saying,

"You're leaving again?"

I expected his eyes to get hard. I expected him to tell me he didn't like me. Because that had become what I was used to; so when he'd done all this it'd come as a shock. So I was surprised when his eyes stayed warm and loving...the eyes I knew so well.

He reached up and held the other side of my face so it was between his hands. He stared at me and a small smile flitted onto his face. He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead before whispering,

"I'm never _really_ gone," His lips pressed against my forehead lightly again. My heart stopped. He looked back at me.

"I love you," He breathed, just as softly as the first thing he'd said.

"I love you, too." I whispered.

And then he was gone (well, according to him, not _really _gone).

I was left alone in that dark corner, feeling empty again. It was like my cut had finally scabbed over, and here he comes ripping my scab off causing the blood to start flowing again.

I walked numbly through the halls...not exactly sure how to get back. I must have looked pitiful, because a young doctor took me by the arm kindly,

"Are you lost?" He asked me nicely. I looked up at him. He had nice teeth.

I thought about lying and just wandering through the halls forever. But as some woman starting screaming in pain from a curtained off area behind me, I re-thought that.

"Yea," I forced a smile onto my face, "I'm here with my friend...and I went to go look for the restroom...and I kind of got lost."

He grinned and said, "That's alright, I hear that all the time. Dr. McGrumman," he held his hand out to me. I took it and shook it politely.

"Miley Ryan. And I believe you're the doctor that's supposed to be administrating the x-ray to my friend?"

"I know who you are," he grinned at me, "and yes, I believe you're speaking of Lilly? Are you close to her?"

I nodded. He looked grim all the sudden.

"Do you think...that maybe we could talk somewhere quiet?"

I was tempted to say that I wasn't allowed to go into private areas with unknown men, but I thought about what Jake meant by he was never gone. I knew that if anything happened...he'd be there.

"Sure..." I said. He led me to a corner quite like the one Jake had left me at.

"Do you know what has happened to Ms. Truscott? She's extremely under-weight, she suffered a shattered bone in her arm, and had twenty-two stitches in her head. She says she feel down the stairs, but I find that hard to believe,"

I knew I couldn't tell this man the truth. There was just something about his face...his manner that I knew I had to lie.

"Actually, she did lie. She acquired the injuries from skateboarding. She doesn't normally like to tell, because it hurts her. You see, doctor, she is struggling bulimia. And ever since she started on that destructive path, her skateboarding been horribly off. It hurts her pride."

He nodded then said in a concerned voice, "Is she getting treatment for her bulimia?"

I nodded, "Luckily, I caught her before it got too bad. She got checked out at a hospital up in San Fransisco, and now is seeing a therapist."

"Ah," He said thoughtfully, "who's her therapist? I've got a friend who is a very good therapist."

The lies were flowing smoothly like honey over silk. I said the first name that came to my mind, "Dr. Trace Anderson."

"I've heard of him," Dr. McGrumman said as he thought more about him, "very talented psychiatrist."

"Yes, she really enjoys going." I said.

"Really? Is the brown headed baby hers?" He asked me.

I shook my head, "No. She's my friend Oliver's daughter."

"Ah, and what's her name?" He inquired.

"Emily Eve Oken." I replied.

"She's a very beautiful child."

I nodded, "Yes, she is."

He smiled, and I could have sworn I saw his eyes wander down to the hand that was clenched around Jake's note.

"The other baby was your baby, correct?"

I nodded. I suddenly felt scared. His eyes kept looking at my hand...the hand with my wedding ring and Jake's note.

"He's how old?"

"Almost five months."

"Can he talk yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Didn't you say in an interview your mother was dead?"

This was strange. I don't remember actually mentioning my mother in interviews. I set up my guard.

"Yes."

"When did she pass?"

"When I was ten."

"Oh, really?"

If he'd heard it in a review, why did he ask again?

"Yes."

"That's too bad."

He didn't ask how. That's usually the first thing people want to know. But he didn't ask.

"Yes, it is." I replied coldly. Something was wrong.

"You're how old?"

"Almost eighteen."

"Seventeen?"

"Uh..yea."

"Your friend is how old?"

"Eighteen?"

"Oh, when is her birthday?"

Why did he want to know that?

"You could easily look that up on the files." I replied, still as coldly.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Your birthday?"

"Soon."

"The last time you took Advil?"

What?!

"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously.

"The last thing your husband said to you?"

"I love you." I answered automatically, without even thinking.

As soon as I'd said it, I realized something _was_wrong. My hand slapped across my mouth.

The man's eyes were dancing with achievement. He stepped back from me, with a haughty smirk forming on his young face.

It was then I noticed the smallest things. Like how he had no badge. How he was just wearing simple scrubs (the one's that Jake had proven to be easy to take..). And most importantly, that he knew more then I ever wanted him to know. Probably more then I knew myself.

"You...you..." I couldn't form anything. His smirk became even more profound.

He leaned in close to my face. He had horrid breath. It smelled like...sour milk.

"I'm not a doctor," He said as he neared even closer to my face, "and Jake Ryan is going to be _dead._"

It wasn't a figure of speech, and I realized it by the way he said it so serious, blunt, and sadistic. I felt panic in me. Jake was going to die, because my loose lips. No way. No way in _hell_.

My brain starting working on overdrive. My eyes were darting all around me so fast I was getting dizzy. I was thinking of a whole lot of things to do (beg, bribe, etc.) but my eyes came on the door that led outside.

He was still smirking, and it reminded me of the gas station's boy smirk. And that got me thinking...

I looked back at the man. I let a grin slowly come over my face. I was going to be repulsed with myself after this.

"You know," I said lowly as I looked at him, "you're pretty damn hot."

He raised his eyebrows. He was younger, and now that I thought about it, younger then even me. With means Luke is somehow recruiting young teenagers to do his bidding.

"What?" He was confused, but I was just getting started.

"Your hair," I whispered as I forced myself to grit my teeth and run a hand through the dirty mess, "Is _so...sexy_."

Luke obviously hadn't told him to be on his guard, or maybe he did but the boy didn't care. It was obvious that the only thing he was thinking was that a famous person was coming onto him.

"Really?" He asked me.

"Yea," I said.

How do you pretend to want someone? Is it even possible? How can you trick a guy into believing you really are attracted to them?

Then something Lilly had been famous of saying came into my mind. She more then frequently made the comment that guys had two brains, and one was very much so dominant over the other.

I clenched my fists even tighter so that my nails were digging into my flesh. I leaned in closer to him, so close that my lips were brushing his.

"You're not supposed to. I'm not supposed to. But who would know?"

His teenage hormones had enough by then. He leaned forward and crashed his (disgusting) lips into mine. I forced myself to respond. I let him keep going at that (he was a horrible kisser—he like attacked my face) for a few minutes. His eyes were shut, but mine were open and continually rolling themselves in annoyance.

When his hand drifted off and ran itself up my bare legs and drifted in toward my inner thigh, I pulled away from him.

"Not here," I whispered to him, trying to sound breathless from a good kiss (which it totally wasn't), "Come out here."

I grabbed his hand and led him toward the outside door.

Because his other brain was dominant, he didn't even think of it twice as I opened the door and we both walked outside. The only thing that was out there was a dumpster, some old gurneys, and it was fenced in.

He almost at once attacked my face again with his lips, and his wandering hand began wandering again. I let him think he was going to get somewhere for about three seconds, then I grabbed his hand that was nearing areas it shouldn't have been and twisted it behind his back. While he was still puzzled, I kneed him hard in the stomach.

He groaned and fell over. He tried to get up to defend himself, but I roughly rolled him over and sat on his back.

"You're repulsive," I spat as I held his arms behind his back. He suddenly kicked his leg up, and it nailed right in the small of my back. I cried out in pain momentarily and in reflex I reached back to grab the offending leg, and in result I let go of his arms.

He was obviously trained in fighting. He took that mere second when his less-dominant brain was in control and flipped over, so I was against the hard gravel and he was on top.

The rocks were cutting into my flesh, and it hurt. He was kneeling on my stomach, which hurt even more. He was glaring at me.

"You little whore," He cried at me. He reached back and grabbed a handful of my hair, and wrenched his hand back. He pulled it back so fast and far, that at least one forth of the amount ripped out of my head.

I screamed. I couldn't help it; it hurt so bad. It hurt a million times worse then getting your eyebrows waxed.

I felt warm blood matting my head and I wasn't sure if it was from the rocks that had scraped my head or the hair that had just been viciously torn out.

"You deserve it, whore." He said harshly. The injured area of my head was pounding and I found it hard to concentrate. But I heard it, and it made me even more angry.

I spat in his face. Or, more like his eye. He cried out in disgust.

"Don't call me a whore, I would _never_sleep with you."

My arms, which had become free as he tried to free his eye of my spit, reacted to the opportunity. I reared them back, and nailed him in the stomach with my elbows.

He cried out and knelled over, falling off me. My stomach hurt so back where his knees had dug, and I wondered if something was bleeding internally.

The pain in my stomach was so great that it took me took long to even sit up a little, much less stand up.

He pulled himself up angrily. He reached, and once again seized some of my hair.

I was about to react, when I realized Jake's note wasn't in my hand. I looked around me.

The boy smirked and held up the piece of paper.

"Looking for this?"

He stuck the note in his jacket pocket before he yanked at my hair again and pulled me up. I cried out again, tears of pain entering my eyes. My stomach hurt _so bad. _I immediately hunched over in pain, clutching my stomach.

He was obviously feeling cocky, because the next thing he did was crudely jerk me up again.

"Your stomach is hurt?" He asked in sarcastic pity, "Let me see, I'm a doctor after all."

His hands searched over and lifted up the shirt. Which, I should remind you, was the only thing I was wearing except a jacket.

Maybe it was the cold fear that seeped into me because of Luke's last attacks, but some sort of adrenaline filled me then.

I gritted my teeth at my stomach pain, and grabbed _his_hair. With all my strength, I reared him away from my lower stomach and shoved him away from me.

He slid across the gravel.

"Don't you fucking touch me _ever again_!" I screamed at him. I hated that word, and I was surprised at the power that came with it flying out of my mouth for one of the few times I've ever uttered it.

He actually looked scared then. I was still angry, and I'd never felt this way before.

I went over to where he was and grabbed his arm. I yanked him upward sharply. I heard his bone make the most particular sound, and I realized I'd pulled his arm out of it's socket. He screamed out in pain. I shoved his body against the dumpster.

"You tell me everything you know,_ right now." _I screamed at him. He stayed silent.

I kneed him in his abdomen.

"Tell me!" I demanded. I felt anger so strong that it scared me. I actually felt that I could _kill_him and not feel guilty at all. But that wasn't the only thing, I actually_ wanted_ to. More than I'd ever wanted anything.

He whimpered as I slapped him across the face with all the strength I could muster. Which, I realized, was a lot.

"I...can't..." He cried.

"Oh, yes you can!" I screamed as I slammed his body against the dumpster again. He winced in pain.

Then, before I saw it coming, he had a grip on me with one arm. He threw me down on the gravel. The cold, sharp rocks ripped into my skin again.

He positioned himself over me and grabbed my head with his right hand. His left hung to his side. He slammed in into the gravel.

The rocks cut painfully into my already injured head.

"You tell me everything _you_ know!" He screamed.

"That's easy, I don't know anything!" I cried back. Suddenly, his arm was around my middle. He lifted my body up, and slammed in into the ground with such a force that the breath was forced out of me.

"You do! Jake has been meeting up with you at night! He's been getting away from Luke!"

The man immediately knew he shouldn't have said that. But it wasn't like I hadn't figured out that Jake was on my side by now.

"No, he hasn't!" I exclaimed.

He grabbed my hips and slammed my body into the ground again. A cry slipped from my lips. He reached up for my hair again. My head was spinning. I couldn't focus on anything but the pain...he was going to kill me!

With my head still spinning, I felt a rock press sharply into my right palm from the ground. As the boy went back to yanking at my hair, I gripped my palm around the sharp, dagger like rock. I brought it up to scratch his face, stab him, something...anything...but my hand was shaking too badly. His laugh echoed all around me. He snatched the rock from my shaking hand, and brought it down on my cheek. I felt the harsh, rough rock scrap my skin off and warm blood trickle down. It burned...God, it burned...

"Yes, he has! And I bet—

Suddenly, I felt the presence of the man gone. I heard a sound that sounded like a body meeting contact with the dumpster. The sounds of battle continued. I was facing away from where I could see what was going on, and I hurt too bad to turn over and look. So I didn't move.

"Don't kill me," the man whimpered softly, painfully.

Jake's furious sarcastic laugh filled the small, fenced in area.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you. But you're going to wish you were dead. If you ever tell Luke _anything_ I will kill you."

I heard another sound and I knew the man was knocked out, I just knew.

All the pain was evident now, and it was horrible. The worst was the pain in my stomach, though, it ached so bad that it was torturous. And I was scared. An almost fully grown man had forced all his weight on my abdomen by way of his knees. If something wasn't seriously wrong, then I was stronger then I ever thought.

I felt warm, soft hands on my face.

"You're going to be okay," Jake whispered to me. "I'm going to take care of you."

I was sick of it. I was sick of thinking he was going to be there, and have him abandon me. Only to come back every time.

"Are you?" I found myself saying.

But he was, and I knew it. He came back, because he couldn't leave for good. As he carefully and slowly picked me up and into his arms, I knew I trusted him more then anything. My head rested on his shoulder and I breathed in the smell of his skin. I didn't want him to ever leave me again. Not _ever_.

We were descending stairs. I didn't know where he was taking me, because I knew he couldn't take me to the doctors. They'd want to know what happened. And we couldn't tell. Because this little war going on between all of us...was just that. Between all of us. Police would be like toothpicks against a hammer compared to Luke. Getting them involved would only hurt them and us in the long run. Dr. Jones was the only doctor aware of all this, really, and the doctor that tried to help me after Luke's former attack in my Hannah closet. But this was a totally different hospital, and now that my story was still plastered in every magazine, I knew it would somehow get out to the press.

He stopped a few times along the way to wherever we were heading. People talking, noises, voices...all were around me. But the only sound my ears heard was his rapid heartbeat. It was my lungs, my heart, my brain, and my lullaby. It easily lulled me to sleep, and even when I slept I dreamed of the sound...

Soft, gentle words were speaking to me. I felt at peace, though, I didn't want to wake up. The words were so beautiful...so perfect that I was afraid they'd disappear.

But eventually, I gained full consciousness.

"You're going to be okay," Jake was whispering to me, "you are safe now."

His arms were cradling my injured body. Of all we'd been through...and now, I was hurt again. But not even by Luke this time, by some preteen loser! But, oh, I'd almost had him! I was in control, if only for a few seconds.

"Please tell me you're alright," he whispered in my ear. I got a odd sense of deja vu. This was almost like when Luke had hurt me. But yet, it wasn't in so many ways.

"I think I am," I whispered through dry lips. All his apologies started. He screamed about his stupidity, begged me to hurt him, told me he was the worst person on the earth and that he deserved to die. It went on, and on.

"Shh," I opened my eyes to look at his guilt full, moist ones, "Don't you dare bash yourself like that. I'm fine."

I forced myself to sit up a little to prove my point.

He took me back in his arms, "No," he argued, "your not. That's the point."

And I was never more aware of that fact until he said it. I felt that feeling of immense sadness and desperation fill me.

"Please, Jake, please don't leave me again! Please! Don't go and leave me hurt again! Don't ever do it! I love you! And you say you love me. Don't go, please. I can take anything...anything but that."

I'd wanted to speak those words for so long.

He held me tighter, "I am not going to leave you _ever_again."

"But you are," I argued softly, "you are going to."

"Not for good, Miley. I'm going to find a way to see you every day without the surveillance of Luke. One day, though, we will be together again. Now," He stroked some hair from my face, "I'm going to try my best to fix all your injuries. Don't you argue, it's the very least I could do."

"No," I argued, holding onto the front of his scrubs, "no. Just hold me. Hold me...and tell me what's going on. All of it."

He lightly kissed my forehead.

"You let me take care of you, and I'll tell you."

We both knew he'd tell me anyway. Both we both also knew I was going to let him do whatever the hell he wanted, because I didn't know how to tell him no. Not that I didn't want him to tend to my wounds, I just would rather have him holding me then becoming my doctor.

I reluctantly let go of his shirt. I looked around the room. We were in a empty hospital room and sitting on the bed. The walls were a boring gray and the furniture was ugly pink-ish. A wide window's heavy dark curtains were drawn back, and the eating tray bed table held a very large first aid kit.

He held me close while he looked at my head where my hair had been ripped out. The whole while he cleaned it, he whispered sweet nothings into my ear softly. It took my mind off everything, and all I could focus on was his words and the sound of his voice.

I turned around so my back was to him so he could take care of the other cuts. As he started applying antibacterial ointment to the cuts on my arms, I was overcome by emotion. I silently let the tears drop, making him unaware of my crying. Why did life have to be so hard? Why did everything have to go wrong? Why couldn't I be with the person that made breathing worthwhile?

It seems to me God has a very sadistic sense of humor. Or just likes to make us takes the hardest paths to get where we need to be.

"Can you tell me now?" I murmured.

He paused in placing a band-aid on a particularly bad cut, and addressed me,

"Yes, of course."

I waited, all the while ready to finally know.

"Luke is behind everything, as you well know by now. The day you went out to see that shrink, actually it was the last time you ever saw him, he came to the house. He attacked me and told me...he told me that if I didn't leave you and tell you I didn't love you...he'd kill you and Cole. He was serious, and he was stronger. So I couldn't do anything but oblige to his wishes."

He stopped and moved my hair so he could tend to a cut it was covering. He continued:

"So that night before I left, after you were asleep, I got up and packed. When I was sitting, waiting to do the thing I really didn't want to, I knew there was a way I could tell you I still cared. So I wrote the first note you had, and burned the CD. I knew you'd have to fix that leaning stack of CDs, because I know you. Once you had read that one...I knew I had find a way to get more to you. Meanwhile, Luke was tracking you. Literally, he had the house wired and cell tracked. Something he'd learned to do to most phones, which is why he prefers to snatch your battery out opposed to dropping it into the toilet or running over it or something. So he knew where you'd be and we'd get there first. He would hide, and I was to act as if I was perfectly happy and didn't know you."

He finished patching up the cuts on my arms and neck and lightly draped his arms around me, kissing my cheek lightly. I was silently rejoicing the fact I'd left my cellphone at the house that day.

"But it was hard. Harder then I'd ever thought it to be. And I wasn't good at it, at all. And Luke didn't like that. So in order to make it better, I was supposed to come here and accidentally run into you. When you'd say something, I was supposed to tell you I hated you and to back off. Luke stayed outside, and trailed that stupid boy on me. But I lost him when I ducked behind that corner, and suddenly there you were! After we talked, I walked back to where I'd left him. When I realized he wasn't there, I had that feeling something was wrong. By the time I'd found you guys, though, you were already hurt." He sounded so guilty again.

"It wasn't your fault," I automatically said to him.

"But it is," he said sadly, "that's what's so upsetting."

He sighed and decided to keep with his mending of my injuries.

His hands lightly grasped the material at the bottom of the shirt.

"May I?" He asked politely before he moved it to lift it up to take care of the cuts underneath it.

Why was it the people who didn't need to ask did? And those who did don't? I guess it's like how those who deserve to feel guilty don't, and those who don't need to do.

"No," I said, my voice heavy with sarcasm, "you may not."

As he tended to those wounds, I allowed myself to rest a little. Jake's hands were warm and soft, and the antibacterial cream—Neosporin I suppose—felt cooling on the cuts. Although, there weren't that many on my arms, back, or shoulders because Oliver's jacket provided adequate protection. And only the sharpest rocks and the friction between the fabric and them broke through to cut me.

My hand and legs, though, now that was a different story. I could feel the cuts on the back of my legs...they were so bothersome...they felt like leeches attached to me. But instead of sucking my blood, they were bleeding it out.

I felt a little worthless then. I felt as if maybe Jake felt I couldn't even fix my own cuts, much less protect myself. So I reached into the first aid kid and pulled out some rubbing alcohol wipes and Band-Aids.

"Hey," Jake said as he grabbed them from my hands, "I said I'd do it."

I took them back, ignoring the pain in my wrists.

"No," I said back, "I can patch up my legs while you do that. No use wasting time."

He tried to grab it back, "But I want to!"

I shook my head and moved it from his reach even more, "No, you don't. You like blood about as much as Oliver does!"

"But I love you, and you're hurt, so I want to help you!" he argued, reaching for the wipes and Band-Aids.

I pulled them even farther away and looked at him with pleading eyes, "Please, Jake. Just let me do it."

He studied my face, and looked away grumbling.

"That isn't far...how would you like if I just pulled out a facial expression like that all the time?"

I opened the wipes carefully, trying to focus on that and not the pain.

"Then, you'd always get what you wanted wouldn't you? That'd be pretty great if you already didn't," I replied, feeling too drained to put the right affliction in my voice that would make the sentence sound like a smart ass comment.

He seemed to understand what I was trying to say, however, because I could hear the grin in his voice when he said,

"Oh, you must not be hurting too bad anymore if you're already making sassy comments about my God given talent to swoon women,"

And here we went again. I guess there was one thing I could count on. No matter if he left, I got beaten up in a fight against a boy, we'd always have our mindless bickering to look forward too when the day ends.

I felt more color come to my cheeks and the pain lessened a bit, "God given talent? I was thinking it had more to do with the fact that you're a major flirt."

"Put me down as much as you want, Missy, but I'm not the one who got some poor guy at a grocery store all wound up." He replied, laughter in his voice.

I winced as I rubbed a alcohol wipe on a cut, "I did not do anything! He was just a hormonal guy!"

"Sure...that's what you _always_say." He smiled.

"That's because it's true. It's not my fault if your _swollen head _obstructs your eyes." I giggled internally.

"Haha, very funny," He laughed. I couldn't help it; I laughed heartily. I missed our little arguments.

"Why you little..." He joked as he trailed off in a "threatening" voice. He reached down and began tickling me.

Unfortunately for me, I was still completely torn up from when that boy had hurt my stomach, so his normally gentle tickling hurt.

Even with my lips clamped shut, I cried out. He removed his hand so fast it was like it just disappeared. I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to make it stop hurting. But the contact hurt even more. It was going to be deeply bruised, that I knew for sure. By then I was almost sure that boy hadn't done any damage to any organs because if I was internally bleeding, I would have thrown up blood already. At least, I think.

When the pain heightened, I cried out again. I clenched my eyes shut and completely laid back on the bed so my stomach was completely flat. That helped a little, but it still hurt.

I took a few deep breaths to try and get rid of that nauseous feeling I got when I was in immense pain. After a few moments, I opened my eyes back up to see Jake looking utterly hopeless and guilty.

"Oh, gosh," he exclaimed, trying to find some place to touch me where I wasn't injured. He settled on gently taking my recently patched up hand, "I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot!"

He continued scolding himself while I watched him, slightly amused.

"Jake, honey, don't kill yourself. I'm fine." I said to him, weakly squeezing his hand. He looked back at me and smiled lightly.

"What happened to your stomach?" He asked me, fearing the answer. I was about to answer, when he reached over and carefully lifted the shirt up over my stomach.

I didn't want to look, but when I heard him cry out softly in anger at the man, I knew I had to.

I lifted my head up and glanced down. My whole stomach was an angry red and the edges were a dark brown or, in some places, a deep purple were the bruise was beginning the form.

I laid my head back down.

He gulped and looked lost as he tried to find a way to make it hurt less. Which, wasn't going to happen. Well. maybe if he's stop playing doctor and just hold me it would.

"I..." He was shaking in fury, or guilt, or maybe distress. I wasn't sure.

"It's fine. I'm fine." I tried to assure him. Because I wasn't sure if he was going to scream, kill someone, or, in worst probabilities, cry.

"No," he shook his head fiercely, "you're not. How many times do I have to tell you that?! Why do you tend to always try and make yourself believe that you're okay when you aren't?! Is it my fault? Did I do something to make you think that you have to pretend to be okay? Why can't you talk to me without putting up that...that...damn...wall-fence...thingy!? I mean, you're lying here with a bleeding head, cheek, and horribly bruised stomach and all you can say is that you're okay?!"

I let my eyes drop shut while his words mixed with the heavy silence of the hospital. He'd chosen to scream. But I didn't know how to explain to him that I wasn't putting up a wall...that I really _did _feel fine. Because he was here...and with him here, the pain didn't even seem that bad. In fact, it was extremely bearable. More then it probably should have been. But how...how did I tell him that? I felt as if he was a dream; a distant memory. I could almost remember what it was like to be so close to someone...but at the same time, I had no idea.

He rubbed a hand over his face. I had the sudden fleeting idea that he was feeling just as emotionally drained as I was.

"God, Mile, I didn't mean that. I..don't know what I mean at all. I'm just so glad to see you again, but I'm so frustrated, sad, and angry at the same time and..." He stopped suddenly. A full five seconds went by before he started talking again.

"And...I missed you _so much_." He cried, as if that was what he'd been angling at all along. Which, maybe it was.

I pulled myself up more on the bed so my head was resting on the pillow and smiled softly at him, the cut on my cheek aching horridly all the while. But I didn't care, because I knew this pain was the lightest I'd ever feel. When he was gone again, I'd be faced with pain a million times worse then all this.

"I missed you, too, but you already know that." I replied. He grinned so brightly that I almost felt the need to shield my eyes. Then, he was lying beside me. I turned over on my side so we were facing each other.

The florescent light of the unoccupied hospital room pooled light on his face, leaving some areas bright and shadowed. I studied it, the chiseled look of his cheek bones, the intense color of his light green eyes, the way his hair naturally angeled to the right...the way his smile lit up the room and my heart along with it.

I felt as if the room was spinning around us. All I could focus on was the man in front of me.

He reached out and gently ran his fingers through my hair (the hair that wasn't viciously ripped out, of course) and let his fingers linger on my cheek. My heart was still having trouble keeping up with my breaths.

"I love you," He said again. And as he looked at me, I felt as if he was actually looking through me. Then, there it was again! That connection, that closeness. I looked at him...and everything made sense. I suddenly felt an understanding of him...and who he was. I felt like I knew myself, also. I realized that all the while he'd been gone, so had I. Because as pathetic as it may sound, Jake's wife was who I was. That's the person I knew, the person I always wanted to be. I didn't know how to or want to be anyone else. I couldn't. All I ever wanted, was to be his, and for him to be mine.

"I don't have to tell you. You already know," I whispered to him, as if talking loudly would ruin this feeling of closeness I was feeling. He moved his hand from my cheek and gently linked his fingers with mine. My heart jumped again, and I longed for his touch all the time. Because without his love would be like I was missing an eye. I'd been walking around blind for so long...and now that I'd finally seen the sun, I wasn't going to let that go again.

He brought our linked hands up to his mouth, and softly kissed my hand. My heart was going into overdrive again, and I actually felt slightly lightheaded. He kept my hand to his mouth as he talked, and I relished the feeling of his lips moving against my skin as they formed his words. His eyes were shut as he talked.

"He won't ever take you from me again," he was saying softly, "I've felt rock bottom, and it's so incredibly unbearable without you...he won't. Not ever again."

He sounded like he was comforting himself more then me. I found my eyes fluttering shut as I listened to the rhythm of his voice.

"Is that a promise?" I murmured. He opened his eyes, and I did soon after. He stared at me as he said,

"That is a _swear_."

I trusted him.

It was comfortably silent again as we enjoyed each others company. And suddenly, I wanted to be closer to him. I gently took my hand from his grasp. He opened his eyes again, and looked at me. I inched toward him, and he gratefully took me in his arms as if he's been wanting the same thing. With his chest falling up and down against mine, I forgot everything except the fact I loved him.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked gently, tenderly stroking my hair back. I smiled up at him and wished to tell him how much that was the complete opposite.

"Not at all," I replied. I looked up at him. He looked back at me for a minute, before leaning down and delicately placing a kiss on my lips. The difference between the boy's disgusting kiss and Jake's was so in your face that a squirrel would have been able to notice. The boy's kiss had been nasty, and I'd hated every minute of it. Jake's, no matter how short it was, set every inch of my body on fire. I felt like I was walking on air...that I was invincible. My heart leaped far and high, and I was right there with it.

I kissed back just as hesitantly, as if afraid I'd forgotten how to. A few moments later, we begrudgingly broke away from each other.

I rested my head against his chest again, feeling breathless and alive.

"I've got to leave soon," He said and it sounded as if he had just announced the chariot of death was coming for us both. I held on tighter to him.

"Where will you go?" I asked him.

"Back with Luke I suppose. What other choice do I have?"

"NO!" I screamed, startling us both. I got a hold of myself before whispering, "but...he'll kill you."

Jake shook his head, "No, he won't. Because Artie, that's the son of a bitch's name by the way, won't tell Luke about any of it. I spared his life."

"Why do you assume he's so moral?" I asked softly, not ready to let him go anywhere.

"Because he's a coward. And if he tells, I'll kill him before Luke gets to me."

I shivered at the thought.

Suddenly, a thought came to my mind.

"Jake! Your note! Oh, my god!! He got it! He got it when I was fighting him! I don't know where it is! No, no, no! I can't believe—

Jake stroked my face softly before kissing me soundly, instantly calming me. He pulled away and then, held out a folded piece of paper.

He handed it back to me. I let out a sigh of relief.

He tightened his grip around me, "Before I go, I have to ask, what made you take on a almost full grown man in battle?"

I just looked up at him and said simply, "He was going to hurt you." And that's the only explanation I needed. Because he'd of done the same thing for me.

Then, in my defense, I muttered, "But, I wasn't losing the whole time. I totally had him at least twice."

He hugged me even tighter to himself and pressed his mouth to my forehead. He smiled and I could feel it dance on my skin, "Of course you were, you're extremely strong."

I smiled. But as we prepared ourselves to leave each other again, I couldn't stop a little voice in my mind from saying softly _"Oh yea? You wait until you're gone. Then see how strong I am." _


	31. Coffee Mugs

a/n: hope you enjoy. I spent two night's sleep on this chapter...and it's not even that great. Oh, well. Just the way the cookie crumbles. Review please :)

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"Will you tell me what happened to your cheek now?" Lilly asked impatiently. 

"Sh! Hold still," I replied as I gently washed her stitches with peroxide. She stopped talking and immediately fell still while I washed the tender area. She'd been complaining about having pain in the ear that was under the stitches and fearing infection. The pain started this morning. And seeing as though she just got her stitches three nights ago, I didn't really see how it could be infected already. But I offered to clean the area for her as often as she needed anyway.

"And besides, I told you already. I slipped and fell in the gravel," I lied as I peeled the wrapping off a fresh bandage.

"What if I don't believe you?" She asked fiercely, moving her head to look at me causing me to stick some medical tape on her eyebrow by accident.

"Lilly! What did I tell you about moving?" I scolded as I removed the tape gently.

"Well?" She asked, pressing her last question.

I rolled my eyes and said stubbornly, "What if I don't care if you don't believe me? I told you the truth. And if you can't accept that, then it's your fault."

She scoffed at me and turned her head back, lying it flat on the couch. I gently pressed the bandage down and taped it in place. I sighed and pulled myself off my sore knees, and leaned my weight onto the couch by means of my elbows. I placed my chin in my upturned palm.

Lilly hadn't told me or Oliver what had happened, or made any advancements to tell us. We weren't going to push, because that would be insensitive. But I was getting impatient.

As far as Lilly knew, I'd fallen and cut my face and legs on the gravel. She couldn't see any of the other wounds, and I made sure to be careful not to let an involuntary cry come out when I pressed on my stomach wrong. I didn't tell them about the fight because Lilly was the hurt one. I wasn't going to steal the care and love she needed. I didn't tell her about Jake, because I felt that was private. Not to mention, I didn't know what rooms Luke had wired and I sure as hell didn't want to get Jake in trouble. And because of that, I hadn't got a chance to read Jake's note, find the other one, or listen to the CD that I still needed too. During the day, I took care of Lilly and Cole. During the night, I spent a while getting Cole to settle so I could lay him down (he'd gotten to where he wanted to be cuddled all night instead of being in a crib) then, right when I finally laid down, Lilly would be overcome with nightmares.

She never woke up. I'd go up there and hold her like Jake used to do for me until she eventually calmed down. I never told her, because she'd get embarrassed. She was a very independent person, and it embarrassed her when other people had to care for her by themselves.

But, gosh, it was like I'd stepped back in time! She acted just the way I was told I acted when I got my nightmares before...except, she was_always _screaming. She never cried, she always screamed. Hysterical, wailing, haunting screams.

Oliver started staying over more. He'd help me console Lilly when she was particularly upset, or we'd take turns and the other would watch the babies who frequently woke up from her screaming.

But what bothered me the most, was the name she'd scream over and over again. Me nor Oliver knew the women she was speaking of. But yet, the name was always screamed in fear and pain. She'd trash about and scream in pain and rage: "No! Stop! Genovela, please, stop!!" I had no idea who the woman was, or what she was doing that had my best friend almost having convulsions in her sleep. Of course, we just assumed it was a human. Genovela could have been a dog...or wildcat...or something. But I'd never know, because I didn't have the courage to ask her. If something would have gotten me so upset, I knew I wouldn't have wanted to speak about it.

"Okay! Tea is ready!" Oliver exclaimed, emerging from the kitchen holding three steaming mugs of hot tea on a serving platter. Lilly sat up and eagerly grabbed the hot tea. She eyed it before looking at Oliver suspiciously,

"Did you remember the honey?"

He looked taken aback, "Of course I did! You've been drinking tea with honey for as long as I can remember, and I've been making it for you since...forever! I would never forget the honey!"

Lilly looked surprised at his little outburst, "Geez, okay, just making sure!"

I laughed lightly and took my own mug. I was more of a sweet tea type of person. When we moved to California, at the first restaurant we went to, I asked for sweet tea and the waiter looked at me like I was mentally challenged then said "We have tea, and sugar." I never, ever forgot that moment when the lines between southerners and northerners were bluntly defined. After that I learned to like hot tea with milk and honey.

Just then, Moose trotted in the room. He almost seemed to smile when he saw Lilly—he was very taken with the new person—and took off running at full speed to her. Lilly shrieked in fear and her cup of hot tea went flying out of her upturned palm and into the air. I watched it almost in slow motion as it crashed down on the glass coffee table, breaking the cup and sending hot, scalding tea everywhere. Moose stopped in his tracks and whimpered in fear.

"Aw! Poor Moose!" Oliver called in a baby voice and Moose slid over to Oliver, as if he could protect him from the scary broken glass. Oliver pet Moose and calmed him while Lilly gasped at the mess she made.

"Oh...gosh! I'm so sorry, Miley! He just startled me! Oh gosh, let me help you..."

I shooed her hand away as I bent over (painfully) and started to pick up some of the blue painted glass. I actually really liked that coffee mug. It reminded me of a stained glass window. My mam-maw gave it to me a while back, and I used it to drink coffee every time after that. In fact, I remember a playful argument Jake and I got into one time over that same mug...

I felt ashamed as my eyes watered a bit. I sniffed and Lilly was immediately at my side.

"Miley..."

I carefully avoided her gaze. I didn't want her to see me getting so freaking worked up over a coffee mug. Of course, the pain radiating from my stomach and the broken glass that was slicing up my fingers as I picked it up didn't really help with plan Don't Cry either. I had to be strong. Strong. I could do that.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly, her voice full of guilt. No! I suddenly wanted to scream, I'm not! That was my freaking favorite mug! And I feel like shit and I'm alone and...—

But I couldn't, of course.

I say that a lot. But it's true. There are a lot of things I can't do. And one is take out my anger and possible depression on my injured best friend. It's not her fault in any way.

"I'm perfectly fine, Lilly!" My voice was sickeningly chipper. It sounded fake to me, and Oliver was the only one that seemed to notice. Lilly was satisfied, though. And helped me pick up the glass.

"Miley!" She gasped, "your fingers! Look at them!"

They were, as I already stated, cut up from picking up the glass. But I couldn't just leave it here. Emily was beginning to crawl and I would never forgive myself if she got glass in her little hands or knees. Not to mention poor Moose or who ever was unlucky enough to walk barefoot over the area would get it stuck in their paws/feet.

"Hey," Oliver said suddenly, "Has anyone seem One Who Looks Like Sugar Cookies? I've haven't seen her in a while..."

"Backyard," I replied as Lilly flipped out over my fingers. Oliver went to go look for his beloved puppy.

"It's fine Lilly. Leave it be." I stated as I pulled my hands away from her. She looked at me with a strange expression. I don't know, it was like...unreadable? I couldn't figure out anything from it. It wasn't blank...but it wasn't full of readable emotions.

"Okay." Was all she said.

I finished up cleaning up all the glass, and threw it away. Lilly mopped up the tea for me and after that I vacuumed the living room. All the while singing, because singing while vacuuming is a talent of mine.

Oliver, Sugar, and Moose trotted in the living room from the fenced in backyard. When Moose saw the vacuum, he went crazy. He was like jumping around in excitement or something...Sugar on the other hand was shaking and hiding behind Oliver who was petting her. Sugar was really reserved. It took about a week for her to let me pet her without her shaking. She loved Oliver, which seemed to be all the women in his life's response to him. Maybe it was his caring nature...? How loyal he was...? I didn't know. Emily and Sugar, however, had very high opinions of him.

I cut off the vacuum and rested it against the wall.

"Eww, It smells like vacuum in here." Oliver stated, turning his nose up.

I scowled, "Says the man that goes weeks on end without showering!"

He frowned, "Hey! That was one time!"

I just rolled my eyes as I rolled up the vacuum cord. Once that was done, I retired to the living room to pour myself a glass of soda or something. Moose trotted behind me cheerfully. Suddenly, I heard a cry come from upstairs. I knew it was Cole, not Emily that was crying.

"Ooh can I go get him!?" Lilly begged as she set down my mug of tea—I let her have it—and bounced up and down in anticipation. I smiled and replied,

"Sure, just make sure you change his diaper before you bring him back down here."

Lilly bounced up the stairs. While she was doing that, I grabbed the basket of freshly laundered clothes and sheets that I had put on the kitchen table this morning and walked back to the bedroom. Moose, still following, made a very sad, whining sound and the loss of attention. I laughed and once I set down the basket on the bed, I set down on the floor beside Moose. He nudged my hand with his nose and stared at me with his big, brown eyes.

I laughed and scratched him behind his ears.

"You know, Moose," I muttered, "You're actually a very lovable guy." He barked in response and it was then that I decided Moose was a prodigy.

I stood up and quietly placed my clothes into my drawer, my eyes naturally flying back to the drawer where the CD and Jake's note laid. Could I finally read it now? Listen to that CD? Find the others?

My hands paused as I dropped another shirt into my drawer. I blindly threw the others on top of the dresser and shut my drawer. I fiddled nervously with my hands and I walked toward the drawer. What if someone walked in? What if this room was wired?

It was too big of a risk I decided. I sighed and moved the basket off the bed. I pulled a clean sheet out of the laundry basket and unfolded it. I leaned over to pull it over the edge of the bare mattress, when I slipped and went falling down on the bed face first.

Normally, that didn't hurt. It's a soft mattress. But my stupid, bruised stomach felt like I'd just hit it with a hammer. I couldn't stop from yelling as I bent over in pain. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Crap!" I yelled as quietly as possible, "Dammit!"

I took a few deep breaths, willing the nauseating pain to go away. After a few blinding moments, I felt well enough to stand up. When I did, I lifted up my shirt long enough to look at the bruise. It was healing...slowly. It was sickeningly purple now with only a few bad places a bright pink, and kind of puffy and swollen looking...or maybe I was just getting fat. I grimaced at the thought and decided to lay off chocolate for a while.

I pulled my shirt back down and looked up, only to scream again in surprise.

Oliver was standing in the doorway, hands resting on his hips. He walked in, grabbed the edge of the sheet I'd messed up and pulling it on the mattress.

"It's amazing you know," he started, looking at me, "how falling on the gravel caused a giant, horrible bruise on your stomach."

"Peeping Tom!" Were the only words I could form. He just shook his head in disappointment, as if I'd just made a horrible mistake.

"Miley, when are you going to learn you can actually trust me? You've been through a lot of crap from all the other guys and some friends, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm here forever." He said. I stood up and turned my back to me. I kept myself busy by re-folding all the clothes I let come unfolded on the top of the dresser.

"I trust you." I lied.

"Right. That's why you've been bluntly lying to me." He said. I finished folding a red shirt and started on a gold one,

"I haven't been lying."

"Yes you have! You've got that bad ass bruise all over your stomach and it's freaking swollen like it's infected—

"You can't prove that. Maybe I'm just fat." I said stubbornly.

He snorted, "Please. Like your fat. It took Lydia a long time to even make a dent in losing her pregnancy weight and your was non-existent. It going to take a lot to make you gain weight."

"Maybe I'm on my period and I'm bloated...and my stomach is just dirty." I tried again.

"You'd never leave dirt on your stomach that long, and you aren't eating pretzels. You always eat pretzels when your Aunt Flo comes." He stated matter-of-factly.

I looked at him weirdly, "This is proof you have known me way too long."

"Face it, you're a liar!" He cried.

I turned away from him and started folding a polka-dotted shirt. Ignore him, ignore him, igno—

"So tell me what happened."

Stop in the name of the law! I have the right to remain silent! Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law!

That right sure did come with a heavy burden. Sure, the choice to speak is the only thing someone can really be in control of (unless completely wasted of course), but I didn't feel in control right now. But I couldn't tell Oliver. I couldn't. He'd just have to understand that.

I stayed silent.

"Miley!" He yelled.

I have the right. I have the right. I have the right. I have the right. I h--

"Are you ignoring me?!"

I will remain strong. I will not break. I will not speak.

It was silent for a few long moments before I heard a small, sad voice say, "You'd really do that, after all I've done for you?"

I can't! I can't, I can't, I can't!!

"So this is how it's going to play out, huh? I once again do everything for you, and you once again leave me with nothing! You're so selfish!"

And I knew right then I was at a high risk of losing Oliver, and it was all my fault. Maybe if I was a good person things would have changed. Maybe if I was nicer, sweeter, or calmer. Maybe if I was different. Maybe if I was someone else, someone better. Someone beautiful, someone brave, someone strong...someone worth spending three damn moments with. I was weak and inferior. I was selfish and rich. I was mean and hideous. I was pitiful. I was a mess. I was a loser. And that was why, and somehow I'd always known it. It just took this moment to really show me.

But I stayed silent. Because I had nothing to say. And now that right was all I had. The right to remain silent...it was mine. No one could take that away from me. No one! They can't, because it's always going to be mine and it can't be taken away!

The minutes ticked by painfully. Why couldn't Oliver just understand?! I couldn't tell him.

I risked a glance at him. His face was broken and sad. I felt my own crumble, and I was crying silently. He'd never know.

"I don't want to go, Miley." He whispered so soft I could barely hear it. I shook my head, I didn't want him to go either!

"I don't want you to go either!" I finally burst out. Well, there goes the only thing I had.

He took a step forward.

"Then why are you doing this? Pushing me away?" He questioned. He was too close, I could smell his skin. Go away! Go away!

"Because you can't be close." I finally whispered out. He was closer still. Back up! Why didn't he understand that I can never love him that way? Why doesn't he get that he's my best friend? Have I been leading him on?

"And why not?" He whispered. Too close, too close! I took a step back, but I was up against the dresser.

"Because if you were, you'd be gone." I said. He looked confused, but moved even closer to me. He was _waaay_ too close for comfort now.

"Don't be silly, I'd never leave you." He was going to kiss me. He was leaning his head forward...his eyes were shutting...I couldn't move...

I jerked to the side. His eyes snapped open and his face flushed in embarrassment. I dismissed it as if it hadn't happened,

"Yes you would. Everyone leaves. Everyone."

He seemed to take my statement for sorrow, and moved back into his previous position.

"But I won't ever leave you."

He said it so sincerely, and I knew it was true. But I didn't love Oliver! I loved Jake! Maybe I should have loved Oliver instead. Life would be so simple right now, so peaceful. But I'd never be complete. Never.

"No one can love me," I found myself snapping, "so don't even try."

And before he could say anything else, I slammed by drawer shut and stormed out of the room. Moose jumped off my bed and followed at my heels.

I walked into the kitchen to see Cole giggling happily in Lilly's arms while she tried to fix the mug. I felt a smile tug on my features; Lilly had such a big heart.

She picked up the handle and held it up in the air. The light caught on the semi-transparent, blue glass and sparkled brightly. And when it did, it set something off in my heart and mind...

_**----F----**_

_He is standing in the kitchen area of the hotel room. It's extremely early in the morning, about four thirty. The director is making him come in super early today for a meeting before the filming, and he's ticked off about it. His hair is stubbornly sticking up in the back. He is standing in front of the hotel coffee maker with a confused look on his face. It's an adorable sight, and I long to kiss him._

_  
"What the hell is this? I don't speak in symbols." He mutters to himself, flinging the instructions across the floor. As he did, his favorite mug gets knocked off the counter and lands on the floor, busting open. He jumps in surprise and tries to move his bare feet away from the hazardous area. _

"_Crap! Stupid symbol-speaking instructions! I mean, what the hell! Who speaks in pictures? Dumb people that's who! People who can't read! This is freaking Italy, at least put it in Italian! I could read some of the words at least then! But no, it's all part of the plan! Make Jake Ryan get up super early, make him break his favorite mug, cut his feet, then the next thing I know snipers will be shooting off from the corners of the room!" He screams as he bends down to pick up the glass. I laugh softly to myself, he looks absolutely hilarious. Gorgeous, but hilarious. What a combo. _

"_Need help?" I ask cheerfully as I move into the area. He looks up and smiles at me. _

"_Sure. Hey, listen, do you know what language speaks in symbols and where it originated? Because I'd like to send them a poisoned fruit basket."_

_I smile to myself and shake my head. His favorite mug was something he swore a fan made him, but I was sure Lana made it for him. He didn't seem to want to admit it, though. _

_He pulls shoes on when we've finished cleaning up the glass. I watch him, still smirking. Now he's wearing tennis shoes, and his boxers. It should look absolutely ridiculous, but he pulls it off. His hair is still all over the place, but I think I like it that way. His arms are suddenly around me, and I'm leaning into him. His chest is muscular and his skin is sweet-smelling and warm. I want to stay with him like this forever. He's kissing me, and all I can do is be thankful for all I've been given. _

_Then I spot the mug. _

"_Hey, is that my coffee mug?" I ask as I look behind him. He stops kissing my neck and moves the mug behind his back. _

"_No."_

"_It is! Give it back!" I cry, trying to reach behind him and grab the mug. _

"_No way. These hotel mugs are freaky. No telling what lives in them." _

_He's taller and stronger, and I can't seem to get the mug. I move to go behind him, but his arm wraps around my chest and pulls me against him. I can't break free; he's strong. _

"_Let me go!" I scream, pushing his arm. _

_He laughs, "Why?" _

_I groan, but all the while know I'm loving it, "_Because_it's _my_mug! You can't just take it!" _

_He smiles and hands me the handle of his broken mug, "What's mine is yours!" _

"_Ugh! Let me go!" _

_I'm getting a little pissed now. I feel out of control, I can't get loose no matter how much I push and squirm._

"_Umm...no."_

"_Seriously, let me go." I say, completely serious now. He thinks I'm playing. _

"_Why don't you make me?" He whispers. _

"_Argh! Let me go!" I scream again. By now he's got the just that I really want to be free. He lets go quickly. I move away from him and glare. _

"_I want my coffee mug." _

"_No."_

"_Give it to me!" _

"_Make me!" _

_Fine. If he was going to speak like a forth grader he was going to get a forth grader response:_

"_I don't make trash, I burn it!" _

_He gets all still and sad looking at that. _

"_How rude. That's just really mean." _

_I feel horrible and guilty, as if I'd just kicked a puppy. I take a step forward, and place a hand on his chest. _

"_Hey, I didn't mean that." I say softly. He looks down at me, and turns his head away dramatically. _

"_Don't talk to me anymore." _

_I can't tell if he's serious, but he's taking this a bit too far. _

"_Oh come on, I said I was sorry!" I cry. _

_He shakes his head, "No, just forget it. I know how you truly feel about me now." _

_I lean in a kiss him deeply on the mouth when he wasn't expecting it. He kisses back, and that's all it takes to prove how I really feel about him. _

_A few minutes later we pull away from each other long enough to work out the problem. We decide what to do about the mug situation and his meeting. Well, kind of._

_Hours later, the coffee mug sits on the counter, still unused. I don't care that I missed my morning tea, because Jake's lips were sweeter anyway. Later, around noon, we share some soda from the coffee cup, which is probably the best breakfast I'll ever have. _

_**----End.F.----**_

"--doesn't that suck?" Lilly said, obviously finishing a story I hadn't heard. I looked up at her, trying to figure out what I'd missed.

"Yea, it does!" I cried. That seemed good enough for her, she turned back to the newspaper in front of her.

Have you ever suddenly been overcame by a want? Maybe a craving for chocolate? Or a conversation with your best friend? Maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend? It sucks if you have, because it's like giant freaking magnet that pulls at your bones until you get what you want.

That's how I felt, and it was mixed with pain in my chest and nausea.

I wanted Jake.

So bad, I was shaking. I needed him!! I needed to smell his skin! I needed to hold him! Stupid memories! Go away, leave me be!

I ran away from Lilly toward Jake and I's bedroom. I slammed the door and locked it.

His pillow was still there. I never washed it. At night, I can still smell him there. It helps me fall to sleep.

I fell down on the bed, not really feeling the pain from my stomach. I pressed my face into his pillow. His pillow was firm, the way he liked it. He hated my pillow because it was a down pillow, and really soft. His hard pillows hurt my neck. Right now though, his pillow was the only one I'd ever dream of using.

I breathed in his scent. It was fading, but still there. Still there. It was that sweet smell of his skin mixed with the smell of his favorite soap. I dreamed he was there, right beside me.

But it's not enough, and I jumped up. Before I could really think, I started digging through my drawer. My hand grabbed the note he'd given me at the hospital. I riped it open so fast the paper tore at bit.

_I'm never gone. When you really need me, try announcing out loud you're going to Kate's 24-hour diner. It's always packed, we'll be able to be alone for a while. I'll be needing you too. _

I think I just found my new hang-out spot.


	32. Breaking Point

**THE FIRST PART IS IN JACKSON'S POV.**

* * *

Is the glass half empty, or half full? Can one even give it a permanent state? No, I decided, they can't. Because life is full of happiness, but then full of just as much fear and pain. And no matter what, the glass will be in perfect balance. Half full _and _half empty. But sometimes I felt as though an angry peacock punctured the bottom of my glass, letting the happiness flow out slowly and the pain and fear seep in and control the whole damn glass. And I couldn't do anything about it.

"Jackson?" my dad called from the cell next to me. I moved my head slightly to the right,

"Yea?"

It was silent for a moment. I heard him struggling to stand up and then I saw his worried, anxious face appear through the bared window that allowed us to see and hear each other. I stood up also, walking over to the window.

"Do you think she's okay?" He asked, worry making him wince in pain and causing an invisible animal to bite at him.

I honestly didn't have any way to know. I didn't even know where I was. One minute I was playing Xbox 360, the next I was here...in this murky, musty, dark, damp prison-like cell-room. I was confused and scared the first week. I didn't have any idea what was going on. When _HE _came, the moment I saw him, I knew what was happening. I had to make phone calls to my sister frequently, until she released we were gone. Then...just disappear off the face of the earth. Apparently, Dad and I were good listeners, because Luke came here every day, and explained his plans. He was an evil person. I wish I could speak worse about him, but all the poison words I'd uttered about him had made all of them lose their spark. I wasn't sure if he was just bragging about the thought-out web of a plan he had created or just enjoyed watching us flinch and shake in anger as he told how he was going to hurt my sister, and my dad's daughter.

She was going to be hurt badly.

There was nothing we could do either. I'd like to believe my sister was clever enough to realize everything...but his plans...his plans were genius. Pure, evil, genius. She'd never be able to see it coming, or anything. Dad and I couldn't do anything, we were virtually helpless. Jake Ryan, the stupid husband of my sister, wouldn't be able to either. Because he thought he was sneaky. He thought he could get away with sneaking around with my sister, letting her know he loved her still.

But he's not clever. Even if he is a little bit, he's no where near as clever as Luke. Because Luke can manipulate...he can make you actually think something that isn't really true. And that is the scariest thing about him. For, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

I wanted to shake Jake, to scream and tell him he was just hurting her even more. Luke knew they were communicating, he'd known it all along. And he knew they'd be meeting each other in private. At first he was confused as to why he wasn't stopping it, but soon enough he had a plan formed around Jake's rebellion. And it was far more nasty, more_ horrible_, than anything Luke had thought of before. And it wasn't horrible in the way you'd think, in fact, it was horrible in a way none of us thought horrible. That made it all the more worse. He was treading unsailed waters that he had a map of and a boat, while we had nothing.

And they thought they were getting away with it.

They didn't know every step they walked against Luke, was really moving themselves into his stupid little hand. From there he could mold them like clay, because he knew all their deepest, darkest fears and secrets.

This man, this _monster, _knew more about my sister than me and my dad did. I was sure he knew more about her than Jake did, than she did herself. He understood people. There wasn't any taboo to it...he just could understand and read people. He knew who you were before you did. And that in itself was increasingly horrible. It was so bad, it left me shaking and crying from nightmares...wondering what we'd done to deserve all this.

But it got worse from there.

Miley did just as Luke knew she would. She fought that kid, the teenager, at the hospital. And because of that, he knew just how much power she had...and he knew how to counter that. However, what happened before she got him outside to (almost) kick his ass, was a mystery to all of us. The kid grew a backbone; he wouldn't talk anymore. We only knew of what happened after she lured him out into the trash area.

Although, watching the video of the fight, (I don't even want to know how Luke knew where to put the camera...he really knows people!) I was proud of my sister. Sure, I wanted to kill someone as I watched her get hurt...but she almost had him. A little bit more practice, and she _would _have killed that kid. She was so _mad_ ...that I was scared for a moment. She had some hope yet.

But she could practice all her life, and she'd still fall. Because Luke was clever. His plans were so _simple_, that they were genius. She'd never, ever see it coming until it was there. Neither would Jake. He thought he was in on the plan, when really him and their love _was _the plan.

It all came down to the man that had stolen my sister's heart at the age of thirteen. It all came down to his and my sister's love, their strength...their hearts, their understanding.

In the end, they'd both lose. It wouldn't be fast, or full of mercy. If Dad and I didn't find a way to help...my sister and (gag) brother-_in-law, _would meet a terrible, painful end. And as much as it killed me, I didn't see what we could do.

I looked my dad in the eye. He looked _so old_. Hearing all these plans had taken a toll on him, physically and emotionally. He was a shell of his former self, never to return again. I thought about lying to him, but he deserved the hardboiled truth. It would hurt, but I respected him too much to lie. Just like my sister did all those years ago.

"No," I said truthfully, my voice shaking with emotion, "She's not and she won't be."

He knew it was true. I knew it was true. But we'd never be able to accept the truth. Never. It was too hurtful. So maybe when we closed our eyed tonight and laid down, we'd slip into a state of mind that was true. A state of mind that had all of us happy again, all of us together.

(Miley's POV)

Kate's diner was small, stuffy, and full of truckers.

None of them recognized me as I walked in. They were either talking to loved one on the telephone, using a proper bathroom, sleeping in their coffee, or eating madly. Although, a few looked up vaguely as I walked in, startled to see a young woman in the diner. But they quickly lost interest as they saw the ring on my left hand and spotted their food; the hunger in their stomach was a strong one.

I'll openly admit I was way out of place. I was surrounded by a whole bunch of guys. I was literally the only woman in there except for the waitress. Not to mention, a lot of them were in relax clothes, and I was in my favorite dress (I wanted to look good for Jake). Needless to say, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I wondered if that was the point.

Not seeing a secret sign or anything, I sat down in a seat carefully and the waitress immediately handed me a menu. Her smile was large, and excited. Okay, she knew who I was.

"Hello!" She exclaimed, loudly, "Welcome to Kate's diner! I'm Kate's daughter, Caitlin! I'll be your waitress on this fine, late, evening. Do you know what you'll be having today?"

She was nice, I was going to leave her a very large tip. I quickly scanned the menu.

"One coffee would be nice, please." I replied, politely.

She nodded and wrote it down, "Any cream or sugar with that?"

"Both, please."

She wrote it down. She finished and seemed to be fighting for the right words. After an awkward minute, she burst out,

"I'm a huge fan!!"

She immediately looked embarrassed. I smiled and said,

"Thank you. It's always lovely to met such wonderful fans." _Although sometimes I wish you'd just bug off. _

She smiled widely.

"I can't believe you are here! First that hot husband of yours comes in, now you! This has been the coolest night ever! Oh, I am kind of confused though, seeing as though I thought you two would be here together..."

My head had snapped as soon as I realized what she's just said. Jake! Where was he?

"Um," I played with the napkin, feeling slightly foolish and childish for the first time in a while, "we...got into a...--"

"Fight?" She supplied.

"Well...more of a spat I would suppose. And he kind of..."

"...walked out?" She quipped up again. I nodded and kept my eyes on the napkin,

"Yea. And well...I figured he might have been here..."

Her eyes brightened, "Oh, I know where he is right now! I can tell you!"

She was so energetic!

"Could you please?" I asked softly.

She pointed outside, "He walked out there for some fresh air. Also, do you know who that sexy guy was that he walked in with? Because frankly, I'd like a piece of that!"

I resisted the urge to hurl. Oh no, she didn't want a piece of that.

"Oh yea, that's his friend Lu..Lude. Would you happen to know where he went?"

She pointed to the bathrooms, "He's been in there for the longest time! Probably sick."

I nodded and stood up,

"Well, Caitlin, I'll be back soon. I'm just going to go...out there."

She smiled and nodded. I felt her watching me as I exited the restaurant.

The cool wind was so gentle as it stroked my skin, that I stopped and brought my face up towards the skiy The wind ruffled my hair and caressed me, making me wish I didn't have to go anywhere for a long time. It was one of those times when you understand what it means to be at peace with the world.

That was one of my favorite things about dresses. Actually, it was the only thing. I loved to feel the soft wind on my legs, and feel it move the material around and sneak under it and around it. You can't feel that free in blue jeans, however wonderful they are.

Suddenly, ripping me out of my revere, arms slipped underneath my head and legs and I was jerked up into someone's arms. My heart was bounding, and I couldn't see a thing due to all the hair that was in my face. I was brought a ways from the front door of the restaurant, and the next thing I knew I was standing up.

I moved my damned hair out of my face—getting it cut really short was looking more and more appealing lately—and looked to find myself standing beside a anxious-looking, familiar, zombie-slaying hottie.

Despite all the fears that had manifested me not even two seconds ago, I expected to find myself relaxed in his presence. After all, I'd needed to see him so bad a few mintues ago. But I continued to feel nervous.

"You've _really _got to _stop _doing that." I scolded, lightly. He smiled weakly and stood up, offering me a spot beside him on the bench. I sat down beside him, and looked around.

We were in a storage room (at least, that's what it looked like...) and it smelled very weird in there. Like...mold and puppies. I didn't even want to know why. If the diner served moldy puppies, don't tell me about it!

"Why? I thought it was fun myself." He leaned back against a sack of potatoes or tomatoes or something of that nature in a burlap bag. I suddenly felt really stupid for freaking out like that even though I had a past to prove I should have. I felt like such a baby. And I experienced a feeling I'd been feeling around him a lot lately that was really out of character for me..._embarrassment_. My cheeks got red and it got seriously _burning hot _in there all the sudden (and not because I was sitting next to Jake Ryan...although any other scenario that would be a good guess) because I was so embarrassed.

"Yea..." I laughed nervously as I studied the hem of my dress. The awkward silence came in, and I found myself wondering why on earth I'm acting so reserved around Jake. He's seen me naked (on way more than one occasion!)! He's seen me cry! My God, he's seen me give birth! So why was it so hard to talk around him now? Why did I feel like a shy middle school girl with her first crush? _Why did I feel like I was thirteen again?! _Why did I feel like I was just meeting him for the first time?

He seemed to notice my uneasiness because he leaned over and softly touched my hand,

"You okay?"

"Sure, I guess." I whispered, a malicious blush making it's way across my face. I couldn't look him in his eyes. Why couldn't I?

"You don't look okay."

I forced a scowl on my face, "Hey, mister, that's not exactly the best way to compliment a lady."

He smiled that same fake smile, "You know what I mean."

But what if I didn't? How could he be so sure that I _did _know what he meant? Because I felt as if I was just meeting him for the first time...and even though I knew I must have knew him...I was scared. Terrified, actually. Because I didn't feel right. I didn't feel like me. He didn't feel like him. What was happening?

We chatted in diminutive amounts for the next quarter of an hour. The whole time, I felt as though I didn't know him and he didn't know me. And the whole time the phrase _falling out of love_ kept filling into my mind until I banished it far away.

I _loved _Jake. I_ loved_ him! He was my _everything_!!

But was this my Jake? This man didn't feel like Jake, and I didn't feel like me. So who were we if we weren't ourselves? And most importantly, if he wasn't him and I wasn't me, did we still love each other?

When he left and the next two months following were the most emotionally painful and confusing of my life. Jake and I met frequently (almost every two days), but each time I felt more and more confused. There would be little moments when My Jake would be there...and I'd see him shine through this impostor...there were moments when I felt like myself, and when I knew who I was.

But there were the other moments. The ones when I didn't know who he was and who I was. He left me. He came back, but not like himself. He was unhappy, anxious, and overall completely different. Seeing him got to be painful. I wanted to reach out and help him, figure out how to banish the bad things that were turning My Jake into this sad shell of himself. But I didn't feel like myself. I was also unhappy. How could I help him if I couldn't even help myself?

I didn't know. Maybe I'd never know. Maybe we'd be forced to slowly drift apart...slowly fall out of love when I knew we still loved each other somewhere. Somewhere hidden beneath the Luke-caused hysteria, was our love. We couldn't seem to get to it. Luke was causing all this. And those two months were a hell. Where were we?

I should have explain those two months intricately. I should have spent a long time telling you exactly how I was feeling, and tell each day or week blow-by-blow. But I couldn't, because it felt just as rushed as it just was. I got up and spent my days in a deep confusion. I was like a movie set on fast-forward. Stopping it and re-editing it to make it slower wouldn't be telling the story correctly, no matter how painful it was.

"So, what did you do today?" Jake asked. We were standing in a stall that was located in the women's bathroom at the mall. I was on the right wall of the stall, and Jake was leaning on the closed stall door. Looking back, if I'd have known that was our last time to be together like that, I'd have made more of an effort to find My Jake in the emptiness, and would have jumped him right then and there most likely. However, I didn't know. As far as I knew right then, in the middle of my fast-forwarded movie, I would see him tomorrow.

"Nothing really." I replied. Say something else! I begged myself. But I couldn't find anything else to add.

"You should bring Cole again tomorrow." He stated. I nodded.

"Yea, he really enjoyed seeing you again."

More silence. The bathroom was refreshingly clean, but I still didn't like it in there. It was a _bathroom. _And this was a stranger.

"I should go." I whispered before I could stop myself, the whole while cursing myself. He nodded and moved away from the door,

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

We were gone. Gone with the wind...vanished off the face of the earth. I wanted to find him again, because our love inside of me had turned cold and was festering away the longer he was MIA. Did he not feel it too? I knew nothing would change the way I loved My Jake, but where was he? Dammit, where?! I was so lost.

"Well, I suppose I'll see you later." He muttered, feeling as confused as I was. If I'd known that was the last time I'd get to talk to him in a long time I'd have stopped. I'd have stopped and made a bigger effort to find us. I'd stopped and not let him go. I wouldn't have left.

"Yea, later." I replied, smiling weakly because it was required of me.

I left the bathroom the whole time thinking maybe he wasn't lost. Maybe we had just had high school love, and it was burning out.

But I always knew that wasn't true. I knew by the pain in my heart that made me ache all over. Something was happening, but it was bigger than us. Or maybe it was just bigger than me, and I was the only one that couldn't see what was happening.

As I walked home, I kept my head surprisingly empty. I just focused on walking home. When I got there, I seemed to know something was about to happen. I felt that feeling, the crawling on the back of my neck, but assumed I was just paranoid. A part of me knew I wasn't just paranoid, though. A part of me--a large part--was sick of all of this. I'd reached my damn breaking point. I didn't have Jake's love, and he didn't have mine. So why even bother? I'd been through so much crap, and now I had no reason to live.I had no reason to force myself to get up in the morning. I had no reason to feel that horrible pain with every step I took of breath I breathed. I knew I was probably walking toward my doom, but I didn't care. Cole was with Oliver and Lilly so he was safe, and if something that wasn't going to end my pain wasn't waiting for me, I was going to end it myself. It wasn't worth it. I was _finished._

I opened the door, and stepped in the foyer. And for once, my movie was on normal speed. I looked around, noticing the living room lights were on.

"Oliver? Lilly?" I called out, even though I knew they weren't there. My old self would have done that, and I basked in the small joy of feeling in character again.

I walked slowly until I could see into the living room, where I had an unwanted guest sitting on the couch.

He looked up at me, calmly. His hair was just a perfect as usually, and that evil glint still ever so present in his eyes. He was leaning against the back of the couch, arm resting on the arm rest. It was one of those moments when I knew I could die any moment...but the strange thing was, I wasn't scared. Not one stupid, pathetic, little bit. Because this time, I had _nothing_ to lose. Nothing at all. So bring it on. _Bring. it. on. _

He smiled at me. It was an easy smile, effortless. It easily dripped on his face as if I brought that smile to his face daily. It was a smile of pure content, maybe even love. How long had it been since I'd seen a smile like that?

"Hello, Miley. Would you like to sit with me?"

The only thing stranger than his request was my answer.

"Sure."


	33. Three Broken Bodies

* * *

_**Previously: **_

_**"Hello, Miley, would you like to sit with me?" **_

_**The only thing stranger than his request was my answer.**_

_**"Sure." **_

* * *

And from there, I took a step.

That simple step felt like I had just shattered a glass wall. Barriers were just broken, major ones. I paused before taking another step. I was walking into an open coffin.

"It's okay," He cooed in a voice with a texture I've never quite heard before. If words could sound like silk, he would have it copyrighted. There was something so...alluring about the way he said it. I felt as if I couldn't say no...as if I didn't _want _to say no.

I walked all the way to the couch and sat beside Lukas "Luke" Oken. And for a second, I pictured him looking mildly confused for a moment. However, when I looked back, it was gone.

"Yes?" I whispered. I was seated too close. Of course, sitting on the front steps would have been too close. He smelled of something floral. I sat calmly, my jacket drowning me in it's largeness (it was Jake's).

He leaned over.

My fists balled up inside the sleeves of the jacket. I could smell Jake on it. He was a different person, but smelled the same. At least everything hadn't changed.

His mouth was pressed alarmingly close to my ear. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't cry.

"He is a bad man."

Five words. Five simple words that you learn at the beginning of preschool. But they had such an impact on me, that it was scary. I knew who he was talking about, alright. And I knew in the deep, dark, crevasses of my mind that Jake wasn't the bad one. That Luke was. But at that moment, I believed him.

"I know." I muttered.

His hand reached up confidently and brushed the hair back from my face and behind my ear. What was I doing?!

I wanted to run, to hit him, to kill him...but I was paralyzed. I couldn't make myself do anything.

"He doesn't love you anymore."

That was true. He didn't love me anymore. But who was that to blame for? Luke.

"He never did." Luke continued.

"Oh,_yes _he did." I said confidently, knowing it was true. Luke smiled...kindly?

"Do you think for one moment I told him what to say that day...the day he abandoned you?"

I couldn't think.

"Because I didn't. He said all that on his own. He never loved you, and doesn't. But I do."

I was stuck between two walls. They were closing in on me, suffocating me...breaking my bones...crushing my extremities...making blood fall...

"You do?"

I felt ashamed at how...pathetic I sounded. The dark, deep crevasses of my mind tried to reason with me. _Think of what he's done! Think of all of it! Don't fall for his charm! Don't do it! _It said. But I couldn't control myself it seemed.

He gently moved his arm across my back. He lifted his arm, catching my hair in it. He deposited it over my right shoulder.

"Yes I do. I've always loved you."

The other part of my mind broke through: "Then why did you try and hurt me before?!"

He just laughed. It sounded like Christmas bells.

"You think I wanted to hurt you? No...no. All I ever wanted was to love you. That's all I ever wanted. Because Jake isn't right to you. He's hurt you so much...and all I've ever wanted was to save you from these horrible guys."

Maybe Jake was hurting me. Thinking about it, most of my pain did come from something he did. He left me on more than one account. He promised me before! He promised he never leave me! And he did! He lied to me!

"You see?" Luke whispered softly, "All the things...everything he did was against you. Even back after you told him he couldn't come with you he lied to your face then hid in the back of your car. And he left you...he left you the first time because things were getting_ serious_. Right when you loved him most...he abandoned you. He's the one that told Luann my plans. And don't you remember how Lilly thought Jake was the one that had kidnapped you? She could see through his act. And then one of the first things he mentions about you to your dad is that you two should have sex. Showed his true colors pretty fast. That's only the beginning to all the ways he's hurt you. But I would never do that..."

Then, before my brain could register anything, his hand grasped my left one. His fingers clasped on my ring. He pulled the wedding band off and tossed it across the living room like it was trash. He pulled of the engagement ring and set it in my palm.

"You do it."

I looked down at the ring in my palm. I watched it catch the light and marveled the colors it reflected: purple and yellow. Hannah colors. I then thought about how long it must of taken Jake to find a ring like this. I pictured him searching and searching until he found this, then paying so much more so I could have a special engagement ring. But it would have been special anyway, because he gave it to me. And I loved him.

My ring finger felt cold without them there. And as I saw the wedding band sitting there on the rug, glistening, I felt my heart break.

"Go on," Luke urged me, running his hands on my back in a soft way, "get it over with."

Before I was certain what I did, I had tossed the ring. It landed right beside the wedding band...and the flood of memories that came to me I couldn't stop...

_**-F-**_

"_Merry Christmas." He whispered. I reached for the box but he started opening it himself. He undid the red bow and tore off the pink wrapping paper. He opened the little box and pulled out another box. Except this one was black velvet and most likely had something diamond in it. He _still_ didn't give it to me. Instead he got off the couch. Where is he going? I wondered. Then he stopped a minute and looked at me before kneeling down on his left knee, and I knew what he was doing._

"_Oh, you don't have to do all this Jake. . .you already asked me." I said quietly. He smiled and said,_

"_No...I want to do it properly." I looked up, trying to stop my tears from ruining my makeup. He reached up and wiped them away gently. _

"_Miley Stewart the kind, beautiful, stubborn, talented, loving, hot, taken, engaged, incredibly gorgeous woman, will you marry me and add 'married' to your long name?" He was grinning widely, and I was trying to decide whether to laugh or cry first. I laughed while tears entered my eyes,_

"_Of course." I choked out. He pushed the cool ring on my finger. The diamonds glittered in the light, and it shined sort of. . . purple and yellow. It was beautiful. It really was like we were a movie. He proposed to me (for the second time) on Christmas! How romantic is that? After a few minutes I got a hold of myself and sat down on the floor beside Jake. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he reached over and gently wiped away my tears. He looked into my eyes and smiled softly and I felt like I might cry again. The feelings I felt the time he kissed in the RV sprang back and I felt more tears resurface._

"_Hey, why are you crying?" Jake asked softly. I buried my face in his sweater and said,_

"_I love you so much you make me cry." he laughed a little and said,_

"_People tell me they love me everyday, but I've never had someone love me so much they cry." I laughed a little also and said,_

"_Then you should feel very privileged."_

"_I do." he said softly. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and said, "You know, if I didn't have too, I would never let you go." I smiled into his chest and said,_

"_Same here." He kissed me fiercely... _

* * *

"…_And therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold this peace."_

_The priest looked up from his Bible. For some reason I held my breath. I knew there was no way no one was going to object._

"_I OBJECT!" This random boy in surfer shorts said._

"_Did we invite you?" I screamed at him. He shrugged and my Dad said,_

"_This is private property boy…get lost!!" I felt my face heat up in embarrassment. All Jake's high class family were snickering._

"_GO ON, GET LOST BUDDY!" Jackson screamed._

"_Oh. My. Goodness." I whispered. Jake just grinned. I think he found the thing absolutely hilarious._

"_Erm…anyways…" The priest went on and I was trying to pay attention like a good sophisticated young lady would. But Jake kept making hilarious faces and I was finding it very hard to listen. Finally…it was vow time. All in all, I think our wedding was very…unique._

"_Jake, will you have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as you both shall live?" The priest asked Jake. I could feel everyone burning a hole into us from all the stares._

"_I do." Jake said seriously. For once…no funny faces._

"_Miley, will you have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" I felt my heart beating against my chest wildly. But I knew this is what I have always wanted._

"_I do." Right at that moment, Jake made a hilarious face and I busted out laughing. It doesn't look to good to giggle after saying your vows. Luckily, everyone saw Jake and shot him a mixed look of humor._

"_Stop!" I laughed at him. He just shrugged innocently._

"_Now, Jake and Miley join hands." I gently took Jake's hand and he took mine. I couldn't stop from smiling at him. But there were no funny faces to be seen now. The minister smiled and took the ring from Jake's nephew Andy. He handed it to Jake._

"_Miley," Jake said as his eyes burned into mine, "you are the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, and the one that truly completes me." I felt tears enter my eyes and leak down my face, "Today I take you to be my wife. I promise to love you forever and be forever faithful. I vow to always make you happy and love you unconditionally for forever and for always." He slid the wedding band onto my ring finger where it slid gracefully into place on top of the engagement ring..._

_**-End F-**_

Then, before I knew it, I was sitting on the carpet, hands groping for my rings. I hurt without them. I grabbed them gently, and quickly pushed them back in their spots.

Maybe Jake doesn't love me now, but I'm going to die today, right now, knowing that he loved me at a time and that I did too. When I die today, I'm going to go with the knowledge that Jake and I had something beautiful...something no one can make me believe isn't true.

I stood up to my full height and stared Luke square in the eye. I felt that power that I felt so long ago when I held the gun to his head.

"You're wrong. Jake loved me. He loved me! And I loved him! Maybe you're right about now. Maybe he stopped loving me a long time ago. But_nothing _you say can make me doubt what we had before! All you people keep trying to tell me that Jake and I are fools! That we think our love will be forever, and that we don't know what love is! I'm sick of it! Do you receive his kisses? Does he whisper to you late at night? Have you ever made love to him? Ever hold him? NO! You people...you don't know what goes on with Jake and I! You don't know! But I do! And I know that there is no way my Jake is the person you're trying to make me believe he is! He loved me! He...--"

I stopped. I knew all this...but...what if Jake didn't know I loved him? What if he didn't know? I could never die without him knowing that he was my world. _Never. _I couldn't die without kissing him again...without holding him. I couldn't die without singing to Cole again, without laughing with him. I couldn't die now. I wasn't ready to die. I wasn't. Jake and I...now that I'd felt that love again...we could work it out! There's nothing on this earth strong enough to keep us from finding each other again! We could do it!

But it was too late. And Luke knew this. He was smirking, waiting for me to voice it outloud.

He stood up.

"You're so naïve." He said. I just stood there.

"I knew about the notes, and the meetings all along. I've know the whole time. And you know why you've been feeling this distance with Jake? You know why you feel like he's not there anymore? Because he's not. He's sick of all this just as much as you are, and his spark has gone out. Without that spark, you don't know him. He's not Jake. And since he isn't Jake, you don't love him. And because you don't love him, you have nothing to live for. And that is why you so foolishly walked into my grasps."

He walked up closer to me and stroked my cheek gently. He leaned in, his breath hot on my cheek.

"And you're not getting out of them either."

"Why, Luke?" I asked suddenly. He pulled his hand back and waited for me to continue.

"First, you want me so you can hurt Oliver. Then you want Oliver to kill me so it hurts him. Now you are saying you love me. Why are you doing this? What's the real story?"

He looked angry. He snarled, "That's none of your business!"

"Yes it is. I'm dying, right? So why not tell me?"

But I knew I'd never know. Because that's the person Luke was.

I smiled as wickedly as I could at him.

"You're just as naïve as me, Luke. You always underestimate love. You thought that if you made me fall out of love with Jake for a few months I'd just forget how much I loved him. You thought I'd believe that he'd never loved me. You thought that by making me fall out of love with him...you'd win. But don't you see? You can't make me forget a feeling! I feel my love for Jake more than I feel the pain that's inevitably coming to me. So you can hurt me all you want, but my love for Jake will ALWAYS be stronger than ANYTHING you do to me."

He slapped me. It was hard, and left my skin stinging.

I just continued:

"You really thought you'd got it this time. First you try to kill one of us so you could make me yours. It didn't work. Then you made Jake leave me, hoping I'd forget him. That didn't work. Then you managed to change us and make me feel less in love with him. It still didn't work. Don't you see? You can't murder love. It's not possible. And killing me right now won't do anything."

For once, I saw some emotion other than anger on his face. It was confusion.

"I'll be dead. Then what, Luke? Yea, you'll make some people sad. But _what then?_ I'll be gone, this chase will be over. And sooner or later, you'll be dead too. Either someone will kill you, or you'll get a death sentence. If not those, you'll spend a lifetime in a barred cell. Is it worth it? Killing me? Kindly tell me what you can possibly get out of this?"

His teeth were bared, and he looked pissed off.

"The satisfaction of seeing you bleed."

I couldn't stop a shudder from cascading down my spine. I took a minute to get a hold of myself then continued:

"Okay, yea. For about an hour you could watch me bleed to death. But then, eventually, I'll run out of blood. This chase is coming to an end really soon." I said. My heart was pounding. What had I done?

He was at a loss for words.

"I..." He stopped.

"What do you want from me, Luke? I've ran for a year, no _more_ than a year, and nothing's happened. So you want me? Take me. You want to hurt me? Hurt me. You want to kill me? _Kill me." _

I stepped forward, opening my arms in surrender. He grinned evilly again.

I continued softly, "Do whatever you want...then see what it does for you. Go ahead."

Then, he looked really confused.

"You're...not going to fight?" He asked. I blinked.

"No. I just told you, I'm through. Do whatever you want to me."

I stepped closer, to prove it.

He stepped back. And I remembered yet another thing...

_**-F-**_

_I felt the word sink into the pit of my stomach and cold dread seep through me. It traveled like the Black Death through my veins and heart, killing everything. With a horrible sick feeling everything made sense. So this wasn't about Oliver or even Jake anymore. This was about Luke wanting me._

"_But why me?" I asked quietly with my voice shaking._

"_Because you are a challenge. He knows he can't have you, so he wants you. I'm sure there is more behind it but I can't even begin to understand the complex structure of his mind." She muttered._

_**-End F.-**_

He wanted me because he couldn't have me...because I was a challenge.

A fire sparked inside my mind. This was it. I had this shot and that was it...it was over if this didn't work.

I took another step forward.

"Although, if you wanted me, I don't think I'd complain that much. If I'm going to die soon, might as well see another nice looking guy."

My words had the effect I thought they would: He flinched and stepped back. I took another step forward.

"You're actually really gorgeous, you know that?"

Bite my tongue, bite my tongue! Ew, gross! I can not believe I said that!

Another step. He looked at me before yelling,

"You're just trying to confuse me!"

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to do this. Nothing inside me wanted to. In fact, I detested the idea so much that I wanted to hurl. But I must. I walked forward, and brushed my lips against his lightly...

He shoved me. I fell back and landed on my butt. He was angry; fury was emitting from him strongly.

"You're such a_ liar_. Did you really think I'd fall for that?"

He kicked me. I jumped up.

"No. But like I said, you can't get anything—

He slapped me so hard I bit down on my tongue. I tasted the cooper taste of blood and I felt hot tears prick the back of my eyes. I blinked them away. He was laughing. I felt the anger I'd felt that day in the therapist's office come back. Luke wasn't going to do this again. Never again.

Then, before Luke could bat an eyelash, I was dashing to the kitchen. He was right after me. I could feel his eyes burning holes into mine...

I ran into the kitchen. My high heel snapped in my hurry, and I went flying. My chest hit the corner of the island, and I screamed out in pain. No time, I kept telling myself, no time.

I limped to the other side and reached for the drawer that held the knives. I yanked it open so powerfully that the drawer came flying out and landed on my foot. Luke was right beside me, and before I could grab a knife, he had the drawer picked up and put back in it's spot. He shoved me against the counters opposite to it. The edge cut into my back, and I screamed out in pain.

He reached over, and punched me forcefully in the stomach. Even though my bruise was mostly healed, I screamed out in utmost agony anyway. He grinned in satisfaction. He got closer to me. He was going to kill me! I leaned back further, and my elbow grazed something. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw something blue. Something blue...and some super glue...

Before a plan was formed, I had a piece of my favorite, broken, coffee mug in my hands. I reared it back, and stabbed the jagged piece that used to be the base into his forearm with all the strength I had. Once it was in there, I kept pushing it in. He was screaming, trying to pull back my hand. I felt as powerful and mad as I felt when I was beating up that kid. I kept pushing it down into his flesh...further...further...

All the times he'd made me cry.

One more push.

All the times he's invaded me.

One more push.

All the times he's made me have to fear living.

One more push.

All the times he's hurt Jake...

I pulled it out. Warm, red blood was gushing out and was leaking out all over me. I didn't care. I stabbed his arm again. Again for me. Again for Jake. Again for Lilly. Again for Oliver, Jackson, and my Daddy.

He finally got the strength to grab my arm. He twisted it back, making me drop the piece of the cup. He snarled as he kicked me in the stomach, sending me sprawled across the floor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pistol.

This was it, I told myself, it was all over.

Then he made the biggest mistake of his life: He paused to brag about it.

"You thought you'd win, didn't you? You thought you'd get the last laugh. You're just too stupid. And to answer your question about what I was going to get, I'll tell you this. After I kill you, that baby is next. Once he's gone, Jake's a goner too. They'll all be gone, and I'll get the sickest pleasure out of watching it—

"Then we'll all just be together in Heaven." I coughed out, making myself sound extremely weak and hurt. He grinned.

"Oh yea? You think so?" Then, he turned around to get something. And I was up, opening the drawer, and pulling out a knife. He aimed the gun at me when he saw me, and shot. I ducked behind the island. My heart was in my ears; I was never good at dodge ball in gym.

I waited until I heard his footsteps coming around from behind me. I quickly ran around the island, and came up behind him. I jumped on his back, and grabbed the gun. I threw it across the kitchen.

He fell to the ground, and I was standing above him. His arm was bleeding from the cup and his shirt cut. The knife must have cut him when I jumped on him. He was helpless now, and he knew it.

I stared at him, holding the knife above his heart. _Do it, _my voice told me, _go on. _

"What will you achieve?" Luke asked me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"I'll do it," I threatened him.

"I know." He said. I thought of all he's done, all the things he did to me and Jake.

He deserved to die. He deserved it.

"By the way, Miley," He muttered, "your brother and father say hello from where they've been. They'd tell you themselves, but I bet they've died by now."

And that was all it took. All the anger, rage, pain, and hurt from the last few years all overflowed in me. I screamed. I yanked my arms back, ready to thrust the knife down, into his cold, black heart...

The door burst open, and James Oken (aka Trace Anderson) stepped out. _Do it now! _I yelled at myself. But I couldn't. I wasn't a murderer, and I could never be. My arm paused, and that's all he needed.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

I heard a gun shot go off, and my abdomen felt as if it was shattered like glass. I screamed out in agony. Fire! Fire was burning me! Someone make it stop! It hurt so bad, my toes curled. I fell over, and the knife clattered to my side. I couldn't breathe...I couldn't see...

Luke was laughing, "You can't betray family." He was saying. All the voices sounded far away and fogy. I was burning alive! No one was helping me! This was the worst pain! Someone kill me, I tried to scream, but I couldn't. This was worse than dying. It was such agony, that I felt like pure fire had been injected into my lower stomach.

I was dying.

Someone was over me. I could smell him, it was Luke.

"Even if by some miracle you live, you'll never have children ever again. You'll never be happy, or win. I always win." And he laughed. He laughed.

But I heard a gun shot, and then the laughter stopped. I heard a scream, then another.

"Burn in hell," I heard Luann whisper before she brought her own gun, the one that shot Luke, to her head, and fired the shot. Angry voices came from the living room about a minute later. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. The fire was still burning me. I really couldn't see. I couldn't move. I could only hear far away voices. My hearing wavered in and out.

"_--Lord Jesus! Save this wicked world!" _Someone screamed.

"_--outrage! Don't touch the girl! DON'T TOUCH HER--_

"_--over here, I think they're dead..."_

But I wasn't! What was going on! I was still alive!

"_--poor, poor girl. She was so sweet, I listened to her music all the time growing up." _

I'm not dead! I'm just..._dying_.

"_Someone get the boy in here before they take her away." _

The boy! Jake! My Jake! My sweet Jake! He'll tell them! I'm not dead!

"_--LET GO OF ME, YOU--"_

Suddenly, the fire got more intense and the pain was unbearable. I felt as though all the organs in my body had been stabbed with a fork, then shook around. I screamed as loud as I could, trying to get it to stop. Why weren't these people helping me?! Why weren't they helping me?!

"_SHE'S NOT DEAD! LET ME SEE HER! LET GO OF HER! LET GO!" _

That was my Jake! He'd help me...he'd make it stop.

But it did stop, suddenly. And I couldn't feel or hear anymore.


	34. Over

* * *

The first thing I felt was pain.

I wasn't sure if I had been asleep and everything was just a dream...or if it happened and I was dead. I didn't know anything.

After what seemed like minutes of nothingness, I gained consciousness. I_ hurt. _And all I could hear was a dull beeping.

I tried to make a sound, but I couldn't. I was in shock, and pain. What had happened? Was it a nightmare?

I painfully managed to open my eyes. I was miserable; they were crusted with eye sand but I couldn't get my hands to wipe them. I blinked rapidly until my eyes cleared a little.

I was in a hospital room. No one was in there with me. Everything was starch clean, and white.

Where was everyone? Why was I all alone?

I couldn't move. Every time I tried to, pain shot through me. I tried to push the call button to get a nurse, but I couldn't seem to say anything.

I was so sore, and I wanted to turn over on my side. But I couldn't without being in a lot of pain. I was forced to lay there in immense pain, with my eyes basically sealed shut, and my back aching for more than two hours. I lost count after two hours and thirty eight minutes.

Around five A.M., the door opened. Through my matted eyelashes I could see some strict looking middle aged woman in a pressed suit.

She almost had a heart attack when she saw me awake. She held on to the bed rail for support and gasped,

"Oh, goodness! You're awake!"

She ran out of the room and screamed something at someone. The whole time, I wanted to scream. Where was my family? Did they forget about me?

A kind nurse came through the door. She smiled at me.

"Miley! This is a pleasant surprise! Dear, are you in pain?"

I whimpered in response. She tsked her tongue and I let my eyes fall shut while she filled my IV with pain medication. Next she warmed a washcloth with water and wiped my eyes and face for me.

"I'll call up your family and let them know you've woken up." She smiled at me and laid a kind hand on my forehead, smoothing back my hair.

"You've got someone downstairs in the lunchroom waiting here also, I'll send someone to fetch them. Although, they might already be on their way up."

When she left, the other woman rounded on me.

"Mrs. Ryan," She started formerly, "I'm from the Malibu police department. I need to hear what happened."

She had a demanding tone. I felt another whimper escape me. What? She wanted me to try and tell her what happened? I just "woke up" from wherever I was! And I...I don't think I could ever tell anyone what happened. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I wasn't even sure if I even knew what happened! It was all flashes...flashes of something I wasn't sure was real or not.

"I..." I managed to choke out, before giving up. She moved closer to me,

"We need your statement right this moment."

"Excuse me, could you please get the hell out?" A voice came from the doorway. The pain medicine was working rapidly and basically paralyzed pain from my lower body. It reminded me of the epidermal I had while in labor with Cole. I managed to pull myself up a little, although it still hurt.

My backstabbing mother-in-law was standing in the doorway. She had a neatly pressed dress on, red lipstick, and her blond hair was nicely put on top of her head. She was glaring at the woman intently.

Worry shot through me like a bullet (no pun intended). Why was she the one that was here? Where was everyone else!? What was going on?!

Suddenly I got that feeling in the bottom of my stomach. The feeling that you get when you think there is one more step than there actually is and your foot flies through thin air.

What if they were dead?! Or what if they were sick of me, and hospitals? What if...they hated me?

Alana glared at the retreating back of the woman that was formerly harassing me. Once she was gone, Alana cautiously came over to my side and sat down.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

No! I was too confused to be okay!

"I..." I tried to say. But it was hard. I cleared my throat a few times before choking out, "I...where is...?"

She seemed to get the just of my question. She smoothed her hands over the dress material on her legs and looked up at me.

"Do you remember anything?"

I noted she was avoiding the question. Do I remember anything?

"What...did it really...?" I tried. She waited and let me try and continue. I shut my eyes for a moment. What was going on?

"Do you know what happened?" I asked this time. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"No. We don't know anything." She replied. She hesitantly looked at me before stating, "I don't if it's too early to tell you this, but I figure I'll get it over with."

My heart was thumping hard in anticipation.

"One of the Oken men lived." She stated firmly.

Had the ceiling of the room came crashing down upon me? I thought so, because I was struggling for air. After all that...after all the things...he lived?

But then, as I felt the weird feeling in my lower stomach that was most likely stitches getting pulled, I realized there was more than one Oken man that was injured.

"Which one?" I asked quickly. I prayed she wouldn't say the one that I thought she would...please, I begged internally, don't say it...

"James. The one named James." She said, a small smile breaking out upon her face. She knew of all the Luke-induced trauma by now.

I let out a breath I wasn't entirely sure how long I'd been holding. Slowly, as if everything was on pause, I was crying. Crying because I was so completely glad it was over. Crying because Luann must have died. Crying because I'd been through too much. Crying because it was all I could do.

My body shook with tears, and I couldn't seem to stop. Alana didn't seem to know what to do.

"Are you in pain?" She asked quickly.

I shook my head as I cried. No, I wasn't in pain. Well, maybe I was. But I wasn't sure...I was just glad it was over.

It was _over_.

Suddenly, my Daddy was bursting through the door. How long had it been since I'd seen him?

My tears picked up even more, and he was beside me. He held my head to his chest like he did so long ago when I was a little girl afraid of the dark. I cried and cried until I had forgotten why exactly I was crying. He was talking to Alana over my shoulder, and she slipped out of the room.

How long it took for me to stop crying, I didn't know. It felt like a year, but it was probably less than ten minutes. When I did, I felt better. I felt as if I'd just released Luke from my life by the means of my tears. I felt clean, and replenished.

"You're okay," Dad stated as a fact, as he stroked my hair. I knew I was now. I knew I'd always be.

"I missed you," I whispered, my head still resting against my dad's chest. He pulled up a chair beside the bed, and sat down. He took my hand in his and I let my head fall back on the pillow.

"I missed you too, bud."

_Bud._How long had it been since someone had called me that? Too long.

"I'm sorry, daddy." I said softly. I wasn't sure what I apologizing for. I just felt it needed to be done.

"Don't you be. You've done nothin' wrong." He said firmly. He squeezed my hand before asking, "How do you feel?"

I knew he meant more than just physically. I shook my head,

"I don't know, daddy. I'm confused. I keep having these flashes...and I don't know if they are all true. I think, though...I think I was...shot?" I tried to remember. Had I been?

He nodded his head sadly, "Yes, you were. But you're okay now. You'll get better, and everything will go back to normal."

His eyes were clouded as he said it. What was wrong? I wanted to scream. Something wasn't right. But I didn't want to know right now. I just didn't.

"Are you in pain?" He asked, this time meaning where I was shot.

"When I first woke up I was...but I can barely feel myself anymore. I'm numb." I tried a smile. It hurt.

"That's good. You've been out for a few days, we were worried. You actually died on us for about two minutes, but they got your heart pumpin' again. Scared everyone, Jake especially."

That was the first time someone had mentioned him, and I wondered where he was. Did he still not love me anymore? Would he never love me again?

"He's having a rough time right now," Dad whispered to me, "he's at Alana's, getting some sleep for the first time in a while. We decided to call him early tomorrow morning. He needs his rest."

I silently agreed.

"Daddy," I muttered. He raised his eyebrows.

"I love you." I said. He smiled. He leaned over and hugged me,

"I love you too, darlin'."

"Daddy," I paused then continued, "where's Jackson?"

Dad fell silent. He shifted in his chair and said, "He feels responsible for this." He motioned at me being in the hospital bed.

"The gun Luke used to shoot you was his. He left it underneath the bed in the guest room for you to get. The guest bed with the rose bedspread."

Rose bed. Rose bed! That's what his little hint was going lead me to. Poor Jackson. It wasn't his fault at all.

"It's not his fault!" I exclaimed. Dad nodded in agreement. He suddenly reached over and hugged me,

"I'm glad you're okay, little girl."

I stayed in his arms for a little while, feeling safe and young again. He stood up a few minutes later and said,

"I think you need to rest, so I'm going to go and--

Suddenly, there were voices from outside. Dad stopped talking and turned toward the door, eying it apprehensively.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" The person screamed.

It was Jake! My Jake!!

"I'm sorry!! You needed your sleep!" Alana yelled.

The door was opened, and Jake was standing there. He was my Jake. MINE. His hair was longer, his face needed to be shaved, he had a nasty cut underneath his eye, his clothes were wrinkled...

He looked like heaven.

A smile broke out upon my face. His face mirrored mine. Dad quickly exited the room.

Jake came over and sat down where Dad had been sitting. He reached out and lightly touched my hand,

"How do you feel?"

And I knew from there that everything was going to be okay from then on. Jake and I spent three hours talking together in that drab hospital room. We talked about the future. Always about the future, never the past. He understood I didn't want to hear anything else about Luke's reign of terror, and that I wasn't ready to tell him about what happened. I didn't want to know where he'd been, where Lilly, Jackson, or my Dad had been. Maybe that was selfish of me. Maybe it was rude. But it was the truth. I had gone through so much crap, and now I wanted to move on and put everything in the past. Maybe one day I'd feel ready to tell what happened and hear what happened to them. But until then, I was forgetting.

Later when the doctor came in, I realized what my dad had been hiding.

"--extensive scar tissue. Due that that fact, the prospect of any future pregnancies carrying out is extremely unlikely. In fact, getting pregnant would be a very slim chance due to the fact---"

I zoned out, not really listening to her go on about uteri and ovaries. Luke getting killed had caused me a great loss, but I somehow felt that maybe it was worth it. It was over. And I knew, no matter what he had said, that I would forget him one day. And that he'll just be a memory, or a scary story that I had seen. Although all this had shaped me as a person, I wasn't going to let him rule my world anymore.

Luann was pronounced dead on the scene. I don't think anyone but me would ever understand why she did what she did. I understood, though. She could never escape...never forget like I could. Never, because she was pregnant before she killed herself. With his spawn, regrettably. I still cry sometimes when I think of my cousin. She was a wonderful person, and it took a murderer to make me realize that.

I ended this chapter of my life with unanswered questions. Some would be answered in the future. The note Jake left in my wedding dress that I never got to would be found, and I'd realize that everything has a reason. Lilly's breaking and procrastinating fixing my mug had played a part in saving my life. Because I got pregnant so young, I was able to have a child before this happened. Because Cole was a boy, the Ryan name wouldn't die with Jake. Because Jake had to leave me, our relationship would be stronger than it ever was before.

Cole was brought to see me sometime after the doctor left. I held my small son, marveling how everything ties off in the end. As I looked at him, I knew he was going to have a perfect life, with tons of love.

I didn't testify against James, who was able to leave the hospital before me. That woman who was harassing me before tried to make me, but I couldn't. He wasn't a bad man, he just made a horrible choice. I wasn't going to tell my story in front of the world if I couldn't even tell my own husband. James got out free, but I didn't worry. He was harmless by himself. I imagine he'll be able to relate greatly to trauma victims that come to get sorted out.

When Lilly visited me, she was just like her old self. Although still stuck in her Oliver/Jackson dilemma. However, she mentioned something about how Oliver was having a hard time moving on. And her eyes lit up really spectacularly when she spoke of my goofy, older brother. But who really knows anymore?

* * *

**_ONE YEAR LATER:_ **

"Careful, now, don't trip." Jake whispered into my ear. I giggled as he pulled on my hand.

"Are we there yet?" I asked, laughing still, "I want to take this thing off, it's itchy." I scratched at the blindfold to prove my point. He stopped leading me up the hill like he had been and placed my hand in his. He leaned in and kissed me deeply, smiling the whole time.

"Almost," He whispered into my ear again. His breath was hot, and tickled my skin, sending chills down my spine. I moved blindly forward, anxious to get where he was taking me. A few minutes later, he brought me to a halt.

"Okay, I'm going to take your blindfold off now, alright?" He asked.

"Yes!" I exclaimed excitedly. He reached up to take it off, but tightened the knot. His laugh echoed around me.

"HEY! That's not funny! Take this darn thing off me!" I laughed with him.

He reached over and took my hand again. This time he brought it up to his mouth. He lightly kissed each of my fingers, making me wish I wasn't blind so I could jump over there and kiss him.

"Stop teasing me, Jake Ryan." I murmured. He kissed my palm once before letting my hand drop to my side.

"Try not to be blinded by my beauty, okay?" He said as he untied the knot.

"I'll try my hardest." I answered sarcastically. He pulled the itchy, blue material off my head.

We were standing in the middle of a green field. Wild flowers were all around us, and the moonlight made them look especially beautiful. I could hear the waves of the ocean further off.

Jake gently wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me close to him.

"You see that house, up on the hill?" He pointed.

I looked in the direction he was pointing. Up on a hill was a large house. It was yellow, with a white picket fence. All it needed was a puppy out front to complete the perfect look.

I nodded.

He grabbed my shoulders and moved me, so I was pressed up against him face-to-face. I could feel his heart beating underneath mine, and he smelled perfect.

"It's ours." He played with my new, shorter hair and dropped soft kisses on my head. We'd been looking for a house for a year. I couldn't go back to the old house. It had too many memories that I couldn't forget if I tried. So we'd been staying at Alana and Jim's. And let me tell you, some of the situations they walked in on made me embarrassed to look them in the eye for months.

"It's perfect," I breathed.

He nodded, running his fingers softly through my hair. His fingertips teased the hair and my scalp.

"It reminded me of you." He smiled. I kissed him in response. When our lips met, my senses erupted and all I could think of was how much I loved the man in front of me. His lips coaxed mine open, and he deepened the kiss. We kissed for a while, until our lips were numb, underneath the moonlight. When we pulled apart, Jake's hair was messy and his hand up the back of my shirt. My cheeks were flushed, and the whole time my fingers had been inching towards the buttons on his shirt. I ran my hands over his smooth cheeks before he said softly,

"The house has six bedrooms," his eyes bore into mine, "and my love for you will fill all of them."

I hugged him tightly.

"I love you." I whispered, feeling as if I was under a magic spell that I never wanted uplifted.

He kissed me again before saying, "You know that I love you."

And I did. He took my hand, and we walked the way up to our new home. A home where new stories would become, where we would remind the world that love is the cure for anything. A home where I could live in complete peace with the boys that make living worthwhile. A home that separates past from future.

And in all my nineteen years of life, I'd never been so happy.


End file.
